We have many young people in our church who have moved past the childhood stage and are now in a new season of life. It seems like yesterday that all we had were little children in the church. It was like preaching to a gigantic children’s church. We still have lots of children, but now we have lots of young adults. Parents and pastors eventually have to face different forms of this transition. It feels like it happens at lightning speed, and it is easy to catch you off guard.

I am writing this to encourage parents to consider this reality. Furthermore, if you, your young people, or your pastors are not thoughtful about this reality (that they are no longer “eight years old”) it will negatively impact your church. You may miss some important implications for their role, place, and responsibilities in the church. They are at the stage in life where they need to transition from the role of a child who is served, to the role of an adult who serves. 

“Eight year olds,” so to speak, typically go to church because their parents go to church. If they are true Christians, their hearts are engaged in church life in the ways eight year olds can be engaged; but fundamentally, they are walking in the footsteps of their parents – as they should be. As a result of this, they may fall into a passive mode. They become comfortable, and this becomes a problem if they are getting older and not getting out of their comfort zone. 

Saved people of any age should not be passive. Even the activities of sitting quietly in church and listening to sermons should be done engagingly. Children need to be taught how to do this. This is one aspect of training up a child in the way in which he should go. They need to be trained for godly service.

You don’t want your young people to miss who they are becoming at this time in their lives. Plus, you should not miss the need for you as parents and pastors to help them make the transition.

Here are some questions that parents and church leaders need to ask in regards to the transition their children need to make:

1. What is their true spiritual condition?

Do they have affection for holy things? Conversely, do they find their enjoyment in trivialities, indolence, pleasure, self-interest, sports, or celebrating celebrities? Or do they desire the Word of God, fellowship, obedience, and meaningful activities? Are they honoring their father and mother? These are signs that point to a credible profession of faith or a false profession of faith. 

We live in a culture that expects that youth will experience a season of foolishness, rebellion, and worldliness. The media targets youth and traps them to spend time playing in these realms as they become dazzled by the world. They enjoy the celebrities with more passion and joy than they do the Lord. They recite lines from movies and sports statistics more happily than Bible verses (1 John 2:15; Gal. 6:14; Rom. 8:7; 1 Thess. 2:14-16).

2. Do they love to obey the commands of God for church life?

If they are truly converted and show the signs of true faith, are they progressively becoming clear about their role in exercising their spiritual gifts in the church? They will be joyfully engaged in it. If so, they will reflect the life of Jesus, “And Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men” (Luke 2:52). If they are Christians, they have gifts that God has given them, and they will have joy that they have work to do. At some point they face a crossroads: do they want to be passive members or ministering members? Are they going be satisfied with cruise control? Are they tangibly serving the church? 

What kind of activity should we expect from a saved 16 year old? It cannot simply be a willingness to quickly stack chairs after the service. However, if there are young people who make it their business to disappear when there is work to do, that is quite telling (1 Thess. 5:11; Heb. 10:24-27; Rom. 1:12; Rom. 12:5,16).

3. Have they made the friendship transition?

Immature people have friends to make them feel comfortable and important. Their friendships are really for themselves. Are they are often engaged in meaningless friendships based on affinity and self gratification, or are they engaging friends in matters of eternal importance? Are they just hanging out where nothing important is being said or done and there is little spiritual direction in their relationships at church, or are they seeing people for how they might minister to them? 

One of the marks of maturity is that you bring benefit to friends and you look for friendships that are spiritually beneficial. Young people need to be stimulated in this direction. This is why Paul said, “Likewise exhort the young men to be sober-minded, in all things showing yourself to be a pattern of good works; in doctrine showing integrity, reverence, incorruptibility, sound speech that cannot be condemned, that one who is an opponent may be ashamed, having nothing evil to say of you” (Titus 2:6-8). Also see: Prov. 18:24; Prov. 27:17; 2 Cor. 15:33.

4. Are they celebrating the Sabbath according to God’s design?

When they come to church, do they treat their interactions just like the interactions of any other day of the week? Is the Sabbath simply a social day that lacks the sense of personal participation and of responsibility to serve the bride of Christ, or are they entering “His gates with thanksgiving” (Ps. 100:4), to live out the things God has ordained for Sabbath worship – a day to “delight yourself in the Lord” (Ps. 37:4)? See also: Ex 20:8-11; Isa 58:13-14.

5. Have they sought or considered membership in the church?

One of the realities of our church is that we have several in their teens who have not become members of the church. While they have been baptized they have not entered into covenant with the church. There are manifold blessings and responsibilities to being publicly aligned with the body of Christ. One way to help get young people more engaged would be if they were to look at that membership covenant and say “Yep, that is what I signed up for, and I am part of this work that God is doing here” (Acts 2:42; 1 Cor. 12:12-31; 2 Pet. 2:5).

We have many young people who should be transitioning to adults. Maybe you do too. While they will get older no matter what, there is no such guarantee that they will mature. They need to boldly enter a new season. They ought to be functioning like adults. If they have been coming to church with their parents and have been passive, they now need to come alive. They need to come to church on a mission. And, it’s a blessing to them when their parents and their pastors to help them make the transition. This is a transition about which we ought to be prayerful and proactive.