God, the Creator of man, established the family constitution. “God setteth the solitary in families,” Ps. 68:6. As to the design of this constitution, we are expressly informed in Malachi 2:15. “And did not he make one? Yet had he the residue of the Spirit. And wherefore one? That he might seek a godly seed.” And it is declared that “a seed shall serve him,” Ps. 22:30. When God ordains an end, all the means requisite for its accomplishment are necessarily implied, and sometimes specifically prescribed. If then the design of God, in the family constitution, be to raise up a holy seed to serve him, it is incumbent on those who have the charge of families to train them up with a special view to this declared end, otherwise it would be presumption to expect that this end will be answered. From the nature and design of the family constitution, therefore, arises a solemn duty resting upon parents and masters, to train up their children and servants in the way in which they should go, in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, so that when they come to the years of discretion and self-government, they may not depart from it, but become “a godly seed” to serve the Lord.
The family constitution is the original, elementary, and therefore the simplest form of society. All public communities, whether civil or ecclesiastical, are composed of families. The forms of public societies, and their modes of government, have undergone, and are still undergoing, great and important changes; but that of the family remains, amid all these revolutions, essentially the same as when originally constituted. This is the only form of government, whose claim to Divine appointment has not been questioned or denied. To this appointment, as well as to the nature of the institution itself, may be attributed, under the purpose-accomplishing providence of its Great Founder, the perpetuity of its existence and form. Families continue on the earth, that the wise object of their establishment, may be effected.
Families are the appointed nurseries of both Church and State. They are to furnish civil society with virtuous and worthy members, and the church with active, useful, and devoted Christians. Both worlds may, therefore, be said to meet in the family society, and bring with them those considerations which enhance to an awful degree, the weighty responsibilities which rest upon the family head. From this divinely established fountain of influences, shall issue blessings or curses upon the nation and the Church. Into this fountain, then, must be thrown the salt, that its streams may be purified and purifying. Otherwise they will convey pollution and death whithersoever they flow.
The head of a family sustains to his household the threefold relation of a king, a prophet, and a priest. As a king, he rules his house, and administers its government. As a prophet, it is his business to impart suitable instruction to his children and servants. And as a priest, he should conduct the worship, and lead the social devotions of the family. These duties are strictly of a religious character, and are enjoined by Divine authority. They arise naturally out of the family constitution; and their conscientious and faithful performance, with the Divine blessing, can alone secure the great end of that institution. To a plain but careful examination of these duties, the reader’s attention is now invited.
The parent is the divinely constituted HEAD AND LORD of his family. The authority which he possesses is not usurped, but is delegated to him by the source of all authority. It belongs to the station which he occupies, and to which he has been called by the providence of God. He is invested with certain legislative and executive prerogatives. He has committed to his supervision a most interesting and important charge; and to God, the Judge of all, he must one day render an account of his stewardship. Nor is he left without ample instruction as to his duties, and the manner in which he should discharge them. The Scriptures are a safe and sufficient guide in this matter. The inspired volume should be the man of his counsel. It abounds with precept and example, bearing directly on the subject of parental duty and responsibility.
These duties and responsibilities are weighty and solemn. An adequate conception of their magnitude, might make even an angel tremble to assume them. Parents, remotely and instrumentally, control the nations of the earth, by forming and directing public sentiment and feeling. They wield the sceptre of authority, though visibly held by the hands of a few. They enact and execute the laws, by training the minds and habits of those who become lawgivers and judges. And they, humanly speaking, decide the character and destiny of their respective generations, both for this world and the next. How stupendous the power, how awful the responsibilities of parents!
The parent is a sovereign in his family. His word is law to his household. The apostle Paul enjoins, “children, obey your parents in the Lord.” Eph. 6:1. The decalogue enjoins, “Honour thy father and mother.” This is the first commandment with a promise. Servants are exhorted to be obedient to their masters according to the flesh. Eph. 6:5. God said of Abraham, “I know him, that he will COMMAND his children and his household after him.” Gen. 18:19. Here is the existence of rightful authority, and a command to render it due obedience. No human authority can interfere with, nor contravene that of a parent over his family. The civil arm reaches beyond its legitimate sphere, when it presumes to obtrude its power into the domestic circle. Even the most absolute monarch is compelled to respect the family authority: for “no king can be secure on his throne, where no subject is safe in his house.”
But although there can be no appeal to human authority, from the due administration of parental government, yet the head of a family is not the ultimate lord, with underived authority. His power is delegated to him by the Founder of the domestic society. And should he presume to contravene the primary obligations of religious duty, which are imposed on his children and servants by their Creator, he would usurp an authority with which he has never been invested. This would be treason against the Most High, and rebellion against the Supreme Head of all families. While children are commanded to “obey their parents,” it is nevertheless added, “in the Lord.” Eph. 6:1.
This delegation and restriction of power, should ever be remembered by parents, and never be forgotten by their children. While the parent, therefore, acts within his prescribed sphere, obedience to his commands, is obedience to God. This circumstance imparts to parental authority a moral influence, which no usurped power can ever exert over the minds of children and servants. A child should be made distinctly to understand the source whence his parents derive their authority to command, direct, and control him. This knowledge will beget in his mind a reverence for that authority, which will most commonly secure a willing and habitual obedience. It brings to his mind the influence of higher motives, than can possibly be derived from mere human authority, or natural connexion. He looks upon obedience as a religious duty, and not as a forced submission to the caprice and tyranny of parents. And he regards his obligation to obey, not as imposed by human authority, or by the mere relation which he sustains to his parents, but as flowing from the express command of God.
The parent is invested with authority for some wise and special end, which looks beyond this world, and “things temporal.” It is to accomplish the great purpose for which the family was constituted. It is true, that as a community and as individuals, we are greatly indebted to the domestic society, for many of the comforts and much of the peace of social life. It administers consolation and support in times of trial and affliction, and affords sympathy and relief in distress. It enlivens the dull monotony of private life. It relaxes the care-worn brow, and renders cheerful and pleasant the toils of business. But all this is in proportion to the peace, the harmony, and the love that reign in the family circle, and in proportion to the extent in which we answer the great end of the domestic constitution.
This great end, therefore, should never be lost sight of, but constantly aimed at, in the administration of its government. Wholesome discipline must be faithfully exercised. The reins of government must not he slackened, nor fall from the parent’s hands, nor pass into those of others. Over indulgence, whatever degree of affection is plead as its cause and excuse, should never be practised. This enervates power, and renders authority contemptible, in the eyes of those who should revere and obey it. It is painful to parental love to administer correction. But this is both a duty and a trial when it is necessary. This duty should be performed with prayerfulness and deliberation; not with passion, nor in an angry mood; otherwise it will fail to produce the proper effect. The child should be taught that it is a religious duty, and a painful one. That it seeks his welfare, and not the gratification of a revengeful spirit. “He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes,” Prov. 13:24. “Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him,” Prov. 22:15. “The rod and reproof give wisdom; but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame,” Prov. 29:15. “Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell,” Prov. 23:13, 14. Here the ultimate design of discipline is manifest. It is to save the soul: and to answer the end of the domestic constitution, by training up your children for the service of God, and to be heirs of salvation. We apprehend that the above passages of Scripture teach the necessity and duty of discipline in a family. The rod, however, should not be resorted to, when the object of discipline may be accomplished by milder means. It is a difficult and unpleasant duty, but one from which we cannot shrink, if we would be faithful to God and our children. Let the child be taught that he is corrected because God enjoins it, and that the parent cannot avoid it without offending God, and violating his command, and he will be led to view the chastisement as inflicted by God ‘s authority; and thence be induced to regard the improper conduct for which he is corrected, as not only an offence against his parents, but also as a sin against God. This brings the authority of God, in addition to that of the parent, to bear directly on his mind. Such discipline begets in the mind of a child the fear of God, and a reverence for the parent’s authority. Paul says, “We have had fathers of our flesh, which corrected us; and we gave them reverence,” Heb. 12:9. The child may not be able to see how such discipline promotes his own good, but it is nevertheless true: for “no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless, afterwards it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby.” Heb. 12:11. For this end God chastises the children of his grace. “For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth. If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not? But if ye be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are ye bastards and not sons.” Heb. 12:6-8.
Let no sin pass unreproved, but let the reproof be timely and suitable, and administered with wisdom and affection. Let no undue indulgence, no misnamed affection, no expressive silence, sanction, or give the colour of innocence to, improper conduct. Let no course of sinful behaviour, or criminal indulgence remain unchecked, lest it become too strong for parental discipline, and break down the government of the family.
The neglect of domestic discipline is commonly followed by disgrace and ruin. We have an eminent example of this in the history of the sons of Eli, and of his sinful indulgence toward them. When they had been guilty of the grossest sins, he administered no more than a mild reproof, which laxness in early life had doubtless led to such enormous crimes, 1 Sam. 2:23. The house of Eli was punished, “because his sons made themselves vile, and he restrained them not,” 1 Sam. 3:13.
This truth may also be exemplified in the life of David. “Observe his indulgence of Amnon. It produced incest. Remark his indulgence of Absalom, who besought him to allow his brethren to partake of a feast which he had prepared. It produced assassination. See his weak fondness for the same Absalom, who endeavoured to make his way to the throne by mean and clownish manners, affecting to shake hands with the Israelites, and to embrace and kiss them, (these are the terms of Scripture;) and practising all such popular arts as generally precede and predict sedition. This produced a civil war. Remark how he indulged Adonijah, who made himself chariots, and set up a retinue of fifty men. The sacred historian tells us, that “his father had not displeased him at any time, in saying, Why hast thou done so?” 1 Kings, 1:6. This produced a usurpation of the throne and the crown.”