In this audio marriage, Paul Carrington discusses the topic of forgiveness in marriage. He uses the chapter of Matthew 18 to illustrate what Christ says about forgiveness. Forgiveness is not something that should be withheld or conditional.

Forgiveness in marriage is such an important thing for both spouses to embrace for without forgiveness, bitterness and anger can result. Forgiveness brings spouses back together and points both to Christ.

Ephesians 4:32 (NKJV) - "And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you."

Well good afternoon. I hope everyone is doing well after lunch. I'm gonna be talking to us about forgiveness in marriage, but I just wanted to comment on some that Jason just shared with us. And that is, I've heard that story before that he shares of his parents and the big blow-up that they had over the card game. And every time I hear that I'm I get filled with hope.

I've heard it a couple of times now. And I get filled with hope because the background that I'm coming from is not that. I would be considered kind of the odd man out in terms of family upbringing. You know I came out of a really kind of rough background. My parents were divorced and really some of the experiences that I had were really really difficult.

I never even entered a church until I was about 20 years of age and so didn't grow up hearing the gospel or anything like that but the Lord's been merciful. I was listening to Scott last night and he's talking about how how he met Deborah and how that all worked out and as he's thinking I was thinking of how I how I met my wife and there we were I was at a nightclub as a football player and a guy came up to me and whispered in my ear he says which one do you want and I said I'll take that one and that happened to be my wife who's here now. Of course we weren't Christians, we weren't in church or anything like that but the Lord had mercy on us and saved her and then as she got saved her life began to change. I got a little bit upset. I wanted to get her out of this Christian nonsense and so I thought I'm gonna get my hands on a Bible and I'm gonna dismantle this argument and get her out of Christianity well I opened up to the Sermon on the Mount and long story short the Lord took hold of my heart and before you know it long story short we got saved or I got saved and got married at 21.

But getting married at 21 knowing absolutely nothing or less than nothing and that was good and you're just inheriting all of this these bad patterns. You know what I want to talk to you today about is forgiveness in marriage and how a marriage can prosper in the light of what God has done for us. And to help us with that I want to look at Matthew chapter 18. So if you have a Bible, we're just gonna look at a parable here. And it's the parable of the unforgiving servant found in Matthew chapter 18 verse 21.

And the Lord had just spent time talking about offenses and what happens when we offend one another and then he also helped us to think through how do you deal with the sinning brother well this got some of the disciples thinking what does this mean what are the implications how does this work out in practical life and so Peter the outspoken disciple he he asks the question in verse 21 then Peter came to him and said Lord How often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times? Jesus said to him, I do not say to you up to seven times but up to seventy times seven. Therefore the kingdom of heaven is like a certain king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. And when he had begun to settle accounts, one was brought to him who owed him 10, 000 talents.

But as he was not able to pay, his master commanded that he be sold with his wife and children and all that he had and that payment be made. The servant therefore fell down before him saying, master we have had patience with me and I will pay you all. Then the master of that servant was moved with compassion, released him and forgave him the debt. But that servant went out and found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii and he laid hands on him and took him by the throat saying pay me what you owe. So his fellow servant fell down at his feet and begged him saying, have patience with me and I will pay you all.

And he would not, but went and threw him into prison till he should pay the debt. So when his fellow servants saw what had been done, they were very grieved and came and told their master all that had been done then his master after he had called him said to him you wicked servant I forgave you all that debt because you begged me should you not also have had compassion on your fellow servant just as I had pity on you and his master was angry and delivered him to the torturers until he should pay all that was due to him so my Heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you from his heart does not forgive his brother his trespasses." Well let's pray. Lord we we come before you here this afternoon and in great need of your grace and your care Lord we pray that we would be impacted and helped by the word Oh Father help us to be doers of the word to walk in the way that you prescribe thank you for all that's been shared and said last night and this morning and this afternoon already Lord may may these things take root in our hearts.

Help us now, Lord. Give us grace and give us your spirit, we pray in Christ's name. Amen. Amen. Well, we live in an age that could be characterized as an age of unforgiveness.

It's an age of entitlement. It's an age of reparations, an age of being owed. Somebody always owes somebody. And never more so than before, it's really the air that we breathe this sense of victimhood and entitlement and so we see that all around us we swim in that we we see it on the news we may even have come out of that and have a sense of that working on us but on the other hand to come against that we have this picture today of the kingdom of heaven as the Lord Jesus describes it. He gives us this parable to describe what it's like to be a citizen in his kingdom.

And so notice what happens here. Peter comes to the Lord after he tells him how to deal with his unforgiving brother and he asked this question. He says, Lord how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? This isn't just a sin that you saw somebody commit, but this is a sin that's actually happened against you. And he's wondering, you know, what, how do we do this?

You know, you're on the receiving end of somebody else's bad behavior. And so why is forgiveness so critical, so essential, so important in marriage? Well, largely because it's the closest earthly relationship that you have. It's going to be the relationship that hopefully endures the longest with the most invested. If you add up that combination, there's a lot of room for problems and for offenses and for sins and all of these things because both of us, we come into the marriage as sinners with in many ways baggage or bad habits or even just tendencies whatever it is we all come in with something if you think about it you know marriage is one of those things that you you learn almost as you go in some ways you You get a lot of principles but now the actual walking out of it is the critical thing.

And so in order to live in a marriage you're gonna need a heart of forgiveness if it's to survive and even thrive in the world that we're living. You know a few weeks ago We're here visiting just for about a month and I went to the doctor because I had a problem with my my right knee and I went there and he's trying to to treat it and he came back to me and he said, you know, here's my diagnosis. You've got bone on bone, Right? This is what's causing your your problems, your discomfort and swelling and all these types of things. And he asked me, you know, what did you do?

What did you do? Was there a particular injury? Did you do something? Did you twist it? Whatever it was.

And I there was nothing that actually caused the problem, at least in terms of an actual event. But as he looked at it, he basically came to the conclusion that it was the accumulated impact of years and years of just taking, you know, damaging my knee really, right? It wasn't just one single thing but a series of small things that had led to the discomfort. And this is really what diminishes relationships. It's the slow, steady wear and tear.

Before you know it, you've got bone on bone. That not only destroys marriages, it destroys churches, it destroys relationships. It's these accumulated and unresolved sins and offenses that creep up and continue to come. In many ways you could think of unforgiveness as the silent killer, right? It's there but it's poisoning everything.

It's almost like the termites behind the wall, right? It's eating away. The structure looks sound but behind it all sorts of things are are taking place and it's being eroded little by little. And so this is precisely what Satan has in his design and in his desire. It's to destroy your marriage by allowing offenses to continue or to go unresolved and for unforgiveness to mount and maybe for some of you today that seems almost impossible.

How could that ever be? You know, you maybe you've been married like we've heard less than that two years or something like that and it just seems like so unnatural that this doesn't really apply to me but but this is the way that Satan has ruined and continues to ruin all human relationships in many ways and so Peter asked this question he says Lord how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him and then you know customary Peter he gives the answer right he says he offers Christ a suggestion and he says up to seven times. Now that sounds like you could even imagine Peter like, you know, as citizens of the kingdom, like should we go like this far? Am I going overboard? Because the teaching of the rabbis at that time was that you would forgive somebody up to three times and on the fourth time all bets are off.

They've passed the bounds and now they can no longer, you're no longer entitled to forgive that individual. So Peter was not only going to, he was doubling basically and going one more in terms of what he was suggesting to the Lord. But notice the Lord's response. What he says, he says, I do not say to you up to seven times, but up to 70 times seven. I mean you could just imagine the expression Peter perhaps maybe rendered speechless.

What Did I hear correctly? Is this right? It would have been stunning for them to hear this. Because a lot of times as humans, what do we want to know? We all want to know to kind of to what extent.

How far do I have to go? And then all bets are off. That's usually what happens and what the Lord is basically saying, He's not saying 490 times and on 491 that person's dead meat, but what He's basically saying to you and to me is that it's unlimited. There's no fixed boundary whatsoever. We're to forgive over and over, over and over.

Now the beautiful thing about Christ is that as the Good Shepherd, He doesn't just leave us there and say this is the situation, now go and do likewise. But he actually gives a parable that not only explains how this can be so, but in the explaining of how it is, he also tells us why and how we can go about accomplishing this very thing. And so he starts off in verse 23 he says, therefore, for this reason, he's gonna break it down for them little by little here and he's really intending to communicate one great truth in all this and it's the duty of forgiving our brothers, our sisters, our wives, or our husbands on the one side. The duty as well as the evil of refusing or withholding forgiveness on the other side. And so he says, therefore the kingdom of heaven is like a certain king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants.

And isn't that beautiful language, the kingdom of heaven? What is it like? He's basically saying, this is the way it's going to be in my church. This is how I will conduct myself towards my citizens in the kingdom of heaven, to my children. This is the way it's to be among those debtors that are now made citizens, those who call me Lord.

This is the kingdom of heaven. And of course, surely this must be his design for marriage as well and how we interact in the closest of all relationships. And so he paints this beautiful picture of what the kingdom of heaven should be like. And when he had begun to so he says here, therefore the kingdom of heaven is like a certain king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants and when he had begun to settle accounts one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents." And this is really a key verse. This one mention right here.

It's a depiction of your account and my account. What it really is like before God. It's this mountain of debt that's there. So great is our sin that there is no path to restitution. That's basically what he's saying.

Now in other religions, like for example where we live, it's an Islamic country and the thought is, hey there's a scale and if you're good outweighs your bad based on whatever judgments you can come up with that somehow you might be okay at the end. That's not only Islamic but that's very humanistic. If you go and talk to a hundred people even here in the Bible belt, 95 of them are probably going to tell you I'm a pretty good person and it's the same theology of your good works outweighing your bad. But what Jesus is saying here is that 1000 lifetimes could never resolve the debt that you have. And even if, think about it like this, even if you were to concentrate All of the righteousness of every man and woman that has ever lived and bring it down just into a single person.

All the righteousness of everyone ever lived. Even then, you would not be able to resolve the debt that's owed. And so what the Lord is saying with this 10, 000 talents, this is basically the equivalent of 200, 000 years of labor, if you want to use actual specific terms. 60 million working days. I think what we can we can probably all conclude is the Lord is not just saying your debt is large.

This is big. He's basically saying your debt is impossible and he's explaining the helpless, hopeless, human condition that we all find ourselves in as sinners. And so in verse 25, but as he was not able to pay his master commanded that he be sold with his wife and his children and all that he had and that payment be made. Well it goes on to verse 26, the servant therefore fell down before him saying, master have patience with me and I will pay you all. It's all so much for this man.

The day of reckoning has come. He's got nothing to resolve the problem. The books are open and of course what happens, desperation sets in and so he falls down. He's pleading. He's begging for some mercy.

Well it says in verse 27, then, Then the master of that servant was moved with compassion, released him and forgave him the debt." Now notice what happens here is that God doesn't give this man what he was asking for. What was the man asking for? He's asking for patience as though it were just a matter of time. If he just had more time, he could resolve his debt. But the Lord goes way beyond all of that in his grace and he gives him the invaluable.

He gives him full and free pardon. The most valuable gift any human being can ever receive. He treats the dead as though it were gone. As though there was there was never any debt whatsoever. It's buried.

It's forgotten. He's basically saying that there will be no malice that will be harbored. There will be no sideways glances. I know what you did. No unkind treatment.

It's all gone. And so it's worth asking ourselves, what is forgiveness? We know that God can't just arbitrarily forgive us our sins if he's going to retain his righteousness and so it begs the question we always have to have in our minds the immensity of the of the gift of the of the price that was paid and we'll never ever quite grasp it will we it's it's too much but but just think about this one thing if this single servant racked up 10, 000 talents you know 60 million working days, 200, 000 years of debt. What about 1 million servants or 5 million servants, all those that would ever be saved by the blood of Christ. Well, of course, this all points to the glory of the cross, doesn't it?

And what Christ has done for people like you and I, the amazing power of the shed blood of Christ. And So, what I'd love for you to just really consider is this. You lose sight of this. The immensity of the price paid. And you lose all.

You lose all. But if you hold this and you keep this ever before you, you have all. You have all the power, all the strength that you need to live in this Christian life because we're only forgiven in Him. Isn't that true? And the only accepted person before God is the Lord Jesus Christ.

The only one and those that are in Him. That's how the Bible describes Christians most frequently in the New Testament, in Him, in Christ. That's what the description is. And so we can have forgiveness. But imagine this man, he's just been forgiven.

His debt, he's been released and then forgiven. Well of course the servant comes home to Mrs. Debters. Tears stained face and they're whimpering children. They were the ones also that were going to be sold and everyone is distraught, but he comes in the door And he says wife children, you're never gonna believe What's just happened?

We're not going to be sold After all, I can't I can't explain it, but the king has forgiven me every last penny. It's it's all forgotten and that's what it means to be forgiven. It's to write in capital letters nothing owed. And so what's happened? Well could you imagine the household from sorrow and weeping to probably stunned bewilderment?

What's going on? Questioning looks, maybe even disbelief? Where's the catch? It's so scandalous that this would actually happen. His wife might look to him and say, I thought you said it was 10, 000 talents.

I don't know, but the king said, it is finished. It's all done. It's all paid for. I was talking to a Muslim maybe about a month ago and he was trying to persuade me to become a Muslim. Which is interesting when you're in a Muslim country and you're being evangelized.

It's a very interesting way to, you know, just look through those lenses. And he said, you know, Paul, he says if you were to become a Muslim, because you're coming from outside of Islam, you wouldn't grow up in it. There's like a higher benefit. All of your sins that you've ever committed up until that point will be wiped away. And I said, well you know when I became a Christian All of my sins, the ones I committed, am committing and all that I will commit have been paid for in Christ.

See, false religion has nothing, but what Christ has done for us, it staggers the mind in terms of what he's done. And he didn't forgive the servant because he deserved it. But because of his vast mercy and grace in Christ. And so what a beautiful ending to the story, isn't it? Sounds so wonderful but it doesn't end there.

Christ, He wants us to know something. He wants us to know this, that our vertical and our horizontal relationships are inseparable. I think Jason used the word earlier, inextricably linked. You can't separate them. And this is going to be what he's going to be teaching here.

He says remember Peter's question? Remember what Christ is really seeking to illustrate? You know Peter's question, how often shall I forgive my brother? And Christ is wanting to tell him, well, this is the kingdom of heaven. And it starts with God, but it doesn't end there.

It also takes into account all of those who call on his name. And so in verse 28, I think it is here, it says, but that servant, this might have been perhaps some time passes and there he goes, that servant went out and found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii. And do you see what can so often happen on the horizontal plane? He's just been forgiven all of this but what often happens when you don't live in sight of the cross or you forget what's been forgiven to you is that you can not really extend that same mercy towards others. And we'd like to be shocked at this behavior wouldn't we?

At this servant. Look at how do you how could he do this? Doesn't he didn't he doesn't he remember? But if we're if we're honest have you ever had in your heart unforgiveness either towards somebody else or even maybe towards one another that endured for a period of time and you had to work it through. I think if we're honest there's a little bit of that Jewish rabbi living inside of each of one of us.

Three times but on that fourth that's it you've That's the extent. And how do I know that? Well, because I've done it. It's a terrible thing. It's a sinful thing and it basically diminishes what Christ has done for us.

I've been personally injured. This is different than my injury toward God. No, we're gonna look at that more closely. See, grace had come to this servant. It came to him but it didn't flow from him.

And that's a good question to ask yourself and in this tightest and most important relationship as grace comes to us? Is it flowing from you to one another? Am I showing that same grace to my wife and likewise vice versa her to me? Because here we've got a man who owed him not a small sum 100 denarii that's about 100 working days. It's not like nothing You know the Lord isn't trying to say, hey get over it.

This is nothing. He's put some substance to the debt that's here. There's genuine wrongdoing on the part of this new debtor that's come into the picture here. There's a real offense on the table, but at the same time as he gives credence to there being a real offense, relative to the mountain that you had just been forgiven, it's literally a molehill. Mountains and molehills.

Well, what do I mean by that? It's one six hundred thousandth of what the first servant owed. And now he's coming and he's taking this man by the neck. Well how can how can this manifest itself in marriage? Well oftentimes you know offenses can be be building up slowly.

Unrepentant on the one side you don't even seek to be forgiven. At least you know these servants they're falling, they're pleading but we need to ask for forgiveness on the one side. But irrespective, even if no forgiveness is asked for, unforgiveness on the other side. And even worse sometimes, there can be the demand for reparations and for restitution. By nature, by our very nature, we're prone to harboring ill.

That's our natural bent, to harbor ill towards somebody who's offended us. And we want to demand what is due. Forgiveness is not natural. That's why he says this is what it's like in the kingdom of heaven when you're born again. You're born from above.

This is what it means. And so Christ is calling you to live according to a different rule, especially within your marriage and my marriage. We're called to live under the light of the Son of God. And so pain can fester, it can grow if it's left unaddressed. It can explode.

You know, there was a, I think it was in 1980 or somewhere thereabouts, people were watching. I think it was on the West Coast. It was Mount St. Helen. You take these kind of staggered time-lapse photos, and it's like the mountain is literally bulging out the side.

And people live at the base of the mountain. They're looking up and watching and that's concerning. Well there came a day when that mountain, which was not a mountain, it was an actual volcano. It exploded and wrought absolute havoc for not just in the state, but I think in a huge huge circumference of damage that it wrought. Well, that's kind of what can happen as issues remain unresolved over time.

Bitterness, distance, skepticism, all these types of things can can build up and you could ask yourself well why does the Lord have to use such exaggerated numbers to make his point 10, 000 talents and and 100 denarii well the news flashes there there's no exaggeration in his language were this is probably of anything He's not even able to paint the depth and how far distant these two things are. And so what we must come to see, and I think what he wants to show Peter and us, is that the offenses that others commit against us really don't come close to our offense toward God. And the ones that we commit against each other even in this closest of relationships doesn't come close. And how else will you have grace? How else will you be able to forgive as Jesus is saying not seven times but seventy times seven.

It's only going to be through this window of what he's painting for us right here. Life in the kingdom of heaven. You know Paul the Apostle, we've been in Ephesians chapter 5, but in chapter 4, I think it's verse 31, he tells the Ephesians, he says, be kind to one another. And then he says, tender-hearted, forgiving one another and then look at this as God in Christ forgave you and this is the the picture you see that connection here you forgive as you've been forgiven And so that's going to be the enabling force and power that keeps you and helps you. And so this is what we should be aiming at in our in our marriages.

Well on the on this particular story in this story we find out that the servant instead he took his fellow servant by the throat despite all his pleadings and it says and he went and he threw him into prison that he should till he should pay the debt and a good question to to ask ourselves and maybe ask yourself now or keep this question just always before you. Have you put your husband in prison wife or wife have you imprisoned your husband? Is there anybody here withholding forgiveness for an offense? Maybe you've said the words, but is it there? Is it brought up?

It's something that you're constantly thinking about, or it comes up every time there's an argument or dispute. Are you secretly demanding atonement, or perhaps requiring reparations for offenses that have been committed. You know, we talked about it earlier that the biblical principle is that we we keep short accounts and this is really the principle of the kingdom of heaven. But is there an accumulation that's growing steadily week after week, month after month, passing, and we're living in such a way. So interesting that when we're wronged, the offense takes on a whole other light but we need to be in to think and look through these these lenses much more deeply and so in terms of the greatest weapon to think about as a husband and wife well one of the great we've talked about love and we've talked about all these different things.

One of the greatest arsenals is not reparations, but it's actually the forgiveness that we render one to another. See, forgiveness actually heals your wounds as the forgiver. It actually heals your wounds when you forgive the other person. Not only does it forgive them, but you're help them, but it also helps you. And it breathes life into every relationship.

It's the beginning of a new day, so to speak. And of course, most of all, in your marriage. Well, going back to our parable here, word gets out. This man, this servant, he had broken the law of the kingdom of heaven. And so we read on in verse 30, and he would not.

He's got him by the throat, he's put him into prison even though he's pleaded for forgiveness. Please, please forgive me. And it says, and he would not. But went and threw him into prison till he should pay the debt. So when his fellow servants saw what had been done, they were very grieved and came and told their master all that had been done.

Then his master, after he had called him, said to him, you wicked servant, I forgave you all that debt because you begged me. Should you not also have had compassion on your fellow servant just as I pity on you and his master was angry and delivered him to the torturers until he should pay all that was due him and that phrase delivered him to the torturers this is Christ saying there's a high price to unforgiveness. Sometimes we think somehow we'll benefit by harboring forgiveness but the Lord is saying there's a high price for harboring forgiveness. And what happens is these torturers keep you living in the past. They bring you your prison food, which are the warmed over offenses every day, served through the great, and there you are, you're shackled to a pain that won't go away.

Instead it's building, and it's like a cancer of the heart, it slowly spreads and it can infect everything in that relationship. And even as we just heard from our brother, it can cascade down into the family, of course, as well, who are recipients in watching this. Well, our parables come to an end in verse 35, he says, so my Heavenly Father also will do to each of you if you from his heart, oh sorry, it says so my Heavenly Father also will do to you each of you from his heart does not forgive his brother his trespasses. And so Christ now delivers the moral of the story right here. And by the way, if you're asking, is he saying I can lose my salvation?

You've just missed everything. That's not what he's, Let's not go there. We can have that discussion. That's not what he's aiming at and you've missed the whole point of the parable. But the Lord, He's just basically laid down the principle of forgiveness as it relates to life in the kingdom of heaven.

The sum of it is this. Our debts are immeasurably large. Not towards each other, but God. And so God is so freely forgiven us and on the basis of that, therefore we ought so freely to forgive, to so fully freely forgive. And if not, if not, just like there's a law of gravity, there are severe consequences to breaking the law of the kingdom of heaven.

And so that's what Christ is saying. Now notice there's this one little thing that he puts in that final verse, which I read that and I read it and I don't know how many times then it dawned on me. But he uses three little words. He says, from his heart. You see that?

I just wonder why is that there? You know, you could skip that over and the sentence still flows, but he says from his heart. And I wonder, you know, does the Lord envision People and individuals, husbands, wives, wives, husbands, just mouthing the words. But he's, see our religion is different than transactional religions like Islam and other religions. It's a religion of the heart.

It flows out of the heart. And so it must be genuine in the same way that God has forgiven you genuinely. In the same way our forgiveness towards one another must be genuine. Full and free is the best way. If your wife sins against you, you can say I forgive you full and free and vice versa the husband if he sins against the wife she can respond I forgive you full and free on the basis of what Christ and only on the basis of what Christ has done for us.

And so what do we, what do we do with all of this? Well I just want to spend just a few minutes talking about forgiveness in marriage and we've touched on some of these things already but just to be as practical as possible. There are, there are problems I guess that come up that are not just, you know, sins. Sins are there, but also offenses that can come up as well. In fact, tomorrow I'm gonna be preaching at Hope and one of the scriptures that we're gonna be looking at is Hebrews 12 one, which, you know, the writer is basically telling them to put away or lay aside weights and sins that so easily beset them.

And so, oftentimes It's one of those difficulties in marriage, like what are sins and what are just weights or things that are just offenses but aren't necessarily in that category. But as things build up, they kind of just blend together. And we can almost just see this kind of accumulation growing. But we heard this earlier, to have that resolve to live together with love being the bond. Love being the bond.

I think that that's so important and be willing to overlook things. You know, almost like having a little black box there, if you will, that you know, just put that in the black box. It's just not worth fighting over or getting upset over. Being able to deal, as we just heard, with one another's foibles and their frailties. In Turkish, there's a saying in Turkish, BIR PIRE ICHIN YANGEN YAKMAK, which means don't burn the blanket because there's a flea on it.

You can take the flea off the blanket or you can, you know, take a torchblower and blow up the blanket. Well, the point is basically saying keep small things in the right perspective. Don't make the little things such monumental things. We heard that earlier how love is not easily provoked And also how love keeps no records of wrongs. Keeps no record of wrongs.

Yet another thing we can consider is don't be a worldly, a worldly in your forgiveness. It's your duty to forgive and always keep that in mind that it's in your greatest interest to forgive also. And forgiveness isn't just sweeping matters under the rug, but it's burying it in Christ. It's not avoidance, but it's dealing with it and then by the power that Christ gives, being able to go on joyfully. It's not bottling up as we talked about with Mount St.

Helen until you feel like you're going to explode, but it's the practical outworking of that. I read something I thought was just so helpful. I can't remember who this was from but he says, so often people say that they love each other but as soon as one gets angry out comes the list of past sins. Accusations fly, painful memories are dredged up and bygones are no longer bygones. This is not love.

True godly love forgives and refuses to keep track of personal slights received. But that's just such a beautiful summary of what we should all be aiming for. And just finally, you know, the great benefit of forgiving and being forgiven. John MacArthur said it like this, he says, it's hard to destroy a relationship if you continually forgive every offense. Isn't that a good way to put it?

And so, this is the kingdom of heaven. Ask yourself, can my wife or can my husband possibly offend me to the extent that that I have offended my Lord? Notice how everything's always nested back in that first relationship. And so just by way of conclusion, you're going to do both. You're going to sin against your spouse and you're also going to be required to forgive the other person.

And so just by way of parting words, don't grow weary in forgiveness. Don't grow weary. Let that be the thing that constantly even puts you back looking towards the Lord and reckoning with what He's done for you. It's not our natural reflex. So recognize that.

It's not natural to forgive at all. And so you've got to keep going back to the cross. But one thing you've got to remember is this. You are never more godlike when you forgive. And so Charles Spurgeon says it like this and this is the last thing I'll say.

To be forgiven is such sweetness that honey is tasteless in comparison with it. But yet there is one thing sweeter still and that is to forgive as it is more blessed to give than to receive so to forgive rises a stage higher in experience than to be forgiven and so there we have it life in the kingdom of heaven why don't we pray together father we thank you for forgiveness and for your love and your kindness toward us. And oh Lord, we have been recipients of so much in our relationships, Lord, these marriages that you've given to us and this bond, oh Lord, may forgiveness reign. May You, O Lord, be exalted through it. May we constantly be found looking to the cross and getting all of our strength from what has been accomplished for us by Your Son.

Amen.