Paul White explains in this video that for a couple who is struggling in their marriage, it is helpful to go to Scripture and see how husbands and wives are to relate to each other. For instance, husbands are to love their wives as Christ loves the Church. A husband can learn much about how he should treat his wife based on how Christ loved the Church.

1 Peter 3:7 (NKJV) - "Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered."

For a couple that's struggling in their marriage, of course the specifics of each situation are going to call for somewhat of a different application. But in general, the understanding is that when especially believers are converted and they come together in marriage their aspiration is to display the gospel. The wife lovingly submitting to her husband's leadership, the husband lovingly and humbly leading as a servant leader as Christ loves and serves his church in that regard. And those two things that we are called to do in marriage are unnatural to fallen men and fallen women. And so usually it's helped, I would try to help them to figure out what part of their duty as a Christian wife or a Christian husband in mimicking that pattern, where have they misunderstood their role?

And so it's not so much focus on yourself and what's the problem with the wife, or what's your problem, what's your problem with the husband, what's your problem, what's your problem, but say it out loud, here's the issue, okay now let's go to the Scriptures and let's see what has God commanded for the church and how does the church play this out and then what has Christ displayed for us as the bridegroom of the church and and then seeking to conform to those patterns from the Scriptures.