The biblical concept that the marriage of a husband and a wife is a type - a picture - of the the gospel is fairly well understood idea and one that is spoken of regularly, as it should be. But what about applying the gospel itself to the union and relationship of a man and a woman? How does the doctrine of the gospel and the moral and ethical demands it makes on us apply to day to day life in marriage? How does the example and message of Jesus change the hearts and actions of a husband and wife?

All right, so here's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna start by reading a few passages of scripture that you've already heard and one that you haven't. I'm gonna read for you just to get it back in your minds again, Ephesians chapter five, verses 31 through 33. I'm also gonna read a text that Scott spent some time in in the last session, 1 Peter 3, verses 1 through 7. And then I'm gonna read a text that we hadn't quite dealt with yet from Matthew chapter 19, verses 3 through 6.

So I'm gonna read those texts and I'm gonna do that, not necessarily to exegete them because a couple of them have already been done, but as a kind of a backdrop and as a context to consider areas of marriage that might need our attention and wherein the gospel might be applied. So Ephesians chapter 5 verses 31 through 33 declare, for this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and shall be joined unto his wife, and they too shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless, Let every one of you in particular, so love his wife even as himself and the wife rather see that she reverence in the King James her husband. First Peter three again, verses one through seven.

Likewise ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands that if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives while they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear, whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plating the hair and of wearing of gold or of putting on of apparel, but let it be the hidden man of the heart in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit which is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner in the old time the holy women also who trusted in God adorned themselves being in subjection unto their own husbands even as Sarah obeyed Abraham calling him Lord whose daughters ye are as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement. Verse seven says, likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers be not hindered." That sounds pretty important if your prayers are hindered. And then finally, Matthew 19, verses three through six, again, just as a backdrop of some of the comments that I'd like to put before you.

The Pharisees also came unto him tempting him and saying unto him, is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause. And he answered and said unto them, have ye not read that he which made them at the beginning, made them male and female, and said, for this cause shall a man leave father and mother and shall cleave to his wife and they twain shall be one flesh. Wherefore, they are no more twain, they no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God, what God has joined or hath joined together, let not man put asunder. So my task here today is to talk a little bit about some of the applications of these texts and indeed applications of the gospel of Jesus as it relates to marriage.

Embed within these three texts and indeed embedded within all of the commands as it relates to marriage is the implicit command to apply the gospel in our marriages. In other words, once we understand the Orthodox biblical teaching of what marriage is all about, we have to walk those teachings out in real life. And as some of the pastors in the room will testify, maybe all of us can testify, It's one thing to say amen to understanding what the Bible says, but how many of you would agree with me it's an entirely different thing to actually walk out what the Bible says day to day. And so the temptation would be to come to A magnificent, wonderfully humbling conference like this and to absorb just what has been presented thus far has just been mind-altering and soul-changing. But at least in the context of the conference, but then in a few moments at some point today, you're going to have to go back home.

And you're going to have to go back into your environment and you're going to have to go back where Scott isn't around or Mr. Pollard isn't around. And so it's just going to be you and as Mr. Pollard said, it's going to be the Word of God and the spirit of God. And so now what?

Is your marriage going to change in those fundamental areas where you have applied the gospel that Satan often uses to disrupt what God is doing to destroy marriages, to cause husbands to be frustrated, wives to be frustrated, and things don't actually improve. And that is the last thing I believe our hosts want, Deborah and Scott, I don't think they want that at all. I think their prayer is that we would hear the word of God and be changed by the word of God, amen? And so that might sound like a duh kind of moment to get us going here. It's like of course we're supposed to change, but friends, may I just kind of quickly say that I've been in many circles.

I've been in, for example that comes to mind, in the Reformed family integrated circles, I remember a brother, this is a true story, but I remember a brother, you're not going to believe this one, but I remember a brother who could tell you the Orthodox teaching of marriage. He would affirm that Jesus is Lord affirm that he rose from the dead affirm that that there's supposed to be one man and one woman affirm that marriage is indeed a type that is an example of a picture of something greater and yet this same brother thought it was acceptable to put his wife over his knees and take the paddle to her when she was naughty. True story. And when I heard that I went, oh, did she shoot him? Because That's crazy, right?

In other words, there's this orthodoxy sometimes that doesn't, you know, and this far kind of splintered orthopraxy that doesn't match up. And so, And we see that just all too often. I'll give you just another quick example. And that was one in circles that some of us would frequent, right? But then there, I've been in other circles where there's a, let's say a more non-denominational circle.

And I can name two churches right now who would affirm the biblical doctrine of marriage, affirm everything that we've talked about. Marriage is a picture. The submitted bride, the submitted wife, the humble headship type husband and so forth. And yet these same churches and these same pastors, the churches are in great disarray. The pastors are headed for divorce with their wives because the wives essentially would affirm all that but thought it was acceptable to take over the church, including the teaching and the preaching.

And so on the one hand, there seems to be this acknowledgement of some of the things that we've said, but on the other, when it comes time to put the rubber to the road, so to speak, every once in a while you find this massive disconnect. And so I just kind of want to head that off and I just kind of want to make sure that we're all applying what we've learned in those key areas of life. So there's some questions that need to be asked in this regard. What does it mean for our marriages to look like Christ and his church? And I'll give you a hint, that's more than, again, as someone has already alluded to, that's more than just having the right facial expressions in church.

How does the submissive nature of the wife and the loving posture of the husband manifest itself day to day, particularly when the pressure's on? And critically in our day, how do we protect this divine picture from the horror of divorce? Because some of you maybe in this room know some folks who again would affirm the doctrines and affirm the teachings and yet somehow ended up before a judge anyway. And that's not to besmirch them in any way. Things, you know, terrible things happen, but it is to say what can we do to prevent that?

Again, there's some of you, what I'm talking about today might seem like, oh, hat, I've got this down pat. There are others of you who are pretty new in marriage, and I'm going to say some things I wish somebody would have told me at year one, year two, year five, et cetera. So as we approach this pivotal issue of how to apply the Gospel in marriage, I think it's important to remember what we're actually trying to do here as we've been reminded during this conference the covenant of marriage between one man and one woman is a Picture of something else It is to display before the entire world in every area of life what it looks like as Christ loves his church and what it looks like when the church honors and reverences and respects Christ. In other words, a marriage, your marriage preaches the gospel. Whether you consider yourself a preacher or not, if you're in this room right now, you're preaching in some way or another.

Someone's observing you, someone's watching you, and how you respond to things, how you interact with one another, when you cut your eyes at one another and someone sees it, when problems aren't resolved and they go on and on, when you are saying amen in church but fighting over money. Or when you're saying amen in church and can't come to some unified resolution, how are we going to parent our children? These are areas where the gospel can be applied after we figure out what marriage really is. God, of course, is the one who created marriage to be a lifelong bond between husband and wife. And scripture declares that he absolutely hates divorce, or as he says in Malachi 2, he hateth putting away.

For one covereth violence with his garment, saith the Lord of hosts, therefore take heed to your spirit that ye deal not treacherously the implication there being with the wife of your youth. And so again, all too often, we're able to kind of have intellectual assent to doctrines but for whatever reason struggle in the translation to day-to-day life and that's where I've kind of come, the angle I'm coming at today to hopefully try to bring some encouragement to you along those lines. Is that pretty clear as mud so far? Sometimes going back and understanding that marriage was not created in isolation but rather was created in a context where Adam and Eve were living together and walking together and doing life. I think sometimes maybe that escapes us a little bit.

We know it, but every once in a while, we have to kind of acknowledge it. In the midst of the garden, God created Adam and Eve, and in perfect love, marital bliss, and sinless harmony, they dwelt together as husband and wife for a time until sin entered that most beautiful of worlds. Bible lets us know that Satan the deceiver hates our God, hates creation, hates the way we humans are made in the image of God, and knows that, you know, maybe he can cause you to be doctrinally smart but stupid in life. And so he wants to, you know what I mean by that? And we don't want that.

We want to be doctrinally smart, but we want those doctrines there. They're not dead doctrines, they're life-giving doctrines. They flow from the power of the Spirit of God. And so we want the Word and the Spirit. We want to walk out of these doors, ready to just chomping at the bit to apply, hopefully already beginning to apply what we've learned.

But our enemy knows that to destroy the family, to destroy marriage is to wreak havoc in the earth and we're seeing that all around us as we speak. He knows that to make man, for example, to make man more womanly and to make woman more manly is to attack and degrade the beauty of Christ's creation and to attack and degrade the beauty of creation order. Again, Genesis 3.6, and when the woman saw that the tree was good for food and that it was pleasant to the eyes and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof and did eat and gave also unto her husband with her. And he did eat. And there was the beginning of the whole the whole sin deal.

Right. Because of sin, death, inner pain, inner. And now you and I, even as redeemed people struggle with something called a sin nature. And the last thing our enemy wants is for us, by God's grace, to overcome that sin nature long enough to begin to apply the words of life to our marriages. But what if what if we were able to spark a revival in marriage?

And I like to I like to read this occasionally because I want us to, you know, the Bible says without a vision, people perish. Without revelation, people cast off restraint. It's often helpful to know how God created a thing so we know where we're going. What if we were able to apply what we've learned just here today and then inspire other people to do the same in our churches and in our spheres of influence? And so when I'm teaching on this and I'm ready to kind of get into some of these areas of applying the gospel, often I will read this little statement, this little vision statement that I literally call what if.

Imagine, and some of you may have heard me say it before, but I do it because I want you to see how things could be and how God wants to really restore some things and cause some things to line up according to his own word. Listen to this. Imagine a man or husband or father who loves God with all of his heart, mind, soul, and strength. Imagine this man working hard with a long-term vision of where he and his family might be by God's grace. Imagine his priestly pursuit of holiness, refusing to hurt himself and his family through his own unrighteousness, and his willingness to repent quickly when he fails.

Imagine how he lovingly, tenderly, but firmly declares God's word in his home and in the community. Imagine this man loving his wife with his whole heart, how he thinks and says that she is beautiful, How he covers her and provides for her and protects her and is literally willing to die for her. Remember, we're talking applications of the gospel. Imagine how he counts it in honor to lead her, to disciple her, and to work so that she always, always feels safe and secure. If this man is a dad, imagine how he teaches and disciples his children.

Imagine how he protects them from ungodly influences and instructs them and casts great vision for who they could be. Imagine how he prays with them and prepares them for adulthood, marriage, and family. It's a pretty beautiful picture, isn't it? But imagine a woman now or a wife or a mom who loves God with all of her heart, mind, soul, and strength, and imagine how she begins to apply the gospel to her life. Imagine how she works hard, sometimes outside of the house, but certainly is a keeper at home.

Imagine how she pursues God's long-term vision for her life. Imagine how chaste she is, how virtuous she is, how modest she is. Imagine how she lovingly and tenderly instructs her children and others in the word of God, much like Timothy's mother and grandmother. If she's married again, imagine how she loves and submits herself to her own husband as to the Lord. Imagine how she supports him, lifts him up with her words and her actions, cares for him as already has been stated, and is willing, listen, to sacrifice her agenda to pursue his.

Seeing her role as a helper or as a help meet for him as an honor bestowed upon her by God himself. If she's a mom, again, imagine her tender care for her children, teaching them, loving them, caring for them, casting great vision before them about who they could be in the Lord, praying for and preparing them for adulthood, marriage and family. This is where we wanna go. We wanna go to a place where if the scripture declares that marriage is a picture of something greater, then we immediately begin to see ourselves, for example, as husbands, as the Christ figure in the narrative, in the story. And so as has already been taught, it's now no longer academic.

We move quickly to begin to love our wives as Christ loves the church, willing to give ourselves, willing to extend ourselves, willing to work hard, willing to go die if necessary, and that begins to manifest not in some place off in the future but right now. And imagine how the church of the Lord Jesus Christ is called to treat him. Imagine some of you ladies, imagine shifting gears in your home if you need to do some shifting. Imagine shifting gears in your home today and immediately today you begin to respect your husband at another level, you begin to honor him at another level, and you stop worrying about what your friends with dysfunctional marriages think about it, but instead I'm amazed at how many men and women do this, where they're taking advice from people whose marriages are all crazy. It's like taking money advice from a broke person.

Nevermind, I'll do it myself. But I'm amazed at the number of people who are influenced by people who, it seems like what they really wanna do is bring your marriage down to where they are so they have a friend in misery. No, no, no, we're not gonna do that. Imagine if we begin to apply the gospel, apply the word of God immediately to our marriages. And friends, this is critical because normally when I'm teaching these principles, it's in the context of helping people, what I call divorce-proof their marriages.

And so again, so some of you, again, haven't been married that long, but understand marriage out there is in real trouble. Now, in our kind of bubble of strong, healthy churches, we see trouble here and there, but for the most part, I mean, most of us are hanging in there. I've been married to my beautiful wife, Donna, for 25 years. That woman's a patient woman, 25 years. And some of you have been there longer than that, and so we can kind of get, you know, if we're not on Facebook or something, or don't watch much news, we can kind of think, you know, it's going pretty well.

No, It's not going well. 40% of people in a recent study say that marriage is becoming obsolete. You know, obsolete. The current overall lifelong divorce rate is still estimated to be somewhere between 40 and 50%. I've seen some numbers lower than that.

Some people saying about a third or so. But how many know a third is still pretty bad. Forty-three percent of first marriages end within 15 years. First marriages that end in divorce last about eight years. The probability of a first marriage ending in separation and divorce within five years is 20%.

The probability of a marriage that began with premarital cohabitation or as we say in my church circles, shacking up. That's what we say anyway. They break up within five years at a rate of about 49, almost 50%, and so for those who say try before you buy, it doesn't work out well about half the time. 80% of Americans say that an unmarried couple living together with a child is a marriage. It just is, because we've said it is.

60% of marriages for couples between the ages of 20 and 25 end in divorce. So if you're young, if you're really young, 20 and 25, those of you in this room who have young marriages, really take heed to what's been said here because it's going to help you and it's going to bless you when the enemy comes at your relationship with your spouse. 14% let me read this one first. Surveys show that 22% of married men have committed an adulterous act at least once in their life. Nearly a quarter of all men.

14% of married women have had affairs at least once during their married lives. That's rising. One of the things we're seeing in the culture right now is that the age old thing that men are the adulterers. We're figuring out that men don't have the market cornered on sin. We all have a sin nature, and we're actually seeing sisters, I don't know whether those people were lying initially or whatever, but we're seeing more and more women having affairs.

More and more women having affairs. The percentage of men and women who admit to having an affair with a coworker, we'll talk about that here when we get there, with a coworker on a business trip is 36%. So we're going to talk about, again, this is very practical, so we're going to talk about applying the gospel to some of your work relationships because we need to figure that out. 36%. So that's a danger zone if you're traveling, particularly alone with someone of the opposite sex without the right safeguards, that's a massive red flag.

And we need to really talk about that and make sure that you're applying this relationship between Christ and his church into all of those areas that maybe sometimes we don't think about. I mean, it's really important. The percentage of men and women who admit to infidelity, whether it's emotional or physical, listen to this. This is actually kind of twisted. With a brother-in-law or Sister-in-law is 17%.

Can't trust family either these days, what in the world? We need Jesus, don't we? In the United States, 17% of all divorces that occur are to adultery on the one part of either or both parties. And then finally, a couple more things here. As per the latest US statistics related to the married, a record low 51% of adults age 18 and older in the United States were married in 2010 compared with 72% in 1960.

And so 51% as opposed to 72% a generation ago. This, and again, this is, some of this info has come out, but reputable folks like the Pew Research Center and so forth. And then this last one, I just want to mention it. I don't know if you've ever heard of it, but as a pastor, I've realized within the last, oh my goodness, maybe six months or so that we've all heard of feminism, but Now it has its male counterpart. And there is an entire generation of men who are growing up and some of them not even younger, they're older, but it's an entire generation of men who have sworn off marriage completely.

I mean, absolutely it's just not happening. I don't need marriage for my physical needs. Marriage is too much of a risk, you know, and the whole thing is wired against men, and they're doing their deal, and their numbers are growing. And so for those of us, again, in this room where it feels, you know, oh yeah, we just gotta learn our nice little world. Yeah, but outside of this world, and maybe more importantly, the world your children are growing up in, It's rough out there.

It's rough out there. Beyond the statistics, there are more, but I just gave you a few, but beyond the statistics, they're real lives, friends. They're real lives, real adults, real children, real people made in the image of God in the spiritual, emotional, educational, and economic impact of divorce and not understanding, even in the Christian church, how to apply the gospel to the areas of life that trip us up sometimes is wreaking a catastrophic harvest. And so here's what I'd like to do. Five areas of demonstrating the gospel, applying the gospel that I'd like to give you, keeping in mind Ephesians 5, keeping in mind 1 Peter 3, keeping in mind, Again, we don't have time to exegete, but keeping in mind the fact that the Lord hates divorce and he has commanded that what he has put together, man not put asunder.

Keeping in mind all that we have talked through, I wanna give you five areas, and we'll just talk through them, And then at the end, given the nature of this message, God has given me his blessing to open up for some questions. So we'll see how we get there. Here's the first one, if you're taking notes. Just as Christ protects the church, we must protect our marriage covenant. Just as Christ protects the church, in other words, we wanna apply the gospel to the area of protection.

Now again, that might, I'll read it for you one more time. Just as Christ protects the church, we must protect our marriage covenant. Again, Malachi 2.14 says she's thy companion and thy wife by covenant. That might sound really rudimentary, But I'm amazed at the number of Christian couples that are just kind of be bopping through culture with no sense that they need to be watchful and prayerful as it relates to their marriage. I'm amazed at the number of people that we run into who are in the Word every day but have kind of this loosey-goosey, Letting anything in, letting anything out, talking to anybody, going to any event, reading any old book as if the life that we're living doesn't affect us mentally, emotionally, and spiritually and this idea that we don't have to apply the blood of Jesus and the sacrifice of Jesus and the magnificence of Jesus to everything that we're doing.

And so this first one, again, might be the one that helps you in the long run. We have to live our lives like Satan wants our marriages to end. We have to realize that there's a battle being fought over marriage and we're no exceptions. And so just as Christ then protects the church and is there anybody glad that the Lord protects his church, likewise then we must also protect our marriages. Now in our church, we have a working definition of covenant that's sometimes helpful.

In our church, we call covenant a binding and solemn agreement to do or keep from doing a specified thing, a spiritual conditional agreement between God and his children. And so when we draw marriage out for folks getting marriage in our premarital classes, first thing we do most of the time is we draw a triangle and we put God at the top and we put husband and wife over here because what we're trying to do immediately is help people understand that marriage is not just about the two of you. That if it's a covenant, and it is, that means God's involved, right? And so he's the one that put this whole thing together. He's the one that instituted, if you will, marriage, And he's the one that guides and leads us again, marriage being a picture of something greater.

And so we put the Lord Jesus at the top of the triangle. We put husband over here and put wife over here. And we'd say stuff like to them, like, now, the closer you get to God, the closer you get to each other. But if one of you decides and we start drawing these really interesting geometric triangles to show people what begins to happen if we don't understand that this is a covenant that God himself authored. And so understanding that you're in a covenant, understanding that this is of God, takes marriage into the spiritual realm.

It helps you continue to remember that we have real enemies who would love to break you guys up. And so This covenant is binding. This covenant is legal. This covenant is not meant to be broken. Covenants by design are designed to be lifelong.

And the marriage covenant, of course, is no exception. And so Protecting your covenant or applying the gospel to your covenant involves a few things. I want to give you a couple if you're taking notes. Here's the first thing that it involves. This is really easy.

It involves an awareness that your covenant needs to be protected. I know that sounds like, what? You came all this way to say, yeah, yeah. It, I did. It involves an awareness that your covenant needs to be protected.

When my wife and I first got married, I remember our pastor, he gave us some very strong but kind of rudimentary premarital, but it really helped us, premarital counseling. And I remember I was telling a couple here this weekend about this pamphlet that he gave us, the marriage covenant, or the marriage counseling consisted of one pamphlet, and it was called, and you'll love this title, it was called Divorce, the Wreck of Marriage. And on the front of this pamphlet, there was this woman looking really scared, and literally She looked like this. And I remember, I remember, I mean, I'm 22 years old, and I remember going, you know, we still have that pamphlet at home. And I remember looking at this woman who was looking scared like that and we're reading, you know, what the Bible says about marriage and so forth.

And I remember, you know, and I'm thinking, I'm going to have to be on guard here. Because there's there are, you know, the enemy would love to wreck what God has put together the world, the flesh and the devil would love to steal this thing. So, Lord, how do I apply all that you've taught me to make sure that my wife never looks like that? It's the truth. I mean, it doesn't seem very sophisticated now, you know, but it was the truth.

And so there needs to be this awareness. If you're a husband, I want to inspire you. Remember what the Bible says about your marriage. Okay, you're not. You're the head of your household, but you represent Jesus.

Now let me ask you this. Would Jesus allow his flock to be unprotected? He is the good shepherd. His sheep know him by name, and he leads them out into safe pasture. And we know what he did for his sheep.

He died for his sheep. Why? To make the devil's work an absolute mockery. Hallelujah. That's exactly what he breaks the power of the enemy over the lives of his church.

And so if we're applying the gospel then to our marriages, then for those of you who are husbands and You ladies too, okay, there needs to be this acknowledgement that, okay, I cannot allow any talk, any old kind of talk, any old kind of book, any old kind of thing into my house. If I have... Ladies, if you have sisters who are always running your husband down, it's time to draw some boundaries. That's an application because Christ would not allow his he does not allow his his his church, his sheep to be unprotected. He is the good shepherd of you brothers.

If you if you are if you know you're at work and there's this, you know, kind of immodest, scantily clad sister that likes to flirt with you and you're starting to feel yourself liking the attention, it's time to repent and draw some boundaries. Because Christ does not allow his sheep to be unprotected. He is the good shepherd. And so that first one, I know it sounded really easy, but there's a lot that goes into that because of the posture of most Christians. Now I'm not saying walk around and be paranoid, but What I am saying is be discerning.

Be discerning. And so that first area is an awareness that what seems like it might be benign may not be and you need to think. My wife always tells me this, and if she doesn't say it, she shows it. She knows that most men can't think like a woman thinks. And she's, and I've learned to just listen to her when she says, oh, because I'm a pastor of a church, and she says that one right there, Watch her.

She is 100% right all the time when she does that. Because she knows whatever she's detecting there is something, I'm trying to love people and bless them and just be a loving passion. She's like, okay, you can let somebody else love her because that's something. Some of you ladies know what I'm talking about? Somebody else is going to have to be her accountability or whatever.

You are not the one. Because I saw the way she was looking at you where you were preaching like. I was like, okay, yeah, alrighty. So there needs to be, you know, we think that sometimes in the house of God, hey, if you're a demon, where are you going on Sundays? I mean, if you're a demon, what are you trying to do on Sundays?

You're trying to get into the church. You know, You already got the club, so you're going to the church. So anyway, long story there. Here's another one for you. As we look at this first area, goodness, I feel like Mr.

Apollo already, I'm going to seriously run out of time here. A commitment to lifelong marriage, If you're committed to lifelong marriage, here's another way to apply the gospel here. Consider divorce a curse word. Consider it a hateful word. It doesn't, you don't bring it up because of who Christ is.

I mean, can you imagine Jesus looking at his church that he paid for with his own blood and just getting mad and say, you know what, I don't think I want to be with you anymore. You know? Because there are too many married couples who the D word, as we call it in my house, the D word comes out in anger, in an argument, and if it doesn't come out, there's always this, you know, we do things that maybe plant that seed of insecurity. Slamming of the door, stomping out to the car, peeling away. You know what that says?

I'm getting away from you as fast as I possibly can. And I may not come back. So those things, there's a way to be angry and sin not. And one of the things that we don't do if we're going to protect our covenant and apply the gospel to our covenant, i.e., protect it in this one area that we're talking about, is that we refuse to use the D word. Okay, so it's not, well, if you don't fix this, maybe we need to figure something else out, and that kind of language that you're using for leverage, but it kind of breeds insecurity in the marriage, and now people are starting to wonder, well, I don't know if we're gonna be together, or maybe my mother was right, or maybe that secret savings account I've been holding, that's why I have it there, just in case you do something stupid like this.

I mean, and so, you know, you've seen it, as a pastor, you've seen the gamut. Well, one of the things you do to cut that off is you realize what Jesus has done to birth his church. And so you don't use, like, covenant destroying, covenant killing language like that or actions like that. And so for those of you who have that's your holster and your gun and every once in a while you pull that holster out or you pull it out and you go, I'll divorce you or I'll no, no, you need to repent of that foolishness. That's foolishness.

That's not of God. You need to say, you need to say, sweetie, right now I'm angry, right now I'm upset, but I know we're going to work this out. I'm never ever leaving you under any circumstances. Particularly if you've used the divorce word before. If you've not ever used that, you may have to not go that far, but for those of you who that's your deal, or maybe you're the type that leaves the household for long periods of time and goes home to be with Mama.

Quiet all of a sudden. Or maybe you're the guy who stays the night somewhere, abandons the wife and the family for a night and you don't, purposely, you don't tell them where you are because you want them to feel what it's like when you're not there. Can you imagine Jesus ever? Aren't you glad he's there when we call? Okay?

It's almost, for those of you who are young in marriage, if you have to be, I'd rather you be obsessed with protecting it than not. An obsession with keeping yourself and your marriage bed pure is the third thing there. I want you to write that down or think about it. I want you to have, I believe it's appropriate to be obsessed with keeping your marriage bed pure. This means you need to establish this word that we've already mentioned.

You need some boundaries in your life. You need some boundaries in your marriage. Some boundaries in your marriage. And I'm gonna give you some practical stuff to think about here. One, refuse to fellowship with adulterous and sin casual people.

Note the word I used there is fellowship. I didn't say refuse to minister the gospel to them, refuse to disciple, refuse to invite them to church. Refuse to let your hair down and refuse to be in the company of folks who just casually commit adultery and casually, you can read 2 Thessalonians 3 verses 14-15. If these folks are calling themselves brothers and sisters in the Lord, but they are casually doing whatever, you need to be discerning about whether or not you want to be in those environments in a non-ministry context. Two, Realize that you cannot have close opposite sex friends.

You can have acquaintances, but there's a distance that needs to be put between you, if you're a man, between you and the sisters in the church. And if you're a sister, there's a distance that needs to be put between you and the brothers in the church. You can be cordial, warm, laugh, have a great time, all of that, but there's a line that you don't cross. You know, The Bible speaks about this word, this issue of propriety, what's proper. And as a related, we've already learned about the exclusivity of the marriage bed and of Christ and his church.

It's just Jesus and no one else. Where if we apply that to marriage, if we apply that concept, that truth to marriage, then you need to have some boundaries here. Now that ruffles some feathers because there are many, you know, there are many people say, you know, I just, a lot of Ladies do this in particular. Not so much men, but I hear ladies say a lot, you know, I just don't have a lot of female friends. Females are just too hard to be friends with.

Most of my friends are male. Well, that's okay, that's interesting concept there, but if you're a married woman, ask your husband how he feels about that. Can I just tell you that I don't have men, random men calling my house asking for Donna? That just sounds ridiculous. I'm not talking about her dad or her uncle or something.

And I'm not talking about a telemarketer or something. I'm talking about some guy just randomly, and I pick up the phone in my house, hello? Hello? Who is this? Yeah, is Donald there?

Who is this? Yeah, this is Joe. Well, who in the, Now I'm upset. Who in the world is Joe? I wanna know who Joe is.

What is this Joe? And I can... Can you imagine her just kinda flitting and go, Joe's my friend, we just talk all the time. Give me the phone, baby. Hey, Joe, how you doing?

This looks ridiculous. But it's the number... You know, it suggests that we don't understand what's actually going on here. Who is Joe? What's Joe's motive?

If he loves God and loves the Word, then he ought to know that whatever this is doesn't look right at a minimum. Doesn't feel right. What is...what's going on here? Oh, well, Pastor, you're being a little ridiculous. I just feel okay, but you ask your okay, let's flip it around.

Ladies, do you want your husband to have a lot of close female non-relative friends, particularly if they're attractive? Ring ring ring. Hi, this is Sue. Can I speak to Ted? Who are you, Sue?

All of your Holy Ghost has gone out the window now. You're angry. Oh, my goodness. But someone needs to kind of say it, right? Because what is this?

This is an application. It's one that maybe you don't think about, but it is, in fact, an application. We're talking about protecting our marriage covenant. And while we're on that, realize that you cannot or realize the danger, rather, of social networking, social media and technology. If your wife or your husband cannot log into all your accounts, you younger folks who are way more technologically savvy than most of us old heads.

If your wife or husband, if they, you know, if your phone rings and you dive to get it before your wife and knock the children down and spill the juice, There may be an issue there, right? So if she can't pick up your phone, if he can't pick up your phone or know all of your passwords and log into everything, or if you feel like you need to have some separate virtual world, Well, you're in danger. And you may be sitting there right now thinking you're just way over blowing this. Okay. But from school of hard knocks, I have seen many, many an affair start on Facebook.

Many. Somebody, I lasted on Facebook all of 24 hours. Several years ago, it was hip and cool, and I logged on and got an account, and all of these people from high school wanted to be my friend, and I went, oop, that's enough for me, because, You know, I wasn't the best Christian in high school. And someone else will have to minister to them. It can't be me.

It's just my marriage is too important. Her security is too important. If I'm the Christ figure in the narrative, If my role in Ephesians 5 is to represent Jesus, then can you imagine Jesus ever giving us some sense of insecurity that he might not want or so that he might prefer someone over us or something crazy like that? No. No, it sounds ridiculous.

And so please, please be careful with email, text, Facebook, Internet, chat, iMessage, FaceTime, LinkedIn, tweet, IEM, Google Talk, Instagram, and whatever I missed, Tumblr, Tumblr, whatever. Be careful because that stuff will absolutely take you out. It'll take out your marriage if you're not careful. I'm at the point now when even when I have to email people, I put a little disclaimer at the bottom of my email that all emails with members of the opposite sex can be shared with my wife. So if you want to continue this conversation, and if I'm talking to a woman, if I know the husband, I'll copy the husband on the conversation, depending on what's going on.

But certainly, my wife will get these blind copy emails from nowhere because I want you to have a record of what was going on here. Does that sound a little over the top maybe to some of you, but in this world that we're living in, I really don't think so. I think we're at this place where we need to protect our marriage covenant. Never ever ever, I'm giving applications here, just based on what we know about the exclusivity of Christ in this church. Never ever ever meet with, eat with, travel with the opposite sex alone.

Some of you know this, this has become popular recently as the Mike Pence rule. But a lot of us were doing this long before we heard of Mr. Mike Pence. It's just common sense that you just don't get on a Delta bird and fly away to an exotic location on business with a member of the opposite sex who by the way is struggling with her husband because he just doesn't understand what she's going through. You set yourself up and so you take safeguards if it means you miss something or you can't do something and so you say well my wife is fine with it well she might be but I'm just trying to give you some applications to avoid some of the things that are going on out there.

Again, I know I'm still at number one, good gracious. Beware the lure of pornography. Scott covered that one. He told us It's all about taking, right? It's not about giving.

Beware anything that has to, and in these days, pornography isn't just the hardcore stuff. It's a lot of soft core stuff. And so men particularly, but I've seen more ladies getting involved in this now too, but men in particular who tend to be more visually oriented. It may not be the triple X side, it could be the cheerleaders on the sideline. And so you need to just be aware and know when, as the saying goes, when to hold them, when to fold them.

And you know what, is the game worth, they put the camera right in my, you know what, I'm gonna go read my Bible. And sometimes that's the way it is because we're talking about Christ in his church. We're talking about Christ in his church. So be careful with TV and computers and so on and so forth. And instead, fill your home with worship.

Fill your home with prayer. Fill your home with discipleship. Fill your home with family worship. Fill your home with catechism and gather the family and do more needful and more precious things, recommit to the precepts and the principles and patterns of the word of God and declare sola scriptura in your home. Fight for multi-generational faithfulness.

In other words, gird up like someone's trying to take your marriage away from you. Don't just walk around like it's a done deal. It requires watchfulness in prayer. All right, I'm gonna have to run now. I know exactly what you mean, Mr.

Pollard. Two, I'm Neil, wait, I'm gonna get to all this, two. So the first one was know that protection is required just as Christ protects the church. Here's the second overall principle. Just as Christ desires a praying church, we must practice gospel-centered communication in our marriages.

That's an application. How we talk to each other. Now that we have had the doctrines laid out and we're not just doing some Dr. Phil thing. Now we can go and talk about this practically and receive it the right way.

The Bible says that no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to be used to the use of edifying that it may minister grace unto the here and grieve. Not the Holy Spirit of God, whereby you are sealed unto the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and evil speaking be put away from you with all malice and be kind to one another, tender hearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you. And so if there's any place, of course, this beautiful scripture here in Ephesians chapter 4 verses 29 through 32 applies to the local body of believers, but it most certainly then applies to that brother and sister in the Lord that you share your bed with. It applies certainly to your spouse.

And one of the things that's important as it relates to applying the gospel to marriage is learning how Christ Talks to his church and how the church talks to Christ Can you imagine now we're not talking about the Pharisees here, the Sadducees, but we're talking about the church. Can you imagine Christ ever using a tone with his bride that's mean-spirited, that comes from a fleshly place? No, of course not. He's the sinless Lamb of God Can you imagine the bride of Christ who realized that she's been blood bought? Look to Christ and with a sassiness You know and say, you know if you because you've applied the gospel to it It really changes the game Will we ever look to Jesus and say some of the things that wives say to husbands, and would Jesus ever turn to us and use a tone that sometimes we husbands can use with our wives where we use a tone where she becomes, not as Scott said, reverentially fearful, but truly fearful.

Oh, what an abomination. What an abomination for a man to make his wife feel afraid in their own home. What an abomination it is for a wife to belittle her husband in any way. Or to speak to him in such a way that would degrade or that would be degrading as Christ or as the church would speak to Christ as opposed to going to him in prayer and in humility. If you want an application on how to talk to each other, there it is.

You don't need a book to figure that. You don't need a degree in sociology or psychology to figure this one out, but if we just think about Christ in the church, As a husband, when I approach my wife and I'm thinking in terms of she represents the church, and so how would the Lord, how does the Lord talk to the church when she's wounded, when she's upset, when she's hurting, when she doesn't understand something? What does the Lord do? And if she in turn looks to me and says, well, how would the church speak to Christ when we have questions or we don't understand or we're frustrated or whatever? And so that principle, that application alone produces so much peace in the house because We're no longer yelling at each other.

We don't allow fits of wrath and dissension because we've got, we're applying the gospel now to, I mean, do you really need to be instructed that you don't use profane language with your own wife? Yeah, maybe we do because we're sinners. Can you imagine Christ ever giving the church the silent treatment? I see you there needing me, but I'm going to go over here. I don't know, maybe.

Sometimes God is quiet in our lives, but I can't see him giving his church the... Can you imagine the church ever giving Christ the silent treatment? I'm going to go over here and pout for a while, Jesus. I'm not going to talk to you. I'm going to make you come find me.

Well, thank the Lord he's merciful. Wave at me if you know he's merciful. Thank the Lord we've all done that. But if you're applying the gospel to communication, remember communicating effectively means moving from the external to the heart. Very few couples communicate on the heart level and it takes courage to do this.

Fear is one of the greatest enemies of this kind of communication, but just as we should not fear talking to our Lord, likewise, let us pray that God would give us the courage to truly talk to one another in a way that honors the Lord. Here's some quick things you could do to facilitate this. One, I'm rushing a little bit now, one, pray together. Pray together, This is an area where I've not done my best. I've done decently recently in family worship, but time, just extended prayer with my wife is an area of failure for me that I need to repent to her of and do better.

Just, you know, We are so much about the children, the children, the children, and so often we don't pray together, you know, like we should. When conflicts arise, repent quickly. Be the first one to repent so that heart-level communication can remain and insecurities don't have the chance to work their way in. Repent quickly, just as we would with Christ when he calls us out on our sin. We shouldn't, oh, I have to think about whether or not I'm sorry.

No, you know what you did. Lord, I'm so sorry for blowing that. I just totally messed that up. Please forgive me. That way we don't allow anger to have a place and we don't give a place to the devil as well.

Go to church together. I know that's in this group. I know you guys do that. But here it is. Go to church together.

But I'm amazed at the number of people who don't. Serve together when you can, which is a little easier for us in family integrated circles. Try to have some mommy and daddy time, even if it's five minutes during your day where you're just kind of sitting in each other's company. Can be challenging with young children, but try anyway. And the term that we use often at our church for sexual intimacy is fellowship.

And so my notes literally says, fellowship often. The covenant must Be renewed. I'm going to wear that out when I get home, Scott. Oh, man. You know, so there's no stupidity in our church.

Hey, this sounds, this sounds, may sound a little corny, but it still works. Take your spouse out to dinner every once in a while. Get away. Go on a date night. Try to vacation sometimes.

These things help. Practical stuff here. All of us are big proponents of time with God. Here's an application. Have time with your spouse is uninterrupted as you can every once in a while as your schedule will allow.

Take that time. It matters. It really. And then lastly, remember, remember special days. Remember special days.

Uh, you know, I was joking with a pastor friend of mine that long ago, and I was saying, hey, you know what, one thing I love about the Reformed community is that we are really good on repentance and we are really good on knowing how to pray we are. I said, you know, but we're really terrible at celebrating things. We're just terrible. We don't need to celebrate our anniversary. Jesus is risen.

Well, yeah, he's risen, but you can still buy her some flowers. It's OK. You know? And So yes, he's risen, but I think even as we remember that he's risen and we say some of us celebrate those times or celebrate seasons of Thanksgiving, likewise, I believe it's still okay to say happy birthday and to treat your wife to something special or your husband to something special. All these things help us continue those times of intimacy, help us to continue to talk to each other in a way that honors the Lord.

Here's number three time here, goodness. Because Christ commands his church to lay up heavenly treasures, we must handle money through the lens of the gospel. Because Christ commands his church to lay up heavenly treasures as opposed to earthly ones, then we must handle what resources we do have through the lens of the gospel. I'm bringing this up primarily because money fights and money problems and money stresses and financial adultery are always among the top three or four causes of divorce. It just takes people out.

And so I know it might sound a little unspiritual, but the damage that it does is very spiritual. It takes marriages out. So I'm saying essentially understand what God's word declares as it relates to good stewardship and if you've not already on a track as a married couple of handling your money together and praying about what God wants you to do so that it never becomes an idol in your hearts and that you remain generous, then get on that track and get on it early because again, I've seen people who can give you the doctrine of marriage, well why are you guys divorcing? Well, I found out that they opened five credit cards behind my back or we just can't make ends meet because he keeps buying motorcycles or whatever. And so, you know, given the doctrine correctly on the one hand, failing any application on the other, laying up heavenly treasure as opposed to just kind of falling to the idolatry of the of the earthly.

And so agreeing on your spending again, I know this doesn't sound very deep, but it's it'll take you out if you're not careful. Agreeing on your spending to a large degree means you've agreed on your values. You've prayed, you've talked to the Lord about where your household should go, what your household should do, what's important to you, where's God leading the family, what does God want us to do, how does he want us to do these things, as opposed to keeping separate financial lives, which frankly doesn't work well most of the time long term. So here's some suggestions. Number one, husbands, make sure you're working hard, men.

Get out there and apply 1 Timothy 5.8, take care of your household. Make sure that there's vision and admission for your home. Two, live on a budget. I know this sounds very, but here it is. Live on a budget, okay?

Say that word with me, budget. Okay, live on a budget, right? I can't tell you how to do it, but just have an idea of what comes in and what goes out together. Right? So that this is an area where you men might need to humble yourselves because your wife might be smarter than you along these lines.

It doesn't mean that you're not the head. It just means that you're smart enough to let someone smarter than you take your family in a better, get your family in a better place. So you're still involved and you're still making the final decisions, but you know who's better at this. So here's another one. Get out of debt.

I mean, I don't want the church as free as possible as well because we want to be free to serve one master and one master only. You cannot serve God and money. And so we encourage young married couples, get out, stay out as long as you possibly can unless you want a whole bunch of distress and discontent in your marriage. And save a little bit. And save with the right heart.

Not hoard, which means you're laying up earthly treasures, but save for the master's use. So learn how to do that as a married couple. Here's the final one here. Realize that in the area of stewardship, because we're talking about Christ in the church, it's our money as a married couple, not his or her. No matter who makes it, no matter how you are in my household, my wife stays home, and I'm the quote, unquote, breadwinner, but it's our money.

Does that make sense to you? It's our money. You know, the Lord, truthfully, it's not even our money. It all belongs to the Lord, right? The earth of the Lord and the fullness thereof, and so we're just managing it for a short period of time.

But she needs to know that as the, again, the Jesus figure in the picture, that I'm there to take care of her, I'm there to love on her. And so those resources, I'm giving, and of course she's doing the same thing. And you get on a plan together, And there's lots of wonderful books and things that could help you with that if you want to talk a little bit more about that I'll be happy to speak with you about it But I just see a lot of couples end up before a judge not because they disagree on who Jesus is but they couldn't figure out what a checkbook is And so we maybe we ought to apply the unity of Christ in his church to how we handle money as well And that might be a good blessing for us I'm gonna have to stop there looking at the time but the last two I'll just give them to you to give you the titles the last two areas of applying the gospel was the last one. The second last one was this because Christ calls his church to make disciples. We must pursue the call of our marriage and family, which is to say, what is God called your particular household to do?

What projects, what community service, what is it, what in particular has God burdened your marriage for? That keeps a marriage from being aimless and just kind of wandering. And so you're headed somewhere. I heard Scott say many years ago that if a man has a big vision, there's enough for all of his household to do, and he's working that vision, and everyone gets involved, and the whole household is energized. But if a man has a small vision, then it's just miserable around there.

And so I want to encourage you in that. And then the last one, because Christ commands the little ones to be brought unto him, we must parent our children with the gospel in mind. This is where we bring in those great doctrines that involve the dominion mandated, multi-generational faithfulness, things that you guys have probably been exposed to where we're teaching and living out Deuteronomy 6 and Ephesians 6 in our very own households. And applying the gospel to marriage most certainly includes raising up our children in the fear and admonition of the Lord. And again, that's the one that probably this group is most familiar with big time.

And so, I'm going to stop there, but I hope this was helpful. And Scott, did you still want to do some questions or do we want to move on? Five minutes. Okay. So again, my overall premise was take the scriptures that we have looked at today that have already been so expertly exegeted for us and then say, okay, Now that I understand what they say, how does that work in these big areas?

Children, money, protection, right? Communication. How does that work in these areas that take marriage out and then apply them and you'll find I think great strength and great encouragement in that. Any time, any questions about anything that we talked about. And if I don't have the answer, then I know someone in this room does.

Going once. Number two, sir. Yeah, I was running kind of fast there, wasn't I? Just as Christ desires a praying church, we must practice gospel-centered communication. Gospel-centered communication.

So just as we know we're called to pray and speak with Christ a certain kind of way. Likewise, in our homes, we ought to apply that same principle and talk to one another in a way that honors the Lord. And that includes raising up our children to talk a certain way as well. I know in my household for way too long and way too often we kind of trained our children. I'm not really serious unless I raise my voice and that's not very wise.

So again, just a multitude of ways you can take these principles and apply them. Yes, ma'am. Would you be willing to just maybe send Mr. Brown your note? I sure would.

I'm trying to write in the house. Yeah, I hit you with a lot. I know I did. It was a Yeah, it was, you know, when Scott got up earlier and said, hey, I wrote down 20 applications or 20 illustrations. I went, I'm in the right place because I got about the same amount of stuff going on.

Somebody, no? Well, may I pray for you quickly? Father, thank you for this time, such as it is. I know somewhere along the line here, I've failed in some way, but you're so good that you have the ability to cause your people to just remember the good stuff. And so, Master, I pray that as we continue on today, even as Jason gets up to speak, that you'd be with him so powerfully that all these things would weave together well and that we'd leave this conference excited, energized, encouraged, perhaps repentant and willing to make the adjustments that you have called for for your own glory.

We love you, Lord Christ, for what you have done. And we consider it an honor to walk out what you have done before you and before a lost and dying world that desperately needs to hear the gospel as well as see the gospel. We love you with all of our hearts and we give you praise in Jesus name. Amen.