in this audio message, Bill Brown reads from the book Preparing Boys for Battle. The Bible speaks much about friendship. It is vitally important to choose your friends wisely. Those who you spend time with can be a blessing in that friends can sharpen and build up each other or friends can lead to compromise and engaging in sin.
John 15:13 (NKJV) - "Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends."
Every son needs to hear his father say, son make long and loyal friendships. Proverbs 27 10 do not forsake your own friend or your father's friend. Chapter 14, Buddies. The father must teach his son the biblical roadmap of friendship for it is with friends that they will share the journeys. The Bible makes a big deal of friendships.
Abraham was the friend of God, and Christ was the friend of sinners. Christ defined the terms of friendship more clearly than anyone ever did when he said, greater love has no one than this that to lay down one's life for his friend, John 15 13. Preparing sons for friendship means communicating biblical teaching on the subject and demonstrating it in everyday life. Some of these principles of friendship were illustrated in interesting ways during the battle for Iwo Jima. It was 60 years after the end of the war when I finally met my father's best friend on Iwo, Arthur Burry.
After spending a few hours with him in my father's house, it was easy to see why they were friends. They keyed off one another perfectly, and humor rolled out its welcome mat. The peals of laughter among friends are always good medicine and boy did we laugh. For many years I heard about this mythical man, Burry, and the adventures they had together. There's an amazing chemistry between men when they have endured hardships together in battle.
Something forges their souls together causing remembrances until the day they die. I believe this is a gift from heaven for it is God who gives us friends, God who provides laughter and camaraderie. Arthur, my dad and I, had three days together. We spent a lot of time talking about Iwo Jima and airplanes and friendship. Since boyhood, my father told me of the harrowing experiences Burry had with his airplanes.
We would laugh together as he recounted the different planes he tore up. So when we met, I just had to ask Burry how many planes he wrecked. He said, I think maybe one. I turned to my dad, I thought you said that Burry tore up lots of planes. Burry responded, well, now that I think about it, there was one, but that was immaterial.
One plane, huh? The next day I asked Burry, we want to know about the planes you crashed and the lessons you learned. He said, apparently after the first one I didn't learn much. So how many did you crash? I pressed.
He replied, I really don't know. Well one plane was damaged when I was on a low flying training mission in a P-51. I followed my flight leader into power lines, hitting the propeller and putting a crease on the leading edge of both wings. But I don't count that one because I was following my flight leader. Now we were up to two planes.
On the third day after wearing him down for more stories he told me that he also lost a plane during gunnery training in Long Island. That one really doesn't count either because we were in training. I don't remember much about that one. The engine quit and I had to crash land pancake in in a potato field without wheels down. The farmer called the base and they came and picked me up.
Burry may not remember much but my dad recalls that when they came to get him they found him sitting on the wing smoking a cigar. The farmer sent the United States Air Force a bill for damages to the crops because heavy trucks had come in to drive all over his potato field trying to get the airframe off the farm. That made three. Any more, I asked. He confided.
Well, another time in a P-47 my brakes went out and I plowed into another airplane, a Bell O'Feel. So I wouldn't really count that one, would you? I was ruthless, I think. I count that as five wrecked planes. Rats, he said.
It was time to own up. Then there was the time I dumped a plane in the ocean and floated in the Pacific for six days, " he continued. I would not count that one either because the engine just quit running. Then he added, when you take off, anything can happen. That makes six planes.
I laughed so much hearing Burry's commentary and the growing list of plane wrecks that I nearly lost count. He had flown and crashed several of the most powerful, expensive, and collectible planes in history. And in his words, it was immaterial, all in a day's work. One day he was flying in a P-47 off Bellows Field in Hawaii just before they went to Iwo Jima. When the engine quit again he found a spot to land on the top of a mountain and on the way in got tangled up in some telephone wires, which severed some telephone poles.
His plane screeched to a halt just a few feet away from the edge of a giant cliff. If that weren't enough, he had just knocked out Admiral Nimitz Radio Communications with North America. Seven wrecked planes. I thought of the humor and the understatement that somehow must have been the cartilage of his relationship with my easygoing father. I can see why they were friends.
They both love to laugh and they are a delight to those around them. As I think about my father on Iwo Jima, I know for certain that even though the death and carnage and fire, there was a gift from God that oiled the situations and friendships there. Affinity and laughter between a man and his friends are grace given from God in the midst of a sometimes harsh and disappointing world. God is the originator of these things. The power of friendship.
It is strange how friends affect one another. They take you in directions that you can never anticipate and then profoundly affect your life. It is vitally important to choose them carefully. For example, it was the various powers of friendship that led to the writing of this book. Many years ago, I started holding Memorial Day celebrations on our farm to honor those who died in service to our country.
At the first event, my friend Jim Dyer, a veteran of Vietnam, came to share his story from the platform. Sometime after that first celebration, he dropped by my office, put a cassette tape on my desk, and said, you have to listen to this. I threw it in my briefcase and went off with my wife to spend the weekend at the beach. On the way, we listened to the tape. I was floored by the story of a local Marine named Bill Henderson who for the first time in his life publicly told the story of his experience on Iwo Jima.
He did it reluctantly at the urging of his pastor and a few of his friends such as Bill Delahoid. I was so captivated by his story that I spent the entire weekend transcribing the tape into a written manuscript. After listening to the audio recording that Jim gave me, I felt that I had to meet the man who gave that speech. Jim gave me Bill's telephone number and we arranged a meeting. We had lunch together and immediately struck up a friendship.
One day later on, I met him at his office and he showed me several original documents and maps that he had with him on Iwo. That was the day I asked him if he knew any other local man who had been on Iwo Jima. He said, you probably don't know Buck Bunn, but he was a B-29 pilot there. That led to my discovery of the connection between Buck Bunn's wartime experiences and the downing of my father's plane. I then introduced my friend, Bill Henderson of Buck Bunn, to my good friend Doug Phillips who became interested in their stories.
So interested in fact that I decided to fly Bill and his wife and my father and mother to Fredericksburg, Texas to put them in front of a camera so that Doug could interview them. This ultimately led to our trip to the island of Iwo Jima which was primarily a result of the visionary thinking of Doug Phillips. When you match ordinary men who have stories to tell with men with a gigantic vision like Doug, watch out. Something remarkable is about to happen. While we were doing the interviews in Fredericksburg, Doug asked the men if they would be willing to return to Iwo.
This was an interesting question because of the complex logistical difficulties, the costs, and the time involved. One barrier is that Iwo Jima is under the control of the Japanese government and they permit American citizens to tour the island only one day per year, only during daylight hours. Both Bill Henderson and my father were adamant they were not going back to Iwo. I will never forget Bill Henderson saying, no thank you, I've already visited Iwo Jima. A year later I asked him again if he would go and he said in no uncertain term, been there, done that.
And a few months later, for some strange reason, both Bill and my father agreed to make the journey for the 60th anniversary of the battle. Doug and I breathed a big sigh of relief mixed with a gasp of fear because we were hardly sure how we could pull it off. It would be an epic journey that would consume significant resources and time. Remember, choose your friends wisely for you will key off of one another and they will take you in directions you might not have anticipated or even wanted. You also need to be careful about doing the same to them.
This is why we should have friends who have great and godly thoughts. May we be positively impressed by those thoughts. On the other hand, if we choose small-minded or worldly friends, we might be directed in ways we shouldn't go. All these friendships began with a simple Memorial Day celebration. One friendship multiplied to many and ended up bringing together dozens of other men who would be forever changed by their mutual affections and interests.
This would lead to the preservation of a godly heritage through the recounting of historical events from a providential historical perspective. A father must, number one, teach his son that friendship is a gift of God. The blessing of friendship is expressed in Proverbs 27 9 quote, ointment and perfume delight the heart and the sweetness of a man's friend gives the light by hearty counsel." God provides many gifts in life and friendships is one that eases many of the bumps and bruises that come upon us. Sometimes that friendship has a sharpening effect as Proverbs 27 17 revealed quote as iron sharpens iron so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend unquote. Not only do friendships sharpen, they sometimes inflict wounds that turn out to be emblems of faithfulness.
As Proverbs 27 6 describes, "...faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful, unquote. Unfortunately, some men choose to be loners and deprive themselves of these gifts. Often they go through their whole life and never break the habit of avoiding friendships. They end up living lives without cultivating something that God has provided for their comfort, for their counsel, and for the expansion of His kingdom. The Father must be aware of this danger and help His children to avoid it.
Number two, help his son understand that friendships are valuable not because they are always smooth, but because they serve to test love and loyalty. Friendship is tested when things happen that tempt us to cultivate feelings of dishonor and lack of love toward a friend. When we discover personality differences or lapses in the spiritual lives of our friends, we are tested. What will we do? How will we handle the information we have about our friend?
The temptation is to despise the friend. Instead of looking at their quirks as terms of endearment and the lapses of their lives as opportunities to pour on more love and more heartfelt prayer, we often allow those things to separate us. This is one reason Proverbs 27 10 counsels, quote, do not forsake your own friend or your father's friend, unquote. When friendship is tested we must remember the counsel of Paul, Love does not keep an account of wrong suffered, 1 Corinthians 13, and the original Peter Principle, Love Covers a Multitude of Sins, 1 Peter 4.8. Number three, help his son realize that to have friends he must be friendly, Proverbs 18.24.
This was a favorite saying of my grandfather and he quoted it when he observed someone who did not reach out in friendship. This confirms my observation at the men I know who have friends or initiators of friendship. The friendliness are always waiting around for someone to befriend them. When it doesn't happen they keep walking down the loner track. However, God's way is better.
He calls us to be friendly and to make friendships happen. Number four, show his son the importance of choosing friends carefully. I believe that in some senses Christian man ought to be the friends of all men but for our closest friends scripture makes it clear that there should be some discrimination and prioritization. Proverbs 22 24, make no friendship with an angry man and with a furious man do not go. Friends have an enormous influence on us which is why Paul said to the Corinthian church, quote, do not be deceived, evil company corrupts good habits.
1 Corinthians 15, 33. For these reasons I will teach my son to look for three things in his closest friends which I hope will mark the characteristics of his own friendliness. First, look for the fruits of the Spirit. Do they demonstrate a Spirit-directed life? Second, how do they impact others?
Do they encourage love and good deeds in us? Third, do they sincerely promote a holy lifestyle and stimulate in us a desire for holiness instead of worldliness? The flip side is also true. Not only should our sons look for these qualities in others, but they ought to strive to provide these same things for their friends as well. Number five, show his son how to maintain long and loyal friendships.
Friends are sometimes tempted to betrayal, which has devastating results, both socially and in our relationship with God. Psalm 15 3 speaks of those who will be allowed into the presence of the Lord. He who does not backbite with his tongue, nor does evil to his neighbor, nor does he take up a reproach against his friend." Taking up a reproach against a friend has serious consequences. Paul tells Timothy that you will sometimes find traitors and slanderers in the church. There are wolves in sheep's clothing, according to 2 Timothy 3 to 5.
David lamented this problem when he said, quote, even my own familiar friend in whom I trusted who ate my bread has lifted up his heel against me, unquote. Psalm 4, 1. We are actually commanded to maintain long friendships as is indicated in Proverbs 27 10 do not forsake your own friend or your father's friend number six warn his son about becoming like Job's friends. Job's friends presume to know why things were happening to him. Friends often judge one another because they think they know their friends' hearts.
They wrongfully believe they know why difficulty has befallen them. They use it to criticize. My experience is when friends take this route. After a while, they almost always look back upon it as a mistake. Job's friends were unmerciful toward him.
They wrongfully judged him. They did not know that God was doing something to test Job and to demonstrate his own glory. Job's friends belittled him at the lowest point in his life. When he desperately needed their encouragement, they kicked him. That was their legacy and friendship.
Now as you read this story, 4, 000 years after the event, Job is the hero and his friends are the goats. The lesson from Job is this, when your friend is down, don't presume he has sinned and don't presume you know the secrets of what is happening. Pray the prayer of David, quote, keep back your servant also from presumptuous sin, let them not have dominion over me, let the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be acceptable in thy sight, Psalm 19, 13 and 14. Number seven, help his son become a low maintenance friend. High maintenance friends are always demanding of time and attention and are offended if they don't get their share.
Their desire for attention sometimes clouds their judgment and they make themselves a burden instead of an inspiration. Proverbs 27 14 speaks of one characteristic of a high maintenance friend who demands attention in inappropriate ways. Quote, he who blesses his friend with a loud voice rising early in the morning it will be counted a curse to him. Unquote. Low-maintenance friends are the kind of friends who can pick up where they left off and do not smother.
Teach your son to be the kind of friend who is happy that his friends have other friends. Teach him to be content regardless of whether or not he was included in something that his friend was. Teach him to be selfless. Self-love is usually the culprit of a high maintenance friendship. Number eight, warn his son to avoid surety for a neighbor.
Proverbs 17, 18 makes it clear that making yourself responsible for a friend's debts is a sign of foolishness in friendship. For, quote, a man devoid of understanding shakes hands in a pledge and becomes surety for his friend, unquote. Friends should avoid getting entangled financially, especially by becoming liable for one another's obligations. Further, I generally counsel men that partnerships are a bad idea. Partnerships are a bad idea.
They seldom turn out well and they always open friends to pressures that may ultimately destroy friendship. Number nine, explain to his son that the most important personality to teach us about friendship is the Lord Jesus Christ. John reports that Jesus said to his disciples, quote, No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing. But I have called you friends for all things that I heard from my Father I have made known to you. John 15, 15.
The Lord Jesus demonstrates the best qualities of friendship a man can ever have for, quote, there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother, Proverbs 18 24. The implication is that Christ sticks closer to us than even a brother. This teaches us that friends can even be closer than relatives, which contradicts the statement, blood is thicker than water. Number 10, Understand that Christ fulfills all the requirements of exemplary friendships. Jesus Christ is our supreme example of friendship, for he is both holy and happy.
The writer of Hebrews describes him as having loved righteousness and hated lawlessness. Therefore, God, your God, has anointed you with the oil of gladness more than your companions." Hebrews 1-9. Without trivializing his character or his mighty name or his perfect holiness, I think we can say with confidence that the Lord Jesus Christ was the best and happiest of friends anyone ever had. In this sense, it is appropriate for us to pray as the Lord will make us Happy Friends. Scripture gives us many words and relationships that are meant to help us to define the terms of friendship, to give us examples to follow.
Paul's writing in Philemon captures the kinds of friendship that God can create in his church. Paul, Tufi-Lemon, our beloved friend and fellow laborer, may God give us beloved friends and fellow laborers and may we also be these kinds of friends. This is one of the most powerful legacies my father has given to our family. There's nothing like a happy father and a faithful friend. A cheerful heart is good medicine.
Proverbs 17 22. Son, make long and lasting friendships