Marriage was created by God to reflect the Gospel. The husband is to reflect Christ and His care for His bride, the Church. We can sum up the duty and responsibility of a husband in his marriage in one word, "Love." But not love as defined by the world, instead this is the self-sacrificing love of Christ - who laid down his life for his Church - that is the pattern that husbands are to follow.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for her. Now there are a number of things I'd like to identify in verse 25. First of all, there's a four-letter word that defines everything that a husband is designed to do and that word is love. Now this word is perhaps the central matter of the Bible. The Bible says that the whole law of God is summed up in one word, love.

That means that every law of God from Genesis to Revelation is a law of love. Every single law of God is a law of love. People often read the laws of God and they're offended by them. The reason is they don't know love. They can't recognize love.

We're so corrupt that when we read a law of God and we're offended by it, we don't realize that the real problem is we don't understand what love looks like. But every law of God is a law of love. That's why the Apostle Paul said to the Corinthian church, the greatest is love. So in this one matter is summed up everything that a husband is and does toward his wife, love. And that means that he is sort of a vortex for bringing everything, every element of the love of God to her, the law of God and everything else of God.

But His design is to love her. So what does that mean? If a man knows who he is and he's encountering a problem with his wife, he always knows what he should do. He should express love. That's it.

If he knows who he is, he will know what to do, and he will know what his lines are in that situation because his life is not his own. He can't just pop off and say whatever he wants. He's under the authority of God to administer the love of God to his wife. You know, I have a book over here that I edited a couple of years ago. William Gouge wrote a book called, Domestical Duties in the 17th Century.

And a few years ago, about 12 years ago, a friend of mine gave me a 1621 version of this book. It was the most popular book on family life in England and throughout the Puritan era. And it was a really long book. It was this thick, this thick and this big. It was a huge book.

But I read it and I was so captivated by it and I determined that I would republish it someday. Anyway, I republished it in three volumes with Joel Beekie at Reformation Heritage Books. But the central volume, there are three volumes. The central volume is about marriage, and The section on husbands is remarkable. He says things that you don't hear 21st century writers say.

One of the things that he says that just really captivated me was he was talking about how husbands love their wives. And he makes the observation that often wives speak to their husbands more passionately than their husbands speak to their wives. In other words, sometimes they get a little emotional. In other words, sometimes they press pretty hard. Sometimes they get passionate, you know, emotionally passionate and it might make a husband feel uncomfortable, you know, it might make him, you know, it might make him want to shut down because it sounds like she's yelling at him.

And so Gogue makes this observation that sometimes, you know, women communicate more hotly. And he says that what husbands need to do when they're in that situation, when they're sitting there and their hair is getting blown off, he doesn't use this language, I'm paraphrasing. 21st century style. 21st century style. That a husband should remember who she is.

She's the weaker vessel. He should recognize that this is one of the marks of her weakness. And he should rise above it. And he should love her. He should see her through it.

Not respond in kind. Not shut down. Not turn off. But to be like Christ. And to recognize that she is the weaker vessel.

That's why The Apostle Paul says that a husband should love his wife like Christ loved the church. A husband is not his own. He can't be his own man. He's Christ's man. And in all of the difficulties or disagreements or troubles or fatigue or disappointments that his wife is feeling, he needs to know who he is.

If a man knows who he is, he'll know how to talk to his wife. He'll know how to deal with her when she starts running hot. Because he sees her through the eyes of Jesus Christ. And he's very careful only to use the lines of love, the law of God, the law of love. He uses the word of God to speak comfort to her, to help her.

And so a man here is very clearly directed to be to love his wife. As Christ also loved the church. Now you see those words just as in verse 25. This phraseology is used throughout this section because these comparisons are being made. You know, a wife is like the church.

A husband is as Christ. This is the logic that we're supposed to understand, that we are compared, we in our earthly relationships are compared to a heavenly relationship. And it's the most important factor in marriage is to understand who you are so that you know who your lines are, and you know what your lines are, and you know what role you're supposed to play, because you're not your own. And then he says that he loved the church and gave himself for her. Now this is the matter of sacrifice.

A husband sacrificing his wife. This is the matter of headship. People are very uncomfortable today with the whole idea of headship. In our society, most people liken headship with abuse. Headship equals abuse.

But that's not the way that the Bible presents it at all. In the Bible, headship is compared with sacrifice. Giving, not taking. You know, perhaps you've heard this discussion about patriarchy. You know, patriarchy is basically male headship.

That's what patriarchy is. You know, I am for patriarchy. I'm for this kind of patriarchy right here. What kind of patriarchy are we talking about? What kind of headship are we talking about?

How do you define it? Well, you define it this way. This is the kind of patriarchy we should embrace. It's the kind that Jesus Christ has demonstrated. You know, when people say, you know, what's your position on patriarchy?

My position is that I'm an ardent proponent of patriarchy. And then what kind of patriarchy are you talking about? Well, Jesus Christ defines it. It's his kind of headship. This is the kind of headship that every marriage needs.

And we shouldn't shrink back from the whole doctrine of headship. It's an explicitly and clearly stated doctrine of the Bible. And we shouldn't let a Corrupt and wicked, perverse generation scare us away from a biblical doctrine, the doctrine of headship. But what does it look like? Well, it looks like this.

He gave himself for her. In Christianity, the men die for the women. That's Christianity. That's the kind of headship that Jesus Christ is advocating for husbands. So it's a sacrificial kind of a love.

And so anytime a husband gets himself in a scrape with his wife, he has to understand who he is. He's the one who yields. Yes, he is the head, but he also is giving himself for her. And then why? Because in verse 26, he explains how this works itself out and what the objectives are.

Verse 26, that he might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word. Now, notice the logic. The husband gives himself for the church. Why? Why does he do that?

What is the impact of his giving himself for her? Well, that's what we get in verse 26. In order that... So a husband has an objective in his sacrifice, in his giving himself. He doesn't do it for nothing.

He does it for something. He does it for a purpose. He sacrifices for a particular objective that's stated in the first phrase in verse 26. Phrase in verse 26, that he might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the Word. His sacrificial love is all tied up in his ministry of the Word to her.

And you have these two words, sanctify and cleanse. To sanctify it has to do with making holy, working out of sin in her life. He brings the Word of God to her so that she can see her sin and turn away from it. And a cleanser, this has to do with repurity. They're related terms, but very slightly different different inflections of meaning.

But the sanctification and the cleansing is brought about by the washing of water by the Word. And this defines one of the chief activities of a husband, and that is to bring the Word of God to his wife, to read the Word of God, to teach the Word of God, to live out the Word of God in her life. Again, a husband is not his own. He has a role to play and he's a teacher of the Word of God. His primary tool in ministering to his wife is the Word of God.

It's the most valuable thing he can ever bring to her, to lead her, to help her deal with her heart, her problems, her fatigue, whatever it is. It's the Word of God that she needs more than anything else. And so, what is a man to do in this role? He's a man of the Word. And He's using this instrument that is sharper than any two-edged sword.

You know, David said in Psalm 19, the law of the Lord is perfect, converting the soul. The testimony of the Lord is sure, making wise the simple. The statutes of the Lord are right, rejoicing the heart. The commandment of the Lord is pure, enlightening the eyes. The fear of the Lord is clean, enduring forever.

The judgments of the Lord are true and righteous altogether. More to be desired are they than gold, yea, than much fine gold, sweeter also than honey and the honeycomb. And so it is a husband's task to make his wife happy, to convert her soul, to make her wise, to help her. And He does it by the Word of God. He is sanctifying and cleansing her by the washing of water by the Word.

You know, It's a blessing that men are given such simple instructions. Men are simple. They're not complex. And so God gives men something simple to do. The Word of God.

They don't even have to create it. They don't have to write it. They don't have to organize it. They just have to bring it, you know. It's a beautiful thing.

It has its own, carries its own power and it changes lives. And often, Often husbands forget what will change her life. And they bring all kinds of other things that won't change her at all. You know I'm often astonished at men, I've been tempted to do this too, you know, when your wife, she gets so tired and maybe she gets really discouraged and so you're just going to take her on a vacation. And guess what?

The vacation doesn't fix it. No wife has ever been fixed by a vacation or a gift or anything like that. Well it might last for a really short period of time, but here's something that does last. The Word of God. That's what she needs.

So He sanctifies and cleanses her using this instrument of the Word of God. And notice it's like washing with water. So you get this idea of a lavish outpouring of water. So there should be a lot of it. There should be a lot of the water of the Word flowing out of the life of a husband.

Is she in better shape now than the time you picked her up? This is one of the questions that was in my mind when I first married Deborah. Is she going to be in better shape because I picked her up compared to if I hadn't? And here's what you don't want to do. You don't want to be standing before the Lord and realizing that you had a poor effect on your wife, that you had a corrupting effect on your wife, that you allowed unprofitable, trivial, and even harmful immoral things to hurt her, to take her in the wrong direction?

The entertainments that you brought into your house, the songs you brought into your life, the activities, the people. Did they have an improving effect on her Or did they sully her? Did the things that you brought into your home in terms of books and, you know, the occupations of your mind, did they improve her mind toward godly things or did they just further trivialize her? Often husbands are responsible for the trivialization of their wives because of the kinds of things that they allow in their homes. But there's a day coming where a husband is going to stand and present his wife before the Lord and what will she be like will she be saying oh how my life is improved and the Lord will say amen or will she say My husband didn't lift me any higher than I was.

In fact, maybe I'm worse today because of his ministry in my life. That he might present her to himself a glorious church. There's a day coming when every husband is going to stand there with his wife and the Lord is going to look into her soul and he'll know whether she has been made into a glorious church or just another trivial, empty, irrelevant church because she is the church, she is your church. But he explains sort of how this looks. That he might present her to himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.

So the whole picture here is that a husband has had a wife and he's been working out her spots and her wrinkles because every wife that marries a husband has spots and wrinkles. She has fears, she has insecurities, she has sins, she has inclinations, she's let her emotions run in wrong directions. Those are spots and wrinkles. She has idols. And these are all the kinds of spots and wrinkles that a woman comes into a marriage with.

And every woman comes in with all of these spots and wrinkles. And a husband spends the rest of her life working out the spots and the wrinkles. So that over time, she's more and more beautified. She becomes more and more appealing in her appearance. But do you notice what's happening here?

It's really the reverse order that is in nature because in nature a woman goes into a marriage without spots and wrinkles. But by the end she has a lot of spots and wrinkles, you know, outwardly. But here it's reversed, you know, do you see that? Here she starts out with spots and wrinkles and ends up with none. It's a reversing of the curse really and this is one of the great works of a husband is to reverse the impact of the curse of sin on her life.

And so, you know, in real life you start out without spots and wrinkles and you end up with them. But in the Lord it's the opposite. This is the sanctifying work that God has given a husband to do in his wife's life. That she's made better. She's made more beautiful.

And notice it's an inward beauty here. It's the kind of beauty that matters. Physical beauty goes away. Inward beauty can get better and better and better. And so here it's a picture of a husband who's working out the spots and wrinkles.

Why? But that she should be holy and without blemish. Holy, set apart for God. Holy means different. Holy means in a completely different category.

Jonathan Edwards believed that holiness was beauty. That in the Bible the heart of the matter of holiness was the matter of beauty. That God is, God and His Spirit is a beautifying force in the soul of a person, and that as they become more holy, they become more beautiful. He also likened it to happiness. In one of his works he said, holiness is happiness.

And so this is the effect of a husband on his wife. Beauty, holiness, happiness. All of those things. And holy and without blemish. So that's the work of a husband.

A husband needs to know who he is. He needs to know what his work is. He's got his work cut out for him. But it's a beautiful work and he does it the way the Lord Jesus Christ does with all of his patience and his loving kindness, all of his shepherding qualities. He does it by the washing of water, by the word.

He uses this very common instrument that works everywhere that it's used, The Word of God. And so then, the Apostle Paul isn't going to leave you alone. He's going to continue to probe, to go deeper. So he says, so husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. Now that's an illustration that every man can understand.

Even the dullest of men can understand this here. You love your body, you feed your body. You know, if you're cold you're gonna, you're gonna put something on, if you're bleeding, whatever it is you're gonna take care of your body. If you're hungry you're gonna find food. That's what men do.

And so he's just making this illustration so men can understand how they ought to treat their wives' bodies. And so you treat your wife as your own body. In other words, when your body has a need, you fulfill it. When your wife has a need, you fulfill it. It's really simple.

So a husband has to be attentive to what his wife needs, or maybe even once, just once. And he treats his wife like he treats himself but then he speaks of the benefit of it because it's all gain for a man when he does this there's no loss to him when he does this he says he who loves his wife loves himself. In other words, if a man pays attention to his wife then he doesn't lose a thing. The net impact is It returns to him. It's another way of saying what goes around comes around.

And he who loves his wife loves himself. And of course, this is the way it always works in the kingdom of God. Any command obeyed, any obligation fulfilled is never a loss. Nobody ever lost anything by obeying God. It's all gain.

His kingdom is a beautiful kingdom and anybody who touches it is benefited by it. Nobody ever lost anything from losing their life for Christ. Nobody ever did. And this is the same way that a husband experiences it when he treats his wife like his own body. And then he explains the ground, the logic of this in verse 29.

For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. So he's speaking here of how a husband should think about his wife. He is nourishing and cherishing her. Nourishing has to do with feeding her. It has to do with giving her what she ought to have to live her life.

In other words, he's not he's not selfish, he's not he's not withholding from her, he is he is nourishing her, he's filling her up, and he's cherishing her. That has to do with the way he feels about her. It's a feeling word and it has to do with sort of a heat in the heart toward a wife. You know when you're with her and you just realize that you love her and you want to say it to her and you want to help her with her life. This is what cherishing is all about.

But nourishes and cherishes it just as the Lord does the church. Again, there's that term again, as, just as, also. Those are the terms that are constantly bringing us back to this comparison that a wife is not her own, she's the church, a husband is not his own, he's a representative of Jesus Christ. So the Apostle Paul won't let us leave this subject all throughout the entire section. He wants to remind us of the comparison.

And so I'm trying to do that here in my own messages, is try to continue to remind us that you have to know who you are. You have to know what your lines are. You have to know where you get your lines and what the purpose of it all is because you're not your own. And so he uses this same language but nourishes and cherishes it just as the Lord does the church. Now how has the Lord loved the church?

There are so many ways that the Lord Jesus Christ has loved his church. In Hebrews 13 we learned that He is present with her. This is one way He loves her. He says, I will never leave you or forsake you. In John chapter 14, He sends her another helper like Himself.

He says, I will not leave you as orphans. I will come to you. In John 14, verse 1 and 2, He comforts her. He says, let not your heart be troubled. You believe in God, believe also in Me.

In My Father's house are many dwelling places. In Jeremiah chapter 29, we learn that He sent prophets to speak to her, rising up early and sending them. In 2 Corinthians 8 verse 9, we learn that He was poor, yet making many rich. In Deuteronomy 1, 31, we learn that the Lord carries His church as a man carries his son. It's this picture of the Lord carrying His children through the desert, that He carried them to their destination.

That's how they got through their 40 years in the wilderness, He says, I carried you as a father carries his son. This is how Jesus Christ loves His church. In John 17, we learn that He prays for His church. The Lord Jesus Christ says, I pray for them. I do not pray for the world but for those you have given Me, for they are yours.

In Jeremiah 31 we learn that He draws His church with loving kindness. He says, yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love. Therefore, with loving kindness, I have drawn you. In 1 Corinthians chapter 6, we learn that he sanctifies his church from her former defilement. He says this, And such were some of you, but you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus by the Spirit of God.

This is a picture of how Jesus Christ takes thieves and idolaters and sodomites and adulterers and He rescues them. And he speaks to the Corinthian church there and he says, such were some of you but you are washed, you are justified. This is what Jesus Christ does for His church. He's constantly caring for His church. In Colossians chapter 2 verses 13 and 15 we learn that He made her alive with Him.

He says, and you being dead in your trespasses, and the uncircumcision of your flesh, He has made alive together with Him, having forgiven you all trespasses, having wiped out the handwriting of requirements that was against us, which was contrary to us. This is a picture of a husband who really forgives his wife. He wipes out the handwriting against her, and he treats her as a bride. In Colossians 3 verse 7, we learn that He nailed, He nailed her sins to the cross. He says, and He has taken it out of the way, having nailed it to the cross, having disarmed principalities and powers, he made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them in it.

Here you have the Lord Jesus Christ taking the sins of the church and nailing them to the cross. A lot of times husbands want to put their wives on a cross instead of nailing their sins to the cross. This is the kind of shepherding that the Apostle Paul is advocating here. Just as the Lord does the church. There's so many things that the Lord does for the church.

He hides her in God, Colossians 3. He came to serve her, Matthew 20 verse 28. He came that she might have life more abundantly. That's in John 10. He feeds her with living bread.

That's in John 6.51. He flows living water through her. That's in John 4.14. He guides her because He's the way, the truth, and the life. That's in John 14 verse 6.

He's the Good Shepherd. That's John 10 verse 1. He is her rock in 1st Corinthians 10. He came to gather her as a hen gathers her chicks. In Matthew 23 verse 37, he drank the poison cup of wrath, the dregs of sin for her.

Dregs of sin for her. In Jeremiah 25. He loved her when she was dead. Ezekiel 16, 6. This is Christ's love for the church.

It's the most remarkable love. But that's why he says, just as the Lord does the church. But then he continues on. Now I don't know if you've noticed this. There are really only two things that wives are supposed to consider, but that's not true with husbands.

Where there's more responsibility, there's more to do And this is the way it is. Husbands have far, far more to contend with before God than a wife does. And so he continues on and he says this, for we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones." So now he's speaking about the inextricable unity of Christ and His church. And He's making this comparison that a husband's relationship with his wife is like body flesh and bones. You just can't separate them.

You want to try to separate body flesh and bones here? You just can't do it without without harming any one of them they're just there together you you you cannot and you should not try to separate them And this is the kind of unity that He's speaking of. We're going to talk about oneness and unity tomorrow in greater detail. But this verse brings this whole matter out. For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.

That means that a husband and a wife are inseparable. And then he gives the whole reason for it in verse 31. For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. So Here a husband learns something about his identity and his relationships, and that is that he must leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife. He's establishing a new jurisdiction, a completely new government, and he leaves his father and his mother.

Oftentimes you find husbands that they can't leave their mamas and they're still governed by their mothers and it causes tremendous problems in the marriage. Hey maybe there's somebody here who's struggling with that. If you are, this is the verse for you right here. When you get married, you leave your father and mother and you cleave to your wife and you establish a completely new independent government that stands on its own. And of course this doesn't contradict any of the commands to honor and to love your parents.

It doesn't contradict any of that at all. But there's a new government that's created. And often you can trace problems in marriage to, you know, wives who've never left their homes in their hearts and husbands who've never left their mamas. We call them mama's boys because they're still calibrating off their mama. And it's one of the most harmful things that a marriage can experience.

It divides a marriage. When God has really established a marriage where you have this of His body, of His flesh, and of His bones. There is a new inextricable unity that has to be established. You know, in many ways, husbands and wives kind of burn their ships in the day, and they come and they join one another and they launch off in a journey together in unity. So there's leaving and cleaving and joining and the two becoming one flesh.

And then he says this is a great mystery but I speak concerning Christ in the church. Now this verse 32 is perhaps one of the most astonishing verses in the entire Bible because in verse 32 Something is revealed that was never clearly known before by God's people. The purpose of marriage. Why marriage? And what we learn from verse 32 is marriage is a type.

Marriage is a picture of something greater. It's a picture of Christ in the church. Why did God create man and woman and bring them together in the Garden of Eden? Because he wanted to demonstrate the love of his son toward his church. Marriage was created to demonstrate one thing, Christ and His church.

And this is the first time this is clearly revealed in Scripture. The Old Testament saints didn't know it, but we know it now. God created marriage for a far greater purpose than anyone ever knew until the Apostle Paul uttered this in verse 32. That the purpose of marriage is Christ in the church and he calls it a great mystery But this is why God created marriage. He created marriage so that a man wouldn't be his own man.

And a woman wouldn't be her own woman. But that a woman would be a representative of the church and a husband would be a representative of Jesus Christ. And that's why earlier today I was talking about the fact that everything testifies to something and marriage testifies to Christ and the church. And if you don't understand that, you're going to have a lot of problems in your marriage. And then finally in verse 33 the Apostle Paul does a really surprising thing after speaking of all this unity he then divides husband and wife and he says nevertheless let each one of you in particular.

Okay? So now he's particularizing. And he's setting his gaze, first of all, on the husband and then on the wife. And he is really dividing them and making it clear that they have independent responsibilities that must be fulfilled regardless of the behavior of the other party. And so he says, let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

In other words, you husbands, you love your wives, no matter what she does. You wives, you respect your husbands, no matter what he does. This is your role in the world. This is who you are. You need to know who you are.

And then the Apostle Paul turns to children and parents after that and he speaks of how the Spirit of God is manifested in children's lives and then in workers' lives after that. But here is a picture of the power of the Holy Spirit in a marriage and exactly what it looks like. And in it you have a wife who she trusts God. She believes that God is sovereign. She believes that nothing can stay God's hand.

She believes that God gave her a husband and she's content. She's happy. She knows that God is protecting her. She knows that God rules over everything. She knows that He rules the winds and the waves.

She knows that not a leaf falls to the ground except that God would ordain it. She knows that God turns the hearts of kings like a water course in his hands. She knows that a man or a woman can receive nothing unless it's given from heaven. And as a result, she's a free woman. She's free from fear because she knows that God is taking care of her through the ordaining of this authority in her life.

And the husband, he realizes what a great task he's called to, that he's not his own. That if he really desires to be a blessing to his wife, what will he do? What will he do with his life? There's one thing, to become like Jesus Christ. That is how a husband becomes the man that he ought to be.

Throw out your marriage books, throw out the counseling, become like Jesus Christ. This is how a man becomes a husband that fulfills the love of Jesus Christ in his marriage. He becomes like Jesus Christ. So in that sense it's a lot simpler than you might have thought. Who are you?

Do you know who you are? Are you playing that role? And what kind of picture are you painting? What kind of characters in this picture have you been painting? Have you been painting a picture of the glorious church, you wives, and you're daily at work at painting that beautiful picture of a humble and submissive church?

And husbands, are you painting that picture of a tender-hearted shepherd who's nourishing and cherishing his wife and he's washing her with the water of the Word. He's speaking tenderly to his church in the way that Jesus Christ does, bringing the law of God, bringing the fruit of the Spirit into His marriage. That's the kind of picture that we're painting. And where does it all come from? It comes from heaven.

It comes from the love of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. It comes from this divine, heavenly family where the Father loves the Son and the Son delights to do the will of the Father where there's authority and there's submission, where there's love, where there's honor, there's glory. And so in that way, we can pray, Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Thanks for watching. We'll see you next time.

Bye.