This is one of six video sessions are designed to help young men understand some of the basics necessary for their lives as providers and churchmen. They cover areas of time and money management and matters of career selection. The teachers in this series are local church members who are. experienced in their areas of instruction.

So I'm here with Matt Dewing, a real friend over many years who is a life and a career coach and Matt you've helped us for several years to minister in a particular way with the interns that we bring in to our ministry here. One of the things that we want our interns to have when they leave is we want them to have a direction. Like for example, we want them to know who they are. When I have lunch with our interns at the very end of the internship, I ask them do you know who you are? I want you to know who you are and what you're gonna do next based on what you know what's next it's discouraging for a young man not to know who he is and it can cause him to enter into sort of an eddy yes where he's unproductive he's uncomfortable he's nervous about the future he doesn't know who he is he doesn't know what to do next.

And in a lot of ways I think it's a big disaster when a young man doesn't know who he is. At the same time, in God's Providence, he doesn't seem to reveal it as clearly to every young man. So my prayer for young men is that they know and that they've got, you know, a really clear direction. So that's the subject of our time and Matt you've helped a lot of young men and old men over the years to try to figure out what they should do. How can a young man go about a reasoning process to consider who he is?

I think you know the the foundational question even before that I think for a young man to know who he is is to know who he is in Christ right to understand the meta narrative that God has designed the world with that we are created in God's image. We're so in touch with our fallenness, right? And so we have no trouble realizing, especially as a young man who's pursuing God, who understands that there's so much struggle between, I want to live this life of godliness, and yet the flesh is there in overcoming the flesh. And so as a young man struggles through those things there is the question of what are my longings and are my longings are they God-given or are they something that's from the flesh and how do I tease those things out? So I think first getting in touch with yes I'm created in God's image.

I have experienced the fall and separation from Christ and yet in Christ all things are redeemed, all things are renewed and to embrace that and recognize that these gifts God has given me, these strengths, He wants to redeem them for good. And not all the longings of my heart are sinful and selfish, But some of the longings He has placed there are for me to be in touch with and to refine, to redeem, and to ultimately steward to the best of my ability under God's grace and help for His glory. It's obvious that one of the results of the fall is difficulty in work. Thorns and thistles and sweat of your brow. Work was designed to be difficult.

Work was designed to drive you really to Christ. As you, you know, work brings out your sins, it shows you your inadequacy, work tries your patience, it challenges your thinking, work does a lot of things that are sanctifying, but because the sweat of the brow in work is a reality, then we won't find every element of work completely pleasurable because it will be difficult. So I think there's this strange mix of difficulty and joy in work. It's like that for me. I mean, the jungle keeps growing.

You're always having to hack back the jungle. There are thorns and thistles there. As it turns out, I would rather do that than anything else. I don't wanna stop hacking back the thorns and the thistles in the area of my work. So I think you can have both.

You can have this desire to do the work and It gives life to you. On the other hand, it ain't all easy. Exactly. And there's failure, there's sin, there are reversals. God uses all these things to sanctify you.

Amen. Yes. So Matt, as a young man seeks to understand his design, How does he guard himself from an overly introspective, kind of selfish focus on himself and a life that is really focused on blessing others. Yeah, I think that's a great question because again that calls for wisdom, doesn't it? If the pendulum swings too far one way or the other, you really miss that sweet spot of wisdom.

And I think too many people will say, oh, these kind of dialogues and trying to understand our design, it's really just selfish introspection. And so they miss the Discovery that I think God wants us to have there and on the other hand people can take it to such an extreme that they Never move out of that understanding into a fully others focused life So I do believe there is a season for everything and there is a season and a time for us to Look inwardly to ask God reveal that which you have placed in me for your glory and help me to understand it so that I can be as effective as possible in your service. And then moving, of course, all the while doing that, realizing it is for the glory of God it is to be in touch with him and in fellowship with him to such a level that ultimately I will be of use and that I can take that and then turn it outward for the blessing of society for the blessing of others and God gave us work not for our own self-aggrandizement, not to be so successful. He gave us work for a number of really specific purposes.

One is to glorify Him in all the minutes He gives us, no matter what we're doing. And secondly, that we'd be providers. You know, He gives us work so that we can provide for those who are around us. And we should work so that we have some extra to provide for others that are beyond our family. And so God gives us work really to exalt him and to be a blessing to others.

Work is an act of generosity toward people and it's an act of the glory of God. Those are probably the two aspects of it and so We aren't given work in order to demonstrate to the world how successful we are. It's hard to get over that problem because we're always comparing ourselves with one another and we've grown up in a world where he who has the most toys wins. Work isn't designed for toys. Work is designed for provision and really to glorify God through diligence, through integrity and all the things that God has demanded for work.

Yeah, I absolutely agree. And I think this is where again on the side of wisdom we need to guard against this thought that all of work and all of excelling in excellence is materialistic therefore I shouldn't bother with really being in touch with leveraging or stewarding my gifts well because you know in the end all that's going to burn and so I'll just kind of exist and wait for God's second coming, instead of realizing he's placed me here to be a redemptive force now, and to steward the gifts well. So I think you know you just have to to watch both sides of that coin. To keep out of that eddy that so many get into and unfortunately stay in for too long of a season is to recognize that there's this fear of failure. What if I get it wrong?

What if I just don't understand myself enough yet and I make a wrong choice for a direction? And I think, probably in your experience, what you've seen and what I have seen is choose something because if you choose something and you take steps towards something more will be revealed to you. So I think that would be the first council I would have is in this process of exploring who we are as men who God has designed us to be, we may not have a perfect picture ever. And certainly when we start out, but what we need to avoid is this just waiting and wondering but to take some meaningful action in a specific targeted direction even if we're not sure it's 100% the best. Sure, which I would just suggest the reason the Bible says whatever you do, do it with all of your heart, you know, so abundantly and you'll reap.

And so, you know, exercising diligence in whatever God has put in your hand. Do that first. You may not know what you're gonna do in five years or ten years or twenty years and by the way God has a way of having men do different things. Yes. And God has a way of changing men's courses in their lifetime so we shouldn't get too bent out of shape about the future.

God's in control of our future. What's our responsibility? I think you know I think you look for clues if for instance speaking some people right the number one fear of Americans is the fear of public speaking right So most people will never get in touch with the fact that they may be gifted at that, because they'll never press through that fear. But what if you bump up against that fear as a young man and you go away from that? Pay attention to how you feel afterward.

Of course, you're going to probably go through what we all go through, the sweaty palms and the frustration. But was there something afterward, no matter how bad you bombed it, that you just feel like you want to get back in the ring, you want to try again? That's something to clue into. That may be something you need to press into because you may have some gifts there and that may be something that leaves you feeling alive which would be a good sign that that's that's something God has placed in you that he would like you to work out. So I think many times as young men or as people we We don't fully find out what our giftings are because we don't bump up against the fear of taking a step to put ourselves in an uncomfortable position.

Because when we all start out we have no skill. We don't really have what it takes to succeed and therefore we don't maybe try as hard as we might or attempt to look at different avenues of expression of our vocation. You know the book of Proverbs talks about this very thing in many places And Proverbs tells us that there is hope in diligence. Like you might not have hope for every detail in the future, but there's a lot of hope in diligence. And that's what we read in Proverbs 10, verses three through five.

The Lord will not allow the righteous soul to famish, but he casts away the desire of the wicked. He who has a slack hand becomes poor, but the hand of the diligent makes rich. He who gathers in summer is a wise son. He who sleeps in harvest is a son who causes shame. This passage speaks of many things but one of the things it speaks of is the hope that there is in diligence.

If you're applying your heart with all diligence to your work. There's hope for the future. What you're doing right now is kind of creating a hopeful future even though you don't know the details of your future. Yes. You know, I'll tell a little story from my life that was so formational for me.

I was raised by a very wise and godly father and in the 10th, 11th grade I was really struggling with this aspect myself. What is it that God has for me? And I can remember in tears, just, it was troubling me, and I said to my dad, what if I don't get it right? What am I going to do, Dad? He sat me down at the kitchen table and that's what he told me.

He said, Matt, it's not so important, but whatever you do, do it with all your heart, as unto the Lord, not as unto men. Of course, the scripture says the beginning of wisdom, the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding. I think if a young man starts there and keeps that ever before him, he will be on a process to uncover his distinctives. In the line of that wisdom, There needs to be a seeking out of counselors. Proverbs speaks that there is wisdom in many counselors.

So not for a young man to look for. I see one man that I really think is doing a great job, and I want one mentor. I don't think that's what God would have for us. But what this would be to say, I want to seek out wise men because one man might mentor me in a specific area. Another might mentor me in a different area.

And so to seek out wise counsel that would be able to help me understand things that I may not see myself. What was the scripture you mentioned Scott earlier about if you incline your heart toward wisdom if you seek it as as a treasure if that is the the bent and that is the heart's cry of someone, and what if they're not getting godly counsel, right? What if they're not in a supportive structure? What if their parents could care less? That's a tough place for anyone to be.

I think if you're crying out for wisdom, you've got to realize God has someone there for you. That's further down the road. You may not be in your life right now but seek as you seek God for that wisdom, also seek that person because that's part of that. But I think there's a place for courage to be able to say, yes, I need to always honor and respect my parents. That's a principle that should never be violated.

But there is also, if you are a person seeking after wisdom, there many times is a way to continue to honor and respect your parents and yet make a bold or courageous decision to follow that which God is leading you toward. And that can be a sticky wicket. You know also in the whole matter of honoring your father and mother, you may find that your parents want you to do something that you don't want to do. Here's my advice. Do what they want you to do and trust God.

You never know why that is happening. You never know why your parents are inclined that way. And it's a greater part of wisdom to listen and to do what they're asking you to do, you never know what God is doing. For some reason in His providence, He's placed that in their minds. And I recall the story of John Calvin.

He wanted to be a priest. He wanted to be a minister. His father wanted him to be an attorney. He obeyed his father. He bit the bullet.

And as time went on, he did become, you know, the minister of God that he wanted to, but he states that his honoring and obeying his father laid a foundation for him, for the ministry that he couldn't have had if he had just gone in his own direction. That's a bold thing for you to say. I think it's so countercultural. That is so against what young people will hear from anywhere else. And I think there's so much truth in it.

There's so much wisdom in that. It's hard. That's hard for any young man or young woman to hear, who's pretty much got it figured out, so they think, at that stage of life. I think also what it can do is it can, if a parent has any measure of sensitivity or sensibility as they see their child. Honoring them, they'll likely be more inclined to soften, to listen, to understand what's really going on in the heart of that child.

And I think the message for we who are parents also is to extend a blessing to our children. I remember as I was growing up on a dairy farm, several of my friends' fathers gave them the expectation that you're going to carry on the family farm. And I wondered, my dad hadn't said one way or the other, I wondered if that was going to be my dad's life stance and how would I handle that? And I had pretty much determined that I would. I would continue to run the family farm and I'm grateful my dad set me free.

He said, if you want the farm is here, if God has something else for you, pursue it. The power of a parent giving a child a blessing like that, and then not only giving them that blessing, but helping them discover ways that they might be able to touch the world specifically. It's a powerful gift a parent can give a child. You know, I think we have to recognize that it is true that the king's heart is in the hand of the Lord, and he directs it like a water course. And we don't ever want to dismiss the providence of God in the family that he's put us in.

God puts people in families for a reason. God gives sons certain fathers that have certain jobs for a reason. And a son should never just dismiss it and think lightly of it. Don't think lightly about what God did. It's quite likely that God would have a son learn from his father in the area of his expertise.

That is not a throwaway, but God is also sovereign in how he directs a father to manage his authority in that, like in the case of your father. A son shouldn't lightly dismiss the skill set and the knowledge base of his father. His default mode of operation should be, learn from my father. Father teach me everything you know. I want to learn what you what you know.

Now God may redirect that as time goes on but my counsel to young men is learn everything you can from your father. Follow your father. If God has a different direction He'll let you know. But if you don't know what to do, go do what your Father says. God has supplied sort of a constellation of counselors for people, and young men especially.

Proverbs 2 appeals to sons to listen to their parents. My son if you receive my words and treasure my commands within you so that you incline your ear to wisdom and apply your heart to understanding. Yes if you cry out for discernment and lift up your voice for understanding, if you seek her as silver and search for her as hidden treasures, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God. For the Lord gives wisdom. From his mouth come knowledge and understanding and then he says he stores up wisdom for the upright and there are various sources of wisdom your parents and your own crying out for wisdom in your own heart as Proverbs 2 speaks about and then there are other people as well.

You know Proverbs, the writer Proverbs says do not be wise in your own eyes fear the Lord, shine evil and So it's right for us to ask other people what they think about the trajectory of our life. I think that's one of the other things with wisdom is community. What that verse is talking about, what you're referencing is there... I am not on an island. As a man, God does not want me to process this life alone, but to seek the input and to listen to instruction and to be in community with others for that validation or that redirection.

We may have an incorrect view of ourselves, whether it be an over-inflated view or an inferior view of who we are. And we need others to speak into our lives to challenge us as well as sometimes to bring us back into reality. Proverbs 20 verse 5 says the purposes of a man's heart are deep waters, but a man of understanding draws them out. I think the way we commonly understand that is if we are that person who's seeking after wisdom, we will become that man of understanding that we'll be able to be in touch with what has God put in the deep waters of our heart. I think there's a way of understanding that verse that's also in line with it, which would be as we put ourselves in contact with men of understanding who are asking us questions, who are probing our hearts, they will be those meto-understanding to help us be in touch with what is it that God has put in our hearts.

And so both becoming a man of wisdom and in surrounding ourselves with people of wisdom is an integral part of understanding the distinctives that God has given us. So Matt, how does a young man have confidence when choosing a specific direction in life? I think it goes back to what we spoke about with choose something. And in that choosing, be open to what makes you alive and what really brings you down. And so in that process, we'll find not only things that we're skilled at, but we'll find things that leave us energized.

If you are, if you're working at something and you can get lost in it and then you look up at the clock four or five hours later and you say where did the time go and you may be tired from that activity but there's something in you that's alive that's a great sign that that's a strength. That's a great sign that that would be a direction to gravitate toward that you would find fulfillment in there and be able to add value in that area as well as be able to give it the kind of attention that it takes to develop some sort of expertise in that area. In whatever direction is chosen, look for those signs of whether you're alive in it or whether you're not. Here's a reality that fascinates me. People who sustain a high level of performance through a lifetime, they've researched that and they've studied that.

And What are some variables? Well, they drill it down to one variable. There's one variable common for everybody who can sustain a high level of performance through a lifetime, which I think equates with stewarding our gifts well over a life. And that one variable was Find what you don't like to do and stop doing it. Here are a few questions I like to ask young men to help them think through what they're good at.

I asked them think back over the last several years and What are the accomplishments? That you can look back on and say, yeah, that was really great. Or look back on the things you've done in the last five years. What were the ones that you really loved to do that gave you a lot of energy? And, you know, it was the labor was sweet to you what were those things so as we track through life if we can become more in touch with the things that drain us the things that we just have a hard time getting started What are they and how can I set myself up in the future so that I can do more of what I love, more of what I get energized by, because I'm gonna add more value to society, to my organization, to my family, to whatever it is, if I'm fully alive in what I'm doing, and can find those things that I don't like doing, and stop doing them?

What I find fascinating about the way God has wired the world and set things up is that, for everything that I don't like doing, there is someone here on this planet, and probably in my community, that loves doing it. Isn't that crazy? So that I don't have to think I need to love every aspect of work, but then I need to find people to align with who can come alongside of me and help to take care of the things that don't come as easily for me. It's critical that we think about categories of activity rather than jobs. You might say, well, I'd like to be an auto mechanic.

Well, no, you're not an auto mechanic, but the reason you would like to be an auto mechanic is the same reason that you could probably do ten other things as well. And so you have to get down below the surface because there's a capability and there's a way that God made you that That causes you to like to do that certain thing. Yeah, you know So don't say well, You know, I'm a lawn maintenance man. You're not a lawn maintenance man. Now you might have really enjoyed doing that lawn maintenance, but there's an underlying reason why you like that lawn maintenance.

And you could probably do 10 things that are in that same kind of a category. When we are in touch with those things that really make us alive, then we can take those thought processes, we can take that way of tackling a job into various vocations. It's a way of thinking as much as it is a way of doing things that can transform our attitude and really transform the outcome of what we're doing. I remember a wise man telling me when I was was it young in my career and Just again unsure of what the future held for me even though I was at that point I had started in physical therapy was was a physical therapist and and actively in a career. He said You know our life is like like the horizon You see the horizon out there and you're afraid if I step closer to it, it will narrow my options.

And He said it's just the opposite. As you step toward the unknown, just take a step. And as you step toward the horizon, the horizon actually broadens. There are more possibilities that that step, that diligence creates for us in the future that we don't even know what it will be until we take that step of faith or step of diligence as you're saying. And I think that's why Proverbs 10 16 says the labor of the righteous leads to life so there's value in the labor that you're doing right now even though you can't see beyond the end of your nose maybe maybe you can just see the labor of your hands amen do it with all your heart so The Bible has a lot of things to say about work and the primary focus of Scripture is in the category of diligence, the glory of God, and doing it with all your heart.

I think that's that probably gets probably 80% of what the Bible says about work. But where would you go? Because I mean, I do believe we're wired differently. And just by experience, people love to do certain things that other people don't and they don't do well at them and ain't nobody happy when they try to do it. It's interesting to to read scripture from front to back.

Here's one of the things you realize about our heroes in Scripture. Very few of them were priests. Most of them were workers. You know, you go through the Old Testament, you go through the New Testament, our greatest heroes were workers. They weren't priests.

And I think God has given that to us to help us to understand just how much he wants to glorify himself through ordinary workers. Yes. Who are like you know maybe you're a fig picker like Amos you know maybe maybe you're a farmer like Abraham Maybe you're a tent maker like the Apostle Paul. Maybe you're a fisherman like Peter. These are our heroes of the faith, and they're workers, and they help us to understand how God desires to glorify himself through the things that he's given us to do.

Well, you know, how about the scripture, delight yourself in the Lord and that will become the desire of our heart to delight in the Lord more but isn't there part of that that would speak to finding delight? If God has created us to work and we're to worship Him in our work shouldn't we find some measure of delight in that? Yeah, delighting yourself in the Lord in that passage is the thing that creates the desires of your heart. So when you delight yourself in the Lord, He gives you desires. And those desires really are born of God.

I love the emphasis that you put on this, Scott, that it really is to find what is in front of you and be diligent with Him. Because there's no promise that God has given us of a perfect life. There's no promise that he's given us that we will love the work we do. There will be toil in this life. We are under the curse of sin until the Lord comes back and restores all things.

And so, while we're encouraging a young man to find his personality distinctives and his strengths and steward those strengths for the glory of God, to never confuse that with the formation of discipline. That applying oneself to diligence through daily discipline, regardless of how much you love that work, is is a formative process that I believe God wants every man to go through. I'd like to give seven things that every young man can count on whose hearts are turned toward the Lord. And the first is there's help in the counsel of your father and mother. Proverbs 6 20 through 23 makes this very clear.

My son, keep your father's command and do not forsake the law of your mother. Bind them continually upon your heart, tie them around your neck. When you roam, they will lead you. When you sleep, they will keep you. And when you awake, they will speak to you for the commandment is a lamp the law alight reproofs of instruction are the way of life So there is help in counsel of a father mother.

Secondly, there's help from the people closest to you. Listen to others. God has given you more than just your own mind. In Proverbs 27, two says, "'Let another man praise you and not your own mouth, a stranger and not your own lips. Seek the words of wisdom from other people.

And the Bible makes it very clear that wisdom is crying out. Wisdom is everywhere. Proverbs 8, 1 says, does not wisdom cry out and understanding lift up your voice. You can know if you're a child of God that when you cry out to God He's there to help you. The third is that there's power in humility.

Proverbs 3 verses 5 and 8 say this, Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths. Do not be wise in your own eyes. Fear the Lord and depart from evil. It will be health to your flesh and strength to your bones.

Don't underestimate the power of humility in your future career track. Absolutely. Number four, there's refuge and wisdom. Proverbs 9 1 through 6 says this, wisdom has built her house, she has hewn out her seven pillars, she has slaughtered her meat, she has mixed her wine, she has also furnished her table. This is the refuge that God has given his people.

He's laid it out and it's for us to acquire it and that's where our refuge is, is in walking in wisdom. If you are wise, you are wise for yourself. If you scoff, you alone will bear it. There's hope for the future in diligence. Proverbs 10 4-5 says, The Lord will not allow the righteous soul to famish, but he casts away the desire of the wicked.

He who has a slack hand becomes poor, but the hand of the diligent makes rich. He who gathers in summer is a wise son. He who sleeps in harvest is a son who causes shame. There is hope in diligence alone. Be faithful in the small things and God will give you more.

Number six, integrity will guard you. Proverbs 10 9. He who walks in integrity walks securely. You know young men who think out into the future and they wonder what is going to happen to them, here's what they need to know. If they walk in integrity today, it will guard them.

And then number seven, God's plan will prevail. Proverbs 27 one says, do not boast about tomorrow for you do not know what a day may bring forth. You can trust God. He is going to lead you. He might lead you in a direction that you didn't plan.

He might take you one place and then move you in another direction or to another place. This is God's wisdom. He's wiser than we are. And so we shouldn't be too befuddled if God changes the direction of our life through some calamity, through some situation. But God's plan will prevail.

And you know, He's exercised His wise providence in causing you to be born into a certain family, that your place of dwelling has been ordained by God. That's what Acts 17 says, that God is the one who ordains even the place you live. So trust God in that. Give thanks to God and use everything for his glory. And what the Bible makes very clear is that when his people look to him and they desire to glorify him he sees to it that they do not live in vain that's the hope for young men and there you go it is in their work yeah that's true yeah Trust in the Lord with all your heart.

Lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your path straight. That's the secret for every young man. Yes. Amen.