Today we're looking at a portrait of biblical manhood. There are few things in our culture that have been as marred as this picture of biblical manhood. We don't have a realistic view of what manhood is. We don't have a realistic view of what womanhood is. And it's interesting, you talk about marred images and marred pictures.
The female form has been so marred in our culture. The female form has been so transformed in our thinking. Now, the last thing we think about when we think about womanhood is the beauty of motherhood. We don't even think about the feminine form. When you look at what's been glorified in our culture today, it's women who have the body of an adolescent male with breasts attached.
That's the idea that people have about beautiful femininity. We've marred the picture. Magazines routinely stretch women's legs. Did you know this? Routinely when you see a woman on a magazine, a picture of a woman on a magazine, her legs have been elongated.
Many people don't realize this. There are other things that have been enhanced by these pictures of women. And now we have women with this picture in their mind of what femininity is supposed to look like, and they look at themselves in the mirror and they don't look like that because there's not an airbrush artist working on you while you sleep. And we're striving for something that's completely unrealistic. The picture of manhood in our culture is a picture that is completely marred.
We don't understand what manhood is. In our culture, how do we measure manhood in our culture? The three Bs, the three Bs, as one contemporary cultural prophet has noted, the three B's. That's how we measure manhood. Number one, the billfold.
How much money does he make? Number two, the ball field. What kind of athlete is he? Number three, the bedroom. How is he with the ladies?
That's how we measure manhood in our culture. The billfold, the ball field, and the bedroom. That's how we measure manhood. Ironically in the church it's not much different. That last B, you know, we usually try to act a little more puritanical about that last B, all right?
But the first two Bs, that's how we measure manhood, the billfold and the ball field. Again, you know, I talked to you about the fact that, you know, being a homeschool dad, there are a lot of questions that I get as a homeschool dad. And when it relates to my sons, my oldest son travels with me full time. He's got this trip off, but when he's with me and people will come up to us and talk to us and my son's 14 and he's a rather large lad. And his dad was a large guy and a football player and all this sort of stuff.
People always wanna ask me, they ask me, how's he gonna play ball? Especially when we're in the South. That's what they want to know. Manhood is measured by your performance on the ball field. If you homeschool your son, how will he worship at the altar of the god of sport and be a real man.
Everybody asks me that. Everybody. Why? Because we measure manhood on the ball field. The other thing that they ask is about job potential.
How is he gonna get Caesars and premature on him so that he can get the right university and the right job? Why? Because we measure manhood by the billfold. That's why. Whether we admit it or not.
That's how we measure manhood. That's how our culture has taught us to measure manhood, not by the Scriptures. And as a result of this, there is this dichotomy that's going on, that's happening in our culture. Where we have people who enter into marriages and they have these two competing world views. The cultural world view that has this erroneous picture of manhood and womanhood, and then this biblical picture, because again, we're talking about Christian people here, they go to church regularly.
And so on the one hand, they're living exactly like the world with this erroneous picture in their minds of what womanhood is and what manhood is, but on the other hand, they have some semblance of understanding of what the scriptures say Christian husbands and wives ought to live like. And there's a clash between these two world views when they collide because we don't understand that our culture has sold us a bill of goods. Well, I want us to look today at this picture of biblical manhood. Our primary text will be here in Ephesians chapter five. Ephesians chapter five.
And we'll look at 522 all the way through chapter six and verse four. 522 all the way through chapter six and verse four. Actually we'll back up all the way to 515 to put 22 into context. And I can sum this up in one word, and that word is headship. Headship.
When we talk about biblical manhood, talking about headship, that's something that we don't really understand. Prayerfully after today we will a little bit better. Beginning in verse 15. Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise, but as wise, making the best use of the time because the days are evil. Therefore, do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is.
And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit. And how, pray tell, do we do that? Addressing one another with psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, great. Secondly, singing and making melody to the Lord with all your heart, giving thanks always, and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. And finally, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Now where do we do those three things? Well we do those three things in the context of three relationships. Wives to husbands, the next few verses, the rest of chapter five. Children to parents, six one through four, and servants to masters, and six five through nine. What we're going to look at is this picture of husbands, wives, and children.
The fulcrum point here is fathers, and their headship is crucial. Their headship is crucial for their wives' spiritual nourishment and for the spiritual nourishment of their children. Their headship is crucial. Beginning here in verse 22. Wives submit to your own husbands as to the Lord.
For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. And so we have this clear admonition here to submission of wives. Should submit to their husbands. And again, we're not concentrating here mainly on this picture of biblical womanhood, but you cannot fully understand biblical manhood without understanding this principle, that God has called women to come alongside men and to be in a relationship with these men where they are equal to these men as in their humanness, but they are under the headship and submitted to the headship of these men in relation to their husbands.
Look at the next part of this. And by the way, if you wonder about, you know, sort of limitations on this, how serious is God about this headship thing? And if you wonder about this, then you turn with me to the right and look at 1 Peter, look at 1 Peter chapter three. Because here's what we get a lot, you know, women who will say, well I understand that, okay? And if he steps up and leads and does what he's supposed to do, then I'll be able to be submissive, okay?
But if he's not doing that, then hey. Okay, great, hold that thought. 1 Peter chapter three, beginning in verse one. Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands so that even if some do not obey the word, even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their lives when they see your respectful and pure conduct. He's not doing what he's supposed to do.
It's great. Submit yourself to him. But, but, But he's, here's how I like to explain this to wives. If your husband is not doing what he's supposed to do, God's gonna take him to the woodshed and God's gonna wear him out. If you're not submitting to him, you get to go with him.
Amen? Let God beat on him awhile. You submit yourself to your husband. Okay, you submit yourself to your husband. Well, what if he tells me to stop breathing?
I get questions like that, because people always want to go to the extreme, the most ridiculous thing possible. What if he tells me to become an axe murderer? Help you if you think that's what the text is referring to here. It's not the idea here. You don't disobey God.
What if he tells me not to believe in God? You can't determine that. It's not the point. But we are submissive even in things that we cannot obey. We are submissive.
What did Peter and John do when they were told by the culture to which they were commanded to submit, not to preach or teach anymore in the name of Jesus. What did they do? Well, whether it is right for us to obey man rather than God, you be the judge. But we cannot stop speaking about what we've seen and what we've heard. What did they do?
They were submissive. We respect your right to carry out judgment on us. But at the same time, on this particular issue, we must obey a higher law. They were submissive. They could not disobey the law of God, but even in their refusal, they were submissive.
Okay? You see that? Now look at this picture. That's important to understand because that causes us to realize the significance of the weight that men carry in a headship. We don't really understand that picture.
And this is something that we're not helping men to do. It's important that we help them to do this. We help them to understand this. Here's another thing that I wanna just deal with here. Some myths that we need to expel.
Myth number one, here's a myth that people argue. First of all, that somehow the scriptures teach mutual submission because of what we see here in verse 21. Verse 21, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. Well, there's several reasons that I argue against mutual submission from verse 21. The first reason is a contextual reason.
We just looked at the context of verse 21. It's the umbrella over verse 22 through chapter six, verse nine. It's not the umbrella, just for the husband-wife relationship. Argument number two, nowhere in scripture is the husband called to submit to the wife. But here, Colossians, first Peter, over and over and over again we have this command for the wife to submit to her husband.
And nowhere else is there that caveat of a verse 21. Why? Because Verse 21 is about this umbrella of all these relationships, it's not just about the husband and wife relationship. But when Paul repeats this in Colossians, we don't have the caveat of a verse 21, and when Peter repeats this in 1 Peter 3, we don't have the caveat of a verse 21. It's not there.
The other reason is this. When you understand what headship is, you understand that the mutual submission argument is mutually exclusive, and we'll get to that in a moment. But There's another argument that people make here, and it's the argument from Genesis. The argument that they make is that what we have in male headship is actually a product of the fall. And if what we have in male headship was a product of the fall, then when we are regenerate people, and the fall, the curse is reversed, then we ought not operate in relationship to one another the way fallen people did.
So if male headship, OK, follow the logic here. Male headship, that's a product of the fall. Your desire will be for your husband, but he will rule over you. Well, the second Adam comes, and he delivers us. And so we're no longer bound to that.
And so now, as Paul would say in Galatians, there is no more male or female. And so now this idea of male headship no longer makes any sense in light of this sort of reversal and restoration that comes about in Christ. Small problem. Male headship predates the fall. Adam was the head, first of all, because he was created first.
We see this in 1 Corinthians chapter 11 and in 1 Timothy chapter two. Male headship is not a result of the fall. Woman's rebellion against male headship, that's a result of the fall. That's the curse there in chapter three in Genesis, okay? Your desire shall be for your husband.
By the way, that's not a positive term. That word there that's in the Hebrew, it's used three times in the Old Testament. One of the other times it's used is in chapter four in verse seven of Genesis. When Cain's being told, sin is crouching at your door and its desire is for you, but you must rule over it. See, that wasn't a positive term.
So our sort of rebellion against male headship, yes, absolutely, product of the fall. But headship itself, no. We see headship because the man was created for us. We also see headship because the man named the woman. That's an exercise of headship.
After the fall, he re-names the woman. Where else do we see headship? Well, as was quoted last night in Romans chapter five, through the sin of one couple, Adam and Eve, sin entered into the world. Is that what the text says? No, through the sin of one man, Adam.
Why? Headship, even before the fall. When God judges Adam, what does he say? Adam, because you ate from the fruit, no! Because you listened to your wife.
You did not exercise headship. You did not exercise headship. Here's what's interesting. Adam doesn't exercise headship, and this precipitates the fall. Now we have churches filled with men who are not exercising headship.
What do we expect? If we have an entire culture filled with men who are not exercising the headship to which they've been called, what do we possibly expect our culture to look like? Now lest you think for a moment that headship looks like, you know, me mind you woman, me speak you do, okay? That's not the biblical picture of headship, okay? It's not the biblical picture of headship.
What's the biblical picture of headship? Look with me again back in our passage. Verse 25. How does a man lead in his family? Verse 25, husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.
Number one, a man exercises his headship by leading in love. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church. Here's what's interesting about this, and I love to point this out to the ladies. The beautiful picture here, there's a picture here of the relationship between Christ and his church. And ladies look at the submission part and they go, oh, why do I have to have the submission part?
I don't want to have the submission part. Why can't I just have the, listen, hold on, listen, ladies. Let me help you put this in perspective. There is a drama being played out here. You get to play the church that is redeemed.
We get to play the guy who got killed. Amen? Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. He laid it down for his bride. We are called to lead in that kind of love.
That's how we're called to lead. Not the Greco-Roman myth of romantic love. No, absolutely not. We've been sold a bill of goods as it relates to that Greco-Roman myth of romantic love. You know, that sort of starry-eyed, you know, this thing is bigger than both of us.
Yeah, you know, you know. Or how about this one, we don't choose who we fall in love with, isn't that great? My all time favorite, the heart wants what it wants. I have no idea what that means. I just, what is this stuff?
That's the Greco-Roman myth of romantic love. That love is this overwhelming, uncontrollable force. It's an overwhelming, uncontrollable, sensual force, by the way. That's what love is. An overwhelming force, it overwhelms us.
This thing is bigger than both of us. It's overwhelming, you can't blame me. Sure I'm a married man, But we're there, she looks at me, I look at her, sparks, come on! This thing is bigger than both of us. It's an uncontrollable force.
What's the picture that we have in our minds? The picture of Cupid and his arrow. Isn't that wonderful? It's a pagan myth, but that's what we think about love. And so Cupid in his arrow, he strikes us with his arrow, and what are you gonna do, you know?
We don't choose who we fall in love with. You know who says stuff like that? People who are getting ready to marry somebody who's biblically unqualified. That's who says stuff like that. And you go, now wait a minute, sweetheart.
You come into the pastor and you want the pastor's counsel on this. First of all, you want me to counsel you after you've set a date that's just a couple of months away. Problem, okay? Secondly, you want me to counsel you, and the minute that I say, eh, wrong, don't do this, you want somebody else to counsel you. Why?
We don't choose who we fall in love with, and I'm in love. Okay? Let me explain something to you. You think this is a good deal. It's gonna turn into an ordeal, and then you're gonna be looking for a new deal.
It's an overwhelming, uncontrollable, sensual force. That's what we believe about love. Let me give you two examples of the price we pay for believing this about love. Example number one, you know the woman who's pregnant with child number two? Don't act like, you've never experienced this, ladies, because you've been sold that Greco-Roman myth too, and you've got friends, and some of you got, you know, husbands, you've dealt with this too.
Wife's pregnant with child number two, and the young couple's worried, why? Because we love baby number one so much and how are we possibly going to love another one? Why do we worry about that? Because we believe love is an overwhelming, uncontrollable force. What if baby number two's born cupid's not there?
What? What? Sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Men, Here's another one. Because we believe that love is an overwhelming, uncontrollable, sensual force. Our daughters start to become young women and develop physically, and all of a sudden, men, we distance ourselves from them.
Because if love is an overwhelming, uncontrollable, sensual force, then there's gotta be something very inappropriate about a father being expressive and affectionate with his daughter when she begins to develop into a young woman. Hadn't there? Who told you that? You better sit that girl on your knee. You better hug her and kiss her.
You better give her appropriate male affection and attention before she goes and tries to find it somewhere else. We pay the price for the lies we believe. No, this is the kind of love we're called to lead in. The love that went to the garden and said, if there's any other way, let this cup pass from me. Nevertheless, not my will, but yours be done.
An act of the will accompanied by emotion that leads to action on behalf of its object. That's the biblical picture of love. And that's the kind of love in which men are called to lead. Willful love. Accompanied by emotion that leads to action on behalf of its object.
Headship means we lead in love. Secondly, look at the next part of this text. Love you wisest Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word." He's responsible to lead in love, he's responsible to lead in the word. He's responsible to lead in the word. That's the husband's job, to lead in the word.
Does that mean, you know, that he sort of has this kind of clergy, laity divide, this ancient divide of there is a group of people who have the word and another group of people who don't need the word because this hierarchy will give it to them? No, that's not the picture. That's not the picture. There was an entire reformation because that picture is flawed, amen? This is not the picture.
Unfortunately, there are some families, you know, who are trying to get ahold of this new picture of biblical manhood and womanhood, and the idea is that anything my family's going to need, they're gonna get from me. Now we need to teach them the word of God so that they know the word of God for themselves so that they can have a relationship with God themselves. But we lead them and wash them with the water of the Word. We don't withhold it from them. We guide them in the Word.
We instruct them in the Word. We lead them to become better students of the Word. And here's what's interesting. When, I talk to young women about this, you know, this whole idea when a lot of times young women are involved with men who, they may not even be believers and they're struggling with this. I get emails about this all the time.
You know, when you preach on biblical manhood and womanhood, there's always emails that come in that flood in. One of the types of emails that flood into me is these types of emails that flood in from women who give me the what if scenarios that we talked about earlier. You know, what if he tells me not to believe in God? What if he tells me to go be an ax murderer? I get those all the time.
I wasn't just joking there. Literally, I get those emails, all right, to which I respond, well, in that case, then wow, God didn't anticipate those possibilities, so I'm sure that biblical submission must be wrong. And the other one that I get is this. The email's this long, okay? This much of it is about how he's technically not a believer.
That's the email. You could have just sent me that right there. That's all I needed. The rest of that stuff's irrelevant. He's not a believer.
First of all, we have an outright command not to be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. But in case that's not enough for you, here's what I write to these young women. In case that flat out black and white command not to be unequally yoked with an unbeliever is not enough for you ladies, then here's what I say, this is what I write to all of them. The Bible says that he's to lead you in the word. If he's not a believer, he's incapable of leading you in the word.
He's also incapable of leading your children in the word, which means that what you've just said to me is that you are willing to sacrifice the godliness of generations to come so that you can be satisfied with someone that you think is cute. Because he makes you feel good. What are we in this for? What's the goal here? I tell young women all the time, unless you found a man who can lead you in the word, you haven't found a man who's qualified to be your husband.
That's his role. That's his responsibility. And this is what we're supposed to be raising up as leaders of churches. We're supposed to be raising up men who can wash their wives with the water of the word. Look at the next part of this text.
So that he might present the church to himself in splendor without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. Must lead in righteousness. This is what male headship is about. He leads in love, he leads in the word, he leads in righteousness. His goal is to present for himself this bride that is without spot or without blemish.
His goal is to lead her toward righteousness. That's the goal. That's what headship is about. And so we're trying to develop and raise up men who are a hedge of protection around their families, guarding them, protecting them, and leading them toward righteousness. Still want to stand up and pound your chest, guys?
It's a different deal, isn't it? By the way, ladies, here's what I hope is happening for you, ladies. Because what happens is the culture puts this chip on your shoulder, okay? This I am woman, hear me roar, chip on your shoulders. And I know that the Bible says that stuff about submission or whatever, but I don't like it, don't want it, I'll do it if he acts right, that sort of thing.
But here's what I'm hoping. I'm hoping you don't even see that word the same way anymore. When you realize the foundation that God has laid, because this is what I hear when I read this. I don't hear God saying to me, listen, boy, you're so much better than a woman. I'm just gonna tell you, they're clueless.
They need you to lead them. No, no, no, when I read these requirements for me, when I read what headship is about, here's what I hear God saying to me. Boy, I'm gonna trust you with one of my daughters. You better come correct. Let me show you how much value I place in women.
Let me show you what I require of a man to whom I entrust one of these precious creatures. That's what I hear. That's what I see in the text. You will be her head and you will lead her in love, not just any kind of love. The kind of love that you saw in my son as he laid down his life for the church.
You will lead her in the Word. You will lead her in righteousness so that she can stand before me in holiness and righteousness. You will lead her in that. You will guide her in that. Let's be honest with ourselves, men, especially those of you who've been in pastoral ministry, who've been in leadership.
Usually when we're dealing with families, usually if there's unrighteousness or lack of holiness in the home, usually it's the man who's the cause of it. He's brought pornography into the house. He's brought an adulterous affair into the family. Is it always? No, it's not always.
But usually this is the case. And the wife is having to fight with everything in her to have to try to have some semblance of righteousness and holiness in the home. When the Scriptures say biblical headship is about a man who leads his home in righteousness, who leads his wife in righteousness. Look at the next part of this text. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies, he who loves his wife loves himself, for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body.
A man must lead in selflessness. Selflessness. He loves his wife as his own flesh. Selflessness. Well, this is the hardest one for me.
Can I just tell you that? Can I just be honest with you? I was the only child raised by a single teenage mother until I was 14 years old. And then I had a sister who came along, she was 14 years old. So here I am, an only child raised by a single teenage mother, a doting single teenage mother who thought her son hung the moon and then I got married.
Lord help here today. Talk about selfish. Man, I was selfish. I was selfish. I struggled with that big time, you know, doing things for myself, not thinking about the household.
Boy, I was selfish. This is an area where God had to chisel away. But here's the beauty. Marriage has made me a much less selfish man. Amen?
It has been a sanctifying influence in my life in this area. Because this is the kind of headship that we're called to show. Selflessness. For example, my wife's a stay-at-home mom. And here's what a lot of people think when they think about stay-at-home moms.
And This was a difficult deal for us, all right? It was hard for us to make this decision. For several reasons, not the least of which, there's some cultural reasons. And I'll just sort of peel back the envelope for you here a little bit. There are very few people in this room who look like me, okay?
Family you get in church circles, homeschool circles, very few people who look like me, you know? When we see one another, us darker-hued people, when we see one another at events like this, we go, I love you. Y'all think we've been knowing each other for years. No, no, uh-uh, no, it was just one of us. Yes!
But there's a different perspective that we bring to these things. Let me just give you a couple of examples. When you talk to black families, for example, about home education, Here's one that we get that most of our not so black friends, hey, you define the world the way you want to, I define it the way I want to, okay? Black people and there's not so black, you know? And so most of our not so black friends don't get this one that we get regularly.
We get stuff like this. Our people fought, marched, bled, and died so that we could go to those schools. And you're telling us not to? When's the last time you got that one? That's the one we deal with.
That's the one we deal with. And here's another one on this other issue, you know. I deal with this all the time with people in my family who have this mindset of a woman must be at least a co-breadwinner. She must be. She has to be.
You know why we have that mentality in our culture? Because people bemoan the fact that in America we've reached this outrageous, outrageous decline where now 37% of children are born out of wedlock. 37% among blacks, that number is 70%. 70% of all black children are born out of wedlock. You know why black women have an independent streak?
Because they have to. They have to. 70% of their children are born without benefit of a husband. And so, in our culture, this whole idea, my wife was hearing stuff from family members like, what are you thinking, girl? Don't let him get you in that house taking care of a bunch of kids.
What happens when he leaves? You know, when we look at this, Here's what we look at. It's about selflessness. It's my job to provide for my family. And I love to talk to our family members about this.
My wife is just not another means of income. I will do whatever I have to do for her to be placed in the position of esteem that she's placed in, taking care of the future generations of the Baucom family. As an act of selflessness, It's part of my headship. Not, oh, I don't want her to go out and be part of the scary world. That's not the point.
The point is I realized how valuable her role is in our home. And I need to be willing to do any and everything possible to make that something that she can flourish in doing. Lead in selflessness. She's bone in my bone, flesh of my flesh. She should be called Isha because she was taken out of Isha.
That's who she is. Look at the last part of this text. For the sake of time, let's move through this. Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two should become one flesh. This mystery is profound, and I'm saying that it refers to Christ and the church.
However, let each one of you love his wife as himself and let the wife see to it that she respects her husband. The picture that we have here is this, this picture of true intimacy. He leads in intimacy. A man will leave his mother and father in cleave unto his wife. Understand the significance of this.
This basically is making this statement. The husband-wife relationship supersedes all other relationships. All other relationships. What's the first commandment with a promise? We're going to, here in chapter 6 verses 1-4, first commandment with a promise is honor your father and your mother.
That's the first commandment with a promise. But what does God say about marriage? For this cause, you leave your father and your mother. First commandment with a promise is that you honor them, but for this cause, you leave them. And you cleave to another.
Do you understand the significance of that? The marriage relationship takes priority over all other relationships. All other relationships. What does that mean, I no longer honor my mother and my father? Of course it doesn't mean that.
I honor my mother and my father. I respect my mother and my father. My wife is to honor and to respect her mother and her father but we've created another family that our parents don't get to interfere with. And I get from a lot of people too, and here's another thing that a lot of people sort of struggle with when you sort of grab onto this multi-generational vision. A lot of people who've grabbed onto this multi-generational vision, quite frankly, have a hard time with this issue of leaving and cleaving.
That's why there's so few marriages that are happening in this community. There's a lot of reasons for that. One of the reasons for that is this unwillingness to let go. And to allow my children to go off and establish their families without my headship over them. Because my children leave, I won't have headship over them anymore.
I won't. My daughters are gonna go and they're gonna be under the headship of another, not me. And they won't have to come check with me before they do things, they won't. And there's a lot of families who get so entrenched in this patriarchy mentality that nobody's good enough for their kids to marry and their kids are never ready to go and get married. And so there are not a lot of marriages happening.
You would think, you would think that within this movement that there would be more marriages, not fewer marriages, and that they would happen earlier, not later, that is not the case, folks. That's not the case. My goal for my children is that they will leave and cleave. And that they will take this vision that I've granted to them and expand on it and take it further than I ever could. That they would add to it because they're all different than I am and that they would view their marriages with priority even over their relationship with me.
Even over their relationship with their children. One of the things we try to communicate to our children all the time is, Mommy and Daddy come first. Amen. You don't come first. Mommy and Daddy come first.
We're having Mommy and Daddy time, leave us alone. Yes, but, somebody bleeding? Nope. Okay. See ya.
Somebody breaking into the house? Nope, okay. Bye bye. We go our way together, just the two of us. We abandon our kids.
It's blessedness. And you know what, as they get older, they look forward to it. Because they understand that their security is built on the strength of our marriage. And if they understand that not even they can interfere with our marriage, they feel that much more secure. That's intimacy.
The idea that there is nothing more significant or more important than this relationship. As you and me, as we model together this picture of the relationship between Christ and his church. There is no earthly relationship that is more significant than that. None whatsoever. When we look at headship this way, and then in chapters six, one through four, again, the children obey your parents, and the Lord for this is right.
Honor your mother and your father with the first commandment with a promise. Let it may go well with you and you may live long in the land. Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. We see there clearly that the father's responsibility is to give headship even over the discipleship of his children and the discipline of his children. When you look at this picture, the last thing you get is what we're often accused of.
It's kind of chauvinistic, women as second-class citizens sort of mentality. Nothing could be further from the truth. They're honored and cherished. That's the picture that's painted here. The problem that we have in our culture, that I believe is the most significant problem that we face, is that we have no idea whatsoever of what headship is.
As a result of that, we have an epidemic of unprotected women and an epidemic of unprotected children. We also have a leadership crisis in our culture. Because if a man doesn't learn how to exercise headship in his home, how can he exercise leadership anywhere else? All of these crises boil down to the same thing, and that thing is this. Men are not being trained, expected, or challenged to be who God's called them to be.
To stand up, to step up, and lead. Not on the ball field and the billfold in the bedroom, But to lead in love, to lead in the Word, to lead in righteousness, to lead in selflessness, lead in intimacy, to lead in the discipleship and the discipline of their children. This is what male headship is about. When writers like Bradford and others talk about family government and family duty, This is what they're talking about. This is the picture that they're painting.
This is our responsibility as men, and I'll leave you with this. Oftentimes, when I talk about this, I'll have people who'll send me another email. And that email goes something like this. You know, brother, I understand what you're saying and I agree with what you're saying, but I didn't have this growing up. Or I'll get emails from wives, oftentimes, saying the same thing.
It's rather ironic when I get an email from a wife, basically saying, you know, my husband didn't have this example, so my husband's not a really good leader, and, you know, can you help me with this? And I go, no, because If I did, then you would be leading your husband to become a better leader. The fact that you're emailing me this tells me that you don't just have a problem with your husband not leading, you're usurping. And they kinda go, oh, yeah I did do that, didn't I? And then I offer this little word of encouragement.
It's ironic that you would write me Because you're distraught over the fact that your husband didn't have this modeled for him. Because as I've told you, I grew up raised in the projects in drug infested, gang infested, south central Los Angeles, California. Raised by a single teenage Buddhist mother. Never heard the gospel till my freshman year in college. So can we learn these things if our Father didn't teach us?
You better believe we can. Not only can we, but we must. For the sake of our families and future generations. Do I have all this squared away? Not by a long shot, but better today than yesterday, and better tomorrow than today.
Because I refuse to lose in this area. I've seen the devastation that weak or absent fathers can bring about, and I refuse to be one, and I refuse to raise one. If we ever hope to redeem our culture, it must start with redeeming biblical manhood.