Scott Brown, in this message, says that we must not cast off Scripture in times of hardship. 

He explains that God has given us guidelines by which we should live our lives. Simply because we come upon hardships does not mean that should panic and abandon those guidelines. For instance, parents need to encourage their children to seek first the kingdom of God, remain patient, and not forsake the teachings of Scripture when it comes to finding a spouse. Compromising Scripture is never justified simply because there is added pressure, stress, or hardship. 

What do you do when you have older daughters and there's no one in the world that either you or your daughter thinks that she could be interested in? Well, that's a tough situation and it often brings panic. What are the hedges against panic? Let me just talk about that for a while. I'm going to give you several points on how to deal with panic.

First of all, God's principles are the same everywhere. And there's a logic that goes, hey, this isn't working. I'm going to panic. I'm going to jump and ship. I'm jumping ship with all of my principles here.

And we have lots of examples of this in Scripture where a couple or they see what's ahead of them or a daughter would see what's ahead and she says, there's no way this is going to work out right. I'm going to jump ship. We saw that with Sarah and Abraham. God had promised them a son and there was no son to be found. And so They jumped ship, they panicked and they did what they never should have done.

We saw it in lots of daughters. There they are in the cave, many lessons are there are to be learned from the cave outside of Sodom where the daughters lost hope. And because their hopelessness was such a degree, they got their father drunk and then became impregnated by him because they feared not ever having children. We could speak of Jacob and Rachel and Leah. You know, God had given Rachel a desire for children and it became an idol.

And envy overcame her and she began to hate Leah. Her natural desire was turned into an unholy craving that ended up in these legendary baby wars that were so dishonoring to God. And she could not even be satisfied and even brought in a third person, Bilhah. And, you know, so we are, we're tempted to abandon God's principles in the time of panic. Is there anybody like that here?

Are you tempted to return to the ways of the world, to return to the pig's trough because of, because you don't see the salvation of God right now. So here's a principle. To remove a daughter from the headship and protection of her father defeats the creation order relationships of headship and protection. Many fathers in their panic end up casting their daughters off into the great broad world of vulnerability. And, you know, what do you do in a situation like that?

Well, be careful. Be careful, brothers. Don't violate the principles of God for the sake of your panic. Hey, God's people have faced many times a panic. Those stories are there that I just spoke of are there for our instruction, that we don't cast off the Word of God for the sake of our panic.

You know, the solution for everyone is to send your daughter off to a Christian college where there are hundreds and thousands of possible mates and college becomes the solution for the panic so that you can go and get your MRS degree there. But be careful. Be careful that you do not defeat the protective headship that God has placed over your daughter, that you are personally responsible for her virginity, for her protection, for her care. And brothers, you need to be very careful if they would ever remove for one moment the protective headship that God has given to them. You know, there's a tragic, there's a tragic scene in the book of Deuteronomy on this matter where you have a betrothed woman who is out in the countryside and a terrible thing happened to her and the statement should ring in our ears.

Here's the statement. And there was no one there to protect, there was no one there to save her, there was no one there to save her. The unprotected daughter is legendary and their tragedy is happening every day because men panic and girls panic and they find themselves out from under the protective care of their fathers. We need to be very careful. Third, we need to realize that God is in control.

He holds the hearts not only of the kings of the earth like a water course, but he also holds the hearts of all young men and women. And He can direct them. He can cause love to grow. He can cause eyes to see and affections to develop. God, He is big enough for that.

Don't you think? Is God big enough for this task? Is anything too hard for the Lord? Fourth, God has not called us to compromise marriages. God has not called us to intermarry with the Gentiles.

And this is a pressure to compromise constantly. And then fifthly, it's so important that we go back to the ancient paths of faithfulness, faithfulness in home life, faithfulness in church life, faithfulness of the community, that we are vigorously involved in the paths of righteousness that God has established that we would be engaged in those and that we would trust that God would bring to us the spouse that he would have. And then, sixthly, I just think it's so important to make your household the household of faith. How about the atmosphere of your home? Is it a happy home?

Are there great projects on the table or is there just nothing to do? Is your daughter just rotting in your household? Is your son just rotting in meaningless activity? That would, that should be a warning. Seventh, be about your father's business.

Jesus was the model child. At 12 years old, He says he was about his father's business. That's what 12-year-old daughters and sons should be about. Make your home life the place of your father's business and be engaged vigorously in it. Be a part of the church.

Be vigorously, mightily engaged. Okay, let's move to some questions for examination. Here's just some, I'm just gonna scatter some questions at you here. Are you in the process of becoming long-term thinking Christians? Are you thinking you, your son and your grandson, all the days of your life?

Do you have a well-thought-out vision of the future that includes one generation after the next and inculcating that. Thinking long term about marriage. Your children when they think about marriage are they just thinking about lust? Are they just thinking about pretty faces? Are they just thinking about the profile of some Hollywood guy, a poster?

Is that their picture of marriage? Is it Britney Spears? Is that what they've been looking at? Is that their picture? Well I hope not, because they will never marry right if that's their roadmap.

We need to marry by thinking the thoughts of God about a transgenerational process of giving God what he desires, godly seed. And then are you living a local church neglecting lifestyle? I find people in the homeschool movement who do not have much space in their hearts or their schedules for the local church. They're dissatisfied with it, they neglect it, and it's a throwaway to them. Now, I'm going to end up being very brutally honest right now.

I really struggle with having compassion with people who do not love the local church. I don't understand how the bride of Christ, the body of Christ, could possibly be neglected by a Christian family. And I believe that it's possible that this neglect of the local church could contribute to the dearth of the marriages that need to be consummated. And I would just ask you, are you living a local church neglecting lifestyle? If you're neglecting the local church, let me be brutally honest, you are out of sync with the heart of God.

Jesus Christ shed His blood for His church. How do you feel about the church? You know, a family came to our church several years ago, and the father worked on Sundays. He didn't care anything for the church. He had a wife and children who actually did seem to love the church, but they couldn't so much in a practical way because their father had them off doing other things.

The father claimed to be a believer and then the father died. The church was, the family was never really part of our church or really any church. They couldn't because their father wouldn't really make it for them. And I was angry at this man for not engaging his family in the local church because when he died there was no one to, there was no church to care for her. There was no family there to catch her and to take care of her children.

There was no church to care for her. There was no family there to catch her and to take care of her children. There was compassion from the broader community, but there was no one really to take care of this family because this father lived a church neglecting life. And I think it's a wicked thing for people to live a church neglecting life. So are you, number three, are you living an age segregated lifestyle?

So you dads, you want your daughters to be married, right? How many of your friends are 13? You know, are you developing relationships with the young men? Are you an older man teaching the younger men in the church? Are you praying for these guys?

Are you getting to know them? Are you calling these young boys into the brotherhood? A lifestyle of friendship among the men of the church is really critical for the creation of these marriages. You know, God calls us to a lifestyle of discipleship and people who don't take that seriously in a local church do not have relationships that are as God intended. You know, so, you know, your daughter turns 20 or 25 and you've never been a friend to any young men.

Is that the right thing to do? Is that the kind of discipleship relationship that God has established in the church? Well, I don't think so at all. I think God brings the brothers together in all age, for all, in all the ages together, so that they would know one another and they would perhaps, if God would will it, for a father to know a boy since he was 10, 12, 13, 14 years old. So when it comes time for marriage, he doesn't really have any questions.

He knows this kid. He's grown, he's watched this kid grow up. And so he, they all, everyone knows what a sweet thing it is that there might be a marriage. Here's another question. Are you a marriage mercenary or a godly brother?

You know what I mean by that? You're really only interested in that, you know, 23-year-old guy because you think that he might be a good match for your daughter. Well, we can all understand why you would do that. But I would just suggest that there's something better than becoming a marriage mercenary. And what's better is to start way back and just have a life a genuine lifestyle discipleship of getting to know young men and being a brother to them and whether you know whether the guy you meet is gonna be your daughter's husband it doesn't really matter he's gonna be he's gonna be somebody's husband so you better treat him right.

You better disciple him well. Only God can make him your son-in-law, okay? But you can help him become a man of God by getting to know him and being a friend to him. And then, fifthly, have you unreasonably kept your child from marriage? It can come by being too picky or by being too passive.

Have you raised picky children? Have you raised children who really only care about a pretty face? Have you raised children that have grown up making fun of other young men in the church for this quirk or that quirk, are they too quirk sensitive? Well, my experience is that we marry people that have quirks. So we ought to prepare our children by not gossiping and speaking evil against the young men and the young women who have quirks and when we're around the dinner table we don't want to create a culture where we have no tolerance for someone else's problems and failures.

Because we are preparing our children to marry sinners. And we often unreasonably keep our children from marriage because of a culture we built in the home. We might be unrighteously holding them back on the one hand, but we also might have unrighteously built a family culture that has caused them to have an inordinate disgust for common quirks, okay? And so that a guy would have to have some vision of perfection in 10 different categories and have no tolerance for imperfection. So here's another question for examination.

Men, young men, this is a few young men. Are you in the game? Are you in the game? Are you going to do the Christian thing and get married? Are you going to prepare yourself to be a man?

Are you going to throw off the chains of immaturity? Throw off silly, irrelevant activities? Throw off a lifestyle of playing games? Throw it off, brother. Throw it off early.

Go prepare your heart, your mind, and your financial world to marry a woman and bring that little lady into your house and provide for her. But I see young men playing around way, way too long. Don't you be that young man. Power up and prepare yourself. Hey, here's something to consider.

Do you realize that it's quite possible that while you're playing around, you know, the father of that older man who has a really great daughter is looking at you and he's thinking you're still a little boy. How about that? You think that's possible? The way you carry yourself, the things you're engaged in, the girl that you think you love has a father who thinks you're a little boy. Think about that.

Conduct yourself circumspectly. Walk not as fools walk but walk as wise. Well, young men are you in the game. Okay, let me give you just some personal thoughts here. First, keep your mind on kingdom purposes.

All thoughts should be regulated by the purpose of marriage in scripture. Secondly, how important is attraction and Twitter patient? I think it's important. I don't think it's the only important thing. I believe that marriage is more than just a contract to do business on theological matters, but there must be attraction, there must be affection, there must be some level of mutuality that would bring a couple to the altar.

It's not just a clinical theological box checking thing that we do, there's attraction that must be considered. It's not the only thing, but attraction must be considered. Now, let me, I'll just give you some things that we're doing in our own family have done. One, for the Browns, there are three phases of this whole process. And the laws of love should guide each phase.

One, the inquiry phase. This is where I would say if I have a son and my instruction to my son is, son, don't shop until you're ready to buy. But when you're ready to buy, Go talk to that girl's father and get clear of him first. Same thing with the daughter. I don't want young men trying to woo my daughters without coming to me first.

I think it's okay for them to be friends with my daughters. They can, yes, they can talk to my daughters, but if I get a sense that they're trying to flirt with them and woo with them, we're going to deal with that issue because they got to go through me first. That's the inquiry phase. Then there's the courtship phase. Let's say everything looks really good.

And now there has to be a time where this couple has freedom to get to know each other in a deeper way. They both seem to have attraction, significant attraction. They have enough to say, you know, I actually could possibly marry this person. And they enter into a period of time where they really get to know each other in a far, far deeper way. Now it gets really dangerous here, doesn't it?

Here's where hearts can get broken. Somebody's heart might get broken right here. But a couple has to know each other before they go to the altar, I believe. And then during this phase, a father, you know, should be free to be able to ask any question of a suitor and to deal on any level that he thinks is important, but he has to love that brother. As a brother for the rest of eternity, that he doesn't treat him like a piece of meat.

I have seen fathers treat young men poorly, to treat them as some kind of a threat, to treat them as some kind of a, you know, a barren influence in their lives. That it's now their responsibility to put these boys in place. And they act kind of like cowboys. They act, you know, they act like Rambo and when they should not. They should be acting like brothers.

And they should be treating these young men well. They should be treating them in a way that they want to be treated. But often when a young man comes to court a precious daughter, he's not treated right. And the laws of love need to be engaged there. This is a tremendous minefield.

And so, you know, men need prayer and how to handle these young men. And then the courtship phase. This is a more formal relationship. The couple has really decided to be married. I'm sorry, not the courtship phase.

The courtship phase would, you know, is this time of inquiry and there are questions that need to be answered. There are visions that need to be cast. There are finances that need to be understood. And my counsel is, you know, Take time, take the long road on this one. Don't assume that you already know the answers to these questions.

Don't assume anything and find out what, you know, what's really going on. And then, And then finally in the engagement phase where a couple has agreed to marry and they should continue to the altar and marry. And so those are the three phases that I'm convinced of now. I don't think this is not the only pattern. It's not the biblical pattern.

I think it comes from wisdom, from scripture that engages in a process that acknowledges the issues of purity, that acknowledges the transgenerational vision issues, that acknowledge the issues of compatibility and vision and all kinds of things like that. All of those things have to be taken into account. So here's the million dollar question. How many months do you have left before your child needs a husband or a wife? And are you praying?

Are you eagerly and energetically engaged in whatever is necessary for you to build relationships, to pray, and to prepare your children for marriage. You know, Do you have time for your entertainments? Do you have time for your diversionary activities? Often it's a man's idols that keep him from involvement in truly important endeavors that are about this whole issue of preparing their children for marriage. Here's the $10 million question.

Here's the $10 million question. I live in East Poe-Dunkville, Iowa, and I don't even know one single man or woman that I would approve for my child. What should I do? What should I do? You got three options.

You can move. You might like the country. You might love homesteading, but there ain't nobody else out there either. And you just might have to move. I'm not saying anybody has to move anywhere.

But that's one option. You can build relationships. That's another option. You can get busy. You can be more active socially in your area and around the country.

And you may have to reorder your life, but you at least should be engaging in the social life of the church. You should at least be building relationships with other families. And you should at least be crying out to God in prayer. That's a minimum of what you should do in that if you're living in East Pottomacville, Iowa, and you don't know anybody. Well, like Abraham, we have a responsibility to our sons and daughters to help them be married.

And we ought to commit whatever resources that are necessary to help our children make marriages for the glory of God. And in the midst of all of the trials and tribulations of these problems that we're in, in the midst of the disappointments, maybe in the midst of the heartbreaks that have already happened, in the midst of the questions and the panic that's on our minds. Let it be this at least, that we do not love the world or the things of the world, and that we regard all of our trials and tribulations as gifts from God, who is wise, who knows what trials and tribulations we need, so that we would ask questions, so that we would cast ourselves upon the grace of God, so that we would open up our Bibles and be instructed in the ways of the Lord so that we would hold the hands of our sons and daughters and we would read to them the promises of God and fill them with the knowledge of His will in all spiritual wisdom and insight so that they might know the love of God, that they would know the height and the breadth and the depth and the length of it, and that they would know that Jesus Christ is their only Savior so that when it would be time for marriage, They would know that all things are for the glory of God, including their tribulations up until the time they reach that altar.

Would you pray with me? Oh Lord, I pray that you would come and bring blessing to your people. I pray for godly seed. I pray for precious marriages. I pray for love, oh Lord, that you would pour it out upon us.

I pray for these very precious daughters that are here, that you would give them mighty husbands. I pray for the young men, that you would raise them up as mighty men, and that they would throw off youthful things and take on godly and important things, making them ready to bring a woman into their house and to nourish and cherish her as Christ does the church. In Jesus' name, amen.