The Trap of Family Idolatry by Jeff Pollard. (Matthew 12:46-50) Jesus came to save people from their sins and make disciples. A disciple is a learner. To be a disciple of Christ is costly. We are to take up our cross daily.

Christ made clear that His Father's family took precedence over His flesh and blood family. Our earthly family must not inhibit our obedience to God or our service to God's spiritual family, the church.

Jeff Pollard covers three main points:

1. Christ's startling view of His natural family.
2. Christ's revelation of His spiritual family.
3. Christ's Father focused family.

The following message, the trap of family idolatry, was given by Jeff Pollard at the Regional Uniting Church and Family Conference in Wake Forest, North Carolina in 2008. I've been asked to speak on a very important subject, and it is a challenge to do so, but I am thankful for the opportunity to do this. I thank the Lord for Scott and the fellowship and friendship that he has given us and the wonderful fellowship with his fellow elders, and I am delighted to know him, the congregation, and it's always a wonderful opportunity to meet with you all who meet for these kind of conferences. Scott has asked me to speak in this second session that I'm doing on the trap of family idolatry. The trap of family idolatry.

If you would, if you have a Bible, please open it to Matthew Chapter 12. Matthew Chapter 12, We're going to read verses 46 through 50. If you would stand with me, please, as we read God's holy Word, and then let's remain standing for prayer. Matthew 12, verse 46. Brethren, let's join our hearts in hearing the Word of God.

While he had talked to the people, behold, his mother and his brethren stood without, desiring to speak with him. Then one said unto him, behold, thy mother and thy brethren stand without desiring to speak with thee? But he answered and said unto him, unto him that told him, who is my mother and who are my brethren? And he stretched forth his hand toward his disciples and said, behold my mother and my brethren. For Whosoever shall do the will of my Father which is in heaven, the same is my brother and sister and mother.

Amen. May the Lord add his blessing to the reading of his good word. Please join me in prayer. Oh righteous and holy Father, we thank you for your great goodness. We thank you for all that you have shown us today in Christ Jesus.

We thank you, oh Triune God, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, for the great and eternal mercies you have revealed to us in the Gospel. And now, O Lord, I pray in your goodness you have gathered us together in the name of your holy son Jesus Christ and we would learn from his infallible word. Oh spirit of God come and open our eyes, Open our hearts to receive thy truth. And I pray, oh God, please preserve these precious sheep of thine from my weaknesses and failures. May they hear your word.

Father, may your truth echo in their hearts. And Lord, I pray that all we do here now will bring glory and honor to our resurrected Christ. Amen. Please be seated. Matthew's eyewitness account of the life of Jesus Christ speaks powerfully to the subject of discipleship.

Matthew tells us that Jesus came to save his people from their sins, Matthew 1 21. We also learn that Jesus came to make disciples. Now the word disciple means one who engages in learning through instruction from another. One who engages in learning through instruction from another, a pupil, an apprentice. In other words, a disciple is a learner.

A disciple was a follower, a student of a great teacher. Two groups usually surrounded the Lord Jesus Christ. His disciples and those referred to as the multitudes. His disciples and the multitudes. Now, Jesus had followers from the very beginning of his ministry for an obvious reason.

That reason was John the Baptist. Paul describes John this way. John virally baptized with the baptism of repentance, saying unto the people that they should believe on him which should come after him, that is on Christ Jesus. On Christ Jesus, That's Acts 19, 4. And we see this in John's Gospel.

Again, the next day, after John stood and two of his disciples, and looking upon Jesus as he walked, he saith, behold the Lamb of God. And the two disciples heard him speak and they followed Jesus. There's the process. Many followed Jesus because of his miracles. Many followed because of food.

Many followed because of general interest. And many of the reasons people followed him were the wrong reasons. Yet, there were those who followed him believing his truth. They submitted their hearts and minds to his teaching. They followed Him, committed their minds and hearts to His Word.

They learned, as all of Christ's true disciples learn, discipleship is costly. To be a disciple of Christ is costly. Jesus declared, If any man, if any man will come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whosoever will save his life shall lose it. But whosoever will lose his life for my sake, the same shall save it.

For what is a man advantaged if he gained a whole world and lose his own soul? If he lose himself or be cast away? Those are sobering, sobering words. Again, He said, whosoever doth not bear his cross and come after Me cannot, cannot be My disciple. Now, looming in the passage that we have just read in Matthew is the cross and costly discipleship.

Many of the things Christ said in this very brief passage were shocking. If we read carefully, I think we will be shocked as well. Christ often said shocking things to his disciples and to the multitude, yet his brief statements here are among the most challenging things he said regarding discipleship. And that's what we want to try to get a hold of here today. The incarnate son of God made abundantly clear that his father's family took precedence over his flesh and blood family.

That's a shocking thought at a family conference, is it not? If I read the attendees of a conference like this, those of you that are here are because you have a high I trust biblical view of manhood and womanhood and of the family for which I praise and thank the living God. But we must recognize that there are dangers that attend some of the views that we embrace, and we must be absolutely clear on what the most important family is. And that is the adopted sons of Jesus Christ. That's our subject here today.

What Jesus makes clear is that our earthly family must not inhibit our obedience to God or service our service to God's spiritual family, the church. Let me say that again. What Jesus Christ makes clear is that our earthly family, precious as it is to us, must not inhibit our obedience to God or our service to God's spiritual family, the church. Our message therefore is entitled The Trap of Family Idolatry and I will shorten family idolatry to the term family-olatry as I go through the rest of this message. So when I say family-olatry, I'm speaking about family idolatry.

There are those who do not hold many of the views of family that I know many here embrace. One of the charges we often hear hurled in our direction is that this is just a bunch of people that worships the family. That is a tragic and often a deeply unChristian thing to say, especially in the ignorance with which it is often offered. On the other hand, there is a truth to it that everyone here needs to face and we want to face some of those things today. So God being our helper, I trust to wade into what perhaps for some of us, I know it is for me, some very deep water and some things that we will need to consider very carefully.

So the trap of family idolatry is what we want to think about in these moments in this session. And we want to consider the following things. Number one, Christ's startling view of his natural family. Christ's startling view of his natural family. Number two, Christ's revelation of his spiritual family.

Christ's revelation of his spiritual family. And finally, Christ's father-focused family. The Lord being our helper, let us take up this first thought, Christ's startling view of his natural family. The Lord Jesus was the consummate teacher. He could take mundane moments and transform them into opportunities for teaching men about his Father and about his kingdom.

Such is the case before us. Jesus' mother and brothers wanted to speak to him. Someone informed Jesus that his mother and brothers were standing outside and wanted a word with him. Jesus said, who is my mother and who are my brethren? He took the opportunity, a simple and mundane moment, to teach a profound truth.

It begins with those two questions. Now it is obvious that Jesus was not ignorant of the identity of his family members. He was not experiencing a moment of amnesia. So how are we to understand what we are viewing here? Was Jesus being disrespectful?

Doesn't Jesus know the fifth commandment? Honor thy father and thy mother, that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee? What kind of response is this to one's mother and brothers? Now to put this into the context, which we need to see it, let's consider the family and God's law for just a few moments. Genesis chapter 1, 2, and 3 make abundantly clear that the family is God's institution.

He loves marriage and children. He loves joyful family relations. God designed and created the family as part of his creative and redemptive purpose. In the creation narrative we read, and God blessed them and God said unto them, be fruitful and multiply and replenish the earth and subdue it and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the fowl of the air and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth. Genesis 1 28.

A part of God's dominion program is for men and women to marry and have children. That's obvious. This is a crucial aspect of the outworking of God's eternal purpose. We see just how important relation between parents and children is by simply examining the Ten Commandments. The fifth commandment says, honor thy father and thy mother.

As we have already alluded to, Exodus 20-12. Now this is not an option. This is not a heavenly suggestion. This is not something to try to have the family you've always wanted. This is the command of heaven.

Honor your father and your mother. God's law exalted and preserved the role of fathers and mothers. The Levitical law says, ye shall fear every man, his mother and his father. I am the Lord, your God. Leviticus 19, 3.

Great blessing comes to those who honor their parents. Curses fall upon those who do not. Proverbs says, Parken unto thy father that begat thee and despise not thy mother when she is old. The father of the righteous shall greatly rejoice and he that begetteth a wise child shall have joy of him. Thy father and thy mother shall be glad, and she that bear thee shall rejoice." Proverbs 23, 22 through 25.

This pleases God. Again, my son, hear the instruction of thy father and forsake not the law of thy mother for they shall be an ornament of grace and to thy head and chains about thy neck. And chains there mean a lovely ornament, not bondage. Proverbs 1, 8 and 9. Honoring father and mother was a hallmark of God's people.

When the patriarch Jacob lay dying, Joseph visited him. Joseph was the most powerful man in Egypt, yet he bowed himself with his face to the earth." Genesis 48, 12. Solomon was the great, wise king of Israel, yet when his mother Bathsheba went to him, the king rose up to meet her, the scriptures say, and bowed himself unto her and sat down on his throne and caused the seat to be set for the king's mother, and she sat on his right hand." 1 Kings 2-19. Of the virtuous woman it is said, her children arise up and call her blessed. Proverbs 31-28.

Now, this is all rooted in the law of God. This reveals the will and character of Almighty God. And it is repeated in the New Testament. Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Ephesians 6, 1.

Children obey your parents in all things for This is well pleasing unto the Lord, Colossians 3.20. It could not be plainer. The revelation of God in the Old and the New Covenant Scriptures is that children are to revere, respect, honor their parents. So in light of this context, a context in which Christ was born, a context that Christ knew well, How do we understand Jesus' reply? Who is my mother?

Why didn't he say, oh, my mother's here? I know the fifth commandment. Let me stop what I'm doing. Excuse me. I'm going to go out and talk with my mother for a few moments.

He didn't do that. Now, we know that Jesus grew up respecting his family. When he was 12, he accompanied Joseph and Mary to Jerusalem for the pastover feast. Over a day's journey on their return trip, they discovered Jesus was not with them. And they returned to Jerusalem, and after a three-day search, they found Him in the temple.

And we can only imagine the distress that they must have felt until the moment they found him. When they asked him why he had done this to them, he answered, how is it that you sought me? Same kind of troubling question. Any parent would know why they're looking for their child that's 12. They haven't seen for an entire day in a big, busy, bustling festival.

And yet the Lord Jesus says, how is it that you sought me? Wist ye not or know ye not that I must be about my father's business? This was not an arrogant reply. This was not an insolent remark. He was not shooting his mouth off at his folks.

They were surprised at what he had done. He was surprised that they didn't understand his love and obedience toward his Heavenly Father. They didn't grasp it yet. The same thing can happen to us with our own families it's hard for us sometimes when we see someone who has a clear view of the Lord Jesus Christ and begins to follow after him whatever the cost and sometimes there are those who begin to feel a distance from them because their hearts are set upon the throne of heaven and the glorious one who sits there. Jesus was eaten up with zeal for his father.

He loved him. It does not mean that he denigrated his earthly family. He simply saw them in the light of his heavenly Father. Christ's Father's business was what he came to do. That is what Jesus was all about, every moment of his life.

Unfortunately, Mary and Joseph did not quite understand this yet. And consider what the angel Gabriel had told Mary. Fear not, Mary, for thou hast found favor with God. And behold, thou shalt conceive in thy womb, and bring forth a son, and shalt call his name Jesus. Jehovah saves, or Yahweh saves.

Another way of saying it is the salvation of Yahweh. He shall be great and shall be called the Son of the Highest. And the Lord God shall give unto him the throne of his father David, and he shall reign over the house of Jacob forever, and of his kingdom there shall be no end. That holy thing which shall be born of thee shall be called the Son of God." While Mary hid these things in her heart, it is clear that she, like all of us, cannot understand the Lord Jesus and His love for His Father's will without the Holy Spirit's enlightenment. We don't get it.

We won't get it, except the Spirit of God give us light and help us to see the extraordinary love that Christ had for his father and for whatever his father wanted him to do. He said, even the things I say, I don't say them unless he's commanded me to say them. Jesus loved His Father's will. And that brings us to Christ's revelation of His spiritual family. He had a startling view of His earthly family because in the minds of Many of us, if we're thinking correctly, well, the most important thing around us is that group of people, mom, dad, the children, the extended family.

We love our families, and it is a good and right thing to love our families. But do we see them as Christ sees them? Do we see our families in the light of our Father in heaven? Christ so loved his father will that as he preached to those disciples that were gathered, when his mother and his brethren came, he could say, here's my family, those that do my Father's will. That's shocking, but it's truth.

Now, let's think about Christ's revelation of His spiritual family for just a few moments. Mary and Jesus' brothers, James and Joseph and Simon and Judas from Matthew 13, 55, stood outside and they waited for Jesus to speak with them. The apostle John tells us that Jesus' brothers mocked him about going up to the Feast of Tabernacles to display his power. Now, what was the reason for this? John says, for neither did his brethren believe in him.

Extraordinary to grow up with someone who never needs a spanking and think that there's not something extraordinary about him. They didn't believe him. They did not believe on Christ. Not only this, but Mark tells us, and when his friends heard of it, they went out to lay hold on him, for they said he is beside himself. He's gone crazy.

Now, the word translated friends here also means family, and that's probably who the friends referred to in the Markan passage when it says, when his friends heard it, it likely meant his family. And that makes the context even more interesting. Mary has appeared with Jesus' unbelieving brothers in tow. Now, Matthew doesn't tell us what they wanted to talk about because that's not the point. What we do know is that Jesus gave a shocking reply.

Who is my mother? And who are my brethren? He then cranks it up to a higher degree of shock, and he stretched forth his hand toward his disciples and said, Behold. That means fasten your gaze. Look at this.

Focus your mind on this object. Here's my mother. Here are my brethren. For whosoever shall do the will of my Father, which is in heaven, the same, the same is my brother. The same is My mother, my brother.

Now, brethren, this is a stunning revelation. Whoever does the will of God is in the most important family. This brings us face to face with true discipleship. Luke quotes Christ this way, My mother and my brethren are these which hear the word of God and do it. Luke 8 21.

This was characteristic of Christ's own life. He says in John 5 30, I seek not mine own will, but the will of the Father which hath sent me." Again, John 4.34, My meat, my food, is to do the will of Him that sent me. Now, as He faced the withering, burning wrath of His Father for the sins of His people, Jesus said in the garden, Oh my Father, if this cup may not pass away from me, except I drink it, Thy will be done. For those of you that are God's children, do you hear the echo of your salvation here? Christ obeyed his Father, and he won for his people everlasting life.

The Father's will was to go to Calvary's Hill and die as the sin-bearing substitute. He was raised again the third day that his beloved children might have life. Christ led the way. He showed his disciples that discipleship is indeed costly to be in God's family, but it is the best family to be in. Again, this is not to be taken in any way as a denigration of our earthly families.

It's to put them in the biblical perspective that Jesus put them in. Jesus concluded his sermon on the mount saying, not everyone that sayeth unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven, but he that doeth the will of my Father, which is in heaven. Now The connection is clear. Those who enter the kingdom are those who do the Father's will. Now listen carefully.

We must recognize that salvation is not by works. That is not what Christ is saying. It is not what I am saying. The will of the Father is that sinners repent of their sins and believe on the Lord Jesus for the forgiveness of sins. Our works do not save us, but we are saved unto good works, Ephesians 2.10.

The disciple that enters glory has, through the grace of Christ, taken up the cross of Christ and learned to live in loving obedience to the Father. These are Christ's true family. Moreover, they take precedence over our earthly families. Jesus did not insult Mary, nor did He act sinfully toward His unbelieving brethren. He used an ordinary situation to announce who his true family members are.

Jesus did not permit his earthly mother and brothers to stop him from the work his heavenly Father had given him to do. Now that brings us to Christ's father-focused family. Again, now this is a crucial point, and I pray that we're all hanging together with this. God grant us the grace and the refreshment by His Spirit to hear. Jesus is pointing to an ultimate reality, brethren.

This is not an either-or situation, yet neither is it strictly speaking a both-and. Jesus is not saying that we should mistreat our earthly families on behalf of our spiritual family. He is making clear, however, that we must not permit our earthly families to keep us from doing what our Heavenly Father has given us to do. If you get a hold of that, that's the whole point of what I'm talking about today. That's it.

Our earthly families must not take precedent over the church of Jesus Christ. The Father's family and our earthly families must not be in competition. We must see each in the light of the other's place in God's eternal purpose. And we can only find that by a balanced reading of the Word of God. Just reading the passages about family will not give you a balanced view.

It should be clear by now, but let me clarify just for safety's sake, understanding's sake. Family-olatry is the sin of permitting our earthly family to keep us from doing what God has commanded us to do. It manifests itself by putting our families above the Word of God or above the people of God. Let's have a few applications before we bring this to a close. What does this look like in real life?

Now, these are just things that I have encountered over the years. Sometimes they're my sins, Sometimes they're the sins of others. But let me at least set before you some of these scenarios, and perhaps they will be helpful to you in forming a clear picture in your own mind of how you may be a family olliter. Number one, family members come for a visit. It's on the Lord's day.

We've not seen them for a while. So instead of worshiping God, which is commanded, we stay home with our family, which He has not commanded us to do. This is family-olatry. You've been called with the unspeakable privilege into the presence of Almighty God. Come and worship.

Come and worship. Number two, our children have a gift for music, sports, and academic pursuit. An event or a conference associated with that gift comes up. We come back so late from the event which God has not commanded us to do that we're too tired and we don't go and worship which God has commanded us to do. This is family idolatry, family-olatry.

Anything wrong with the event? Not in and of itself. But when it interferes with what God has called us to do, We begin to set our family in the place of God's will. Number three, we're so concerned that our children get the best education, have great experiences, play sports great or see great sights, attend great events which God has not commanded. It doesn't mean they're bad, but he hasn't commanded them, that we don't have family worship or we rarely have family worship in our homes.

And God's word shows us generation after generation the godly fathers who worshiped God in their homes. What are you saying to your children is the most important thing of life? The worship of God? Or is that something you can just shuffle back behind your family's schedule? Number four, the Lord's day arrives.

That should fill the soul of one united to Christ with joy. I love the Lord's day. It is a day in which God's family will take the Lord's supper, an opportunity to visit with family, or go on a picnic, or a family outing arises. We put aside the Lord's Supper, which God has commanded, for a family event, which is lawful, but it is not commanded. And we make ourselves idolaters.

Oh, we can always go to the Lord's table. What? How low of view could we possibly have of remembering the blood and body of our beloved Savior? That should be our time of rejoicing. That should be our celebration.

That should be that which fills our soul with joy. Number five, perhaps we have disobedient, disrespectful children. No matter how we reason with them, they will not listen. We know that the word of God tells us to discipline them. However, we're afraid that if we spank them or discipline them in some way, they will hate us.

Don't think that doesn't happen in families where people have a high view of the family. We want that relationship with them so much that we will not do what the Word of God commands us to do. This is family-olatry. Number six, our daughters or our wives dress immodestly. We do not want them to think that we are legalists.

We do not want to lose their affection. We love their warmth. We hate their distance. Daughters and especially wives do not want fathers and husbands to tell them what to wear. So we let them wear what they will because we love them.

When the Apostle Paul, under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, recorded in the infallible Word of God that women are to dress modestly, especially in the worship of God. At that point, friend, the family alters. Quickly, number seven, a new family is visiting our church. We haven't spoken to them much. Maybe we haven't spoken to them at all.

We don't know them. Your view is that, well, my spouse, my children, or I myself, we're not outgoing people. I mean, we're just, you know, some people are outgoing, some people are not, we're not. We just like to stay to ourselves. We keep our own little family huddle at home.

So we do not open our home for hospitality, which is a commandment of Almighty God for our family's comfort zone, which is not commanded of God. This is family-olatry. A spouse, a child, a parent, or another family member commits a grievous sin. We do not want them shamed. We don't want them exposed because it might ruin their lives.

Worse, it might make us look bad, so we deal with it our way, not according to the word of God, not according to the discipline that God has commanded. Even though the scriptures say and have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather, reprove them, which God has commanded, We just let God work it out, which He has not commanded. This is family idolatry. There are innumerable other ways to be family idolaters. I trust you recognize that, but I hope that these are enough illustrations to make the point.

It's very easy if we're not filling our hearts and minds with the Word and the gospel of Jesus Christ to slowly edge the things that we are commanded to do out of their rightful place for things that in themselves may be legitimate. You love your wife so much, you love your husband so much, You love your children so much that you do not do the things you know God has taught you. You know that the Lord has put His finger, His finger on something in your life, and because of your affection for mother, father, brother, husband, wife, son, daughter, or any other family member, you do not forsake it. You know there's the dishonoring things going on in your house, things that dishonor the name of the living Christ that you profess, but your wife or your children or your husband like to do it, so you leave it. It's idolatry.

So my friends, let's consider the following as we conclude. To believe that fathers should be the heads of their homes, that wives should submit to their own husbands, to believe that fathers should lead their wives, sons, and daughters in biblically defined and properly interpreted ways of the Lord, to believe that parents ought to be the primary educators of their children, to decide not to participate in, say, Sunday schools or youth groups or parachurch organizations, to desire to be in a local church that has a high biblical view of manhood and womanhood is not family-olatry, as we are sometimes accused. Surely, any of these things pursued under any motivation than love for Christ and obedience to His word can certainly point to family idolatry, but not of necessity. To put our families above any commands of God in general or to put our families above the church of Jesus Christ in particular is to commit family-olatry. Unto Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus throughout all ages, world without end.

Amen. Let's pray. Thank you, righteous Father, for your great goodness to us here. Oh, Lord, we love our families and want to walk with them. We want to see all of them walking with you.

But Lord, may we ever realize that it is knowledge of you and union with you that separates us from every human being. May we know and love your family in the Spirit as we know your Word teaches. And may we love our family in flesh as your word gives us guidance. May we never diminish one or the other from its proper place. In Jesus' name, Amen.