In this sermon, Scott LaPierre discusses the importance of a husband's love and a wife's respect in a Christ-centered marriage. Husbands are called to love their wives as Christ loved the church, and they can do this by washing their wives with the Word of God. This involves taking them to a Bible-teaching church, participating in church activities, and reading the Bible together. Husbands must set the standard for holiness in the home, as they are partially responsible for their wives' sanctification. Husbands get the wives they prepare for themselves, meaning that if they lead their wives spiritually, they will have spiritually mature wives. Wives are commanded to respect their husbands, admiring and supporting them in their roles. By doing so, they encourage their husbands to live up to the high standards set for them.

Father, thank you as we come to this last message. I know conferences at times can feel like drinking out of a fire hose where the information just keeps coming, especially when it's as wonderful and deep as the previous messages have been. And I pray, Lord, that we can retain the truths that we've heard in our hearts so that they would be applied to our marriages again with the same desire expressed earlier so Christ could be exalted through our relationship with our spouses and so help us to resemble Christ and the church Lord I pray to talk about a husband's love and a wife's respect that you deliver for me whatever teaching you have for your people here, be it in my notes or not, and just help us all to be attuned to what you would say to us as we come to the end of this wonderful day and we pray these things in Jesus' name, amen. Men and men, if You wanna open your hand out to this message? Husbands love and wife's respect.

You try to watch the time here, see where we're at when I'm starting. Okay, go ahead and open your Bibles to Ephesians five. I know Scott already spent an amount of time in Ephesians 5, but I thought we could look at some of the things he missed. Just kidding, just kidding. I actually asked Scott, because I want to make sure we're going to teach the same thing.

I said, what do you want to do at the conference here? And I'll work around you, because I know he puts on marriage conferences. I put on marriage conferences. We have a lot of material. I thought, hey, you just bring your best, whatever you want, and I will work around that, and I'll use some messages so we don't overlap." And he goes, well, I want to talk about Ephesians 5 22 to 33.

And I was like, there's nothing left then. I mean, so... But I'm joking because this passage is so rich that I'm sure all of us could have gotten up and spoken on it and continue to mine out other wonderful truths. So I don't think you'll be hearing anything from me that is repetitive from what the other gentlemen have said. Take a look at verse 25.

It says, husbands love your wives just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for her. Now, this is the command we're all familiar with for husbands. And it begs the question that, I mean, if this is the command, why does anything follow it? What I mean is, if this is what husbands are supposed to do, Why are there other verses after it? And the reason is that verse 25 gives us the command, and what do the following verses do?

Tells us what it looks like to obey the command. Because if you went and asked 100 husbands what it looks like for a husband to love his wife, what do you think you're probably going to receive? Yeah, 100 different answers. And so, no husband. I've never met a man who wanted to be a bad husband, but I've met plenty of men.

I'll even say when I became a Christian, I wasn't married at that time, I got married some years later, but I had to consider, wow, well, this is what the Bible says a husband is supposed to do, love his wife. What exactly does that look like? It's not going to look like what I learned when I was growing up in the world. And so if you ask the world what it looks like for husbands to love their wives, you're going to get a lot of different answers. Actually, this might be repetitive from what David said.

He pointed out, I think, buying jewelry. The world says, hey, If you love your wife, you're going to take her on expensive trips, you know, to exotic vacations. If you love your wife, you better make sure that she's living in a very fancy house. If you love your wife, you better make sure that the car she drives is very nice. Basically, you know, if you love your wife, you're gonna give her whatever she wants.

Loving your wife to the world is largely summed up in the word materialism. So here's an important point that we wanna keep in mind as husbands. Brothers, you could be an incredible husband in the world's eyes, and you could be failing in God's eyes. Conversely, you could be an incredible husband in God's eyes, and the world would look and think that you're a poor husband. And so what matters to us is to be incredible husbands in God's eyes, right?

To be doing the things that please Him. There's good news and there's bad news for you, gentlemen. The good news is that if you want to be a good husband in God's eyes, you don't have to buy your wife a lot of expensive stuff. So I know some of the wives just sighed. But the bad news for the guys is that buying your wife a bunch of expensive stuff would be much easier than what God actually wants us to do as husbands.

There is a reason that many men would rather pull out their credit card than die to self and do some of the other things we've discussed today because of how much more difficult those things are. Now if you look in verse 26, You can see what God says husbands are to do if they want to love their wives as as he commands versus what the world would expect. That he might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word and this is what it looks like for husbands to love their wives in God's eyes and it brings us to lesson one. Husbands love their wives by washing them with the word. So brothers, we are commanded to sanctify our wives.

I'm not going to tell any gentleman that you are completely responsible for your wife's sanctification, but I can tell you this. Someday your wife will stand before the lord and as her husband, we are at least partially responsible with the sanctification of our wives. I mean, just consider that for a moment. As husbands, we are at least partially responsible for the sanctification of our wives. If we want to be a husband that pleases God, we are concerned about our wives' sanctification.

We're told how that sanctification takes place, through washing by the Word of God. A number of ways for husbands to wash their wives with the Word, just a few of them. First, take your wife consistently to a Bible teaching church. It's one of the most foundational things. Sadly, there are some men who who fail to do this, but every Lord's Day if you want to please God you should or best you can, there could be some exceptions, but you should be regularly in a Bible teaching church what worshiping with God's people, having the word coming forward, washing over your wife and your children.

Second, plenty of church activities, be it Bible studies or home fellowships that allow you to bring your wife, and I would say, by extension, children, and have the word of God wash over them. Play sermons, if you're considered, even just thinking as Scott said, he has this app, touches it, the Word of God is right there. There are apps that you can touch and have access to hundreds or thousands of incredible sermons. Have you ever considered the the magnitude of that? I mean, throughout all of human history, what people would have craved to have, you know, what we have at our fingertips.

And so it really is tremendous. You know, you can put in your headset, you can turn it on in your house. You can regularly have the word of God washing over your family with no effort on your part except hitting play. Sermons all day, You can come home and just have the Bible playing and letting your your children hear it like that and really how how many people most throughout all of human history who never would have expected to be blessed in that way yet we are. Fourth you can attend Christian conferences like this one.

Fifth most obviously you can read the Word of God with your wife. This is one of the most basic and foundational ways for husbands to wash their wives with the Word. Brothers, I'm not going to say how often or for what length of time, but I will say that God does expect us to be reading the Word with our wives. I'm not going to say that you can't have televisions, but I'm going to ask you this to consider. What brings your family together most often?

What gathers your family together? When your children look back, will they say we most often came together to watch something? Or will they say we most often came together to pray, or to read the word, or even a meal? That's fellowship, which is an act of worship. With that said, I want to briefly address the wives.

Ladies, give me your attention for a moment, please. There are an infinite number of other places that your husband could have been today. And there are a lot of husbands who wouldn't bring their wives to a conference like this. And so I would just like to say that if you have a husband who brought you here today, and you haven't thanked him yet, or told him that you respect him making this decision with his time, please be sure that you do that at some point today. Because I guarantee you there's a lot of wives who would give just about anything to be in your place and have a Christian husband who would take them to a Christian conference on their day off like this.

And so please don't take lightly what many other women would, you know, just covet to have. The fact that husbands are called to sanctify and cleanse their wives tells us something about our responsibility, which brings us to lesson two. Husbands must set the standard for holiness in the home. We must set the standard for holiness in the home. There's no way that we're going to be able to sanctify and cleanse our wives without setting the standard for holiness.

The fact that we are called to be the instruments by which God would accomplish some of the sanctification of our wives implies that we would maintain a level of holiness that's greater than theirs. And this means that women should not have to fight their husbands to have a holier home. Husbands are responsible for what comes into the home. Husbands are responsible for what influences the family. Husbands are responsible for the jokes that are told.

Husbands are responsible for the stories that are shared. Husbands are responsible for the music that is played. And so, brothers, this means you're responsible with what your family watches, listens to, how they talk, the company they keep, the way they dress, the way they spend their time, what they do recreationally. Brothers, it falls on your shoulders to see that your wife and children are involved in the local church. But I'll tell you something that's very unfortunate.

Rarely, I think I can count on one hand, only one example comes to mind, that I have ever had a man tell me, my wife will not go to church with me. My wife will not pray with me. My wife will not read the word with me. But I don't have enough hands to tell you how many times women have told me my husband will not go to church with me. My husband will not pray with me.

My husband will not read the word with me. Similarly, I actually cannot remember hearing a husband complain about his wife's holiness. I don't have husbands coming to me and saying, I'm so upset about what my wife is watching, or what my wife is listening to, or the way that my wife talks. But I do hear plenty of wives who complain and say, I wish my husband wasn't watching that. I wish I am upset, I'm frustrated, I'm discouraged by my husband's holiness or the lack of holiness.

I'm discouraged by what he watches, what he listens to, the way that he talks, the absence of prayer, the absence of worship in his life if you look at verse 27 Paul continues explaining what it looks like for husbands to love their wives he says that he might present her to himself a glorious church not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish." And this is reminiscent of the previous verse in that Paul is describing the sanctifying and cleansing work Jesus does with the church. Now, here's the thing. As you read this passage, although this passage is discussing marriage, or is discussing Christ in the church, the greater our primary application is for marriage itself. And so when these verses talk about what Jesus is doing for the church, we're to look beyond that and see that Paul is providing instruction about what husbands would be doing with their wives. And so when he says that he might present her to himself, There is a tremendous truth contained here that I want to make sure we don't miss.

This verse is directly connected to the previous one, verse 26. It is saying, and please follow me on this, Christ does what he does in verse 26 to get the church or bride that he gets in verse 27. So he sanctifies and cleanses the church so that he can get the glorious church described in verse 27 that doesn't have spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that is holy and without blemish. The simplest way to say it is this, Christ gets the church that He prepares for Himself. But considering that the primary application in these verses is for marriages, what is it saying to us as husbands?

Well, take a look at lesson three. Husbands get the wives they prepare for themselves. Brothers, we typically get the wives that we prepare for ourselves. Just as Jesus gets the church he prepares for himself, We get the wives that we prepare for ourselves. Wives tend to respond very well to love, to holiness, to godliness, to obedience, to God's word.

When we as husbands will treat our wives forgivingly, lovingly, tenderly, we usually get wives that are more what? Loving, forgiving, tender. When we treat our wives unforgivingly, unlovingly, harshly, we usually find ourselves with wives that are less forgiving, harsher themselves, less loving, less tender. So, earlier I said husbands are heavily involved in their wives' sanctification and this flows from that. Or another way to, instead of saying husbands are largely involved in their wives' sanctification, I would say husbands are largely involved in the wives that they get or have.

And the reason is simple. If a husband is sanctifying and cleansing his wife with the Word of God, what is he going to get? A sanctified and cleansed wife for himself. So there are really two great reasons for us to have, as husbands, to have Christ-centered marriages, you know, gospel-centered homes, to be bringing our wives to church, to be praying with them, to be reading the Word with them. One reason is it is our greatest responsibility before the Lord.

It is the premier responsibility we have as husbands, and for that reason alone, it is important. But the second reason that it's so important for us as husbands to be doing this is we can end up with spiritually mature wives as a result. I mean, that's why later it actually says the husband who loves his wife loves who. I didn't write it. Why does it say that?

Because in loving your wife, you're doing a great service for yourself, gentlemen. So, when you love your wife, you are somewhat the beneficiary of that. What does it look like to have a spiritually mature wife? Or what does it look like to have a more spiritually mature wife? Well, you're gonna see more of the fruit of the Spirit.

Now, what husband would not want to see more of the fruit of the spirit. Now, what husband would not want to see more of the fruit of the spirit in his wife's life? What husband says, ''Oh, my wife, she's just way too gentle.'' I need to talk to you about how loving and patient she's been. She's so kind. You know, it's like that doesn't happen.

Love, joy, peace, long suffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness. My wife is so self-controlled. Now, if you don't lead your wife well, spiritually, what are you gonna get? You're not gonna be seeing the fruit of the Spirit. You're gonna be seeing more of the...

It's right there in Galatians 5. You've got the works of the flesh that stands in contrast to the fruit of the Spirit. The wife who's less spiritually mature or sanctified and cleansed by her husband produces more of the works of the Spirit, which are evident. Here's a few of them, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions. No husband has ever said, I'm just not seeing enough outbursts of wrath from my wife.

If only I could see more of them. So the things that we don't want to see, we can help avoid seeing them. I've listened to some husbands, they've come into my office, and they will talk terribly about their wives. They'll sit across from me on my couch. Someone said it earlier, they were going to talk about, you know, this is how bad my spouse is, and doing this, and she does this, and she does that, and you wouldn't believe the way that she acts, and you say, why shouldn't I?

And she nags me all day, and it's just terrible. Now, he doesn't know this, but if he's talking terribly about his wife to me, Guess who looks bad to me? Because I think, would your wife really be acting this way if you were praying and reading the word with her? You are describing a terribly immature wife. Now, we've got to consider we're hearing one side of the story and nobody is ever as bad as their spouse makes them sound when they come into my office upset and I recognize that.

I do. But let's just say for a moment that the wife is as terrible as the husband says. I'm thinking, how sad is it how much you played in this? Your involvement. Because if you had been a spiritual leader in your home and praying with your wife and reading the Word with her, there's no way that she would be acting this way.

Look at verse 33, here it is. Nevertheless, let each of you in particular so love his own wife as himself and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Because we're pretty familiar with these verses, we can lose some of the impact of what verse 33 is saying. So I want to ask you to consider this verse as though you had never read it before, as though you're looking at it the first time. Because there's been so much discussion of love, of husbands loving their wives, this is what you'd expect.

Let each one of you in particular love his own wife as himself, and let the wife love her husband as herself, is what you'd expect. But it doesn't say that. Instead, it commands wives to respect their husbands, and this brings us to lesson four. Husbands must feel like their wives respect them. Husbands must feel like their wives respect them.

Sometimes I can labor over sermons, the notes for them, and the lessons, striving for considerable precision associated with words. And this is one of those instances where the wording is so important, because I want you to notice I didn't say, wives must respect their husbands. Did you notice what's significant about the lesson? Husbands must feel respected. Any guesses why I said that?

Because I've performed enough marriage counseling where the husband says, I don't feel respected. And I turn and I look at the wife and guess what she says. Oh, I respect him? Yeah, I do. I respect him.

It's not about what a wife says, ladies. I don't want to sound insensitive. It matters how your husband feels about the way you treat him, not what you can tell me. And similarly, the same thing happens when a wife comes in and she says, I don't feel love. And guess what the husband says?

I love you. I mean, I came home today. Would I have done that? I mean, come on. You know, and so it's never about what a person declares.

It is always about how the other person feels. I used to tell my students, I say, when I was a school teacher, I would say, I never want to hear these words out of your mouth. If these words ever come out of your mouth, I will punish you. You will miss recess. And I'm serious, I had it as a rule in my classroom.

You may never say, I was just joking. Why is that? There's always some child that's hurt, and what does the other child always say? I was just joking. It's about how the person feels.

It's about how we cause people to feel by our actions, what we do. And so it is about whether your husband feels respected, not whether you think you respect him or would declare that you do. Now I want to ask you to Think about something. If God is going to command something, what must we expect from the world? To combat that or work against it, right?

Okay. If God commands wives to respect their husbands, how is the world always going to strive to make husbands look like they can't be respected? They're fools. They're bumbling. They're incompetent.

You cannot expect them to do anything. You cannot trust them. And someone earlier might have mentioned media. Do you understand that the entire worldly system wants to put out shows and movies and music that conflicts with God's word and causes women to do the exact opposite of what God commands and get you to disrespect your husband and be convinced he cannot lead. And you must do it yourself, and you could never expect a man to do a woman's job.

And I wanna tell you, it is satanic. Ladies, every single time you buy into that, you are serving Satan, Because it is a satanic agenda that wants to minimize men in this world and their leadership and their credibility. Now, similarly, think about 1 Peter 3.7 to show the other side of this. Husbands are commanded to dwell with their wives in an understanding way. If God's word, it isn't coincidental, is going to command husbands to understand their wives what is the world going to say.

You can't understand women. And we kind of laugh, but it's not a joke. It really isn't. There is an agenda behind that view. You can never understand a woman.

Why? Why do we hear that so much? Because the Bible commands men to do the exact opposite and strive to understand. That's commonly how women feel loved, is when they have a husband who strives to understand them and then dwell with them according to that understanding as 1 Peter 3.7 commands. Now, the obvious question is what does it look like for wives to respect their husbands?

I'll give you some practical examples here. Respecting your husband, it means You admire him, you look up to him, you hold him in high regard. You support him, you strive to be his biggest encourager. Now, as a wife respects her husband by considering how hard he works to take care of the family, by considering the sacrifices he makes to be a good father and a husband, she will find her respect for him growing. I'm going to make a candle with you about something for a second, and I mean this sincerely.

I am not the man that Katie thinks I am. And all I mean by that is she talks about me to our children and to others inaccurately. It's not who I am. I'm not as good as Katie talks about me, but I want to be. And the fact that she sets that bar for me is a bar that I'm encouraged to strive to reach.

And this is what I would say, ladies. Your husband is going to have no problem living up or down to the bar you set for him. So you want to run around criticizing him? You want to run around slandering him, talking bad about him behind his back? Not only will you lose respect for him, in your eyes, he won't respect himself.

You're emasculating him. You're preventing him from being a man, and he will have no problem not viewing himself as a man, and living down to that standard. Set a high bar for your husband. Encourage him, support him, praise him. Praise him to others, praise him to your children, and you'll see a husband who strives to live up to that.

So many men running around, chopped off at the knees because of the way their wives have treated them and talked about them. Can't even be men. You watch it in conversations where there's some man sharing some story and the wife walks up, just interrupts him, talks right over, well, let me tell you what really happened. It's a way to cause your husband to believe that you don't think very much of him and that he doesn't need to try to be very much in your eyes. A wife terribly disrespects her husband when she's discontent with her life, with her home, with her family.

Ladies, if you walk around and you complain about what you don't have, you complain about your car, your house, your jewelry, your children, you have no idea what that does to your husband, because he is the one who is working hard to provide that for you. You're making him feel like a failure. Few attitudes communicate respect more than thankfulness and appreciation, And few attitudes communicate disrespect more than thanklessness and ingratitude. A wife also disrespects her husband when she talks down to him, when she treats him like a child, when she makes him feel like he's a little boy in trouble, When she talks over him, when she interrupts, and when she rolls her eyes, when she huffs and puffs, when she wags her finger at him. Ladies, don't do this.

Don't tell funny stories about your husband. They're just not funny. Don't talk about how long it took him to fix something. Now I'll tell you, we had a work day a few, a couple weeks ago. I am about as not handy as a man could be.

I mean, I showed up at the church work day and everyone's like, oh Pastor Scott's here, don't give him any power tools. Just give him a shovel. We don't need a ditch, just give him a shovel so he doesn't hurt anyone. And so that's how bad I am at fixing things. And so we have this fence that's messed up.

And I understand that for many men, it would have been a completely simple project to fix, an effortless one. Well, for me, I mean, it was like building a house. So, I get out, and I fix this fence, and I'll be honest, I was feeling somewhat proud of myself. Because it opened and shut the right way, and it was still standing when I was done with it. I mean, it's right there with, you know, some of my greatest achievements.

And so I walked back in the house, and I just told Katie, I said, Hey, I just want to let you know I fixed that fence. And so she says, you did? Well, I want to go out there and I want to see it. And so she walks outside and she stands right next to me and she looks at me and she says, wow, I'm really proud of you. You did a really great job with that.

And that meant something to me for my wife to be proud of me. Now, what could she have done? She could have said, It's about time you fixed that. When are you going to get around to these other things that need to be fixed? What about this?

When are you going to pick up the garage? How does our yard look? I mean, that's nice. I only waited four months for you to get around to that fence, but couldn't you have done it a little sooner? But you've had anything that makes your husband feel when you talk to him like that.

Even when wives respect their husbands, they send the opposite message when you question every decision he makes, when you second-guess everything he says, when you offer all the reasons that he's wrong, when you constantly correct him, when you chop him at the knees when he makes a decision. What you need to do is look for your husband's best qualities, look for his strengths, focus on those, speak well of him to others, speak well of him to your children. There's a difficult balance here because sometimes when wives think they're being helpful, because you are called to be your husband's helper, help me. And there is a place for that. But sometimes when you think you're being helpful, you're not.

So you've got to be careful. You have to understand that sometimes when you offer a more fitting solution, sometimes you really are being helpful. Sometimes this is a better way of doing something. Sometimes God wants to use you to help your husband in this moment and help him see that he was going to make the wrong decision and that it would be better to do it this way. But other times your actions can scream this, You know, I don't trust you.

You don't know what you're doing. I could do this better than you. And it usually sounds like this, ladies. Why are you doing it that way? What were you thinking?

Didn't I tell you you should do this instead? Did you really think that was going to work? Why don't you go ask our neighbor Brian what you should do? He's a real man, And he knows how to fix things. So, the next lesson.

Lesson five. Wives can love their husbands without respecting them. I cannot think of a husband I've ever spoken with who said that he didn't feel like his wife loved him, but I've spoken of plenty of husbands who felt like their wives did not respect them." And there is such a perfect picture of this in Scripture. It is such a blessing as a Bible teacher when you're laboring in the Word and then something jumps out at you and you just feel like it's this gift God drops in your lap. There's such an incredible example of this because there's only one woman in all of Scripture said to love her husband and she's also the woman who put on the most incredibly disrespectful display in all of Scripture which shows a sweat.

You can love your husband and be very disrespectful to him, right? Any guesses what I'm talking about? First Samuel 18, verse 20, Michael, Saul's daughter, loved David. Now this is not to say that men don't want to be loved or that wives shouldn't love their husbands. What should older women be teaching younger women according to Titus 2?

Teach them to do what? Yeah, love your husbands. And it's not to say the wives don't want to be respected. 1 Peter 3 says to honor, and I think someone made the point earlier that to honor is to respect. So when we're told to honor our wives in 1 Peter 3.7, that's practically synonymous with respecting them, but between the two, it is more important for wives to be respecting their husbands and husbands to be loving their wives.

Go and turn to 1 Peter 3 with me. Even though Michael is the woman said to love her husband, who is the woman set down in Scripture as the example for New Testament wives? It's Sarah. And it is not because of her love for her husband. Ladies, why is Sarah the example for you?

Because she obeyed, she respected her husband, she called him Lord, which is what happens in our home often. Actually never, I'm just joking. That's clearly not... What would be the word? Never mind, I shouldn't have even said that.

Let's move on. Okay. But the fact that Sarah respected Abraham, submitted to him when he... Some women are like this, they're like, you know what? I would submit to my husband if I was married to Abraham.

I'm like, you would? Do you know why Sarah was set down as an example for wives? Not just because she submitted, but because of who she submitted to and when she submitted to him. It was incredibly difficult being married to Abraham. I almost guarantee you it is easier for you to be with your husband than it was for Sarah to live that nomadic lifestyle submitting to a husband who on more than one occasion said, hey go tell them you're my sister so I will be safe.

Raise your hands, ladies. How many times has that happened to you? Exactly. Yeah, you don't have it that bad, I guess. No, I'm just joking.

So, here's the thing. One of the reasons Sarah sat down as this premier example for wives is because of how difficult it was for her to submit to her husband and everything that was involved even when it looked, and this is what's absolutely shocking, she's applauded for submitting to her husband when her husband was sinning or at least telling half truths. And some wives say that, should I, how far am I supposed to go my submission to my husband? Well Sarah went far enough that she submitted to him even when he was wrong and then God still did what with her? Protected her, vindicated her, and then ended up rebuking Abraham in the process by a pagan king.

Now in 1 Peter 3, 5 it says, in this manner in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves being submissive to their own husbands. As Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror. It was not her love for Abraham that made her the example. It was the submission and respect. Now turn to 2 Samuel 6, please.

So we can learn from Michael and David's example. Here's the context. David recently became king. One of his first actions was to bring the ark into his new capital, Jerusalem. You know the account, there was a huge procession.

One of the priests, Uzziah, or Uzziah, excuse me, reached out to write the ark when it was tipping on this ark, which should not have...or on a cart, should not have been on the cart. They learned that from the Philistines, should have been carried by men. Uzz reaches out to touch it. He gets killed. David's terrified.

He's angry with God. He sends the ark off and then he begins the second attempt here in chapter 6. And how did he feel after his first failed attempt, when the ark is being brought in successfully? Very joyful. This is a wonderful day for David.

He's incredibly happy about being able to successfully bring in the ark, especially after what had happened earlier. And there's one big problem. His wife is going to ruin his joy here. Look in verse 16. The Ark of the Lord came into the city of David and Michael, Saul's daughter, she looks through this window and she sees David.

She's weeping, or he's leaping and whirling before the Lord. I told you he was pretty excited this day. And she, this is Michael, she despises him in her heart. And why is that? Michael only knew what to think of a king from her father, who would never act like this.

She thinks this is unbecoming of a king. She does not want to be attached to the man that would act this in her eyes foolishly in front of others. She probably appreciated the esteem of being the Queen and to see her husband taking off his kingly adornment and putting on the humble priestly ephod. She just she thinks it's too unbecoming and so she's upset with him way below what a king should do. And so verse 20, David returns to bless his household.

He just wants to bring home some of this joy share with his family. Michael, the daughter of Saul, came out to meet David. It's like she could not even wait until he got into the house. You imagine a child that's done something wrong and the parents just waiting, the mother's just waiting for the child to get home and the mother sees the child coming up the driveway, you know, this parent calls the mother and says, your son did this when he was in my house and the mother says, well send my son home and The mother's just looking at the window for the son to come up the driveway, and as soon as she sees him, she just pounces on him. That's what this looked like.

She just rushes out the front door, but she's treating her own husband this way. So I ask you, ladies, Do you pounce on your husband when you're upset with him? You almost picture this mother disciplining and lecturing her child about his behavior, and so ladies, do you do this? Do you make your husband feel like he's a little boy who's in trouble? Do you chastise him like Michael's about to do with David?

Look at verse 20, it goes on, she says, just imagine the ridicule. How glorious was the king of Israel today, uncovering himself today in the eyes of the maids of his servants as one of the base fellows shamelessly uncovers himself. She mocks David, she ridicules him, you hear that the disrespect. Now, just to let you know before we read what David said, this is a low point for him as well. I'm looking at this because there is application for wives, but there's also application for husbands.

There's not really a defense for David's behavior here. Verse 21, David says to Michael, it was before the Lord, that part's fine, but then this, who chose me instead of your father and all of your father's house. Do you think that stung a little bit? I'm the guy that God chose to replace your father." So he didn't respond very lovingly to her. "...to appoint me ruler over the people of the Lord of Israel.

Therefore I will play music before the Lord. I will be even more indignified than this, and I'll be humble in my own sight." Which is basically David's way of saying, you think this is bad? I can get way worse. And then he says this, as for the maidservants of whom you have spoken, by them I will be held in honor. And if you write in your Bible, you can circle the word held in honor and write respect, because that's basically a concise definition of it.

And sadly, what David said here pictures what has transpired in many relationships where a husband looks at his wife, and he says, you know what? You don't respect me? Well, I know where I can be respected. I know there are plenty of other women out there who would appreciate me. Again, it's a low point for David, but I'm telling you that this is what goes through men's minds.

There are men who have went to work feeling disrespected by their wives, and they've had some woman in the workplace who has sinfully shown them some affection or attention, and what did the husband do? He said, she would show me the respect that I'm not getting from my husband. And that's how the adultery begins, right at that moment. Now, there are three reasons to look at this. First, ladies, it gives you an example of how not to treat your husbands.

Gentlemen, it gives us an example of how not to treat our wives. And third, it shows women that they can love their husbands without respecting them. Now, I don't want to throw out too many names here, just try to follow me for a moment. We do know that Michael was Saul's daughter, and when Saul became jealous of David, do you remember that Saul took Michael away from David and gave her to another man? Go ahead and turn to 2 Samuel 3.

I want to show you something. Saul had a general named Abner that wanted to defect from Saul and join David and this would kind of be like if in a sports analogy the MVP of one team joining the other team. So David has the MVP of the opposing team saying that I want to come and join your team. What would you expect David to say? Let's go.

You know, I've got room for you, come on. And Abner, Saul's general, says I will bring the people to you. I will put you on that throne that you have been waiting for all of these years. But notice what he said in verse 12. Or excuse me, he says it in 13, but start at verse 12.

Abner sent messengers on his behalf to David. And he said, who is this land? Implying it belongs to David. Make your covenant with me and indeed my hand will be with you to bring all Israel to you. And then verse 13 notices, David said, good.

I will make a covenant with you. The one thing I require of you, you will not even see my face until you first bring Michael Saul's daughter when you come to see my face. So here's my point. He said, you can't even join me unless you bring me back my wife. There was a point three chapters earlier where David would not even receive the MVP from the opposing team if it meant that he could not have his wife.

But after Michael had put on the terribly disrespectful display that she did in chapter 6, what no longer existed between David and Michael, a relationship. I'm not saying it's right, but I'm saying it's true. He had nothing else to do with her. Now, some people think that God closed Michael's womb. I don't think that because when the womb was closed, the Bible tells us that.

I think when it says that Michael no longer bore children, that it means that David no longer had sexual relations with her. And did he have other women in his life that he could have relationships with? Sadly, yes. And so my point is this, because of the terribly disrespectful display that Michael had put on in chapter 6, it had dramatically changed David's feelings toward her from only a few chapters earlier. And my point is this, ladies, You can disrespect your husband in such a way that he no longer desires you.

You can disrespect your husband in such a way that you push him away and his feelings for you change. And I'm not saying that that's right, I'm not legitimizing it. There's no if in Ephesians 5.25, You know, husbands love your wives if they treat you the way you're supposed to be treated. Again, a low point for David or any husband when that happens, but please be aware of the reality that the way you respect or disrespect your husband has a big effect on him. Now, lesson six.

Wives can make their husband's spiritual leadership easier. Wives can make their husbands' spiritual leadership easier. Earlier I talked about husbands leading their families well spiritually. Lesson one, husbands love their wives by washing them with the word. Lesson two, husbands set the standard for holiness in the home.

What time last, what does it say on the schedule? I'm supposed to stop. So, it did, seven minutes ago? Never mind, Eldon. I'm the pastor here.

I mean, if I was at David's church, I'd be different. No, I'm just joking. Okay, I'll try to go quickly. I want to be clear about a few things. We project, men do, on other men.

And so, I, like to me, I'm not joking, fixing that fence, terribly intimidating. But because I'm comfortable standing up sharing God's Word bringing my family together to share the Word is not terrifying for me. Here's what you need to know ladies There are many husbands and it's terrifying for them. You would not believe the number of husbands who have come up to me at marriage conferences and said, Pastor Scott, I'm listening. I'm so convicted.

I want to pray with my family. I want to read the Word with them, but I am afraid. I'm afraid to pray with my family. What if I don't know what to say? I am afraid to open the Word of God with my family.

What if I can't answer the questions that they ask? So, ladies, I want to give you some encouragement. Make considerably more deposits than withdrawals. I am not saying you can't disagree with your husband. I am not saying you can't ask him a question that might point out something wrong that He said, but I am saying you better have built him up plenty before that.

Or you're increasing the chances that he will not open the Bible with his family again. Second, never under any circumstances ever compare your husband with another man. Do not ever say something like, well, that's not what Pastor Scott was saying at church, or that's not what that guy was saying on the radio, or when I was listening to this John MacArthur sermon, That's not quite how he exposited that verse. Teaching is a gift, which some have and some don't. And so, what that means is a man is not better or worse if he can teach God's Word.

And another way to say it is some men are going to be able to do it better than others. Your husband is probably not someone who's in my position who has 30, 40 hours a week to study God's Word. You should not expect a sermon or Billy Graham crusade from him every time you open the Bible together. And I'll say this, if he opens it to the book of Leviticus, burnt offerings have never sounded so exciting to you. I mean, you're just like, you're looking at him and it's like little hearts, you're like, burnt offerings, I love this, thank you honey for telling us.

More about, I'm just making the point because sometimes the guy opens the Bible and the wife, this is what we're going to look at? What happens when this terrified man opens the Bible and his wife says, this is the chapter you want to use? Now there are men who are sitting here and they're convicted. They want to pray, they want to read the word with their families. And I want to imagine a man on Monday, because he's going to be at church tomorrow, and so he doesn't feel bound to read the word with his family.

But Monday comes along and he's sitting at work and this conference is playing through his mind. He is convicted about being a spiritual leader, and he decides that tonight, when he gets home, this is the big day, the first time, when dinner finishes, he is going to tell his family, tonight, we will do something different. We are going to push our plates out of the way, and we are going to go and get our Bibles, and we are going to read the Bible together as a family. And I want to tell you that as this man thinks about it, he is terrified. He is absolutely terrified about failing, about not knowing what to say, about not knowing how to explain the verse, about fumbling with his words.

So, fast forward a few hours, and this man comes home and he has dinner. Dinner concludes and his heart's racing, but he's built himself up all day for this moment. And he tells his family, go ahead and get your Bibles, bring them to the table, open them to Ephesians 1, and we're gonna start looking at these verses and his wife says do we have to do this right now I want to get the table picked up is that the version of the Bible you're gonna use can't we use this one instead is this the passage we're gonna start in Do you really think that this is what's best for our children? Is that how you pronounce his name? You know, I was doing my daily Bible reading this morning and my commentary, this isn't what it said about that verse.

I'm not sure that this is right. Maybe you need to go ask the pastor. You know, when Scott was talking about this at the conference, I think he had something else in mind. And gentlemen, I'll tell you, I've had guys that come to me and they're like, you know, I don't know if I can read the Bible with my family and I'll say this if you can read you can read the Bible with your family but ladies do you see the very important part you play in your husband reading the Bible with his family now imagine that same man same terror and he comes home and he tells his family push the place out of the way go get your Bibles and what does his wife say Isn't this great? I've been praying for this moment.

I cannot tell you how much it means to me that we are going to read the Bible as a family. I have wanted more than anything for this moment that we would sit together and open God's Word with our children. And she reaches over and She grabs his hand and she looks in his eyes and she says, thank you for being a man who will lead our family like this. And she's nodding, she's attentive, she's interested. And when the Bible study finishes, guess what she does?

She looks at her children and she says, you are so blessed, You have no idea to have a father who will do this with you. Ninety-nine point nine percent of the fathers out there will never open the Bible with their children, with their families like this, and you have a daddy who will do this. Those are the things that my wife says has encouraged me over these years. Those are the things that your husband, and I say that as a pastor, those are the things that your husband needs to hear, ladies. There was this time early in our relationship when I wanted to impress Katie when we weren't married yet and she was this deeply spiritual woman.

And so my first Bible study had to be, you know, in my mind, like the most amazing Bible study ever taught. And so I'm going to teach this relationship between 2 Kings Isaiah and 2 Chronicles. And it was, instead of being the most impressive Bible study, it was the most confusing Bible study that's ever been taught. And so, when it finished, four hours later, I'm just like, because I was trying to salvage it, I mean that's one reason it stretched on and on, was just trying to pick up the pieces. And so, Katie's on the phone with her best friend.

She didn't know I could hear her, and she just said, I'm so thankful to have a husband who will read the Bible with me. I'm so thankful to have a husband that will open God's Word with me like this. And that's what's encouraged me over these years, times when I didn't want to do this. And so ladies, I'll just tell you, your husband should be a spiritual leader, but you play a large part in making that easier for him to do. All right, I guess I might have went over a little bit.

Go ahead and take your index cards. You're going to get a break. We're going to collect them and then we're going to try to answer them with the time that we have left. I'm going to go ahead and close us in prayer. Father, thank you for this time.

We see such a huge responsibility on each man's shoulders here. It's a weight. We feel it just bearing down on us I know I do Lord to be a spiritual leader to make the right decisions for our families I mean it can be crushing help us to bear that by your grace and the gospel at work in our lives that we could Be like Christ to our families and I pray for the wives here that they would recognize the load on their husbands' shoulders and be an encouragement to them, that they would give them the support that they need, and that they would make the Bible study and spiritual leadership in the home easier for them. Lord, I thank you for this time, and we ask these things in Jesus' name, Amen.