In this sermon, the speaker discusses the importance of disclosing past porn use to a potential partner and the appropriate level of detail to share. They argue that it is essential to confess this sin to a future spouse, but without going into explicit details. Factors such as the frequency, duration, and type of pornography use should be disclosed, as well as how long the person has been free from it. The speaker emphasizes the importance of transparency and honesty, both with potential in-laws and with a future spouse, to prevent feelings of betrayal and to move past the issue together. The fear of exposure and reaping consequences can act as a deterrent from engaging in pornographic activities, and the speaker urges listeners to take this sin seriously and work towards breaking free from it.

What is an appropriate amount of detail about past porn use that's good for a potential partner to know in order to evaluate your self-control. The book finally free, which I think is a good book, counsels disclosing frequency, Clarifying if it's daily, weekly, monthly or less But not describing what was seen. Do you agree that telling someone specific dates and times goes beyond What is helpful? According to Ephesians 4 and I'm assuming he's referring to Ephesians 4 let it not be named among you I'm assuming that's what he's talking about I'm kind of confused on the question a little bit. I don't think it's, hopefully it's not implying that you should be pursuing a marriage if you're currently, that's not what it's assuming is in if you're currently addicted or currently looking past past poor use only how much now there is there is another one another question that's kind of like it that has to do with time.

I'll ask that one later. Let's deal with disclosing. That was two years ago. Two years ago I had an addiction and I'm free of that. How much of that do you need to disclose?

I think You've sinned against your future wife, so you need to disclose the sin that you've committed the sin to. The general rule is you confess all your sins to God, and when you confess them sins to God, you don't in your prayers go into explicit statements to God, what you saw. Of course you know he already knows these things. But you're confessing them fully, that's the right word, fully. This is what I did.

You're taking ownership of it and turning from it. You don't owe that information to me or to other people because you didn't sin against me or other people. But you do owe that to your future wife because you did sin against her. And so that's why you need to disclose that. It's not helpful.

It's not helpful. It's not going to do her any good for you to go into detail of what these women look like or things of that nature, that would only hurt her really bad. If she'll be hurt already, but there's no need to go into the explicit details of that, because you don't need to even remember them yourself. So you need to be clear but you know this was two years ago it was an everyday thing or it was a weekly thing. It lasted for two years or I was introduced to it when I was 12 or when I was 15.

Those things are, I think, are important. At least from... Yeah, those matter. Yeah, that type of stuff. And it really matters how long you've been free from it.

If you're free from it, I've been free for two days, that's just, she needs to know that you're not free. You know, or that's, you're under a lot more suspicion. And so, yeah, that would be my wisdom. You know, pastors that I know, a probe when a man says he's succumbed to pornography, and they're really important questions that have to be asked. How long?

How much? And what kind? What kind? There are different kinds And all are dangerous and some are more dangerous than others. So a man has to understand what he's doing and a faithful pastor will ask those questions because this is such a devastating thing in our culture today.

What did you say yesterday? Throw it in the ocean? The toilet? I don't know what you said. Your phone.

In the ocean. There we go. Go find an ocean. Jason you were gonna say something. I think to the extent that if you engage in a process the parents are playing the role of a gatekeeper sort of on the process guiding the process I do do they have the right to know that level of detail about your history?

Absolutely, I have five daughters. I would ask you about the detail and I would expect transparency and honesty. And if I thought I wasn't getting it, I would keep the gate. Do you owe that level of detail to your potential spouse? Absolutely.

We are making, outside of salvation, you are not making a more specific commitment to anyone, not as broad, not as deep for the rest of your life. We have the right to go to the altar with our eyes wide open on all of these things. Brothers, recognize how serious it is. I recognize how serious it is. I know many, many, many men who would not let you marry their daughter if you were involved in pornography.

It's just the way it is. Sorry. They won't. You don't, you know, we often treat sin, particularly secret sin, as if it's never going to come due. But that sin could come due in a really profound way.

And you're not going to get to marry the girl your dreams I'm sorry you blew your opportunity a lot of men think that way now again the questions matter how long how much what kind Those questions really matter. How far back? Are you... Now that's the next question. It has to do how long?

So Scott, can I just jump in? So I'm not that father. I Love my daughters to death, but that's not a net that's not a Automatic disqualifier for me Let me just tell you when you're transparent and honest with parents and with a potential spouse, you are dispersing the clouds. If you're not transparent and honest, you are setting yourself up for a future where when that becomes known, potentially your in-laws feel had and your spouse feels had. My counsel would be you should welcome transparency and honesty.

You should get it on the table so you can get it off the table, so you can get beyond it, and there's never a sense in which that bill is going to come due at some time in the future that you may or may not control. Think it through. If you keep that, you may have a bill that will come due later out of your control. You shouldn't do that yourself. I don't think any of us would say it's automatically disqualifying for a man if he's looked at pornography.

I don't believe that's our position. I think our position would be more is that man plucking out his eye, figuratively, has he broken free? Because you can break free. He really can break free. It's possible to break free.

And I know a lot of men who have broken free. And I actually know a lot of men. They tell me they've never looked at it. Now I know some men lie, but I don't, my view is I don't think these guys are lying to me necessarily. I don't think they're lying to me.

You can break free and you can't stay away. And it's not necessarily disqualifying for marriage, but it's gonna, but it'll give your marriage a hit. And it'll give your marriage a hit in the way that you look at your wife. The way that you treat her, the way you think about her. You don't want to go into marriage thinking about your wife like she's a whore.

Because that's what pornography is. It teaches you to treat women like a whore. It teaches you to go get what you want. It's the ultimate selfishness. Pornography just makes you more selfish.

It's all about you. But sex in marriage is destroyed when it's like that. Frankly, Paul said that it has more to giving up yourself to your wife than doing what you want with your wife. So pornography is bad. It just comes out of the out of the pit of hell.

The question was how long I don't know how long I did it I think to me it depends on the severity and all that kind of stuff. How long distance for the time when it would be right to be married. How long have you been free? How would you nuance? I know you're not going to give a date.

You're not going to give a, but just how do you counsel men? Well, you know, I don't, in the seminary level, we have a no tolerance policy. At the end of every semester we ask you have you looked at pornography if you have you can't enroll in the next semester. Doesn't mean you can't take a semester off and get back in but after multiple offenses you're done. And we take it very seriously because it destroys pastoral ministry.

It destroys marriages. You have to understand. You asked me how long. And that's kind of in the ministry, how long is it before you're clean? It's hard to know.

It's hard to know if it's two months, six months, a year. I don't know for sure. There is a difference between doing a safe Google search on something benign and accidentally running into something and being overcome by a quick temptation than it is, you know, There's just different severities. And all those things have to be taken into account and wisdom has to be discerning about like, yeah, to what extent. Was this a two-hour binge or this was a ten-second quick, quick click, then I'm out.

I shouldn't have done that. All that stuff has to be taken into play. But I know this is not the question, but this is. I'm a pastor, and the thing that keeps me from looking at pornography is that I believe that it's going to come back and bite me. I believe that there's not a way to erase this stuff.

That there is a fingerprint trail of everything I've done, and all it takes is one person that doesn't like my religious beliefs that can bring that up and show that to my whole congregation. And how would you like to know that everything you've looked at for the last year on your phones or your computers is going to be exposed? And if you live with that, it will. I believe it. The fact that God sees is the fact that do not be a fool.

God will not be mocked. You will reap what you sow. God will, if you think you can get away with this stuff, God will humble you. And he knows how to humble you in a way to expose it before the whole world. And I'm so scared of it.

It's like, I want nothing to do with it. Nothing to do with it. And that's the, I think that's the heart you have to have to defeat this. And of course, I'm talking about things that you didn't ask me, but. Yeah, so, I mean, you do know, you do know that everywhere you go with your phone is recorded and everything you do it is recorded you do know that right I mean That's how they track down people who were involved in January 6th.

You can buy, anybody can buy this information. You can buy information on somebody on where they went, where their feet went and how far they were from the cell tower. All of your tracks are marked right now if you have a phone. Isn't that interesting? Because God says at the final judgment everything will come out.

You know, everything will be revealed. So you might as well recognize that now And don't act like it's far off because somebody could just buy the information Of where you've gone It's an interesting world we live in right now.