In this sermon, Dr. Joel Beeke explores the scriptural duties of a wife in marriage, focusing on four main aspects: reverence, obedience, assistance, and modesty. Drawing from the Puritan perspective, he emphasizes the importance of submission and respect in a marriage. A wife's submission to her husband should be rooted in the fear of God and be consistent with loving him. This respect and submission can manifest in both words and deeds and can even impact her husband's spiritual growth. Communication plays a critical role in resolving disagreements between husbands and wives, and a loving husband can make his wife's submission easier by providing guidance and counsel in love.

I'm going to read from 1 Peter 3, 1 Peter 3, the first six verses. Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands, that if any obey not the word, they also may, without the word, be won by the conversation of the wives while they behold your chase conversation coupled with fear who's adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plating the hair and of wearing of gold or putting on of apparel but let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner, in the old time, the holy women also who trusted in God adorn themselves being in subjection unto their own husbands even as Sarah obeyed Abraham calling him Lord whose daughters are ye as long as you do well and are not afraid with any amazement. These are remarkable words. And I'm not going to walk through an exposition here, but the goal is to look at the scriptural duties of a wife in the marriage.

I'm going to actually look at four of them, reverence, obedience, assistance, and modesty. Let's pray. Gracious God, please help us now as we look particularly at a wife's duties and after dinner at a husband's duties. Please give us wisdom to embrace our own duties in submission to thy word, to thy trinity, and help us to walk worthy of the vocation to which we are called, as husband and as wife. In Jesus' name we pray, Amen.

Well, in our Dutch Reformed liturgy, in the marriage form, this text in 1 Peter 3 is quoted as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him her lord. And it's interesting that when we have a very mixed audience, it's not uncommon as I read those words that people actually break out laughing. It strikes them funny, calling him her Lord. Our own people don't, they understand what the Bible is saying here. But we are so far away in our society today from understanding the duties of a wife and of a husband that it seems like a foreign language to most people.

For most people in society today, marriage is a 50-50 proposition. You do your part, I do my part, and well hopefully we'll get along. And we've gotten to the point today, haven't we, where if you go somewhere and people see that you're still in love with your wife when you're in your 60s or 70s, they look at you And inevitably this question comes out. How long have you guys been married? And if you tell them a number above 10, and you tell them a number in the 30s or 40s, They go, wow, that's amazing.

And you look at them and you think, well, this is normal. I mean, this is normal. This is what the Bible says, it should be the normal thing. But you see, this world's philosophy of living in marriage for yourself instead of Lord first, spouse second, is so normal now that it's not surprising that so many marriages break out because if you live selfishly you're on the way to divorce court sooner or later. Marriage is all about doing your duty, the Puritan said, and then having the joy that flows out of doing that duty wash over you with great delight.

Now, the two major duties in the Bible that are repeatedly shown to us in terms of the woman's duties. And by the way, men, you're coming next, so sit tight. In ministry, you learn to save the best word to last. I thought I'd do the husband's first, but I thought, well, I'm a husband, so I need to say the best word to last for people like me. So the husbands get the last word.

So I'm not picking on anyone. I say this to you as women because I'm not a woman. I'm not bringing you something chauvinistic here, something extra heavily patriarchal. I'm just bringing you the word of God. And the road to happiness for you.

Just as loving, loving our wives is the road to happiness for us men. So the two main duties you find in the Bible for women are actually submission and helpfulness, being a help meet, fitting for your husband. Both of these words are so intrinsic to the wife's role that the Puritans said, whatever else a wife may be, whether smart, rich, reputable, beautiful, house-wise, as they put it, et cetera, If she's not submissive nor helpful to her husband, all else is in vain and she's failing to perform her marriage vows and she will ultimately be unhappy. Richard Steele said, let her have never so much wisdom, learning, grace. If she do not reverence her husband, she cannot be a good wife and she cannot find happiness.

So whatever else may be required of a wife, If she strives before God, who graciously gives what he commands, to submit to her husband in the Lord and to be his helpmate in both temporal and spiritual matters, everything else will fall into place when her husband also loves her and every other duty which flows from these two duties will be done. Steele says, this principle must first be fixed in her heart, that it is neither agreeable to nature nor decency to set the head below or no higher than the rib. And when she is resolved in this, then will she with much delight and ease go through her duty, for a wise God has ordered it thus, and therefore it is best. Now, We talked already a bit about helpfulness. I'll say a few more words about it, but I want to particularly focus now on what really, in the biblical sense of the word, is involved with submission.

We'll look at that under reverence and obedience, and then we'll look a little bit at helpfulness under the third thought assistance and I want to say a little bit about modesty as well as being the part that a wife owes to her husband. So first of all, when we think of reverence, the Puritans said, or submission, we ought to think of reverence, reverence, respect. And God has made man in such a way that our greatest need as men is to have the respect of our wives. Of course we need the love of our wife as well. But there's something in man that responds well to being respected.

Now a woman has that as well, of course, and we both have our major domains. A man identifies supremely in terms of respect with his line of work, and a woman usually needs that respect in terms of the home environment and the children, identifying very closely with her identity in that field. And so when a man, for example, ignores the needs, the literal needs of the home, a wife can feel disrespected. When a man feels that his wife couldn't care less about his work, a man feels disrespected. And so there are many ways, and the Puritans will teach us some of these ways, that we can show understanding each other as spouses, we can show what the Bible calls love and respect to each other by our words and by our actions.

So for example, being a minister, being the president of a seminary, being a, you know, leading a book ministry. My wife will often tell me how much she respects my work. Sometimes I'll come home, not every day of course, but sometimes I'll come home in the evening and she'll wrap her arms around me, just say, honey, thank you for working so hard for me today. I deeply respect you for it, and I deeply respect what you're doing. Do you realize how that makes me feel?

Ha. Makes me feel like a million bucks. Makes me love that woman all the more. Because she understands, she understands what I'm doing. She understands what makes me tick.

She understands why my work is important. Why it makes a difference in the world. I feel like she's on my wavelength, I feel like she's a partner with me, and she gives me the space and the time to do this. This is huge. I mean, I love her for a thousand reasons, but This is a reason, an important reason for me as a man.

I feel like my wife really respects me. Now, hopefully I do the reverse. I couldn't imagine having my wife make a meal and chowing it down and not saying, thank you so much, thank you so much, this was a really good meal, I appreciate so much what you do, And I mean it, I mean it every night. It's wonderful. She's a great cook, and I tell her that.

Okay, so that's one area, identifying with the home and with the children, that it's important for her to hear that. But sometimes, and I'm speaking heart to heart to you women right now, sometimes I think women don't understand how deep the need is for men to be respected. That's part of the submission, an important part of the submission, the reverence, the respect. That's what's involved here. Sarah called Abraham her Lord.

It's not he was God, but it was a term of respect in the ancient culture, just like we would call each other sir or madam today. It's a term of respect. So I just want to impress this on you. You may expect your husband to thank you for meals that you make, that she makes for you, and you do, and yet maybe you as a wife don't realize how important it is for you to really thank your husband for his work. There's a lot of pressure for most men in their work.

Certainly the ministry has a lot of pressure. So yes, we need to understand as men, the pressure you have in the home, but you also need to understand and respect the pressure that we go through, and respect the work itself, just like we are called to respect the importance of bringing up the children and changing those diapers. There's nothing mundane about the mundane in the eyes of Jesus Christ. And so we need to respect that. So this is a matter of mutual respect in a way, but God is saying that this is man's greatest need.

We need our wives to look at us and say, honey, I really respect you. I have a heart, deep-felt, heartfelt respect for what you're doing and the work you're accomplishing. The Bible calls this honoring, honoring your husband, not to set him up on a pedestal, but to honor him. Ezekiel Hopkins says, she must look upon him as that person whom God, out of all the numerous millions of mankind, has particularly chosen, selected for her, one whom he saw fittest and best to be her head and guide, and she must respond to that one with respect for the calling that God has set upon him. So every single man here, in terms of your daily work, identifies closely with it, don't you?

It's your vocatio, It's not your job, it's your vocatio, your vocation, a calling that God has given you. And it's critical that you as wives recognize that and respond in kind. Now, the reverence does not only include honoring your husband, and I just gave you one example, one area of honoring in terms of his work. There's many other areas, of course. How you speak to your husband, the tone of voice, the attitude when you maybe disagree with him on something or you have a different viewpoint.

Of course the Bible is not saying submission means you can't express that viewpoint. But what it does mean is that you express your viewpoint without disrespecting his viewpoint, without being sarcastic, without trying to dominate him. But you respect your viewpoint, your husband's viewpoint, and he is to respect yours as well. So notice that in Peter, this Respect comes through with these words in verse two, 1 Peter 3, while they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. This is talking about husbands that are not believers.

Hopefully your husband is a believer. But you see, it holds true if your husband's a believer as well. Your conversation towards your husband should be chaste, it should be pure, coupled with a childlike fear of God, that's saying here, filial fear of God. Because God has put your husband as your head and therefore you are to show him the reverence, the respect, the submission under God, as long as he doesn't command you to sin, that He is worthy of in that position God has placed him. And so this kind of respect is your duty.

And it will be deeply appreciated by your husband. So this is not a slavish fear, don't misunderstand this, or a servile fear as the Puritans would call it, that would be inconsistent with love, but it's a gracious fear, it's a childlike fear that's consistent with fearing God and consistent with loving your husband. Thomas Gadiger, who also wrote a book on marriage, said, this kind of respect for your husband, rooted in the fear of God, should spring from love and be joined with love, consistent in a desire to do everything out of respect for your husband so as to please them and give them contentment and a care to shun and avoid whatever may displease them or minister discontentment unto them. So when a wife fears her husband, she does her utmost to please him, even if it means displeasing the whole world. 1 Corinthians 7 34.

Now the world laughs at this kind of attitude, but God is saying this is the way I have designed man and woman, and this is a part of the woman's calling. Out of her heart's desire to please her husband, She endeavors in her speech, her dress, her behavior, her entire demeanor to endear herself to him as the most amiable and lovely wife. Now, let me just say something and My wife has probably never heard me say directly, but I'm going to embarrass her a minute. But I'll tell you a way in which she is so understanding. I'm not saying all women should do this, okay?

Don't get me wrong, but this is an example of respect. I feel her respect. So I hate to go shopping. I absolutely hate to step in a mall. Huh?

You too? Okay, let me preach that, huh? Okay. So, I cannot understand for the life of me how someone can go to a mall and get excited walking in a mall. When I walk into a mall, I get instantly so sleepy.

I am so bored. I always tell, my wife understands. I take papers with me, I'm proof reading some book. I look for the nearest chair and I sit down. We don't have mall intimacy, okay?

This does not exist in our marriage. So here's my wife's response. She could say, you know, well, you know, I do so much for you, why don't you go to the mall with me and just drag me through the mall for two hours? She's thoughtful. At the same time, I give her permission, I trust her, I say, you can buy whatever you want in the mall.

But you know what she does? I never asked her to do this. Let's say she wants, it's time to get a new dress for example. She will buy, I can't believe she does this, but she'll buy two or three dresses and she'll bring them back home and then she'll try them out in front of me and say, which one do you like the best? Because what's most important to me is that I look nice for you.

That's more important than what other people think. And I'll tell her, you know, I think that one's the greatest. We'll pick one out. And then she'll go back to the mall and take the other ones back. Now, I mean, that's a lot of work, just because I hate going into malls.

But do you understand how respected I feel in that? She could go out and buy all three dresses and say, I want these dresses. My husband doesn't want to go to the mall, so he doesn't care about what I look like, and so I'm just gonna get whatever I want, forget him. No, she shows me this respect. I'm not saying that every woman has to go to that extent, but what I'm saying is, there should be areas in your life as a woman where you respond with that kind of respect that makes your husband just love you all the more and that you convey to your husband, It's very important that I please you.

I want your approval. That's key in the way God has made man and woman. So, that's the first thought there, a first and second thought. Let me give one more thought. The pattern, the pattern of the actual, which is called a dirty word today, submission, The pattern of it is very different from what the world thinks the Christian view is.

And I want to set this forth in the Puritan way as well. I'm going to just put this in my own words, because this is a consensus of many Puritans. So how does actual submission work in daily life? Well, this is my vision of it. Having read the Puritans, having practiced it in our own marriage, it goes something like this.

So let's say you sit down and you talk something over. Now in a good marriage, where you both have Christian principles, 97%? 95? It varies between... Your wife can be very different from you, so maybe 90%.

I'd say be a low number. But my wife and I actually have similar backgrounds, so I think we're at about 99% because we think so much alike. It's just very natural. We talk something over a couple sentences and we agree and it's very easy and we go forward. Now what do you do in that 1% or 2% or in your case, maybe it's 5 or 10%?

Okay, what do you do in those times where you don't initially agree on something? Well, you talk that over. And when you have an understanding, loving husband, and you are a submissive wife, what happens is you talk it over, you express your concerns, and most of the time when you initially disagreed, you can come to an agreement without any trouble. Isn't that true? So, that takes care of 90 percent of the five or 10 percent of problems that might otherwise arise.

Through good communication, you resolve it. So now you're down to like 1% of the time where you actually disagree on how to handle a certain situation. See, it's at that point, on this rare occasion, that you would do well, you would do well to say to your husband, sweetheart, honey, whatever, well, or more endearing terms, whatever you call them. We've talked about this, and I understand where you're coming from, and I've expressed the way I feel, but I trust you and I love you, and I realize my proper place in marriage and so I'm just going to leave the decision with you. I will be perfectly happy if you choose to go the way you think we need to go.

I mean, you have to go through all this language every time but I mean, that's the attitude you convey to your husband. So you don't say, you don't say, well, I see that we just can't come to an agreement on this, so you just do it your way. That's not submission. That's putting your husband in a huge bind and building, remember that terrible word? Contempt.

And anger, internal anger, on both sides. No, you give him the genuine feeling that he now is in charge. And you surrender that to him. Now in that situation, what is he going to do? This is a word to you men.

Okay, you've talked it all over. Sometimes it's a very small thing, right? You know, where do you want to go out to eat tonight? Oh, I want to go to Chick-fil-A. She wants to go to another place and we talk about it and we disagree and she says, look honey, you just, you pick, You pick.

Now, I look at that situation and say, okay, you know, I want to go to Chick-fil-A or whatever, and she wants to go there, but I detected from her voice and her feelings that actually she feels stronger about going to that restaurant than I do going to the restaurant I would pick. So as head of the household, she just gave me permission to pick. I'm going to pick, most of the time I'm going to pick where she wants to go because I want to please her. So that makes submission in those cases very easy work for you women, right? You end up going where you want to go.

Now, Other times, you see, I might say, no, I really have a strong feeling here and I might pick my way. You see, it's at that point where the marriage is on knife's edge And if you don't fully submit to your husband and say, that's perfectly all right, I'm glad you made that decision, and give him support, you're not really being submissive. It's like a child that says, okay, I'll do it, Dad, just because you said it, but you know, there's a, eh, kind of a, you know, you make your kids say you're sorry for something, they say, sorry. You say, that's not sorry. I'm sorry, that's not sorry.

It's just, it's not right. And when a man feels like he finally makes a decision, and the woman is quiet in the car as they go to the restaurant, or something, you pick up these vibes of resentment. That is not a good thing for a marriage. So submission there comes into play in a very real practical way. Doesn't happen every day in a good marriage, probably hasn't happened more than a couple times a year, but when it does happen, your husband needs to feel that he's the leader and that you respect his decision.

And that is what submission is about. And if you have a loving husband, really this submission is not that hard. In fact, the love you feel from your husband should, in an unfallen world it would, make you happy to do that. So put that down in the back of your mind that when you do submit, because there has been a disagreement and you surrender to your husband, put it in the back of your mind, that's critical, this is what the Puritans teach too, and Peter and Paul, that the submission is cheerful. Just like you say to your children, obey me cheerfully, immediately, voluntarily.

A man needs to feel that from his wife, which leads me then to the second thought here, obedience, Obedience. So a wife's obedience, therefore, needs to manifest itself in both words and deeds. Both words and deeds. The Puritans say she should guard against becoming or being argumentative or disagreeable knowing that the Lord hears and she will give an account on the judgment day. No woman gets honor by feeling she always has to have the last word.

That's Richard Steele. So, once you have this antagonistic atmosphere where you feel like you've got to have the last word, And there are a number of women that way. I've counseled a number of people. And the man just feels henpecked. He feels like he just can't make a decision and go through with it because a woman always has an objection, and she's got to have the last word.

It's got to be her way or the highway. This is not the way a marriage is to be run. So Swinok says, a reverent wife may possibly make, a reverent wife may possibly make a religious husband. The head may fare much better for the good temperature of the body. Fear in her may be instrumental to work faith in him.

So he's picking up here on 1 Peter 3 and saying that when a husband shows that sweet disposition, or wife shows a sweet disposition of obedience, you see, her very walk of life could actually turn him around spiritually out of love for her and see the beauty of the Christian religion, and he could become interested and be saved. So through the godly walk of the wife, you see, the husband could benefit spiritually. Now, the obedience of the woman though, the obedience of the wife, remember this, is not, you're just not obeying your husband in his leadership position. It's submission to your husband, and this is a key word in the Bible, and the Puritans make a big deal of it, as unto the Lord, as unto the Lord. It's a two-tiered obedience.

Your husband's the head of the marriage, and the head of the man is the Lord. And what God is saying is, He's designed you in such a way that when you obey your husband, you're obeying the Lord so long as Your husband doesn't command you to sin. And once you get that deep into your heart, you see, then it's not your husband that's just in view. It's the Lord that's in view. It's a day of judgment that's in view.

And then it's a different picture. Then you can gladly, willingly submit, because this is what God wants you to do. So At the same time, we men are called to try to make that submission in our wives much easier by our fervent love for them and our care about them. Here's what one Puritan says, let every husband hereby take note of his great duty to be a guide and counselor, a loving counselor to his wife. If your wife is to submit to your counsel as unto the Lord's, then you must be ready to give the Lord's counsel to her in love.

And where that is the most difficult, and probably this is where the rubber hits the road, let me just spend five minutes with this because it's important, is when a husband sees some serious, or fairly serious, shortcoming in his wife and needs to reprove her and needs to criticize her, constructively. Now, of course there's times when it works in reverse as well, and one of the biggest questions in a marriage is how do you constructively criticize a tender spouse, be it either way, and have this come out good? And particularly when the man, the husband, criticizes his wife, reproves her, and shows her a better way, how does he do that without offending his very tender, tender wife? All right. What the Puritans said here was, the husband must do this with great tenderness, and the wife must catch the spirit of how he is doing it, and consider it an act of love on his part.

So we must do that, hopefully not very often. You don't do it over minor things. But you need to do it from time to time, just like my wife certainly needs to make corrections in me from time to time as well. Now, here's the point. If you just come out and say it, I'm going to give you a real life example, okay?

Yeah, I think my wife, I think she'll accept this. Okay. Okay. So both of us are not people that are normally exactly on time. I'm usually five minutes late to things and my wife is usually six minutes, seven she said, okay, seven minutes late.

All right, so we got into a little problem in our marriage because we do a lot of things in the evening for the church And if supper is too late, then we don't have due time for family worship between supper and having to go. And to me, it's a big deal, especially as I get older, that I get a 10-minute nap after supper. Sorry to say that, but I do get tired, and I do work long hours, and I just need that 10 minute nap to get me through the evening. Well, we got in a position where she would say, okay, supper will be at 5.45, and you know, then maybe it was six o'clock, and then by the time we get on the supper, we had to rush through family worship. There's no time for my nap.

So I realized I had to approach her about this. Something had to change here. We had to stay, we really had to stay more closely on time. Now how am I going to do that? Well, I could do it this way.

Honey, you know what, I'm really sick of tired of coming home late and this is all so tight and I can't get my nap and we can't do family worship and you just really have to change. Well, if I did that, I'd know my wife well, and now she'd probably say, well, if that's the way you feel, why don't you come home earlier and help me make the meal? Yeah, It just wouldn't go well. So you don't just blurt out the criticism. First of all, the Puritans would say, you've got to find this suitable time to criticize each other.

And they would be very practical. They'd say, don't ever criticize while your stomachs are both hungry before a meal. Give a light criticism when you're maybe walking romantically down the street late that night, as we would do. That's a good time for me, for us to talk about any disagreements. 1130 at night, we're just enjoying each other's company, everything's relaxed.

Secondly, you don't really find the right time, but You do like Paul, they would say. I call it the Pauline sandwich principle. So how does Paul criticize the Corinthians in 1 Corinthians? He has seven levels of criticism. Do you understand that?

That's a lot of criticism to take in one letter. So how is he going to do it? He first lays down a slice of bread. He says, Corinthians, I love you. I'm praying for you all the time.

Thank you for the gifts you've extended to me. You've been so thoughtful. I always remember you. So he tells them, basically, you're good. You're a wonderful church in many ways.

I love you. And then, but, you know, I do hear some problems. I hear, for example, that, you know, one is of a Paulist and one is of Paul. That's criticism number one. And he goes through seven, it's like seven layers of meat on the sandwich.

Criticism on top of criticism on top of criticism. What does he do at the end? He puts down another slice of bread. He turns it into a sandwich. And he says, but don't get me wrong.

I'm going to look for an opportunity to come and see you. I love you. Give so-and-so a kiss. Greet one another. The brethren, I really appreciate you.

What is Paul doing? He's doing something very commonsensical. So let me explain it this way. Let's just picture this picture here. Alright?

This little problem with my wife not having supper already on time, in terms of her whole personality, and the 10, 500 things she's doing right, is like, if I had a little felt pen with me, if I could put one little black mark here, it's probably like that much compared to the whole picture. So what happens is, I've got to use the sandwich principle, just as she has to use the sandwich principle when she criticizes me. So how do you do that? Okay, you're walking along, 1130 at night, down the street, now this is us, and this is how I did it. Honey, I just want you to know I love you so much.

I love you like crazy. You are such a special wife in every way. I love your meals too, by the way. I just had this little bit of a problem. Maybe you can help me with it.

The meals are getting pushed back a little bit, I'm afraid, and it's getting a little uncomfortable because we don't have enough time for family worship in my little nap that you know I need. So I'm wondering if we could talk about how to solve this problem. What did she say? Oh honey, you're absolutely right. I know I've been getting worse.

I will dial back. I'll get it done earlier. Don't worry about it, sweetheart. Thank you for approaching me in a loving way. And I say, oh, thank you, sweetheart, so much.

And please, please be assured that I don't mean this as a criticism of you in any way, but I just saw my heart and just wanted to resolve it. Thank you so much. You're a wonderful, wonderful wife. Put on the other sandwich, other slice of bread as well. So no problem at all, because you approach it affirming the whole person.

So when you don't do that and you just blurt out the criticism, see, then your wife feels like the meal problem is the whole picture of who she is. And the whole picture is black because you forgot to couch it in a realistic picture of who she really is. Now, some people look at the sandwich principle and they say, oh, you're just beating around. You're just trying to be clever. No, no, no.

Paul was not trying to be clever. He was just using common sense approach to say to the Corinthians, I love you over all, but here are some felt point problems that we need to resolve. And then they could receive it from him better. So when you do constructively criticize each other, do it with this kind of love. And now that applies to you then as a wife when you come to the head of your marriage, which is your husband.

You lovingly and you thankfully approach him and then you gently express an area of concern. And your approach will make a huge difference to your husband. So here's the point, and this is what I really want to stress. So my wife then thanked me. She thanked me for approaching her with this problem.

And she said, I know I do have to resolve, I'm glad you brought it up. I thank you for your gentle reproof. And you see, that's what you want to do as a woman when you receive a reproof from your husband, you want to be able to thank him for the reproof. And that will let him feel, how did I feel after that conversation with my wife walking down that sidewalk? I felt like she respected me as head of the household and she was willing to accommodate for my needs as well.

It just turned out wonderfully well. I just loved her all the more after that. I think she loved me the more because I approached it all gently and lovingly. So this is the way, I believe, to deal with criticism. I hope I'm not doing what your husband said about tooting my own horn here or whatever.

This, you know, I've failed many times in marriage. I think we've all failed many times in marriage. I'm just talking about the way it ought to go, and this is the example that pops into my mind. And this is the way the Puritans would do it. They would do it all with tenderness.

It's amazing when you read Puritan books on marriage how much they use the word tenderness. You approach your spouse tenderly, especially if there's anything negative here. Now, though this duty of obedience on your part as a wife may seem hard, and will perhaps at times be hard to the flesh when your husband actually chooses in those odd situations to go his way rather than your way. Here's what a Puritan says, Though the duty of obedience may seem hard and no doubt will at times be hard to the flesh. That wife who obeys her husband as unto the Lord, because she obeys her husband for the Lord's sake, will gain, number one, favor with God, number two, comfort to her own soul, number three, love from her husband, and number four, a good report before others.

You'll be the richer for it. You'll be the richer for your gentle submission to your husband. All right, so that's a bit on submission and obedience. Let me say a quick word about assistance. We talked already about helpfulness, so I don't need to repeat that.

But In a woman's mind, a wife's mind, you see, she's to be a help meet for her husband, a help fitting for her husband. And that is so important for the whole relationship. When I know, I know, I mean, just this afternoon, okay, I've got hearing aids and my battery went out and I very seldom do I forget this, but I forgot to take extra batteries with me. I said to my wife, I'll probably make it through the day, but around mealtime when I don't have this right hearing aid in, I can't hear nearly as well. She's thoughtful.

She went out during this break and got a battery for me at a store. I don't know where she went. But you understand how I felt when she handed me that battery. I said, thank you, this is so thoughtful of you. Now for the rest of the day at this conference, I can hear people well.

Thank you so much, sweetheart. I didn't have the heart to ask her to go on with a battery. It's my stupidity that I forgot to take some. But she just took it on her own initiative. Now, I hope I'm not entirely co-dependent on her, but I think I'm moving in that direction the older I get.

But I just love her for the way she assists me in my busy lifestyle in these kinds of small, small ways, but important ways. And It makes a man feel respected. It makes a man feel like his wife really cares about him. And it just makes you love your wife all the more. So I want you women to understand that.

Those little things you do for your husband, assisting him, just mean a lot, a lot to him. All right. Finally, let me say a word, just a quick word about modesty here, because this ties in also with 1st Timothy 2, that a woman needs to, I'm not talking now about in the bedroom and sexual intimacy, I'm talking now about in society. A woman needs to handle herself in such a way that she does in no way allure sinful thoughts in the minds of other men. And a husband will greatly respect a wife who, yes, she tries to, I mean, she cultivates her natural beauty.

I'm not setting on a whole list of rules here, but what she does, she does modestly. And in the Puritan mind, what that meant was that you don't dress in such a way where there's immodesty, but you also don't dress in such a way where you're trying to impress people in great ways. And the Puritans have some guidelines for that, that they called it working a holy decorum in the countenance and in the eyes and in the speech and in the apparel according to William Perkins. So a good God-fearing wife then gives her husband the impression by the way she handles herself in public, I am totally devoted to you, and I'm not out to impress other men. What you think of me is the most important.

So she doesn't stir up any feelings of jealousy. She has a modesty about her that is godly. And Peter's talking about this kind of modesty as something that's beautiful. It's beautiful in the eyes of the husband. It's beautiful to me as a husband that I know, I know I never have to worry about my wife.

I know I can trust my wife completely when she goes out, even when I'm not with her. This is just a wonderful modesty that adorns a God-fearing woman. And I know that My wife wants to bow under the authority of God's word also in this area because this is what God commands of her. Now it doesn't only refer to apparel. The Puritan mind, modesty refers to the whole personality.

The way a woman talks, the way a woman handles herself, the way she even does not try to come across as sensuous in any way to draw attention. All of these things is what Peter is getting at. There's an inward beauty that flows from a God-fearing woman who walks modestly in front of others. There's a guy by the name of Vincent Alsop. He's a very important Puritan, though you probably don't know him because he didn't write too much, but he has a chapter on this whole area and he says, and sobriety and godliness is inappropriate and a woman should let her own conscience be her guide.

Second, whatever violates the distinction God has put between the sexes is inappropriate. Deuteronomy 22 verse 5. When God made man, he clearly distinguished between male and female, and how we need this today, and our clothing should honor his wisdom by observing that distinction. Third, whatever clothing that fails to serve the purpose for all apparel, that is to cover one's nakedness, is inappropriate. Fourth, a safe rule of dress is to strive for a kind of golden mean, which Elshep describes as below envy and above contempt.

Another Puritan put it this way, not only women but also men should dress in such a way, according to their own day and age, that they do not become the laughing stock of the world, that they don't look ridiculously old-fashioned and strange and bizarre, but at the same time, where they're not on the cutting edge of the leading fashions of the last moment. In other words, drawing attention to themselves. But we dress in such a way that it's appropriate and it's modest and we want to look good for our husbands. We have some self-respect here, but we don't want to go to extremes. And then fifth, 1 Timothy 2, 9 and 10 provides, says Elsop, a divine mirror when women may contemplate their own glory as a woman.

I'll leave it to you to look up that verse. 1 Timothy 2, 9 and 10, because I'm running out of time. And finally, Alsop then provides, interestingly, a list of 13 guidelines for women on how to dress. Puritans did everything thoroughly. But Basically, what he's saying in all these guidelines is that you are seeking to dress in such a way that you bring honor to God and you do it with modesty and you do it also in a way that your husband deeply respects you in the core of your personality.

All right, all four of these duties, in conclusion, all four of these duties rest upon and express the wife's summary duty of submission so that the husband can look at her and say, I feel at home with her. I feel like she respects me. I feel love from her, and I love her all the more. And she is just the woman for me. She's just the woman for me.

And the woman says, I want to please my husband. I want to respect him. I see my own needs, by God's grace, in all these areas to live on Christ's fullness without Christ, without doing it as unto the Lord. I might rebel or I might go the wrong direction, but I'm praying to God to be a godly woman. A woman of sincerity, a woman of selflessness, a woman filled with the Holy Spirit, who alone can empower me to put to death the misdeeds of the flesh and work in me the will and to do for God's good pleasure to serve my husband as God would have me to do in his sacred word.

Such a woman is supremely happy, and doubly happy when she has a God-fearing husband who loves her like crazy. Let's pray. Gracious God, we ask thy benediction upon this talk to the women here, to the wives. I pray, Lord, that thou wilt be near to them and help them to exercise this female role, this very feminine role according to scripture of gentle and sweet submission and obedience and assistance and modesty as unto thee Lord for thy glory so that their husband can safely trust in them and love them and praise God for such a beautiful God-fearing wife who has the inner beauty of godliness and the external beauty of modesty. We ask all this out of free grace in Jesus' name, Amen.