The sermon discusses the importance of husbands washing their wives in the Word, emphasizing that it involves more than just a short devotional time. It explores the idea of constant exposure to the Word, understanding and knowing one's wife, cultivating Christ in her, adoring and valuing her, and fighting for joy in the marriage. The sermon highlights the need for husbands to lead by example and to be committed to the study and application of God's Word in their own lives.

Well, in my talk last night, I spoke about the love for our spouses having a purpose and a direction. And one of the key purposes is that husbands need to wash their wives in the Word, and we see that as an emulation of what Christ does with the church, that He washes His bride, the church, in His Word. And it's important that we do that so that our wives become joyful, and even more importantly, so that God might be glorified. So women, I'm mostly talking to your husbands during this short time together. I want you, if you will, to do two things.

One, there'll be times that I ask your husbands about and to think about your strengths and weaknesses and needs and challenges. And it would be good as I talk about those that you be thinking about them as well and share with your husbands tonight or in the future days so that he will better understand you. Two, pray for your husband during this time that I'm talking. So husbands, normally when men hear about washing their wives in the Word, They think about leading a 15-minute or more nightly devotional or morning study in which they read the Bible, perhaps with their wife, with their children, and that's washing their wives in the Word. But I want to tell you that washing your wives is so much more than this, so much more than this.

I'll share about that more in a moment, but before I get started, I want to see if we can put together an overarching proposition that will guide what I'm saying today. To watch your wife in the word, and I think I have this written down there, is to commit that everything that you say, do and decide with regard to your marriage, and family will be centered upon the gospel. Because by having a gospel saturated home, your wife will be constantly exposed to the Word of God and be reoriented away from the world's narrative and back to the Bible's narrative, particularly reminding her of her calling in life and identity in Christ. Now constant exposure means that washing your wives with the Word is more than that short time devotional together each day or even having Scripture passages posted around the house. It's Nothing less than 24 hours, 7 days a week type of commitment as the leader of your home to realize that only the Word of God will cut through defensiveness, will cut through deceit, pretense, busyness.

It will restore vitality. It will bring true joy in our relationships. The Bible reveals who we are, sinners in need of grace. It reveals who we must become, blood-bought heirs of eternity, image bearers of God, kings and queens in God's kingdom. It convinces us that the effort to fight for this identity of going against the resistance that Satan and the world and our flesh crate all leads to a desirable end.

It's only the word of God's going to convince your wives of this truth. When our youngest son was a little boy, he used to be afraid of the shower And so he would lean over as far as he could. I don't know if your children ever did that. So that just the very tip of his head got wet in the water. And we would say, you need to get in the water.

You need to get wet and then you need to use soap. Well, when you wash something, you immerse it. You clean it. You remove the dirt to reveal what lies underneath. And I encourage you to think of washing your wives and the Word in this particular way.

You husbands must immerse your wives in the reality of a God-oriented marriage that is saturated with the Word of God. You must work along with the Holy Spirit to remove the dirt of fleshly thoughts and desires and contradict what the world and the culture is telling her every day. And you must reveal the image of God that's underneath its information. And that doesn't happen in the short time periods. And I keep saying that, but I keep saying that because I think we have probably many of us men formulated in our mind that that's what it means.

And you probably anticipated that what I was going to do today was to tell you how to create a 15-minute devotional. And I don't want you to think that I am diminishing the value of those study times because I think they're absolutely invaluable to your leadership of your family. But I want to point out that while they are good, that washing your wife in the Word is more and thus it will require more of you. So you need to be husbands willing to struggle rather than to demand quick fixes and solutions. And because this time together is short, I want to give you men some practical steps to wash your wives in the Word.

And we'll start with step one, which is to accept this role that God has given you that Scott was just describing of shepherding your wife and washing her in the Word by yourself becoming a man of the Word. Now, it may seem overly simplistic to say that You can't wash someone with the word unless you actually know or use the word, but it's true, right? I mean, think about what that implies though. It means you actually have to read. It means you have to listen to.

It means you have to absorb and meditate upon and internalize God's Word. You too must be immersed in the Scriptures. I think a lot of men will agree with at least that point, and yet over the years I have talked with so many men and have come to realize two important things. One, the majority of men read their Bibles very little and most do not read them every day. And two, very few men have read the entire Bible.

And maybe that describes you and perhaps it describes some of you wives as well. So my next comments about reading the Bible are for both of you. I think if you realize that the stakes are as high as we talked about last night and if your purpose is to be a minister of grace, a grace which is described by and energized by God's Word. If you're going to have a home that's saturated with godly principles and you're making godly decisions by God's principles, then you must strive to read your Bibles every day. And the moment you commit yourself to that is the moment you realize you're in for a struggle because some of you are very busy men.

Why is it so tough to read the Bible? Well, the Bible is a library of 66 books. A lot of men don't actually take the time to read books in general. We've become a far less literate society actually over the last many decades and this is a library of 66 books that take up over a thousand pages with often unfamiliar people, places, cultures, ideas. The apostle Peter admitted that he found some of Paul's writings difficult to understand, so you're not the only one men that might find some things difficult to understand in the Scriptures.

And how many of you tried to read the first half of Isaiah only to find pages and pages of curses against people and unpronounceable names of those who died thousands of years ago, or endless genealogies, or lists of family names. It's easy as we read through those, in a different culture, a different time, a different people, it's easy to wonder about the relevance of the Bible, especially when we're caught up in those tasks of the home and of work every day. And if that describes you, it may be that you're not quite interested in reading the Bible from cover to cover. Instead, you'll just read one of the Gospels, right? Or pick and randomly choose things that you would read in the rest the Bible.

But you have to be convinced the Bible is God's Word. The Bible is God's Word. Last night we read in Ezekiel In the Psalms about how God invites us to taste and to see that He is good. There is something that will happen as you commit yourself even though it may not seem as relevant as you would like, even though it may seem unfamiliar, but God says, test me. Taste it and see and you'll discover that I'm good.

And while the Bible at first glance may seem irrelevant as we begin to understand the connection between the books, as We begin to draw out the redemptive story that ties everything together as we begin to realize the anticipation of Christ that fills the Old Testament pages. Someone once said those pages rustle with hope. We see the description of man. We see a hope for a Savior. And then we learn that the Bible, yes, it was 66 books.

It was written over this expansive period of time by a creative God who intended, through the inspiration of these authors, to present something that is a seamless story. It is only book. It's not the word of man, but rather the word of God. And it would be enough just to know that. And that it's absolutely authoritative and trustworthy, but as Paul writes to Timothy, the Bible has everything that we need to make us wise and to salvation and faith that is in Christ Jesus.

And then Paul also tells Timothy that the Scriptures were completely sufficient to give what is needed to live a righteous life. So beyond the fact that it's God's Word, beyond the fact that it really explains our need and our solution, It is also what gives us wisdom. It gives us salvation. It gives us faith. It gives us the understanding of what is a righteous life.

And if you believe that, And that's the key, right? The key here is, do you believe these things? Because someone like me or Scott or Jason can stand here and you've heard them many, many times. We can say God's Word needs to be the first priority, but you have to believe it. You have to hunger and thirst for it, like I said last night.

And when you believe it, when you truly believe it, then it becomes something that must be a high enough priority that's as important as anything else in your day. You will arrange everything in your schedule, right? To get up, to be at work on time, to do what's expected by your boss, to think about future objectives and values and all the things that you need to do, you will want to please your employer, you'll want to meet all of those objectives, and you feel successful in having reached those. And that's just your work. We're not even talking about your family.

And God says, I want myself and my word to be as important to you as that. I want you to be able to plan in the course of your day to make me important. And to do that, you'll have to discipline yourself. Because a lot of people have good intentions but don't follow through. You may have to decide a consistent time to read.

Maybe when you first get up, it may be at lunch, it may be at the end of the day. You'll need to find a good place, usually not laying down because it's so easy to fall asleep, right? But it might be at your desk, might be in your recliner, you set up a plan, set those objectives for yourself. It could be determined by some outside person. We love the Bible app, YouVersion.

There's hundreds of reading plans there. Our church is involved in a reading plan going through the Bible in a year. There are all kinds of different tools and resources available to you, but realize this, you can read through the entire Bible in one year by spending only 15 minutes a day reading. I think you should read your Bible more than that, but when you realize that there are 1,440 minutes in the day, that if you use only 15 of those minutes each day to read the Bible, that what you have done is used about 1% of your time. 1%.

But with that 1% you could read through the entire Bible in a year. So part of washing your wife in the Word is talking about and applying what you read. A lot of you who love your jobs, you want to talk about what you've learned or what you've accomplished in that day, in your work. My question to you is, do you love God's Word in the same way that you will talk to other people about what you've been reading? Do you want to share with your wife, with your children, the things that you've learned?

We must read the Word with this engagement that then wants to spill out. And we have to read the Word with the goal of obeying it, because what good is it to say that this is the Word of God, that it is truth, and that it's authoritative for us, that it's relevant for all life, if we're not willing to do what it says. Now men for most wives, and you ladies can confirm this, the sight of her husband and the Word, The sight of him on his knees before the Lord in prayer, the experience of him talking interestingly and knowledgeably about the things of God and what he has read may be the most attractive thing she will ever see and experience. You men can run fast. You can hit a softball 300 feet.

You can build a house. You can fix a broken sprinkler. You can have the right answer for many questions she asks, but none of those things, I believe, will compare with seeing you seek and submit to your shepherd. Nor can you underestimate the value that you provide as a model who lets the word shape the decisions and priorities of your life. Let me ask you this, man.

How can you expect your wife, How can you expect your wife to heed a word that you have not made important yourself? One of the best ways to measure a husband's leadership is to observe his wife and children and whether they are flourishing or languishing under his leadership. So some questions for you. Does your wife delight in your leadership or does she long for you to lead her like Christ? Do you people who see your wife and children think by extension that you are leading your family well?

Those are good questions to ask as you step up to this role of shepherding your wife. Number two, know your wife. I mentioned that in my talk last night, but I want to bring it up again here. Study your wife under the light of God's Word. Study her to learn what it means to draw out her uniqueness, to draw her out to live God's glory in a way that no one else can.

And of course, being able to answer that question means that you know what God has called women to be. It means that you continue to point your wife to and wash her in that truth. I quoted Dan Allender from his book last night called Intimate Allies. Here's another quote from that book. He says, we must not as husbands approach the holy fire in our wives with our shoes on, with a familiarity that forgets that nothing on earth has the potential to more clearly reveal the character of God than she does.

It's an interesting perspective, the holy fire in our wives. Don't you women want to feel valued and thought of that way? As being that daughter of God that your husband is looking past to see what you might become and is wanting to learn more about you, wanting to discover what it is that you need. And then do you see your wife the way that Allender is describing and realize this privilege of being able to be face to face, not just side by side, not just going through life as a team where we have, we know what our tasks are, we know what our obligations are, and yeah, we're a great team together, but we don't ever really turn face to face to look and discover and understand. Do you realize the privilege of that, of being allied with this daughter of God?

What do you value in your wife? What makes her beautiful? What are her gifts and burdens and passions? What motivates her? What does she need from God's Word?

Part of washing your wife in the Word is really beginning to understand what your wife needs from that Word. Does she need encouragement? Does she need understanding of purpose? Has she gotten lost in the things and tasks of being a wife and a mother that she's forgotten how valuable she is to the Lord and what God has called her to be. What things are happening during the day that are challenging her that's making it difficult for her to fully embrace who she is in Christ.

And like I said, wives, think about those questions too, because one of the ways you can help your husbands is to help him understand what those things might be. What do I need? By the way, this next comment is only tangentially related to what I've been saying, but I always like to remind couples that there is no such thing as a soulmate. As if outside of God's providence, There is the perfect person out there whom we may or may not marry. Due to sin, there simply are no two perfectly compatible people.

And the reality of marriage is that who you were when you married changes over the course of marriage, ideally for the better, as you grow in sanctification. So as you're asking these questions, as you think about things like strengths, weaknesses, gifts, passions, needs, challenges, what you need to see in your marriage is the providence of God and his ability to redeem even the most incompatible, even the most broken relationships. And so men and women, are you tempted at times to question your choice in marriage, or do you rather trust in both God's providence? You're here where you are right now, and in His ability to redeem your relationship. Will you keep going knowing that the Lord's blessing in your life will continue and help you move towards the goal of becoming more like Christ?

Number three, cultivate Christ in your wife. I mean, you need to constantly be stirring your wife to love the good things of God. And you must be able to ask her questions like, how does your work, How does your heart serve the kingdom of God? What is your greatest passion? Do you feel like you're seeking your own glory?

Do you feel like you're pursuing God's glory? Some of you men by this point may be feeling either a little discouraged or overwhelmed. Many men that I've talked to over the years say that they have a hard time reading the Bible, but this is made even more difficult in that their wives know more about the Bible, maybe even be more mature in faith, and that can be a discouragement to men. How can I teach my wife anything? She already knows what I'm going to tell her.

My comment back to them is men, washing your wives in the Word does not just involve teaching. It involves living out the word. It involves speaking the word. You may not be great at crafting a 20-minute devotional, but are you a humble, servant-hearted, kind man filled with the Holy Spirit, a man of prayer, whose speech is flavored with the Scriptures, a godly man, then you are washing your wife in the Word. Don't give up.

One helpful passage that I've always loved is in Titus 2, and when I say Titus 2, a lot of you immediately go to Titus 2 women, right? This is the Titus 2 passage, but actually think about how Paul starts this chapter but as for you he's talking to Timothy or Titus teach what accords with sound doctrine now men washing your wife in the word Are you paying attention to Titus too? Because you know I want to be able to teach my wife and ground her in sound doctrine. What does he say? Does he say, pneumatology?

Parmetology? Does he go through all of the chapters of a systematic theology book? Sound doctrine? He does not. What does he start to say?

Older men are to be sober-minded, dignified, self-controlled, sound of faith. This is sound doctrine. This is living out the substance and the heart in the kernel of what is God's Word and His principles. And so men, I want you to see these things. Am I sober-minded?

Am I dignified? Am I self-controlled? Am I sound of faith and love and steadfastness? I want to encourage you to those things because as you become those things, you are washing your wife in the Word with sound doctrine. And then spend time with your wife in meaningful ways, doing battle together.

That too is a washing your wife in the word because it keeps her exposed, immersed in that kingdom saturated life. Every night Wendy and I debrief the day. We run through the events and challenges as well as our own struggles. We talk about that in the light of God's Word. We pray regularly for our children, for our church.

Every morning we get up early, read a book together. Now you may not be able to do all these things, I understand that. I'm just trying to tell you what we do and some of those have grown, right, as we've had more time and availability and even as we did the debriefing and Wendy would say, when I'd ask her what are some of the things that are challenging, she'd say, I would love to do more reading together. And so we make adjustments. So several years ago, we decided we're gonna start also getting up every morning.

And we read a book together. We purchase two copies so that we can each read the same book at the same time, read a portion. We discuss what we've read, we pray for one another for the day, always starts our day right. In fact, Wendy about two years ago started saying, this is my favorite, this is my favorite part of the day, this moment. We're doing battle, right?

We're doing battle in that moment. And even though I haven't been thinking about it necessarily like, okay, I'm getting up to wash my wife in the Word today. As I look at it, I realize that's what I am doing. I am through leading us in that, I am exposing her purposefully, desirably to the Word of God. And while we're not doing those things, if we let busyness derail us, what happens?

We so easily get distracted. We're distracted by other priorities. We become absorbed in our own self-exalting desires and the enemy advances. And as we saw last night and this morning, one of the Lord's roles for our wives is that they would surround us with help. So let me ask you men, you know, as I've said to you, one of the ways you wash your wife in the word is to help her understand who she is and what her role is.

Are there ways in which you are either minimizing or distorting her role in your marriage? Are you ignoring her role? Are you not seeking her help in anything? Are you trying to accomplish life in ministry alone and she does her thing? I do my thing.

Seek your wife's true joy even in the midst of suffering. Many husbands confuse happiness with joy. And there may be, and that's a question I have on your sheet, there are other areas in which you are actually seeking to make your wife happy, but with compromises that will not actually produce lasting joy. There is a difference. Number four, adore your wife.

I hope you men adore your wives. To adore something means to protect it, to respect it, to notice it, to honor it, to show gratitude for it, to hold it dear. When we adore something, we put energy into protecting it, into showing everybody what it is. Some of you men have collections of things, maybe they are guns, or maybe they are some other type of hobby that you've done, and you have your friends come over and you want to show and talk about, you know, the car or whatever it is that you have. And we put energy into showcasing it to other people.

Well, when we adore as opposed to just loving our wives or being married to our wives, we want others to see and affirm and recognize the value in this woman, this daughter of God, that God has blessed me with, this treasure that I have. Not a trophy that I have conquered, this treasure that I am privileged to be with. Your wife does not just want your commitment to hang in there and tolerate her. That will make her pull away from your attempts to wash her in the word. So what are the things that make your wife feel adored by you?

Are you trying to showcase your wife or are you fixated on how she's not showcasing you? One author writes, because we do not understand the biblical story, we turn the command to love our wives as Christ loved the church into a statement that Jesus loved his bride a lot, and so should we. But that's not what it says, he writes. Genesis describes a great prince who would come and completely crush the head of the serpent and himself, be greatly wounded in the conquest, and we are to love our wives this way, more like the song of Roland than like love's breathless passion at a safe way near you." Kind of a creative statement. Is your adoration for and the valuing of your wife evidenced in your desire to be her champion and to seek her good, to fight for her?

Does she know you would do that? You go, how does that have anything to do with washing my wife in the Word? It's because As Scott alluded to earlier, the men who are the servant leaders and the humble, kind men find that their wives love to submit to their leadership. And I would suggest that when you adore your wife, when you understand what the Lord is desiring for her through your own study of the Word. When you are a man of God, your wife wants more.

Watch me. Husbands can also be tempted to objectify their wives and an object can lose its value if we no longer want it or can't use it in the way we want. Sadly this has become even worse in a society that is plagued with pornography where the whole purpose is to objectify women, these two-dimensional women. Are there ways in which you have objectified your wife? Are you giving her what she wants in order to get what you want?

Are you measuring her worth based upon what you think she contributes to the marriage and family, what she does for you? Are you having difficulty understanding and therefore affirming and appreciating the differences in your wife? Well adoring and not objectifying our wives means that we stop comparing them, for example, men with other women. As a husband, you must see your wife as the only woman in the world. And this starts as a choice that requires a commitment and eventually leads to satisfaction.

A song of Song 6-9 says, my dove, my perfect one, is the only one. And we can easily fall into a pattern of tolerating and thereby taking for granted our wife's unique strengths, unique identity rather than celebrating them. How have you expressed appreciation lately men for your wife's uniqueness? Are you comparing your wife to other women in some capacity? And then one more application for you and that's this, to fight for joy in your marriage.

And I want to move at this last point away from the specific topic of washing our wives in the Word, and Instead I want to bring closure to both of the things that I've said to you last night and this morning. And it's going to potentially seem strange, but I'm going to take you to Romans 5, 6 through 11 that I've printed on that sheet. I believe this passage is one of the great rallying cry passages of the Bible. I'll share with you why I think that. You can see it there.

Paul says, For when we were still without strength In due time Christ died for the ungodly. For scarcely for a righteous man will one die, yet perhaps for a good man somewhat he would dare to die. But God demonstrates His own love towards us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Much more than having now been justified by his blood, we shall be saved from wrath through him. For if when we were enemies, we were reconciled to God through the death of his son, much more having been reconciled, we will be saved by his life.

And not only that, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received the reconciliation. And I want you to be honest and self-reflection for just a moment, but as we read together Paul's words in that passage, Did you just read along with the words? Did you think about them at all? What about when we got to verse 11 when it says, and not only that, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ? Some of you weren't shouting internally, amen.

I don't want to make you feel guilty about that but I asked that question for a purpose. New King James for example in his translation verse 11 uses the word rejoice but that word's lost a lot of intensity in in English today. The New International uses the word boast, which is better, but perhaps the best is the New American Standard, which says exult. And the word chalcomene in Greek, which in other passages means to take pride in or glory in something is best translated exult because it tells us about having a victorious joy in someone or something. So if you exult in God through a Lord Jesus Christ as verse 11 says, you are triumphantly joyful.

Not just rejoicing, triumphantly joyful. Because you know the truths of verses 6 through 10, those are facts. They're not just hopes. They're not just things in process. They are facts.

And why isn't that exulting, triumphant, victorious joy often our response? What does that got to do with this last application of fighting for joy and washing our wives in the Word, here's my point. If you are not exulting in what God has done for you through Jesus Christ, then you will not have the motivation that it takes to stop settling for the easy, superficial things that the world offers you, the endless patterns, like I said last night, of work, sleep, and play, or whatever it is that makes up your day. You men won't have the motivation to serve and wash your wives, and the word, you women won't have the motivation to love, respect, and help your husbands, you won't as a couple do the hard work to resolve biblical conflict. That joy comes, Paul says, because the fact is when we were without strength in due time, Christ died for the ungodly.

And again, those words, a little bit better in the New American Standard in this particular case, verse six says, for while we were helpless, at the right time, Christ died for the ungodly. I like that helpless. In the right time, God stepped in. He died for us. We were dead to sin.

We were dead to God. And into that situation, Jesus steps in at just the right time. What made it the right time? Because it was the right timing for God's glory and for his kingdom. But it was the right time for us as well.

We were desperate. And then Paul says something so amazing, so absurd by our ways of thinking, so profound. He says that Christ died for his enemies because he was motivated by what? You see it there at the end of verse eight, love. And Paul doesn't stop there, although it would be appropriate to stop there.

He goes on to write verse nine, much more than having now been justified by his blood, we shall be saved from wrath through him. And what happens is by the time we get to verse 10, we realize we have peace with God. We've been saved from the wrath of God. We were helpless in due time. And the right time he came in, he saved us.

What changed God's attitude towards us? The perfect work of Jesus Christ. And that's why Paul says we stand in grace alone because of that. And It's so fully accomplished peace with God. This is the gospel, friends, that from now on forever, you are wholly unblameable and unrecruvable in God's sight.

And then when we look at the final few verses of that passage, Paul says, if when we were enemies, Christ did all of that, how much more having been reconciled will we be saved by his life? If a savior dying could bring you to God, don't you think a savior living can keep you there? And we've been talking about husbands washing their wives in the word, but Christ is doing that for both husbands and wives every moment interceding, praying, advocating, washing you in his word as his bride. And his work is effective. And so when we get to verse 11 it says that we exult, we have this triumph and victorious joy because of these factual things that God has done for us and even now is saving us, interceding for us, advocating for us, and more, should we not be exuberant.

I love in the Old Testament how it says that God dances over and sings over us in joy. We've already had several sessions together. What I tried to say last night And what I've been saying this morning and telling you now, it is all energized and grounded in that gospel. Remember this, marriage problems are fundamentally not horizontal but vertical ones. They are joy problems.

A man or a woman who is not joyful in Christ, is not delighting in his word, is not living for the kingdom, will inevitably struggle in his or her relationships, especially in marriage. And so joy, that victorious joy that we're talking about, That and that alone, not romantic affection, not willpower, not saying to your husband or wife, Yeah, we can go here this weekend or we can go to that conference or we can read this book together, not willpower. Nothing else is the sure foundation for a strong marriage. If you want to love your spouse well, first love God well. Let's pray.

Lord, you are the grace, giving, mercy-filled, holy, sovereign, amazing God. You are the one who when we were helpless stepped in at the right moment, the perfect moment. You saved us in and from our sins. You brought us to new life. You gave us a new heart.

You wrote your law upon our hearts, you called us to yourself, you gave us a commission and a calling to bring beauty and order not only to this world but to shepherd that as men and our wives, to delight in that as a couple, to see our roles as witnesses of this great grace in this expanding kingdom. What a fantastic and amazing calling we have. And Lord, to the degree that we are struggling in our marriage as we know, Lord, that it is foundationally a struggle first with our relationship with you. So convict us, Lord. Save us from ourselves and our own self-ward orientation.

Help us to come out of our sinful desires and affections and passions and instead desire your ways. Help us to see clearly what we've been learning about and studying in your word these last several hours together last night and today. And Father, help us to move forward with a refreshed vigor, a delight to be serving you. Help us to be joyful like we see we should be. It's in Jesus' name, amen.