The sermon 'Ladies Luncheon — Deborah Brown' addresses both older and younger women, emphasizing the importance of planning one's life trajectory early on to become a godly older woman. The speaker highlights the significance of living according to God's word and stresses that becoming a wise, older woman in the church requires intentional living. The sermon delves into the topic of menopause, a phase that many older women face without adequate preparation. The speaker discusses symptoms such as hot flashes, brain fog, and mood swings, linking them to hormonal changes that can affect relationships and emotional well-being. It is suggested that women rely on biblical teachings to navigate these challenges. The speaker shares personal experiences and stresses the importance of seeking guidance from older, biblically qualified women in the church. This support system can provide wisdom and help younger women prepare for future challenges, ensuring they maintain strong relationships and spiritual health.

So it's my job now to speak to the older women, but this is for younger women too. The more you know, the more prepared you'll be. And Lord willing one day you will be what the Bible calls an older woman in your church. And when you're young with a bunch of kids, the life of an older woman seems a long way off. But becoming an older woman happens because of the trajectory you are on.

No matter how old you are, you're on a road. You're on it this very minute. You're on a trajectory as you sit here. And that road leads somewhere. Do you know where?

Have you thought about how you're going to get there? For example, when I was a young wife and mom, I had two top things I wanted in my future 30 years, my 30 years in the future. One was I just wanted to be as much in love with Scott as I was when we were first married. And the second was I wanted to be good friends with my adult children. So to get to that place 30 years in the future, I needed to live in a particular way as a young wife and mom.

I had to have a plan. I had to be on a certain road to make sure I actually got to the place I wanted to be. So you young women, think about that right now. You have an advantage over us old ones. You have years ahead of you to plan and succeed.

Becoming the older woman that Paul has in mind for the church, it doesn't just happen you know when your hair gets gray and your nest is empty. That is, those are not the qualifications for an older woman. The qualifications for an older woman take a lifetime of living to hone and to acquire, to acquire and to hone those gifts. And how you're living right now will either set you up to be a godly older woman useful to your family in your church or you'll just get old and useless. So this younger women I want to encourage you live your life by the word of God.

That will make you useful to the church and to the younger women in your future that will desperately need you. So that lengthy introduction, what I really wanna talk about is, to the already older women, is the oft under discussed subject of menopause. I fear that too many of us older women aren't prepared for it. And that is a recipe for disaster, both in your home, with your friends, and in your church. God has given older women a specific job.

It's outlined in Titus 2, it's addressed to us by name, older women. And the Lord must have known about menopause because he gave us in his word all of the character qualities we would need to first recognize and then manage menopause. These character qualities, they're found all over the Bible from cover to cover. God calls his women to be holy through all seasons. 1 Corinthians 13, Philippians 4, the fruit of the spirit, Galatians, all the one and others in scripture.

This is the foundation to be trusted in during sometimes a very challenging season. I began going through menopause when I was 29. And in those days menopause was considered a mental problem. It's all in a woman's head. It doesn't exactly encourage you to get help.

So when it started I thought, I thought they're right and I'm crazy. So I didn't seek out help. I had terrible hot flashes. I would look like someone had turned a hose on over my head and people would stare. I lived with fans everywhere in my house and it wasn't exactly something I could hide.

And then on a trip to another church where Scott was speaking, I was in the back of the church with my old-fashioned fan, you know, having a hot flush every 15 minutes, When an older woman came and sat beside me and told me what was happening and what was coming next, it was a massive blessing to me and was one of the most helpful and thoughtful gifts I've ever received. Because of the outward manifestations of what was happening inside, this woman knew where I was headed, and she came alongside of me and forewarned me. I was much better prepared to face those things when they happened because I'd been warned and I could recognize the signs. So this is what I want to share with you today. The old, you know, to be forewarned is forearmed.

So the exciting subject of menopause. So what is menopause? Well, it's defined by a lack of a menstrual cycle for a consecutive 12 months. The ovaries stop releasing eggs, and the hormones, progesterone and estrogen begin to decrease. I mean it's the aging cycle.

Now the timing and the severity of this will usually, I mean it varies, but it usually happens between 45 and 55 and not everyone will be horribly affected. Symptoms will often begin well before your actual cycle ends. That would be paramenopause or pre-menopause. But you can know it by its symptoms, by what is happening to your brain and your body, because it's the symptoms that you need to learn to recognize that will wreak havoc in your life and in the life of your husband and your family, your friends in your church. Did you know that 70% of divorces are now instigated by women?

I can't help but wonder if some of these women are experiencing the effects of a brain and a body now deficient in these hormones. And the reason I wonder that is because menopause affects your brain. Most women in menopause will report things like brain fog and anxiousness, irrational fears and anxiety attacks that actually cripple you. The closest thing I can compare it to is postpartum depression. A time when hormones are out of balance and you just can't seem to think right.

I have a friend who goes through postpartum after every pregnancy and it catches her by surprise every time. She's just sure that her life is a wreck. Her husband doesn't love her and her kids are doing terrible and it feels very real. So she gave me the job as her friend to remind her of what was happening, that this was a season that had an end, and to remind her of the truth, that she was a Christian woman, and she had a responsibility as a Christian woman to obey the words of God that would help her conduct her life and herself in a holy way during the season. And the same applies to those of us in menopause.

So I'm here to bring a warning to my Christian sisters today. Do not be blindsided by the symptoms of menopause. And there are many, and they can skew your feelings and how you view your life. Like, I might say life, I mean like the conditions and your relationships with your family and friends. And if you are not very careful to hold tight to the beautiful character qualities and commands of scripture, you will very likely do harm to those you love the most, the ones that are the dearest and closest to you.

So I'm gonna give you some of the symptoms of what a lack of estrogen and progesterone can look like. And it can look very different from woman to woman. There are lots of symptoms and not everybody has the same ones. Some are annoying and some will tear your home down. Many of the symptoms of pre-menopause PMS and into menopause start like the old PMS symptoms.

Usually the symptoms you had for your pre-menstrual cycle are the same ones you experience in menopause, except times a thousand. In the PMS days, if you were a bit more easily frustrated or irritated and impatient before your cycle, it would be way worse. So watch for it and pray over it and bring scripture to your mind. There are plenty of verses to tell you to be patient and to persevere. You will probably wake up right around two or three in the morning and be awake for a while.

And I know how much we all value sleep. The health industry will tell you that your brain is suffering because of a lack of sleep. Maybe, but I know that God gives his beloved sleep. So I'm going to take that opportunity to talk to him and to rest my body. Don't obsess over it.

It doesn't help you or those around you. And you can take courage for me. I've been waking up at 2 AM for 36 years. I get five hours of sleep a night. But God has more than sustained me.

You will probably have hot flashes and night sweats. And they can be massively annoying and embarrassing. But that's about it. Just don't let them tempt you to be grumpy. Carry a hand fan.

You know those old fashioned hand fans? I had one one time when a ten year old boy said, hey, He was just creeping up to me and staring at me. And finally, he said, what is that? I said, well, it's a fan. He said, oh, yeah.

I read about that in a book once. Yeah. Carry it with you everywhere. There was a time I was getting ready to board a plane, and I realized I didn't have my fan. And in desperation, I called Grand Mary, and she brought it to me, and it's in my purse right now.

And learn to laugh at yourself. I have received many great ideas from random strangers. If I had time, I'd tell you about one. If you were anxious before your cycle, chances are that you will have panic attacks. Now the manifestation of them is real, however the circumstances seldom are.

Again, scripture will be your lifeline. The most oft repeated command in the Bible is be anxious for nothing. And along with this are mood swings. I think this one may be the hardest on everyone. You can become unpredictable and no one knows when or why you might melt down.

And in that moment it's hard to see. And you feel justified in your emotional reaction. But knowing this in advance is like having pre-knowledge of an attack by the enemy. And Never forget that Satan will attack you and your family through your emotions and feelings. This is probably the hardest one to manage because you feel so justified.

Because of course you know the sin patterns of your husband and children. In menopause, you will have much less mercy for them. Beware. On the physical side, with menopause comes vaginal dryness and stiffness, and it makes sex extremely painful, and mostly you just wanna avoid it. But don't let that happen.

There are things that help and are ways around it. There's hormone therapy, there are topical applications, there are area specific medications. Sex is massively important. Do whatever it takes not to let sex die in your marriage. There is help.

Seek it out. Seek me afterwards. In fact, so speaking of help, I'm going to close with this. Seek out an older woman, one who is holy and old enough to have seen a lot. She can be a tremendous help and blessing to you.

An older woman can also help you navigate what you're feeling and experiencing on a variety of levels. Sometimes we aren't sure of what to do or think about a perceived problem or issue, particularly with our husbands and children and church. The closest things to us. A wise, biblically qualified older woman is able to help you sort some of those things out. She can help you to think rightly, to help you renew your mind, to help you know if what you're feeling is actually correct.

And there can be serious issues in families and churches. And just to be clear, it isn't gossip or bad mouthing your husband and children to seek out the help of a qualified older woman. The Bible clearly gives you help from her. She will be most valuable to you if she's in your local church and if you know her and if she knows you. And this is really this is for everyone.

Get to know the older women God has placed in your world. He's given you this help for all seasons. When you're raising your small kids, when you're launching your adults, all the way to menopause and beyond. It's way better to go through it with someone than alone. And the icing on this cake is that in this process you will be prepared to be an older woman for your for your church, for your daughters, for your daughter's friends.

And in all seasons always remember that God's word has the answer. Trust it. There's this little booklet for pilots and it's called 68 Seconds to Live. So in a plane, my dad's a pilot, in a plane there's an instrument that tells you where you are in relation to the horizon. Because you can get disoriented and you can lose the horizon.

Feel like you're not flying straight. Well, if your feelings tell you that that instrument is just wrong, you have 68 seconds to live. So pilots learn to trust that instrument, even if they feel like it's wrong. That instrument is called an attitude indicator. I didn't make this up.

Google it. Well, that's God's word for us. Remember, God has his older women, his people, everywhere. And they're waiting to help you walk through all of these seasons in a holy way. Make use of the older women that are biblically qualified in your world.

I'm going to pray. Father, thank you for the wisdom. Thank you for the wisdom of your word that it holds all the answers. Thank you for the older women that you've given experiences to, that you've given to the church for us. Lord, I pray that each woman in here, no matter her age, would have an older woman to seek out to pray with, to counsel with, and to be a friend to.

Father, thank you for this time. We again commit our lives to you and tell you how much we want to live these ways, from all the things that Tillie said to Donna, to menopause. We want to be women whose hearts are called after yours. Amen. Thank you.

Thank you. Go. All right. Oh yeah. All right.

Do we have time for questions? Monica? Do we have time for questions since the big boss man's not here? Okay. All right.

We'll take quite, we'll take, if any, I forgot to say, by the way, if you want to ask questions at the end you may. So I forgot to say that, so maybe nobody has any questions. Does anybody have any questions? Monica? Oh, that's nice.

All right, if you have a question raise your hand and Eva will bring the mic. Okay, so I was a really great commander when my children were toddlers. And so I'm trying to transition into the more give them principles and stuff. So what, how do I not get frustrated when they're constantly asking for permission for stuff and I want them to be independent. That's a big struggle that I have.

I want to see them grow and make choices. But I was a really good commander. So what is the frustration that it took? I have Four older children and they're constantly asking me for little things that like white give me a first fall We've got 14 12 11 10 okay So what what sort of thing just can I take a shower now? Can I have a snack?

Can I go outside? I'm like, yes, of course you can do these things. Yeah, well, and that's where you want to have some principles in place. So particularly for the 14-year-old, You want the self-governance. So you can maybe sit down and have a conversation.

Look, I trust you now that you're not gonna abuse the shower situation, which that's a whole nother talk about teenagers. Okay, so yeah. But also even with snacks, when there are three, I literally have a lock on my snack because my grandkids know I'm gonna say yes 90% of the time, so the lock is for their moms, just to remind them I'm trying. So I'm trying not to say yes. But also, you want to sit down with your kids and say just principally, okay, I'm gonna trust you to get your own snacks.

Here are the snacks available for you. But I also want you to eat the good food that I set in front of you. So if your snacking becomes a problem and you're not wanting to eat the good food in front of you, we've gotta rethink this. So you're helping them make wise choices. Same thing with showering.

It's like, hey, when do you like to shower? Especially with your 14 year old. Do you prefer morning or evening? Let's make a general time. Or obviously, if they're playing sports, you will say, go get in the shower.

They may not realize they need to take a shower. That's a whole other thing too. You say, hey, bud, go take a shower. So I think just having those conversations and letting them know you're acknowledging that they have gained some wisdom and you want them to be able to exercise that and make some choices. Does that make sense?

Okay. It's a good question. And that's where we get hung up, honestly. And maybe some of the things, just whatever you can say, give them, whatever responsibilities you can give them, give them. I will also say, I'll follow up with that too, even as you're in the commanding stage, don't have your house be full of nos.

Say yes to as much as you are able to within reason. So in other words, in my home now that I have 23 grandchildren, 13 and under, most of them in the way little stage. So Tom and I have two easy chairs, the grandma-grandpa chairs, and there's a table in between. And that's my no. They can't get in the drawer there.

They can't touch any of Nanny or Pap's things on that table. But if they go to the card table, They have a drawer full of old remote controls, just different things that they like. That's their touching table. And they know the parameters of the house. There's other rooms.

They're not allowed to go in and play. But yes, yes, yes, yes. So you're not constantly putting yourself in that position to be that, no, no, no, don't touch, don't touch, don't touch. I mean, that's not the way God is with us. He gives us things to enjoy.

Thanks for watching!