From Strong Families = Strong Churches (Wake Forest, Aug 28–29, 2026). Jason Dohm on Proverbs for parenting.

Final session. I'm glad we've been here this weekend. I hope it's been profitable. The title of my message now is Proverbs for Parenting. God, I come to you now.

There's been so much teaching today already. It's been very rich, but we come now. Having already heard a lot, so I pray over this time slot that you would give us the ability just to finish out the day and to receive benefit from it. Let your spirit be here helping us to make progress in things that matter. I pray these things in Jesus' name, amen.

Ecclesiastes chapter 12 verse 12, of making books there is no end. And nowhere is this more true than parenting books. You can go into a regular bookstore, you can go into a Christian Bookstore, and you find a very generous section given to parenting books. That's because, as parents, we have lots of questions, we have lots of insecurities, we're looking for help, and there were people who will take your money for it, for sure. Some of them are excellent, most of them are not.

But the best child training book in the world is this book. And I fear that it's a much neglected book in child training. We'll go to a bookstore and buy books on child training and actually not do much with the Bible in this category. Within the Bible, the most concentrated wisdom for child training is found in the Proverbs. I don't think that's controversial at all.

You have this concentrated wisdom for parents in the book of Proverbs. I would even venture to say that if all you had was the Bible, if no one had ever written a parenting book and we just had the Bible that we could do quite well with parenting. And maybe it's true that if all we had was the book of Proverbs we could do quite well with parenting. So read other books by all means. Justin Miller's book on gentle parenting is excellent.

I do hope that you buy it and read it. But understand this, the good books on parenting are just the ones that help drive home wisdom that's in the Bible. It's not new wisdom that you need that's outside the Bible and these parenting books reveal it to you. The really good parenting books just unfold the truths that are already in Scripture. So whatever you do, don't underutilize the Bible.

Whatever you do, don't underutilize the book of Proverbs. It's been given to us as a help and it really is the most tremendous help that you can find. Here's the beauty of Proverbs. It imparts wisdom. It hands you wisdom.

What is wisdom? It's already been defined well a couple of times today. Wisdom is the ability to live out truth that God has revealed to us. So God has given us truth, But then there is how to live it out, how to apply it. What wisdom is the ability to properly apply and live out the things that are true?

Something is true, well what should I do because that thing is true? Wisdom is the right answer to that question, actually. It tells us what we should do with things that are true. And it would be hard to find a better description of the role of a parent. What is the role of a parent?

Teaching children what is really true and then teaching them what to do with it. Teaching them what that truth means for their life. So in that sense the Bible's Book of Wisdom is perfect for parent, perfect for parenting. It teaches us what is true and it tells us exactly what to do with it in a thousand different ways. Proverbs 1 actually begins that way.

My son, hear the instruction of your father, and do not forsake the law of your mother, for they will be a graceful ornament on your head, and chains about your neck. That's Proverbs 1 verses 8 and 9. In other words, it's a tender appeal from a father that the son or daughter would learn truth from the things that a father and mother are able to teach them, truths that dads and moms can hand off to their children and then what to do with those truths and then that it will actually be an ornament to you throughout your life. It'll be a benefit and a help to you throughout a long life. Before I dive into some individual Proverbs that I find extremely practical and extremely helpful, so I'm about to give you 13, can you believe the list is that long?

In the last section of the day I'm about to give you 13 Proverbs that give you extremely practical and helpful wisdom for parents. Let me say this before I do that and Trent already said it. I can't believe you already said it. Wisdom is as much caught as taught. The book of Proverbs actually teaches that itself.

He who walks with the wise men will be wise, but the companion of fools will be destroyed. If you walk with people who are wise, you'll actually find yourself catching wisdom, actually growing wise just from the practice of walking alongside wise men and seeing the fruit of wisdom in their lives will make you desire wisdom, make you cultivate wisdom, make you begin to walk more wisely, and you will be wise because you've walked with wise men. So the first thing I should say is that more than maybe anything, me applying myself to learning and applying what we have in Proverbs will be of tremendous help to my children. In other words, if I never taught them a word of Proverbs, but I applied myself to learning Proverbs and making use of Proverbs, even though I never taught my children a word of Proverbs, my children would tremendously benefit because I'm walking alongside my children. Assuming that I'm walking with my children.

If I make use of the Proverbs and become wise and I walk with them, then they'll become wise over time too. When our children see us live out the truth of scripture, valuing wisdom, seeking wisdom, living wisely, they will catch wisdom if we are walking with them. That is certainly true. Caught as much as taught. Of course these things are not mutually exclusive.

We don't just walk out wisdom and hope they catch it from us. God has given us the task of teaching them wisdom as we're walking alongside them and hopefully walking, walking wisely. So not mutually exclusive. We should be doing them both. Now, a tour of some highlights from the Proverbs from parents.

I'm gonna give you 13. Not a single one is about the rod because there are a bunch of good Proverbs about physical discipline, and we've already had a session on that, so I haven't included any of them here, but they're enormously important. Here's how it's structured. I'll give you the number, 1, 2, 3, all the way to 13. I'll give you a summary statement, so more brief than the actual proverb, just hopefully what's a concise pithy summary, and then I'll give you the proverb itself.

A few of these proverbs are addressed to parents. In other words, the proverb is saying, parent do this. But most of these are proverbs that are fundamental for parents to teach our children. So most of these 13 are not going to be parents do this. It's going to be, This is a fundamental part of wisdom for life and these are things we should absolutely be teaching our children.

So therefore parents in the sense that they're part of this core body that we have to be passing along to our children. Are you ready? Number one, everything starts with God. Proverbs teaches that everything starts with God. Proverbs 1 verse 7, the fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge.

But fools despise wisdom and instruction. What's being taught here? You don't really have knowledge until you have the fear of the Lord first. You can learn all sorts of facts and figures. You can memorize the encyclopedia.

According to the Bible, you won't have knowledge yet. You have to fear the Lord first because the fear of the Lord actually makes the facts and figures meaningful. Okay, it adds meaning to these. It gives you a framework of truth for these things. So, memorizing the encyclopedia without knowing where it fits into God's world means you still don't know things, even though your brain can spit out lots of things that you've learned.

Paul says that knowledge puffs up. 1 Corinthians 8.1. Have you ever seen that? Somebody gets enough knowledge on a topic to become dangerous and they become puffed up. So we want our children to start with the fear of the Lord.

It'll make the things that we teach them actually meaningful, it'll make it actually hang within the proper framework, and it will keep them from puffing up. Number two, ignoring wisdom is the most dangerous game. Ignoring wisdom is the most dangerous game. I'm only going to read one extended passage in Proverbs, but this is it. And if you want to read along, it's Proverbs chapter 1.

I'm going to be reading Proverbs chapter 1 verses 20 through 33. It's terrifying. Listen to this. Proverbs one, 20 through 33. Wisdom calls aloud outside.

She raises her voice in the open square. She cries out in the chief concourses at the openings of the gates in the city. She speaks her words. How long you simple ones will you love simplicity? For scorners delight in their scorning and fools hate knowledge.

Turn at my rebuke. Surely I will pour out my spirit on you. I will make my words known to you. Because I have called to you and you refused, I've stretched out my hand and no one regarded. Because you disdained all my counsel and would have none of my rebuke, I also will laugh at your calamity.

I will mock when your terror comes, when your terror comes like a storm and your destruction comes like a whirlwind when distress and anguish come upon you then they will call upon me but I will not answer they will seek me diligently but they will not find me because they hated knowledge and did not choose the fear of the Lord. They would have none of my counsel and despised my every rebuke. Therefore they shall eat the fruit of their own way and be filled to the full with their own fancies. For the turning away of the simple will slay them and the complacency of fools will destroy them. But whoever listens to me will dwell safely and will be secure without fear of evil." I think we need to teach our children that because they're being raised in a home that values wisdom, seeks wisdom, tries to live wisdom, but it's possible that our children will not value it, will despise it, and this is what happens when you get wisdom served up to you on a silver platter but you won't turn at the rebuke.

Our children should know what the stakes are. They have blessing at their doorstep but they have to seize the blessing and if they just ignore the blessing and ignore the blessing and ignore the blessing because they are their own God this is where it will take them. Our children should know that. Number three, do trust the Lord with all your heart, don't trust yourself. This is one of the foundational things we should teach to our children, Do trust the Lord with all your heart.

Don't trust yourself. This is one of the foundational things we should teach our children. Do trust the Lord with all your heart. Don't trust yourself. Proverbs 3 verses 5 and 6.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart. You could actually recite this back to me. Trust in the Lord with all your heart. You could actually recite this back to me. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.

In all your ways acknowledge him and he shall direct your paths. Or how about this one, Proverbs 14 verse 12. There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death. But it seemed so right to me." That's right, that's why you should have cast that aside and trusted the Bible. We need to teach our children, yes, you have a strong sense of things and The Bible is more trustworthy than your strong sense of that thing.

If the Bible is saying something different than your inclination, you should set your inclination aside because it seems right to you, but it'll be the way of death if it contradicts the Bible. Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Don't lean on your own understanding. You cannot trust it. We should be teaching that to our children.

Number four, understand and value discipline. We should teach our children, understand discipline. It's not the hatred of your parents, it's the love of your parents. Value discipline. It is a gift from God to you.

Proverbs 3, 11 and 12. My son, do not despise the chastening of the Lord, nor detest His correction. For whom the Lord loves, He corrects just as a father the Son in whom He delights. We're disciplining because we love you and delight in you and because God loves you and delights in you and we're training you actually to obey God. The things that we're disciplining you for are actually to take you to God who disciplines us out of his love.

What would it mean to our children if they had this big picture view of discipline? What would it mean if your children could step outside the moment of discipline and zoom out and see things as they really are that actually discipline is a display of love and a display of God's blessing in their life. Now, can they do that? Can they zoom out in the moment? Probably not, but afterwards if we're teaching them this they actually stand a chance of understanding the big picture of discipline and that it's a tremendous blessing and not a curse.

Number five, Consistently work hard. Proverbs 10 verses 4 and 5. He who has a slack hand becomes poor, But the hand of the diligent makes rich. Let me pile this one on, Proverbs 24 verses 33 and 34. A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest.

So shall your poverty come like a prowler, and your need like an armed man. Oh, I'll just take a little rest. The thief is coming in through the window to steal from you. It's going to leave you in poverty We should be teaching our children that a slack hand will make you poor But the hand of the diligent is the hand that will become rich. One of the big tasks for parents is teaching our children to work.

I'm so glad we had a whole session on that. One of your primary tasks is to teach them how to work. I don't think you're doing it right if you don't kick back substandard work from time to time. You need to say, this is not up to standard. Go do it again.

Insist on good work because we don't naturally do great work. I think there need to be people in our life. We had a neighbor who employed a couple of our children to, she was a widow, She employed our children to do her lawn, and she marched down one day and rang the doorbell, and I came to the door, and she said, "'Is Jake here?' And I said, "'Yes, come in.'" She said, "'I don't want to come in. I want him to come to the porch. And I said, okay, do you want me here for this?

She said, I certainly do not. So he went out and I went in and she let him hold it about the job that he had done on her yard and he went down and redid what needed redoing and he learned that day about the value of good work and the cost of bad work. Number six, You need some people like that in your life who will do your children that favor. But in the meantime, you are that person to kick back substandard work. Number six, the friends you choose shape your life.

Make sure your children know this. Who you choose to spend your time around is shaping your life and it's going to have an impact on you. There are going to be ripples from the friends that you choose throughout the course of your life. It's going to ripple for decades. Proverbs 13 verse 20, he who walks with wise men will be wise, but the companion of fools will be destroyed.

So which is it going to be? You be growing wise, you're going to be destroyed. Well if you want to grow wise, you better walk with wise men. If you're the companion of fools, just understand where that will take you. Number seven, there is no substitute for self-control.

Scott said this in an earlier message, your primary objective for your small children is to teach them to control themselves. Proverbs couldn't agree more. There is no substitute for self-control. Proverbs 16 32. He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty and he who rules his spirit then he who takes a city.

You have more going in your favor if you can rule your spirit than if you can take a city. You think our children should know that? I think they should know that. The book of Proverbs thinks they should know that. Number eight, God controls the kings of the earth.

So actually you could broaden this out and teach the sovereignty of God over all things through Proverbs, but I've isolated it to God's control over the kings of the earth here in number eight. Proverbs 21 verse 1. The king's heart is in the hand of the Lord like the rivers of water. He turns it wherever he wishes. Do you want fearless children?

I think God wants you to have fearless children who aren't afraid of what's happening in the political realm. If you just watch the news, you'll be so afraid, unless of course you think God's in control of all. We want our children to understand that God is in control of all. President Trump's heart, President Biden's heart, President Obama's heart, you go back all the way, is in the hand of the Lord and God is turning it according to perfect wisdom, according to his own purposes which we often don't understand but he's not going to explain it to us but we can trust him and rest in him. This is what you want your children to know.

Number nine. Whoever is training a child is wielding unmatched lifelong influence. So this is one aimed right at the parent, not just what a parent should teach their children. This is aimed at you, parent. If you're training your child, if you're the one doing it, you are wielding unmatched lifelong influence.

That should both encourage you and terrify you. No one else can match your influence if you are the one training your child. And it's going to last for a lifetime and you'll watch it unfold. There will be things that you'll see when they're adults and you'll know for sure they got that honestly. Good things and other things.

Proverbs 22 verse 6, train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it." Is this a promise? No, but it is how the world is wired to work. If you think every proverb is an unbreakable promise you will go insane very quickly. But it is teaching us how God has designed the world to work and how sowing and reaping works in the world. Can you find exceptions to that?

Of course, but the exception proves the rule by its rarity. Isn't it true that we all bear the marks of our upbringing? Do you think there would be an exception in this room to that proposition, you bear the marks of your upbringing. Many of our strengths and many of our struggles can be traced right back to the people who trained us, who trained us up. We are living proof that Proverbs 22, 6 is indeed true.

That's going to be true of our children too. If you are training them up, then God has given you unmatched lifelong influence in their life. So thank you Shelly Hillman for saying you can't get it back. These are the days. These are the days right now.

And when you come to the end of it, you realize how short of a time the window was open. If the window is open right now, make every use that you can because you are wielding unmatched lifelong influence over the life of your children. Number 10, Learn to govern your tongue. Better teach your children that. Learn to govern your tongue.

This is so huge in Proverbs. I'm tempted to say that if there were one thing that were the thrust of Proverbs to teach to your children this would be the thing. I'm not sure I could prove it but when you just look at the deluge that there is about governing the tongue and Proverbs you might be able to make an argument for that. Proverbs 13 3, he who guards his mouth preserves his life, but he who opens wide his lips shall have destruction. Open wide your lips if you want to destroy yourself.

Proverbs 15, 1, a soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 17, 28, even a fool is counted wise when he holds his peace. When he shuts his lips, he is considered perceptive. That's humiliating that we could upgrade other people's views of us just by being quiet, isn't it? Proverbs 18, 21, death and life are in the power of the tongue.

And those who love it will eat its fruit. Proverbs 29, 11, A fool vents all his feelings. Please teach your children that it's the fool that vents all their feelings. Oh, but I'm being authentic. No, you're being a fool.

A fool vents all his feelings, but a wise man holds them back. Number 11. You don't know very much at all until you've heard both sides. Don't you wish you had known that truth a decade earlier in your life? Okay, we'll do that for your kids.

Teach it to them a decade earlier than you knew it in your life. Proverbs 18 verse 17, the first one to plead his cause seems right till his neighbor comes and examines him. Teach your children that you don't know much at all until you've heard both sides. Take it with a grain of salt until you've heard the other side of the matter. Number 12, don't hide sin, repent of sin.

Parents, teach your children That, teach your children how dangerous it is to hide sin, how destructive it is to hide sin because you're treating an enemy, a mortal enemy, like it's your friend. What are you hiding that sin for? It's your enemy. Repent of sin. Proverbs 28 verse 13, he who covers sin will not prosper, but whoever confesses and forsakes them will have mercy.

Be a friend to yourself. Drag your own sin out into the open and confess it and forsake it and you'll have mercy. If you cover it you won't prosper. Teach your children that. Number 13.

It's last But it might be most important. I'll just make you wait for it. Few things in life have a greater impact than who you choose to marry. Few things in life have a greater impact to securing your own encouragement in the faith or discouragement to securing your own happiness or unhappiness, few things will have a greater impact in your life than who you choose to marry. Proverbs 31 is most of a chapter given to a mother describing to a son what a godly wife looks like and all the blessings that will flow into his life if he marries a woman like that.

That's what the whole chapter is about. Son, here's what a godly woman looks like and here's what the husband of a godly wife has and enjoys for the rest of his life. Okay, almost a whole chapter in Proverbs is given to that. Teach that to your children. Honestly, this is such a small sampling.

I just leafed through and I did some research and then I just thumbed through chapter by chapter and just read the stuff that I have underlined. I have a lot underlined. It was a big task to go through 31 chapters and just picked things out of that. It's picking highlights in Proverbs is a fool's errand. It's all highlights.

So here's the pitch. The Bible is the best child training book in the world. Use it. And within the Bible, the book of Proverbs is a consolidation of wisdom for parents, both for parents on what to do as parents and for parents on wisdom we should be imparting to our children. Use it.

Use the Bible. Use the book of Proverbs. God, thank you for our time here together last night, today, and again we'll end like we started. Thank you for children. They are a blessing.

They are such a blessing. I pray that you would bless them. You would use us for their blessing that they might know you, not know about you, but might know you. In Jesus' name. Amen.