From Strong Families = Strong Churches (Wake Forest, Aug 28–29, 2026). Justin Miller on the rod of discipline.

Proverbs 23, 12-14 will be our text. Of course, Proverbs is wisdom literature. It's truth righteously applied, or as Dr. Wilson always says, truth skillfully applied. So how do we take the truths of God's word and put them forth in all of life?

And so it's no wonder that parenting is talked about in particularly discipline so much in Proverbs. Proverbs 23, 12 through 14. And if you would stand with me as I read God's holy word out of reverence for God's word. Thus says God's holy word. Apply your heart to instruction and your ear to words of knowledge.

Do not withhold discipline from a child. If you strike him with a rod, he will not die. If you strike him with the rod, you will save his soul from shield. Let's pray. Father, we thank you for the privilege it is to gather on this Saturday.

I thank you, Father, for the messages that have been given. I thank you particularly Father for the last one and the conviction it brought in my own life. I'm grateful God for your kindness and I ask God that you would bless this message, this text to each of our hearts and our lives that Father we would see the blessed privilege each parent has to train their child in fear and admonition the Lord that they would that we would Seek to do it by your spirit for your glory knowing that it's in Christ alone that we have our hope and stay. Father bless this time. We ask this in Jesus name.

Amen. You may be seated. A popular parenting website made this statement concerning punitive discipline spanking. I quote, when you spank your child, you put your child, your relationship, your child at risk. You put your child's emotional, physical, and mental well-being at risk.

And not to mention, if you think it's OK to strike or hit a small child, you did not turn out fine." End of quote. That, unfortunately, is the modern paradigm concerning spanking and corporal discipline. I remember when this became altogether even more real to me. I was preaching at a conference in South America and they brought me up after the messages to do a Q&A and one of the questions, The very first question that they posed to me was this, and this is how they worded it. We're here today, we've heard all you said about family worship and the dangers of the gentle parenting philosophy.

Could you please expound to all of us, and this is how they worded it, while spanking is an evil practice that Christian parents should forsake. And that was a conference, that was a reformed conference. A reformed church was hosting it, reformed men and women were there. And it was in a country where spanking was altogether to be punished or you were fined, I think, for practicing it. And they had so convinced their people in this context that spanking was evil that the question was phrased, can you please tell everyone why this is damaging biblically to the child?

I didn't give them the answer they liked per se. It went well. They tolerated me, at least my answer, as I explained biblically that spanking is actually one of the most loving things you can do for your child, one of the most caring things you can do for your child. But we have to face the reality that this way of thinking has not only infiltrated the world's view of spanking, but the church. It's everywhere.

This is one of the most prevalent questions I get when I travel and go to various conferences. I was at a Reformed Baptist Conference not too long ago, and the struggle they were having in this 1689 conference with parents there is that they are being taught by pastors, Christian professing psychologists that Spanking is damaging to their children. And what they're going to is texts like Psalm 23. Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. He leaves me beside still waters.

The text that we love and hold dear. But in that text, if you look carefully, it says, your rod and your staff, they comfort me. A lot of modern commentators, they're taking that text, and they're saying the staff, the rod, it comforts. It doesn't harm. They're saying if Christ is the antitype to the type of shepherd of Psalm 23, that Jesus therefore comforts with the rod.

He doesn't correct in the way that we've understood with spanking. One commentator wrote this, he said, when we understand in that sense the rod, it provides for us an image of God using his rod to shepherd Rather than the simply beat notice the language is always beached heart It's always using language that's Negative to describe spanking inflammatory. This commentator who's a well-known pastor, reformed leaning, goes on to say, the shepherd uses his rod to bless and comfort his sheep. The shepherd uses his rod to guide and direct his sheep. The shepherd uses his rod to bless and comfort his sheep.

The shepherd uses his rod to guide and direct his sheep. The shepherd uses his rod to protect and defend his sheep from predators, on and on and on. And we have to look at that and say, We agree that the rod is not just used to discipline, but it's also used to guide and comfort and those sort of things in that passage. But what they fail to see is that Christ is the second person in the divine triune God and that the divine triune God has one will and we are told how the divine God, the triune God, wields the rod with his people in Hebrews 12. Think of it when he says this, and the word rod in the Hebrew, it is a royal staff, that's how it's used, It's also used as an instrument to inflict punishment or discipline.

Those are the primary uses of the rod. You can't get around it. Now look how the New Testament treats God with the rod and how that relates. He says in Hebrews 12, the author of Hebrews writes, the Lord disciplines the one he loves and chastises every son whom he receives. Now verse 10 to 11 it gets even more detailed.

It says, for the disciplined our parents disciplined us for a short time as seemed best to them But he disciplines us for our good that we may share his holiness now look at this for the moment This is speaking of God all discipline seems painful Did you catch that? God wills the rod and it's painful for a moment. What image is used in connection with God's discipline of His children whom He loves, it's spanking. It seems painful for the moment rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. And we know from Hebrews 10 what he's talking about here because in the previous chapters it's they've endured struggles with sufferings, been publicly exposed to reproach.

God is using everything in creation to wield some sort of chastisement because He loves His people and He will not share their hearts with idols and sin. God does work all things for our good. As we heard, even a difficult child is used to expose our hearts, to show us our need for Christ, to show us our dependence, and to drive us to Him. God wields everything in our creation for our good, which is our conformance to Christ, our enjoyment of God, and he will not share his people's hearts with idols. But discipline hurts in the moment, and God wields the rod.

Christ wields the rod as the second person of the triune, God. So we have to look at the shepherding text of Psalm 23 and to know that a shepherd not only comforted with the rod, he also struck the sheep when they wondered with the rod. It's not popular to say, but we know from the culture of the time that the rod was used to guide the sheep, but you would have a wandering sheep who would not stay within the fold. And what did shepherds do with such a sheep? In the most extreme circumstances, even a shepherd would break the leg of the sheep to keep it from wandering, for the good of the sheep to protect it from wolves outside of the flock and the fold." So spanking, corporal punishment is immensely biblical and we have to hear the serpent's hiss behind this.

I've lived long enough now to have seen fads come and go in Christendom. I remember I was telling Pastor Scott about this. I remember the Revoice Movement where they were taking 1st Corinthians 6 and they were saying that text about sodomy and homosexuality didn't really mean sodomy and homosexuality, it meant a master-slave relationship. And they were trying to define that text in such terms so they could justify homosexual behavior from scripture and say they're Christians. Do you not hear the same serpent's hiss with spanking today?

Did God really say? The Bible is abundantly clear that spanking is good if wielded rightly. Always in love. Now What I want to do is look at the art text, Proverbs 23, 14-15, but I want to look at it from the lens of the further revelation of God in the New Covenant, particularly Ephesians 6-4. Because in Proverbs 23, what do we see?

He makes the statement, do not withhold discipline from a child. If you strike him with the rod, he will not die. So the rod here is used to strike, and it's saying it will hurt momentarily, like Hebrews 12, the child, but he won't die. He's going to be okay. As a matter of fact and positively it says in 14 if you strike him with the rod you will actually save his soul from Sheol.

The ancient commentators almost unanimously would say about this text that if you use the rod lawfully, wisely, and we'll look at that more in a moment from Ephesians 6-4, if you use it in the right way, What this does is it keeps your child from patterns in life that leads to destruction, both spiritual and physical, because the Bible has a whole view of the human, we're body and soul. So the rod keeps them from spiritual destruction and physical destruction. And so strike them with the rod, they will not die. Yes, they will cry. Yes, it will hurt.

But actually, you will save their soul from Sheol. You will be a means that God will use to bring them to health and wholeness. Now when you look at that text, there's so many texts in proverbs that we'll eventually go to. I think the best way to understand it in its fullness is Ephesians 6, and here's why. Ephesians 6 chapter 1 through 4 is what I believe the summation of all the Old Testament from Paul's perspective on parenting.

John Calvin makes the statement about these verses that when you look at what Paul's doing in Ephesians 6, 1 through 4, he is bringing together in summary form everything that has come before to the Ephesian church to extract them and summarize to them what parenting is and what the family is to be. I think Calvin's right. Paul, when he writes this, he is bringing it all together for them to see in four verses what's expected of the family after he's already dealt with marriage in verse 21 through 33. Verse 1 through 3 of Ephesians 6 is all about authority and how that brings if it's used wisely blessing to the family to the children raised in it. And then verse four, he begins with the posture of parenting before he moves to the how of parenting.

And the posture of parenting is fathers, and notice who he addresses here, men. Notice who he addresses. He could have said mothers in the Greek, but he says, fathers, patras, do not provoke your children anger. Who does he hold accountable for the proper formation of families? Man, he holds us accountable.

Fathers, do not provoke your children anger and claustions, it says, so they may not be discouraged in the corresponding text to this text. And what this is driving at is that when you do discipline, when you do instruct, you're not to do so in a harsh, cold, demeaning, or cruel way that actually moves your child's heart away from yours and leads them to despair and despondency. We've all seen it, haven't we? I mean, every time I go to Walmart, I see it. One of the reasons why I love that little new thing that they've made forth where you can just pull in and get your groceries brought out to you.

Because when I go into Walmart, at least where I'm at, I see two extremes, I see permissive parenting, and I also see, and it breaks my heart when I see this, because I see it all the time, even from professing Christians, I know, They'll be in the grocery store and the child starts to embarrass them with their behavior. And what does the parent do? He starts to speak or she starts to speak toward the child in tones like this. Why do you have to be like this way? And they'll say very provocative language.

They'll demean the child, call the child names. Have you seen this? And I see it in Christian homes too, where you have a father who thinks I'm to be obeyed no matter what, a father who's cold and calculated, not warm and loving as we heard, and he'll speak to his children as if their nuisance is not gifts. You know, speak to them, belittling them, putting them down. That father is provoking his children to rebellion and anger.

Or the father, whenever the child acts up because they're embarrassed in church or they're embarrassed in public they will then with rage enact the rod and by the way that is sin. It's a lie about God to discipline your child in rage and anger. Romans 8.1, there is no wrath for us in Christ Jesus. Christ has endured the wrath, so all that we have is the smile of the Father. So if we're to discipline our children like the God the Father does in Ephesians 5.1 says we're to model the Father's example, if we're to do this then the Father, per Hebrews 12, always disciplines his children in love.

His discipline never provokes us to anger or rebellion. His discipline provokes us to obedience and faith. His discipline weens us from evil and on to goodness. He always wields his discipline for his beloved children. Ephesians 1, 4, in love he predestined us for adoption, he always does all that he does in actions and history in love for his beloved adopted children.

So Father, when you discipline your children in anger, and will the rod and frustration you are lying to them about what the Father in heaven is like. And can you not see why a lot of people react to discipline and corporal punishment so negatively? Because what have they seen? They've seen the picture. I remember seeing this little cartoon where they were putting down spanking and they had a picture of a child cuddled in a corner and staying with the child was a big bad dad getting ready to whip them and beat them.

That's the picture the world paints of discipline, but that's not biblical discipline. It's always done in love, faithfully, consistently, carefully, and for transgression of God's law and attitudes that dishonor the Lord. Those are the two areas for which we discipline our children. Do not provoke them to anger, but then he says, bring them up in the discipline and the instruction of the Lord. Do you notice how he connects those two?

There's a command here in the original language, bring up. And then he says, in discipline and instruction, and those two in the Greek are connected. Meaning if you're going to spank your children, it has to be connected to instruction. You can't separate them. Both are involved in the bringing up.

To bring up our children rightly in the Lord, you have to both discipline, which is also translated out of places training and you have to instruct them. And these two things, if you should tear them apart, you will fail to do the discipline rightly. You will fail to discipline and spank them as God would have you to do so. And isn't there a danger, if we're honest, for a moment, of a reformed families by spanking, even in love, with no communication of making moralists and Pharisees. I mean imagine with me a scenario for a moment your child disobeys you they do something maybe your son hits your sister hits his sister your daughter and you go to your son and say, that was wrong, I am going now to spank you, I love you, and you enact corporal discipline, spank him, and then you do the right thing, we'll hug the child after, we'll go through all this in a moment, but after that whole session where you spank the child, driving out folly and love them, what worldview have you taught them?

If there's no communication about their heart, if there's no communication about their greatest need, what you've made them is a moralist. You have taught them that when they do something wrong to please dad, next time they just need to do better and not do it. That their acceptance and their wholeness is tied to their obedience. Is that not moralism? Is that not Phariseeism?

And we wonder why in the Reformed world there are so many people with all this head knowledge and all these doctrines and then we see legalism and Phariseeism, and legalism and Phariseeism is not following God's Word. Let's make that very clear. That is not legalism. That is not Phariseeism. Legalism and Phariseeism is adding on to God's Word, man's traditions, and trying to earn God's favor through your obedience, where it's been given to you freely in Christ.

But when you discipline corporately and spank without any instruction, you can actually train your children to grow up and they will comply with you and they will look hourly okay. And they may hourly even be professing Christians, but inwardly they've never been really taught that what makes them right with God is the work of another. We don't want moralists. I don't want my kids to be moralists. They're the hardest people to reach.

The Pharisee is the most difficult person to convince. Do you not see that in the New Testament? What person resisted the Lord Jesus Christ over and over again? In the harshest way, the one who was trying to merit salvation by obedience and thereby forgo punishment, The Pharisee. We don't want to raise Pharisees.

That's why Paul here attaches instruction, which if you look at the problems carefully, is always attached to the rod, with discipline. So what does this look like? Now, I want to say at this point too, I know that kids come from all different age ranges and backgrounds. For example, when they're really young for like 12 months old, 18 months, you're probably going to do corporal discipline more consistently, more intentionally with less communication because they don't really get it. They need to learn that if they touch the light socket, that's bad.

As they get older in the child age range, communication becomes more and more and more important. And then as they are teenagers, communication is incredibly important. And appealing and exhorting and commending is all the more vital. Wisdom is truth rightly applied at all stages. In that early stage, a lot of parents will say, at least where I'm from with this text, they'll say, well, they don't really get it, so we can't really discipline them.

I was at a hotel recently with a member of our church and they have a 17 month old baby. And this 17 month old baby, they would take something away from this child and all of a sudden the tantrum would come. I mean, he would scream his lungs out. We were in this hotel and everyone's looking over and they're embarrassed. So what did they do?

They give back what he'd taken away. Or that we were walking in the zoo and he did something and they said no and they took away something that he wanted and he wasn't supposed to have, and then he threw this massive tantrum. It was enormous and everyone's looking, and so they got embarrassed, and what'd they do? They gave it back. And this is what they were saying, because they knew I was watching and I had wrote a book on this.

And they said, well, you know, he's just so young. He doesn't understand what he doesn't. He would understand if we disciplined him. He understands, He understands that he was told no, and that if he threw a fit at 17 months, he could get it back. And that especially in public, he could do this because they were embarrassed.

He got that. So what they have set up for him is a pattern that they now have to work hard to reverse that if I throw a big enough fit, mom and dad will give in and I'll get my way. They're preparing him for disaster. Well they should take him privately and lovingly administer the rod to teach him that it's not okay to react selfishly with a tantrum. It's not okay to act that way in public and every time you do, even if it's the same event and you take him back 10 times, you're gonna hold the standard because you love him.

But me parents, because of embarrassment or because it's hard, won't do it. Parenting's hard. That's part of why we need God's grace and his power and his strength. So we discipline, but as they get older, it's all the more important that we really go at their heart. Now what has God given us in the Word?

And the Puritans understood this, and the Reformers understood this, and the church fathers have understood this but in our generation we've forgotten this the law and the gospel First Timothy one the law is good if it's used lawfully Do you ever notice how often Jesus uses the moral law the ten commandments summarized? The little moral law with the rich young ruler or the Sermon on the Mount. He will wield the law to show people who they really are. He puts the mirror before their eyes, their spiritual eyes, and makes them look at their hearts and presses it to their consciences. And then what does it drive them to as a tutor?

Galatians 3, to Christ. And then in Christ, as those who are born again, what does the law do for us? It teaches us how to live in Christ, to love Christ. If you love me, you obey me. The law is a good tool, and it's to be wielded in parenting.

It's to be wielded as we instruct and discipline. So when we discipline our child, the law of the hour comes alongside to show our children their hearts so that we have an opportunity to press the gospel to them, to make them see what they greatly need is Jesus. Let me give an example of how this works, especially as children get older. In my book, I use this illustration called Little Johnny. And normally when I travel, my son, my youngest son comes with me now.

So he's a certain age, we homeschool, And he's mine now. So everywhere I go, he goes. And he had to stay behind because my oldest son is having a baby shower, as I mentioned last night, for our first grandchild. And so I'm by myself. But I remember being at a conference and he was there on the front row.

I used this illustration, and in the illustration I used the name Johnny, that's not his name, and he goes, Dad, am I little Johnny? I had to smile and say, yes son, you are little Johnny. So he made it to the book but renamed. So this really did happen in a modified form. Here's an example how biblical parenting, I believe from the scripture, works with discipline and instruction.

So let's use little Johnny as our picture here. So imagine with me that mom makes this big bowl of chocolate chip cookies. Because the neighbor next door, they just lost a loved one and she made this big bowl. My wife makes the best chocolate chip cookies in the world. I am not hurting.

As you can see, my wife's a wonderful cook, but she made this big bowl of chocolate chip cookies and she set them on the counter and little Johnny loves chocolate chip cookies. And he's looking at the chocolate chip cookies and mom says, little Johnny, these are for the neighbor next door. They just lost a loved one. Don't take. Perhaps I'll make you some later, but These are for the neighbor next door.

They just lost a loved one. Don't take. Perhaps I'll make you some later, but these are for the neighbor next door. Little Johnny's looking at these cookies and she goes out of the room. And he's looking.

And he's looking. You know what's actually funny? I like you guys, I'll share the whole story. This is not in the book. My wife actually, to see what he would do, put a little camera up.

So we record this. Someday when he gets married, we will show it. Just to show what God hopefully has saved him from. But he's there and he's looking at the cookies, like we're watching the video, he's looking at the cookies and he wants to take the cookies and he's just struggling. You see the inner turmoil in his heart and mind and eventually gets what John of Dite does.

He just, he takes the cookies but because he's Adam's son from Adam's line, he goes under the table to eat his stolen cookies. And He stuffs his face with these cookies and you see him pop up and he has crumbs all over his cheek. And he hears mom coming, so then he tries to make himself look presentable and she comes in and she notices that the cookie jar is significantly lower and she looks at Johnny and says, Johnny, why did you take the cookies? Did you take some of the cookies, little Johnny? And little Johnny, like most children, will do what?

He'll lie. Like Adam. I didn't take the cookies, Mom. And she looks at him and says, Little Johnny, you have the crumbs on your cheek. You're guilty.

It's right there. Walk in the light, walk in the truth, Little Johnny. Did you take the cookies? Yes, Mom, I took the cookies. Now here's an opportunity.

This is where discipline comes in. If you just spank him, you're going to teach him to be a moralist. But what do you do? Little Johnny, what does the law of God show us about your heart? Why did you take the cookie?

I wanted it. What does that make you? For the law of God. The Bible calls coveting what's not yours a sin. Little Johnny, are you a coveter?

Wanting someone that's not yours? Yes, Mom. Did you take something that's not yours? What does the Ten Commandments call that? Stealing, thievery.

So are you a thief in heart and practice? Yes, Mom. Little Johnny, let's keep going back up. I told you not to take the cookies. Did you disobey me and dishonor me?

Yes, mom. So you're dishonoring the authority God put over your life? Yeah. You keep going up. Little Johnny, who are you thinking about in that moment?

Yourself or God? What does that make you? An idolater, a dishonor of God's name and someone who worships someone other than God, myself. So little Johnny, you've broken almost all of the ten commandments. What does this show about your heart?

I'm bad. I'm a sinner. But little Johnny, here's the good news. Jesus saves sinners. But God the Son added humanity, and he lived a sinless life, died on the cross, burying his body, the sin for all who will believe, rose from the dead, went back to heaven four days later, and all who repent of their sin and believe on him will be saved of their past, present, future sins and reconciled back to him.

Isn't that good news, little Johnny, that you need? Yes. What have you now given him? A Christian worldview, but you're not done yet. Little Johnny, even though Christ forgives us all our sins, there's still consequences often that we pay in life because of our choices.

If I robbed a bank, I may be forgiven in Christ afterwards, but I'm still gonna be in jail by the magistrate. There's consequences, little Johnny. So I'm gonna spank you. So you will learn there's consequences for action. And then you bring little Johnny in, and you never do this publicly by the way, you never humiliate your children, always privately.

And you look him in the eyes and he has to see that you're not embarrassed or frustrated, that you love him. And as you do, the rod, I agree with Dr. Beeke on this. I think you should use the hand so you feel how hard it is. Because the same hand that hugs, the same hand that disciplines.

And you spank little Johnny, and after you spank him, your job's not done yet. You look at him and say, little Johnny, I discipline you to drive out folly, but I love you. And you hug him. And you hug him until he hugs you back. You've just given little Johnny a Christian world view.

We're saved not by works, but by Christ. But in God's world there are consequences for actions and sin. And then as he becomes a Christian, then you can exhort him that the third use of law is a good thing. Striving to obey for the glory of God because you love Him. That's how we discipline biblically.

That's how the Puritans, the Reformers, the fathers, and most importantly how Paul summarizes discipline in Ephesians 6 verse 4. Discipline is a good gift of God to parents to be wielded. The Proverbs over and over emphasize this as we close. A wise son accepts his father's discipline. A scoffer does not listen to rebuke.

Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far away. He who withholds discipline from a child if he doesn't love him. On and on and on. Brethren, what a gift our children are to us. What a gift.

And if you love them and truly love their souls and want to save them from Sheol, discipline them diligently, faithfully, and always in love. As one Puritan writer said, our homes can be a little taste of heaven or a pathway to hell. May God give homes here that are a little taste of heaven for His name. Let's pray. Father thank you for your word.

Thank you for your kindness and giving us your word. I pray, Father, we be diligent to discipline our children because you command it and your word's sufficient. You know what's best for our children. Father, we know the world will tell us this is wrong, but God, the world has always told us things in contrary to your word. May we be a people who stand on your word and may you raise up homes here that are a little taste of heaven and not pathways to hell.

May that be my home, may that be our homes here. In Jesus name we pray, amen.