In the sermon 'The Difficult Child,' Trent Moody explores the challenges and spiritual growth opportunities that come with parenting difficult children. Drawing from Proverbs 17:25, he emphasizes the grief that a foolish child can bring to parents but also highlights the hope found in God's guidance and strength. Moody shares personal experiences of being a difficult child and dealing with difficult children, emphasizing that no child is hopeless due to the living hope in Jesus Christ. He encourages parents to acknowledge their feelings of hopelessness and repent, urging them to hope in God. The sermon discusses how difficult children can reveal the hearts of their parents, as seen in the biblical example of Esau and Jacob, and emphasizes that God uses these situations to sanctify and humble parents. Moody advises against letting guilt rob parents of joy and stresses the importance of prayer, physical affection, and maintaining hope. He concludes with practical advice on how to show love and compassion to difficult children, ensuring they feel loved and valued despite their challenges.

So the reason Scott gave me this theme here was not because necessarily I have difficult children, but because I was a difficult child and Growing up if you would talk to anyone that knew me my I was just talking to Scott and Justin there just a moment ago and my nickname was Dennis the Menace if you've ever seen or heard that that was that was me. Turn to your Bibles to Proverbs 17 and just one verse 17 25 Proverbs 17 excuse me in verse 25 and this says the word of the Lord, a foolish son is a grief to his father and bitterness to her who bore him. Let's pray. Our heavenly father we just want to thank you Lord for this opportunity to be here to to be instructed to be helped. Lord by your word and by your spirit Father you have called us to a great task a task Lord that influences and that changes generations What we do in in this short period of time in our life and raising our children, really has consequences that go far beyond our own lifetime.

And Father, I just pray that you would grant help from heaven. Lord, that you would give us wisdom from heaven Lord that you would would teach us father to persevere in the good things That you would help us to not grow weary and well-doing That you would teach us to keep our eyes stayed upon the Lord Jesus Christ. Lord that you would fill us with your Holy Spirit and give us Lord all that we need because you have you've given unto us all things that pertain to life and godliness. Help us oh God today I pray in Jesus name. Amen.

So I want to speak to you today about parenting the difficult child. If you have one or more you probably have a difficult child. A difficult child is one that all children in some sense are difficult. Let's just be honest. There's a dying to self when you have children.

You lose sleep for the mom especially, a lot of sleep loss, a lot of difficulties, a lot of body changes and difficulties there. Your time is no longer your own. But what I want to talk about today is parenting that is really not for the faint of heart. Parenting that is something that God calls you to, but he also equips you for. And you know, being a parent is one of the most difficult things that you will ever do.

I didn't really think I was very selfish until I had children, and then I realized just how selfish I was. However, there are some children that seem to have a special gifting to be difficult and they really call out the inner person within you and you actually get to see something that you didn't realize was even there. But God in His grace shows you these things. These are what I would call the special cases and it's to those specifically, not just all children and their general difficulties of just raising a family. But really those who are the special cases that are very difficult, those that keep you up at night, those that cause you to rise early in the morning, perhaps with dread, those that would make you increase your prayer life dramatically.

Those are the ones that I want to look at today and hopefully find great help from heaven. I've seen difficult children. I've been a difficult child. I've had a few difficult children. I have counseled.

I've been a pastor, goodness, for nearly half my life. I've been a parent for almost three-fifths of my life. So I've seen a lot of children, I've spoken with a lot of children, as I said, I've counseled difficult children, I've prayed for difficult children, I've confronted difficult children, I've rebuked difficult children. And by the grace of God, I've seen difficult children become a blessing to their parents. That's the hope I want to leave you with.

I'm not here to tell you all the bads. I want to leave you with the hope of the gospel and the hope of Jesus Christ. You see, the difficult child you need to understand is not a hopeless child. There are no hopeless cases in my mind. There's no such thing because we have a living hope and a resurrected Savior, which is more difficult to raise someone for the dead or for God to save a difficult child.

Obviously, it's simple for Him to save that difficult child, and he also raised from the dead. So right off the bat I want you to understand that I reject the hopeless life. I don't believe in that. I reject any kind of hopelessness because we have a living savior. As Peter tells us, we have a living hope.

So if you're the parent of a difficult child and you feel hopeless this morning, the first thing I want you to do is to repent. Hopelessness is a sin And I want you to have hope in God because there is hope there to be found. You remember last night that our brother Scott left us with this verse in Psalm 3315. He said he fashions their hearts individually. He considers all their works.

Well there are a couple other verses in that same psalm that I want to read to you beginning with verse 18 and this is what the Word of God says, behold the eye of the Lord is on those who fear him, on those who hope in his mercy." Brother, you took the word right out of my mouth this morning. His mercies are new every morning. He goes on and he says, to deliver their soul from death, to keep them alive and famine, Our soul waits for the Lord. He is our help and our shield for our heart shall rejoice in him because we have trusted in his holy name." And then this, let your mercy, O Lord, be upon us just as we hope in you." So I want to call you to hope in God this morning. In your life, in your marriage, and in your parenting, hope in God because Sometimes our biggest discouragement is when we listen to ourselves instead of speaking truth to ourselves.

We tell ourselves all kinds of things that are really not true because we feel a certain way about a difficult child. Your affections may have grown cold towards this child because of the difficulty that they have brought into your life and just the disruption that they bring into your family. But what you need to do is to instruct your soul as David did. In Psalm 42 he says this to his soul, why are you cast down, oh my soul? And why are you disquieted within me?

Hope in God, for I shall yet praise him for the help of his countenance. You need to look to the countenance of God for your hope and for your help. So let us jump into this topic. And I pray that what I have to share with you this morning will be an encouragement to hope in God. That's what I want for you this morning.

So first off, you can turn to Ephesians chapter 1. I have a bunch of scripture here this morning. It may be hard for you to keep up with that, but Ephesians 1.11 is where I want to start. And this is difficult children you need to understand are ordained by God. Now why would I say that?

Well, this is what Ephesians says, in him also we have obtained an inheritance being predestined according to the purpose of him who works all things according to the counsel of his will. I believe that verse. I believe that includes difficult children. I believe that God has ordained difficult children. And one of the clearest examples in the Word of God of this regarding the sovereignty of God over the birth of children and the reality of difficult children is found in the very first book of the Bible in Genesis 25.

We see it actually before that. We see it right after the fall of Adam and Eve. But we see it here in chapter 25 regarding Esau and Jacob. This is just a little case study for you of difficult children. In fact, both of these children were difficult.

They had a whole family of difficult children. How about that? And so he says this in verse 21, Now Isaac pleaded with the Lord for his wife because she was barren, and the Lord granted his plea. And Rebekah, his wife conceived, but the children struggled together within her and she said if all is well why am I like this so she went to inquire of the Lord and the Lord said to her two nations are in your womb Two peoples shall be separated from your body. One people shall be stronger than the other and the older shall serve the younger." What a testimony of what God was doing in the birth of these two sons and the difficulties that they would bring into this family.

It was going to be a lifelong difficulty. But we find from the very beginning they were at odds with one another even in the womb. That would surely be a difficulty for a mother to bear is the difficulty of a child, even in a twin, even in the womb. We find from this beginning part here the parents, however, were not totally innocent in the difficulties that arose from this struggle. In Genesis 25-27 we read this, So the boys grew, and Esau was a skillful hunter, a man of the field.

But Jacob was a mild man, dwelling in tents, and Isaac loved Esau because of his game. But Rebecca loved Jacob. So we see right off the bat and even later in the life of Esau that Esau became a grief to his parents even in his older age when he was getting married in Genesis 26 we read about Esau going and marrying a foreign wife and it says this, and they were a grief of mine to Isaac and Rebekah. Now you may think to yourself, but here he is, this man's 40 years old, why would it be so difficult if I had a 40-year-old not in my home anymore and he goes and he marries somebody? That's a grief.

But is that a difficult child? Well, in one sense, yes, it is because behavior like this did not begin when he turned 40. Behavior, This is a trajectory of behavior of rebellion. It's a trajectory that leads to grief of life in later years. And so the truth be told regarding Jacob and Esau, again, is that they were both difficult children.

So I bring this up as proof that God's plan is not absent from the life of difficult children. Do you have a difficult child? Guess what, God specifically and very particularly ordained that child with those dispositions for you, and I hope to show you that. They're for you. I'm not giving an allowance and you can say, well, God did it.

It's not my fault. That's not what I'm saying. But I am saying God is, he has specifically ordained it for the good of your soul and for the good of their soul. He is bringing something about. And so God has fashioned this child with the individual personalities and the strengths and the weaknesses and the difficulties.

And you need to see your situation as the plan of God that he has for your life because God intends your difficult child or children not to ruin you, not to rule you, but to reveal you. And here's where it gets hard. The difficult, and The second point is this, difficult children will reveal you. And what do I mean by that? Well, look at what Genesis 25, 28 says, and Isaac loved Esau because he ate of his game, but Rebekah loved Jacob.

Why did she love Jacob? Because he was a man who was softer. He dwelt in tents. He was fine with the domestic life. And so we find here a glance into the heart of the parents of these two difficult children.

God used these two children to reveal their hearts. We learn something about Isaac here. Isaac loved Esau because he ate of his game. Rebecca loved Jacob. We're told the personality of Jacob and the tendencies of Jacob and that is why she had a tendency and affection towards him more than Esau.

God used these two children to reveal the hearts of their parents. God was doing something in the heart of these two parents. So in Genesis 25, 27, again, so the boys grew. Esau was a skillful hunter, a man of the field, but Jacob was a mild man, dwelling in tents. And each of these two boys appealed to the natural inclination and desires of the specifics of the parent's heart.

You say they, therefore they love the one that matched most closely their own inclinations. They had a, you know, I've kind of jokingly say that regarding one of my children, I won't name them because there's too many people here to know all my children, but one of them in particular, my wife does not have favorites, but if she did, it would be that one. No, that's a joke. I say that jokingly. We love all of our children.

We're very thankful for every one of them, but there are some of them that have more of a natural inclination that matches what yours is specifically. It makes it easier in a sense to spend time with them, to enjoy them, and to appreciate them. But I want you to be careful that you individually as a parent, a father or a mother, that you are not aiding and abetting the difficulties of your difficult child. Like you're drawing something out of them because of your affections towards them in this certain way. Usually we find that the difficult child is difficult because they're not just like us.

Isn't that really what makes them difficult? Is they're not like what we hope they would be like? And so it's drawing out. I want you to just meditate upon that this weekend as you think about this child that may be difficult in your home, think about what is it that makes them difficult? And then I want you to introspectively ask that question, what is it in me that I just really don't like about this thing.

Now it can be sin. I'm not disqualifying that this child is a sinner at all. Don't hear me saying that. But is there something in me that's sinful that's causing this butting of heads or this great difficulty. Sometimes, and most often I would say, there's sin on both sides of this one.

There's a difficult child. The child's sinning, but oftentimes the parents respond in sin as well. So God is using this child to reveal you, not to rule you, not to ruin you. Remember, God is doing, He works all things together for good to those who love Him, to them who are called according to His purpose. The pulpit commentary says this, persons of quiet and retiring disposition like Isaac are often fascinated by those of more sparkling and energetic temperaments such as ESOL.

Mothers, on the other hand, are mostly drawn towards children that are gentle in disposition and homekeeping in habits. What mother does not love a child who naturally has the inclination to go around and pick up their clothes and their toys and just wipe the, you know, put the seat down on the little potty and, you know, if they make a mess they clean it up themselves. What mother wouldn't love that? As opposed to the one who leaves it up and misses the commode all together and just leaves a mess and thinks nothing of it and walks it through the house. That is difficult.

Another commentator says this, he says regarding Isaac loved Esau, He says, the conduct of both of these parents was blamable. They had but these two children, and the father was particularly attached to the one and the mother to the other, and this improper partiality gave occasion to that strife which once threatened their being deprived of them both. Such partiality should be carefully guarded against in parents as both sinful in itself and of dangerous tendency. It is true some children may be of a much more amiable spirit and conduct than others of the same family, yet all ought to have a due share of parental regard and none be in any manner slighted or neglected." I'll get to this a little bit later, but one of my encouragements to you will be that those that are difficult, that you actually spend a little more physical affirmation, physical affection towards that child. Not neglecting the sin, dealing with the sin, correcting the sin, disciplining the sin, but also bridging that gap because the natural tendency is when that is a constant, your affections pull away and it only becomes correction with that child.

And you need to overcome that. It may not be something that you're just like, oh boy, I'm just gonna go sit and hold this child and hug him and give him a kiss. I would prefer to hug them with them bent over my knee, almost, you know, but no, you actually need to look them in the eyes and give them a hug and love them with physical affection. That's one of the things that I'll get to. So my encouragement to you if you have this difficult child is that you first acknowledge your own sinfulness in your heart in response to that child.

It does not negate the fact that this child has sinned against you. Don't hear me saying that. But we are actually the parent. We've had more, in fact, you may be the only believer in this situation. And you should be acting in response to this unbelieving child, if it is an unbelieving child, in a believing way.

You need to show the fruit of the Spirit which one would be self-control and that you need to respond to that. But if you have responded in sinful in a sinful response you should repent of that. I'm convinced that God brings children and their attitudes into your life, into my life, for the very purpose of revealing an area in my life that He wants to sanctify. I can't find the scripture verse last night. I was talking to Scott about this last night.

I believe this thing to be true by experience. I'm looking for the verse to support that belief, but the belief is this, that God has ordained each of these children in your life to work on a specific area of sanctification that he's wanting to bring into your Christianity, to make you more like Christ. I have found this to be true in my life and God in his desire wants to work on the same areas of my life as he gives me the child to test me in that area. And so God sometimes gives you a really easy and pleasant child up front right in the first of the bat and man you have this easy child you think wow I'm really good at this parenting thing. This is, I didn't know I was going to be this good at that.

And then one or two later, three later, you'll find out that he'll give you a difficult child to humble you and to help you to realize, guess what, That was not your good parenting skills, that was the grace of God. So he's wanting to correct us, he's wanting to teach us and train us. Sometimes he'll draw out the pride in you so that he can bring down and humble you. And all of these things are good and from the hand of God. But then, God, what we, he wants us to know and to remember is that our response to a difficult child is not controlled by that child.

That's the temptation. If they hadn't of, have you ever heard two children say, well he hit me but he hit me first. If they hadn't hit me I wouldn't hit him. But then we grow up and become adults and have children and we practically do the same thing. Well if they hadn't of provoked me I wouldn't of gotten angry with them.

We need to be adults. We need to be Christians. We need to live in such a way that we can demonstrate to our children that we will not be ruled by sinful behavior of another. You cannot control all of your children's behavior. Scott hit it last night, this mechanical view of child raising, is that if I push all of the right buttons, then what's going to come out on the other end of this little line is going to be this just child who's so perfect and so sweet and nice and they're great in every way.

God did not design it that way. In fact, God designed it in such a way that practically with every Christian parent at some point in your life you are on your face before God saying, God I cannot do this. I do not have the answers and I just don't know what to do. I'm throwing myself upon your grace. Please help me." That's actually where God wants you, on your face before Him, acknowledging that you are insufficient for the task, acknowledging that He is more than sufficient for the task, that you need him and you're asking for God's grace to be at work in your life.

One of the things that we certainly need to do is to check our heart attitude towards that child. I'm not saying that you need to express that. You may to your spouse, you may need to say, hey, I need you to pray with me about this because I have really hard feelings towards this child because of these things. You need to acknowledge that heart attitude and you may find in the recesses of your heart that you actually dread seeing that child when you wake up in the morning. You may be laying in the bed first thing in the morning you wake up and a sense and a wave of dread just washes over you.

It may be something that you're sitting there and perhaps while you're still in the bed and you've not even gotten out of the bed, you begin projecting all of the bad things that are going to happen in behavior and circumstances that day. You play it out in your mind, you know what's gonna happen. This actually is sinful too, because guess what? You're not God. You don't know what a day holds.

You don't know what's going to happen tomorrow. Because you're not God, because you don't know what's going on, what you're doing is actually setting yourself up for defeat before you put your feet on the ground. You're losing the battle before you've even started the battle. You're not being prayerful, you're being fretful. Your attitude towards that child will set the stage for the day.

You need to understand that. Begin your day with prayer and faith and trust that God is working in you and in them to produce what He has desired for your day. God owns your day. Did you know that? He owns your time.

He owns every bit of you and He is going to bring this about to bring glory and honor to him. And so these difficult days, remember, are a part of God's plan to purify your faith. That's what Romans teaches us. He says in chapter 5, and not only that, but we also glory in tribulations knowing that tribulation produces perseverance and perseverance character and character hope. Now hope does not disappoint because the love of God has been poured out in your hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.

This tribulation, The word literally means to be pressed, anguished, burdened, persecuted, troubled. And we can feel this way with a child. But Peter reminds us, In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if need be, you have been grieved by various trials that the genuineness of your faith being much more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire may be found to praise and honor and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ." So remember this that the difficult child is God's means of purifying your faith. So you can actually look at this and understand this is good for me. It's difficult to do, believe me.

I've had moments where it's just like, oh Lord, I just don't know if this is gonna work out. As one man said, I didn't realize just how much sanctification I needed to God to give me difficulties to the extent that I have them. You and I need way more sanctification than we think we need. I promise you that. We need way more.

God knows exactly how much and to what degree your trials need to be in order to make you like the Lord Jesus Christ. You see, Jesus himself, it is said, Peter writes this of him in 1st Peter 2 and verse 20, he says, but when you do good and suffer, if you take it patiently, this is commendable before God, For to this you were called because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example that you should follow in his steps." Listen to how Jesus Christ responded to the trials and the tribulations, to the revilings, to the rebuke, to the beatings. Listen to what he did. You know, but I'm going to tell you. Peter says this, who committed no sin nor was deceit found in his mouth.

When he was reviled, he did not revile in return. When he suffered, he did not threaten, but committed himself to him who judges righteously, who himself bore our sins in his own body on the tree, that we, having died to sin, might live for righteousness by whose stripes you were healed. You were like sheep going astray, but have now returned to the shepherd and overseer of your soul." And again, he says in chapter three, "'For it's better if it is the will of God to suffer for doing good than for doing evil. For Christ also suffered once for sin, the just for the unjust." Listen, hear this. Christ suffered once for sin, the just for the unjust.

Why? That he might bring us to God. I want you to, I understand he's speaking about Christ's sacrificial death upon the cross, but I want you to take an application from that verse. That's 1 Peter 3.18. He suffered the just for the unjust for the purpose of bringing us to God.

And I want you to understand as a parent, there are going to be times when you are just in this situation, that child is unjust. But remember that when you suffer in a just manner, there's a purpose in that. You have the goal and the responsibility to bring them to God. If you revile in return, You have no testimony to say, hey let's go to the Lord in prayer about this. They're gonna say, yeah you first.

We want to come as the just, like Christ, right? And to bring them to God. So one of the areas that is most needed for all of us is this third point and that is humility. Difficult children will humble you. And again let me say this, there's no way I'm going to touch on every point regarding a difficult child.

We could do a series. But so if you hear something that's left out, what about prayer, brother? Prayer is understood. You need to be praying constantly. But I just wanted to hit on a few of these that might not be spoken of most often.

But difficult children will humble you. Again, this is God's doing. Charles Spurgeon said, I have learned to kiss the waves that throw me up against the rock of ages. What does that mean? It means that through much personal experience of having trials throw him down to the point that he had nothing left of himself, he called out to Christ as his only hope.

It was then that he began to find affection for that very wave that threw him against the rock of ages. So I want you, it's perspective here that we want to change. It's humility and recognizing I need to be thrown against the rock of ages. The one that brings me to Christ I can actually be thankful for. Thank you God for this difficult child that throws me against the rock of ages, that causes me to fall upon my face before the Lord and plead with him because that is what God is wanting to do in your life And then you can actually begin to have affection for that child who's doing this.

And I would say to you, kiss the wave. Kiss the wave, not only metaphorically, but physically. Kiss that child. Love that child. Hug that child.

And you will find something changes not only in your heart but in theirs. So Paul says in Philippians 3, 7, but when but what things were gained to me these I have counted loss for Christ. Yet indeed I count all things lost for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus, my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I might gain Christ and be found in him, not having my own righteousness which is from the law but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which is from God by faith, that I may know him and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of his sufferings being conformed to his death if by any means I may attain to the resurrection from the dead." So Paul is beginning to look at those things in his life that he now considers rubbish. He was humbled in those things. Remember, he was boastful at one point before Christ knocked him to the ground on the road to Damascus, he was prideful in the things that he hoped in.

But God humbled him to the point and now he recognizes all these things I count as loss. They're nothing compared to what? The knowledge of Christ. God is wanting to bring you to a deeper knowledge of the Lord Jesus Christ and he can be using that difficult child to do that very thing. I have more here but I'm needing to get on to the to the conclusion of this.

Just a few more moments. The fourth thing that I want to look at is difficult children can also produce in you the greatest joy. Our brother said it last night, one of the best things that he ever heard was when his son called him after his repentance. They can bring the most joy in your life. In Luke 15, very well-known passage of scripture regarding the prodigal son, After this young man came to the end of his self, the Bible says he arose and came to his father, but when he was still a great way off, his father saw him and had compassion and ran and fell on his neck and kissed him.

And the son said to him, Father, I have sinned against heaven and in your sight I am no longer worthy to be called your son. But the father said to his servants, bring out the best robe and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand, sandals on his feet, and bring the fatted calf here and kill it and let us eat and be merry for this my son was dead and is alive again. He was lost and he's found and they began to be merry. Why was he so joyful and so full of happiness and merriment? It was because this son who was a prodigal, who was a difficult child, came back in repentance and produced in that Father the greatest of joy.

Don't lose hope parents if you have a difficult child because I am convinced by the grace of God and the hope that I have in God that when we persevere in prayer and in humility and in all the things that the scripture tells us to do, that God will work that out to bring in you the greatest of joy in that very difficult child. You will have such joy. And then the next to the last thing is this, Bless your difficult child. Now this seems counterintuitive. I'm not talking about throwing all of the giving them your credit card and letting them take your car.

I'm not talking about that. This may be in your mind a bridge too far. This is not gentle parenting. So what we want to do is bless this child and how do we want to do that? Well the Bible says, Jesus says, but I say to you who hear, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, and pray for those who spitefully use you.

To him who strikes you on the one cheek, all for the other also, and from him who takes away your cloak, do not withhold your tunic either. Give to everyone who asks of you, and from him who takes away your cloak, do not withhold your tunic either. Give to everyone who asks of you and from him who takes away your goods, do not ask them back. And just as you want men to do to you, you also do to them likewise. But if you love those who love you, what credit is that to you?

For even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, What credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same.

And if you lend to those from whom you hope to receive back, what credit is that to you? For even sinners lend to sinners to receive as much back, but love your enemies. Do good and lend, hoping for nothing in return, and your reward will be great and you will be sons of the most high. For he is kind, listen, he is kind to the unthankful and evil. Therefore be merciful just as your Father in heaven is merciful." Now what I'm not saying is that you ignore, I'm not saying ignore sinful behavior.

That would be a sin. Again, we correct, we discipline, we instruct, we teach, we train for righteousness. You must do these things. But do not let their sin cause you to neglect the physical and emotional and spiritual needs of that child. I have actually found that after correction that a lengthy hug does more to restore their attitude towards mine than the correction does.

Because I believe that's how God wanted it to be. God is good. He says he is kind to the unthankful and the evil. Let them know that they are your child. Now that sounds odd, of course they're your child, but I want you to realize something.

Something happens in the mind of a child when they being corrected and they feel like, you don't even love me, You hate me. No, it's actually I am loving you, but I also want you to know there is, here's what I tell my children so often, there is nothing that you can do that would make you not my child. What would make them not mine? Nothing. And I will always love you.

I will not always love your behavior, I will not always love your behavior. I will not always love your sin. I will not love your sin ever, but I will always love you. And that may mean discipline. It may mean correction.

It may even mean separation. But I will always love you. You're always my child. That's what God does with us. God doesn't un-adopt us because we sin.

Praise God. Let them know that they are your child, that you love them, and do not withhold physical affection from that child after correction. Do not do that. You are going to separate them more and more and more from your own heart and there and you from theirs because they do not understand the love that you should have for them, that you do have for them. And most of the time, the reason they're acting out, let's just be honest, is because they're crying out for your attention.

They would rather have negative attention than no attention. And then lastly, I have five quick cautions for parents. Okay, Cautions for parents of difficult children. Number one, don't let guilt rob you of your joy. So what I mean by this is that often we as parents feel like everything our child does is a direct reflection upon our parenting.

Sometimes you're a great parent and you just have a difficult child. It just happens. Guess what? They're human beings. They have a soul, they have their personalities, and they have a whole boatload of sin in their heart.

We see it. Sometimes even in the scriptures you'll see a godly patriarch and one child is good and one child is terrible. It happens. So don't let guilt rob you of your joy. If they fail, it's not always your fault.

Now, that doesn't relieve us from responsibility of doing what we should do. If they don't achieve some standard that we have arbitrarily set, it's not necessarily our fault that they didn't achieve that goal. Remember that children are born sinners and they're born responsible before God for their sin. We read this in Jeremiah. I'm not gonna read it now, but Jeremiah 31.

However, Again, this doesn't give us a free pass to neglect our responsibilities as parents. Number two, don't think pushing all the right buttons will guarantee the outcome. I was joking with one of my children on my way. She said, what are you preaching on? I said, 10 steps to perfect children.

That was a joke. There are no 10 steps for perfect children because they're not computer programs. They are living souls and you must shepherd them. You must relate with them. It's a relationship that God wants you to have.

God didn't design it to be punch the right buttons, get this. He designed it that you would have to call out to Him, that you would have to be relational, that you would have to be prayerful, that you would have to be humble, that you would have to be humble, that you would have to be repentant. This is the way he designed it. So get ready. Lots of repentance and humility in your future if you have children.

Number three, don't miss the fact that God is teaching you through the difficult child. I think I made that point pretty clear and gave you scripture for it. Number four, again, you may have thought I said neglect prayer. Don't neglect prayer. Prayer is everything.

If you're not praying for your children, You're asking for a difficult child. Pray for your children. This is the confidence that we have in him that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And then last little point here of cautions. Don't neglect the physical affection towards your children and quality time with your children.

Again, this is one of the most often neglected in the situation of a difficult child. Who wants to hug a porcupine anyway? I mean, anybody? Sign up for that one, order a cactus. Let's go hug a cactus.

No, let's don't. Here's the fact though. I found that this one builds love and trust in a child quicker and better than almost anything. For no reason, here's what I want you to do with that difficult child. I want you today or tomorrow as soon as you can, take that difficult child in your lap and I want you to hug them and I want you to affirm your love for them and do not let go until they do.

And it might take a while. Set aside some time. Don't let go until they do. And do this on a regular basis and see what begins to happen with that child's attitude to I've experienced I've seen this in my own in my own children and in my own life it will do wonders. Let's go to God in prayer.

Our Father in Heaven first of all we want to thank you that you have called us to be your children. We thank you that you are the perfect father and Lord you have brought things into our life to to conform us into the image of your dear Son, including difficult children. And I pray that you would use them to do that great work. And Lord, we are coming to you this morning hopeful, not hopeless, Lord. We are hopeful that the gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ will accomplish in the life of these children everything that you have said that it would.

Father, we believe you. We know and have experienced what you've done in our life and Lord we know that you saved to the uttermost and Father we ask that this would be the case in every one of these precious children here and even those who are not here today. And we ask it in Jesus' name. Amen.