In his sermon titled 'Love & Romance,' Scott Brown addresses the pervasive misconceptions about love, often fueled by media and societal influences, contrasting them with the Biblical understanding of love as described in 1 Corinthians 13. He emphasizes that love is not merely an emotion or an endorphin rush associated with infatuation but rather a series of actions and commitments that endure beyond initial feelings. Brown discusses the impacts of cultural distortions on relationships and the importance of recognizing love as an action rooted in the Holy Spirit's work, characterized by patience, kindness, and selflessness. He warns against making lifelong commitments during the infatuation phase and encourages a deeper understanding of love's true nature, which is enduring and reflective of Christ's love for humanity.

Okay, please open your Bibles to 1 Corinthians 13. I'd originally intended this morning to speak about the fueling of your soul. I had some meetings this last week with men who were telling me they just felt so dry and I wanted to talk about that about how to get undry and particularly as fathers you know were telling me that they weren't fulfilling their duties, their wives weren't that hope-filled, and their children were suffering because of it, and I just wanted to talk about fueling your soul. But that's not what I'm going to talk about right now. I changed my mind at some point this morning and I want to talk about love.

Now I wish I had done a better job with the title of this because I want to talk about, I wanna talk about romance, I wanna talk about thinking about getting married, I wanna talk about what love is, but this isn't just for somebody who's going to get married soon. It's really for anybody who wants to learn about what love is and that I think that applies to everybody here. And so you know Ephesians 5 was very much on my mind This weekend as we were having a marriage retreat for young people, for people married 10 years and below, and it was such a joy to be able to be with that generation. It was so encouraging to be with them. And the way that you start out really matters and getting in the right grooves really matters of the way that you think and the way that you operate together.

So I was so happy to be able to do that. A generation of holy marriages is what the world needs. So I was thankful to be able to be with them and see the fire in their eyes and the desire to walk with the Lord. Now Ephesians 5 is a wrecking ball for wrong views of love and it helps us to untangle what love really is. There are so many distorted views of love that are swimming around us.

You know you can see the marriage books, you can see the films, the songs. Hollywood has so destroyed pictures of true love. Wrong views of love are acquired by from parents, wrong views of love are acquired from friends, but the Bible sorts it all out. The problem with it is that those things that shape us, they form trigger reactions in us and we end up not loving. Colossians 2.8 I think examines the heart of the problem.

See to it that no one takes you captive through philosophy and empty deception according to the tradition of men rather than according to Christ. Now the devil and his philosophies, his empty deceptions, are all over this matter of what love is. And what happens often is that people get married with a lot of wrong views of love. And then in a couple of years, or they might get the seven-year itch. And they think, well, we're not in love anymore.

We're going to pitch this thing over the wall. We're going to forget it. And the truth is, it's all as a result of the deception of the devil. They didn't understand what love was at the beginning. And so when it was tested, they thought that it had disappeared.

And many people have described marriages like flies on a screen door. You know, the ones that are inside want out and the ones that are outside want in. And the reason that is often is because of just corrupt worldly views of love. And so, you know, these romance novels, all these things are just so harmful to all of it. Now, I want to talk about romance.

You know almost everyone who gets married they get married on a thrilling romantic attraction. Anybody here get married that way? I did. I was so thrilled I wanted to get I wanted to marry Deborah so badly and But the truth is The the elation the thrilling Romantic attraction. Are you ready for this?

That's not love It's not And God God has built into your system neurochemical reactions. And they create elation. They're called endorphins. And what happens to us often growing up in this world is that we kind of become endorphin junkies you know we go from one high to another and if you can't get high enough just on the things with people and trips and things like that then you'll take drugs and you'll get high on drugs. Or you know, you might exercise.

You can feel a lot better if you exercise. Somebody said one time that if exercise were a drug, everybody would take it every day because you just feel so much better. You know, you feel so much clearer when you're in shape and when you're exercising. But this is because of hormones that are released and they create pleasure. And you know, endorphins, they relieve depression, they reduce anxiety, they create positive feelings, and when it comes upon you in romance, it creates kind of an intoxication, And it creates the kind of intoxication that allows you to talk to somebody on the phone for five hours.

Now, if you've been married more than 10 years, I just wanna ask you, when was the last time you talked to your wife on the phone five hours? Well, it doesn't happen because the endorphins have tapered off. And you just can't get enough of one another. That will not last. It just doesn't last.

But that doesn't mean that love has died. But in the Chick-Flick stories and all these things, you know how this works. You know, there's this scene that these two people, they bump into each other, you know, at the water cooler. And bing, and they're in love. No, they're not in love.

They're not in love at all. They have an endorphin high. That's what's happened to them and if they get married it's disastrous but it's chemistry and But the truth is nobody can give you, nobody can give you this kind of adrenal rush your whole life long. They can't give it to you. And you can't take it either, by the way.

Your body isn't wired for that. So, and the truth is pretty much anybody can get infatuated for a while. And that, you know, makes it kind of dangerous. I was reading an article last week from Business Insider Magazine, And they were talking about this phase that, you know, kind of the honeymoon phase doesn't go on forever. And they cite a study that was done in a university in Italy in 2005.

And in this study, they determined that the endorphin high lasts about a year, a lot of quote from the article. After that, levels of chemical, the chemical called nerve growth factor, which is associated with intense romantic feelings, start to fall. So, I mean, you know, there are lots of people in here who are going to end up in this zone. And I just want to throw out a warning about it. It is a natural thing and I'm not here to say it's a bad thing.

I think it's a natural thing that happens. I recently read a book by Gary Thomas called The Sacred search. Here's what he says. It's a good book by the way. It's about thinking about marriage and I recommend it.

Quote, the average lifespan of an infatuation is almost always less than two years. So if you get infatuated with somebody it's going to go away. You just need to be careful and Gary Thomas uses some language to describe what this is all about. He says it's normal, it's expected, it's a calculable response. He says it should be anticipated, it should be evaluated, It should not be exalted or overly dignified or magnified as an argument for getting married.

He says, infatuation follows a predictable graph. Everyone experiences the graph with some minor differences. But he he talks about what infatuation looks like. I'll quote him. Not only are you stupid when you are infatuated, but you also become extremely vulnerable.

Oh, there's just so many people doing this, you know, and these are married people that are doing this. He says, it may be lofty, sublime, uplifting, exhilarating, but it should not be deified. It is passion. It is puppy love. And then he says, and I'll quote, following a love can be a very dangerous game.

Be careful who you play it with. And then he talks about just the wisdom of waiting, wisdom is patient. And he makes some recommendations but I thought it was very very humorous he said that you don't sign a mortgage when you're drunk And he says you don't make lifelong commitments when you're intoxicated with love. And why? Well, endorphin rushes aren't love.

They might accompany love. They might introduce a season for an opportunity to love, but be very clear. They are not love because they subside. Love is different. Love never fails.

So, you know, what is love? First Corinthians 13 tells us what love is. Well, love isn't primarily a feeling, love is something that you do. Love is an action that you take. I mean, I'm just saying that's what the Bible, the Bible describes it as an action.

And that's why in 1 Corinthians 13, the apostle speaks first of all of the value of love in the first three verses, though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels but have not love, I have become a sounding brass or a clanging symbol. And that's the the value of of love is that it is the most valuable thing. And then he gives the signs of love, but before he gives the signs of love, he basically says without love you're nothing. You ain't nothing. That's what He says in the first three verses of 1 Corinthians 13.

But he's not talking about an endorphin rush. He's talking about something else. He's talking about what love does. And so in verses four through seven, he explains it and there are 15 signs of love. Love suffers long and is kind.

Love does not envy, love does not parade itself, is not puffed up, does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil, does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth, bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. That's love. Do you see how far separated that is from the endorphin rush of romance and infatuation? They are so different. Then the Apostle, he speaks about the permanence of love.

Love never fails. Verse 8, whether there are prophecies they will fail. But he just talks about the permanence of love and then in the very last verse in this section, verse 13, he talks about the supremacy of love. Now abide, faith, hope, love. These three, but the greatest of these is love.

Love is the fulfillment of the law. Love is of God. God is love. The kingdom of heaven really is described by this word love, but it's not an infatuation rush. It's something different.

Now one of the problems with the infatuation rush is people get married, they experience it, well who knows they might experience it for a year or two years. Maybe some experience it longer but when it goes away they might think they've fallen out of love But they didn't, they didn't really. They experienced something that was just normal. And when the infatuation phase subsides, then you learn how to love, how to love another person. And this is just the wisdom of God.

But the purpose of everything in heaven and earth is love. Nothing matters without love. Nothing lasts without love. Nothing is beautiful without love. So you have these 15 distinguishing marks.

And by the way, love is actually, it's an outward manifestation of an inward work of the Holy Spirit. The fruit of the Spirit is love. In other words, love is something that comes because of something else. And that means, you know, love is not a decision. It's a fruit of the Spirit of God love is not a discipline it's it's a fruit of the Spirit of God it's not a work of the flesh it comes from it actually comes from something real It comes from the work of the Holy Spirit in your soul.

And that work is a work of love, but it is a work of love. Now of these 15 marks, it's very interesting. Some of you were here when I preached in 1 Corinthians 13. Here's one of the things we noticed. All these 15 marks, while they are marks of love, man word and woman word, they are also exact descriptions the way Christ has loved us.

All of them. If you read them, it's very clear that Christ loved sinners with that exact same kind of love. And so not only are we called to love one another like this, we are loved like that. And that's the secret of it all. So Let's talk about these 15 marks of love.

I'm gonna go really fast with them. Love suffers long when wronged. And of course, in the same way Christ is so patient. He's so long suffering with us He is so slow to anger Love suffers long that's what love does Number two love is kind love is kind to the unkind Christ loved us. He made us alive while we were dead.

And he made us alive when we were insolent toward him. And love is kind to the unkind. Number three, love does not envy when someone else prospers. To envy is to punish and to hatefully react and envy always tries to destroy the object of the envy. But love does not envy when someone else prospers.

Number four, love does not parade itself for self exaltation. Number five, love is not puffed up over his own opinions. Of course Christ is gentle and humble in heart. There's so many commands that really pierce our pride that make us puffed up. Love does not behave rudely, number six.

When responding to others, Christ is gentle and he has a humble heart. Number seven, Christ laid down his life for us And that's why love does not seek its own. Love does not seek its own. Number eight, love is not provoked when challenged. Number nine, love thinks no evil, keeping a record of wrongs.

Number 10, love does not rejoice in iniquity. Number 11, love rejoices in the truth. Number 12, love bears all things. Number 13, love believes all things. Number 14, love hopes all things when things seem hopeless.

Number 15, love endures all things when life is hard. So that's love and the love of God is so is so marvelous. Now it's very critical that we understand what love looks like and you've just seen in 1st Corinthians 13, 15 manifestations of love and you can always ask is this how I am treating the other person and of course there's another tremendous one of the most helpful litmus tests for all of your thoughts all of your thinking, all of your feeling, all of your relationships to discern how you're really doing and that is the fruit of the Spirit. You can you can pretty much diagnose what's going on in your soul by just going filtering these things through your own soul and you'll know whether it's love or not. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

So if you're ever wondering whether what you're getting ready to say or do is loving, just ask, is it characteristic of these things here and you'll know and I believe the Spirit of God will prove it and help you help you understand. So all this to say love is not an emotion it does generate emotions, and it does include emotions, but be very careful not to exalt emotions. Emotions come and go. They come and go with all kinds of changes in your life. Some of them are physical and biochemical and there are all kinds of things that can move your emotions.

So be careful to think that love is equal to the endorphin rush that you get when you think you're falling in love. You may be, but you may not be. So be very careful with it. Now how do you know in the moment the difference between love and infatuation? How do you know?

I'll just give you two or three things to think about. I would just say it's difficult to know. But first of all, I think time is helpful. When couples, you know, are getting really connected, I'll just tell you what my counsel to them is. I would prefer that you get over the endorphin rush before you say you're gonna marry each other.

Let's get normal. Let's get to where being with each other is normal and you're not just in butterflies all the time. Get over the butterflies And then figure out whether you should get married. Now, I don't think this is a fixed command of God. I'm just saying that's the way I think people should think.

Get over the endorphin rush first. Land. Land the plane and get normal. Okay? Secondly, the situation.

How much do you know about that person? You know, how much distance has there been in getting to know one another. You find tremendous differences. You've seen them. Sometimes people, they get married and they've known each other for 15 years.

It's really different than people that have known each other for 15 days. I mean, it really matters how long a timeframe there's been. You know, I had children get married in different circumstances. Many of you know my daughter Taylor and Blair. Well they just grew up in church together.

We, our families knew each other. There wasn't a lot to dissect. So it was different. So I just think that the situation matters. You know, if you, here's another one.

If you're kind of still in, I'm just going to call it cage stage love, where you find yourself saying, he's so perfect. You might still have a little bit of endorphin rush flowing around there because by the way he isn't and everybody else knows it. So anyway those are some things. God in his wisdom has ordained that this kind of neurochemical reaction happens. I heard somebody say one time that the way that God tricks people into marriage is through the endorphin rush.

But it is it is something that God has done. I don't think we should despise it, but we should recognize it in ourselves and as parents, of course, if you're parents you do recognize it when you see it in your children and you just need to be wise about it. But let's be really clear about this thing. The greatest of these is love. And that's not the same thing as an endorphin rush.

Okay, let's pray. Father, we thank you that you have shown us what love is. You haven't left us alone. We're not left with our feelings. We're not left with all kinds of things.

You've given us fixed eternal truth to help us discern what's going on in our hearts and our minds. Lord, I pray for the married couples that are here that if they feel that love has grown cold, that you would turn them back to true love. And for those who want to get married that you just give them discernment. And those who those Lord who are younger or not or maybe not married for a long time that you would just so encourage them to love the way that Jesus Christ loves. We are so thankful that the greatest of these is love and that love never fails.

Amen.