In the sermon 'Teaching Children to Tame Their Tongues' by Scott Brown, the speaker emphasizes the importance of governing speech within the home and teaching children to be cautious with their words. The sermon draws from biblical teachings to highlight the powerful and potentially destructive nature of the tongue. Brown outlines seven reasons to be vigilant about speech, noting that words reflect the heart's condition and can influence the direction of one's life, akin to a rudder guiding a ship. He stresses that parents need to actively combat sinful speech among children and not become desensitized to inappropriate language. The sermon references several biblical passages, including James and Proverbs, to illustrate the tongue's dual capacity for good and evil and lists specific sins of the tongue, such as lying, gossiping, and complaining. Brown advises that parents should model proper speech, as children's verbal behavior often mirrors that of their parents. He concludes by encouraging parents to raise children in a manner that fosters positive, constructive speech, aligning with the teachings of the Bible.

Oh Heavenly Father, we come to you once again having been fed, having been supplied for and provided for for our bodies. Lord, we once again come to you for spiritual food for manna from heaven. Lord, I pray that your word would continue to instruct and continue to help us in these things that we so need to hear and so need to understand and so need to practice. Lord, I pray for our brother Scott Brown that you would fill him with your spirit now that he may impart your words to us. And fill us, Lord, with the Holy Spirit as well that we may have ears to hear and apply these words to our lives.

In Jesus' name, amen. Okay, two things. One, parents, I want to urge you to be uncompromising in the government of the speech that takes place in your homes. And you know, everybody knows this, Parents can expect to hear all kinds of things in their homes. Give me this.

Give me that. He pushed me. She grabbed me. She bonked me on the head. He touched me.

You know, you're going to hear the use of the tongue. Children, children, here's what I want you to know. Are you ready? Do you know what the Bible says about the tongue? It's a fire.

How about that? The tongue is a fire. The Bible says that your tongue will push you around. The Bible says that your tongue is a killer, so be careful with the use of your tongue. Okay, now, you can anticipate all kinds of harsh, unkind things, you know, proud, self-serving things in your home, slanderous speech in your home.

Here's my admonition, appeal. You should not have to hear that kind of thing very long. You're going to deal with it when your kids are growing up, but it needs to be something that dies away as quickly as you can make it die. And if you diligently take action against it, you can remove sinful speech from your home pretty much. But the problem is we get very desensitized to it.

And I think we all can relate to that, where you hear things over and over again and you are numb to it. You know, when I was growing up in California, we moved into a house that was really close to a railroad track. And for a while, we heard the railroad, the train go by all the time. After a while, we didn't hear it at all. So your speech in your home is like that.

Well, the reason I know that it was like that in my home, too. Be very careful to listen to the speech that's going on in your home. I'm going to give you seven reasons to be vigilant about it. The first reason is that words are always a reflection of the heart. The mouth speaks what's in the heart.

Jesus said, for out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good things, and an evil man out of the evil treasure brings forth evil things. You can count on that. Stick your life on that. Jesus taught that your outward life is like a tree with either good fruit or bad fruit.

And he said that the fruit, The outward life reflects the goodness or the badness of the heart He said for a good tree does not bear bad fruit nor does a bad tree bear good fruit That should have implications in what we tolerate and what we allow in our home. He says, for every tree is known by its own fruit. For men do not gather figs from thorns no, nor do they gather grapes from brand a bramble bush a good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good and An evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart brings forth evil for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks." That's Luke 6 43 through 45. Solomon makes it clear that our tongues and our hearts are inseparably connected and that we are to guard them. He said in Proverbs 423, Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life.

And then in the very next verse he speaks about the tongue He says put away from you a deceitful mouth and put the perverse lips far from you in short pay attention to the words that your children are speaking. And children, you should pay attention to your words. When words come out of your mouth, where did that come from? You need to think about that. As parents, you don't want to fall into the trap.

And it's a trap of thinking that you only need to deal with the heart. That's only part of the problem. You must deal with the words. So you deal with the words and the sin that those words are pointing to. You deal with both.

As humans, we're not very discerning. We don't know what's in people's hearts. We often misjudge one another. But we can, according to what Jesus said, understand what's going on in somebody's heart by what they say. It is a very important interpretive tool for what's going on in your kid's heart, what they say.

So pay attention to what they say. Now, we all know that any of us can put on words that aren't a reflection of our heart. Jesus also said, this people honors me with their lips, but their heart is far from me. So that can happen too. The words of our mouths are incredibly important discernment tools, but they're not irrefutable discernment tools because people can say things that aren't a reflection of what's in their heart.

We can learn how to just pacify people and please people and say whatever they want to hear. Some of you have children who have a Ph.D. In that degree. They know exactly what you want to hear and they make sure you hear it, and they go on their way with a hard heart. So be very careful.

The second reason that this is so important is that the tongue needs constraint. The tongue needs constraint. There's an idea that we can say whatever we want. We should say what's ever in our heart That's actually totally against Scripture James and in James 3 verse 3 he said indeed We put bits in horses' mouths that they may obey us, and we turn their whole body. And what James is saying is, we're like horses.

We can't go wherever we want. There's a bit and there's a rider. And God is the one who desires to control the direction of our lives. We can't say everything we want to say. It's not hypocritical to hold your feelings inside.

It's not hypocritical to do that. It's often the holy righteous good thing to do You know some of you've probably been around horses the amazing thing about a horse is A horse can kill a rider in a second. And, you know, at five or six or, I don't know, maybe 700 pounds, you know, a horse can run, you know, a half a mile in 25, or a quarter of a mile in 25 seconds. But if you put a bit in a horse's mouth you can put a 95 pound little girl on that horse and that horse will be controlled by that girl a bit is What we need and so Children need to be taught not to say everything that they feel They shouldn't be allowed to say everything they feel Now, you know, I realize you know Going through many people's minds is oh, well, you're going to make our children just pent up Bottled up, you know people well Make sure that doesn't happen But make sure also that your children don't say whatever they want to say and think that that's a good thing. The Bible just contradicts that.

Horses are really useful when they have a bit. They're not very useful when they don't. And people are like that, too. Also, it needs constant management, because the tongue is like a rudder that guides a ship. James in James 3-4 says, look also at ships, although they are so large and are driven by fierce winds, they are turned by a very small rudder wherever the pilot desires.

So the tongue is like a rudder and your life follows your words. It's like the words go out of your mouth and you get sucked along right behind them. That's what happens with words. It's both bad news and good news about the tongue because the tongue can actually take you in really good directions and the tongue can take you in really bad directions as well because there's this matter of a rudder. And then also, the tongue is small, but it's very powerful.

Even so, the tongue is a little member and boasts of great things. That's James 3.5. The tongue is so small, but it governs so many things in this life. The tongue of a blue whale weighs about 2, 000 pounds. But you know, my tongue probably weighs about 70 grams, but my body weight is about 81, 000 grams.

So, it's very small, but it has tremendous, tremendous influence in your life. Size bears no relationship with the impact. It says that it boasts of great things. And then a tongue is a fire, number five. Verse six in James 3, See how great a forest a little fire kindles, and the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity.

The tongue is so set among our members that it defiles the whole body, and it sets on fire the course of nature, and is set on fire by hell. So that's remarkable. You have a tongue, it's set on fire by hell. We should recognize that. Even our cute little children, their tongues are actually set on fire by hell, just like ours are.

It's a world of iniquity and it defiles the whole body and it's and it sets on fire the course of nature meaning it affects history it affects the you know sort of the historical pattern of your life it it it starts things going it's like a wheel that starts rolling it's like a fire that keeps burning and consuming it sets on fire the course of nature and then sixth it is untamable verse seven for every kind of beast and bird of reptile and creature of the sea is tamed and has been tamed by mankind, but no man can tame the tongue. It is an unruly evil full of deadly poison. The problem with the tongue is that you're always in a constant battle with it. And he likens this as an untamable beast, an animal, a wild animal. Man can train an elephant to dance on one leg.

Man can train an elephant to dance on one leg. Man can train a whale to jump through hoops and play jump rope at SeaWorld. You can train an eagle to kill prey. You can train a cobra to kiss a woman. But it didn't always work out that way.

Animals are unpredictable. I don't know how many stories you've read about these circus performers that get gobbled up by the animals they train for the last ten years because they're wild animals. And that's what the Lord tells us about our tongues. We're not safe with our tongues. And then the seventh thing about the tongue is it's hypocritical.

Verse 9 in James 3, With it we bless our God and Father, and with it we curse men who have been made in the solemnity of God. So the Bible teaches that the tongue can be a blessing, but it's also a killer. Solomon said life and death are in the power of the tongue. But it's a harmful and deadly poison. And it's just really critical that, especially when your children are young, that you help them to govern their tongues.

Now I'm going to list several of the sins of the tongue that the Bible speaks about. There are nine of them that I'm going to list. But these are the kinds of patterns of speech that particularly parents need to address. Number one, speaking harshly. If you go to Matthew 522, you read, But I say to you that whoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of judgment and Whoever says to his brother Raka, which means you're good for nothing or Whoever says you fool shall be in danger of hellfire.

Speaking harshly, children will naturally speak harshly and you need to come alongside and help them in compassion and rescue them and help them to be delivered from harsh speaking. Then there's speaking rashly. Rash speaking would include overreactions, presumptions. Solomon said that, Do you see a man hasty in his words? There is more hope for a fool than for him Speaking rashly we're all tempted to speak rashly But help your children get in the pattern of holding their tongue and not speaking rashly.

Number three, lying. This includes misrepresentations, twistings of the truth, half-truths. Moses said in the Ten Commandments, you shall not bear false witness against your neighbor." And then the fourth, grumbling and complaining. This includes all expressions of unthankfulness. The apostle Paul said to the Philippians, do all things without complaining and disputing.

Do all things without complaining and disputing. There are few things that are harder to deal with in a family than when you have somebody in your family who is always complaining about what's going on, always disputing, always has a different thought. Life just gets no fun when you have people who are complaining all the time. And so grumbling and complaining is critical. Thomas Watson talked about murmuring.

He says murmuring is a murderer, a rebel, a sword against the people. He said, murmuring is a land-destroying sin. And he's actually referring to the story in Numbers 11 1 through 3 where there was murmuring among the children of Israel. He says murmuring is, are you ready for this? Write this down.

Write this down. Murmuring is the devil's music. That's Thomas Watson. Murmuring is the devil's music. You know, get the devil's music out of your house.

A lot of parents, you know, wage war against the one kind of devil's music, but then they tolerate murmuring. Number five, idle words. This includes unnecessarily unprofitable incessant chatting. Matthew 12, 36 and 37, But I say to you, that for every idle word men may speak, They will give account of it in the day of judgment. For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned." Idle words.

This is a struggle every day of our lives, I'm sure. Number six, speaking wrathfully. This includes all kinds of angry and hurtful speech. Paul said to the Colossians Church in Colossians 3, 8, because they needed to hear it because it was probably happening in the Colossian Church, he said, but now you yourselves, speaking very specifically, are to put off all these anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy language out of your mouth. He uses this word put off and it's like putting off old clothes just getting rid of crummy clothes Get rid of that clothing around your life Number seven impure speech This includes all core speech or impure speech Ephesians 5 3 through 4 but fornication and all uncleanness or covetousness, let it not even be named among you as is fitting for saints.

Neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks. Number eight, flattery. This includes all insincere, self-serving, manipulative speech. Flattering speech. Saying things to people because it will do us good.

Solomon said, or David said in Psalm 55 verse 9, For there is no faithfulness in their mouth. Their inward part is destruction, their throat is an open tomb, they flatter with their tongue. Saying things just to get your way. Saying things because you want something from somebody. Number nine, tattling and gossip.

This includes carrying either true or false slanderous stories that should not be shared. Proverbs 16, 28, Solomon says, a perverse person stirs up dissension and a gossip separates close friends. So those are sins of the tongue, nine of them. I think we can all relate to them. But positively, the Bible also gives us the counterpoint and he leads us to use words to impart grace to your hearers.

Ephesians 4.29. Speaking in such a way to cover the transgressions of others, Proverbs 10-12. Speaking words of wisdom, Psalm 37-30. Speaking for the health of the other person, Proverbs 12-18. Speaking of the praises of the Lord, Psalm 35-28.

Speaking the truth in love, Proverbs 12-19. Speaking words of encouragement to the weary, like the Lord Jesus in Isaiah 50 verse 4 Speaking with kindness Proverbs 31 26 Speaking to your neighbor not about him Matthew 18 verse 15 We're tempted to speak about our neighbor, not to our neighbor. Big sin in the church, big problem. Most problems in the church can get traced right back to that. Stop evil speaking in its tracks.

That's what Proverbs 26 verse 22 says. In other words, scowl back at it and stop it when you start hearing it. Speak the Word of God, Psalm 19 verse 172. So, we have both positive and negative instruction about our tongues. It is true often that the sinful speech of children can be traced to the example of parents with ungoverned tongues.

Husbands and wives who feel like they can say anything they want to each other. Husbands and wives who think that they can say anything they want to each other about somebody else. These are sins of the tongue. You know, often people think, well, we can say whatever we want in the family. Really?

Can a wife gossip to her husband? When a husband and wife lay down, lay their heads on their pillows at night, should a husband bring slanderous stories to poison her heart against someone? The commands about gossip and slander are really for everyone all the time. So husbands and wives should be very careful. We get very familiar with one another and we think we can talk in any particular way to one another.

But the Bible gives us a different kind of world where our tongues are governed, that our speech should be seasoned with salt. Now if your children are speaking sinfully, wrathfully, harshly, slanderously, idle speech. Just consider the first step in the healing might be going to your children and repenting of your own harsh and slanderous and wrathful and ungoverned and idle speech. It's possible. For the healing to happen in a family, often it must begin at the top, where the husband and wife are, to lead the way.

You know, how you discuss close friends, how you discuss neighbors in the hearing of your children matters tremendously. Parents often think that because they have a three-foot child in front of them, that they can say anything they want. Because they think that those children don't understand. Don't kid yourself. Don't kid yourself.

Often parents even say things to other adults with their children standing there saying how bad that child is, and they act like that child doesn't know what they're talking about. They engage in conversation about things they shouldn't even hear. They think their children don't understand. Don't be too presumptuous about that. For one thing, they get the spirit of it, at least.

And it mentors them. It leads them in a direction. You've heard of this before when a couple say, well, I came from a home where The parents spoke softly to one another. I, or, and they end up marrying someone. They came from a home where the parents yelled at each other.

And when that happens, it's like a powder cake. Because what becomes normal in your home is going to have an impact on many homes. So be very careful with your speech. Children should be taught from an early age not to speak evil of their siblings. You know, Moses dealt with, or David dealt with this in Psalm 50, and he speaks of this really heartbreaking situation about how people were speaking evil.

He says, you slander your mother's son. You know, slandering your own siblings. Don't allow that to happen in your house. Whoever guards his mouth and tongue keeps his soul from troubles. And parents, don't let things slide.

When you hear arguments and outbursts, take action. Don't allow them to continue. Discipline your children for those things. Don't let them slide. And this is the job of parents.

God has given parents this task. It's so important that in a home, of all places, you learn to speak the truth in love. In our home, we didn't really have very many rules. We had basically three principles. And we would punish our children when they broke these principles.

Now, we believe that you should discipline children because of infractions against the law of God. So, We would discipline our children for the three D's. Dishonor, disobedience, and dishonesty. Those three things. We didn't say, you know, you can't hit your sister.

Well, that's dishonor, you know. We didn't have very many rules, but it was very clear that what we wanted to do was to resist the work of the devil on those three areas particularly. And those three areas pretty much cover everything in the law of God. So, Children, speak knowing that your tongue is a rudder, it's a fire. It has the potential to be a deadly poison in your family.

Parents, Bring your children up in the training and the admonition of the Lord. And that has everything to do with the way that they speak. Would you pray with me? Lord, Lord, we all stumble in many ways. We pray, O Lord, that you would give us the tongue of the wise and that we would raise our children up to use their tongues in a way that is profitable and good and holy.

That our homes would be places where in that beautiful garden you would hear the sweet conversation, the words of love, kindness, so that your Holy Spirit would rule and reign with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Oh Lord, we need so much help, all of us. Amen.