In 'The Blessed Marriage (Part 2)', Steve Hopkins explores Ephesians 5:22-30, focusing on the biblical roles of husbands and wives as a reflection of Christ's relationship with the Church. Husbands are urged to love their wives as Christ loved the Church, exhibiting qualities such as exclusivity, faithfulness, self-sacrifice, and servant-heartedness. Wives are encouraged to submit to their husbands as to the Lord, emphasizing voluntary obedience. The sermon stresses that marital roles are not contingent on each spouse's performance but are an individual responsibility before God. Drawing from scripture, the sermon criticizes modern marriage counseling techniques for complicating marital issues and highlights the simplicity and sufficiency of biblical guidance. The overarching message is that a Christ-centered approach to marriage can navigate any situation, leading to a blessed union.

Stand with me for the reading of the Word of the Lord. Let's read together in our Bibles, Ephesians chapter 5, verses 22 through 30, together as a congregation. Read with me the word of the Lord. Body. Therefore, as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.

Husbands love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it, that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, that he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh, but nourisheth and cherisheth it even as the Lord the church for we are members of his body of his flesh and of his bones amen let's pray father we thank you for your word your word is truth and we ask once again that you might be pleased this afternoon to lead us in the way of truth and sanctify us by the word of truth and fill us oh God with the Spirit of truth For we ask it in the name of Jesus, your Son, who is the embodiment of truth. Amen.

Let's be seated. Someone once said, you never realize what you have until what you have has been taken from you. Many of us here know the grief of mourning the loss of a loved one. And the day is coming unless we remain until the coming of the Lord, when we who are married will either lose our spouse or our spouse will lose us. The day is coming when the two who have become one flesh will be separated by death.

Personally, for me it's hard to to imagine any greater loss that I could experience on Earth. It's a great comfort to the Christian to know that those who die in Christ will live again. You know, Christians are the only people on the earth who can say to each other, see you later when they're parting and know that what they're saying will be true beyond any doubt. We who have put our trust in Jesus know that because Christ is risen, we also who die in Christ will live again and see our loved ones who have died in the faith of Christ, and that we will behold the faith of Christ together forever. The one thing that I've wondered, often wondered, again this is for me personally, is what regrets will I have?

What regrets would I have, or will I have, if my wife should pass before me? I pray God grant me to see the end of my days that I may apply my heart unto wisdom as the scripture also says and make changes today that I might wish I had made then. And I would just ask, what about you who are here today that are married, have you ever thought about it? If your spouse, for instance, were to pass into eternity before you. Have you ever considered that?

If you were to go home tonight and kiss your spouse goodnight for the last time, would you have any regrets in the morning? I think most of us would. The good news is that today is a new day and God's mercies are new every morning and every day provides another opportunity for every one of us who are husbands and wives to consider and to reconsider our roles as they're presented in the passage that's before us this afternoon. The text before us this afternoon tells us that the marriage of a man and a woman is meant to picture the union between Christ and his church. On the man's part, modeling the self-sacrificing love of Christ for his bride, the church.

And on the woman's part, the willing submission of the church to Christ. Wives, we read, submit yourselves unto your own husbands as unto the Lord. Husbands, love your wives even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it. Someone once said, all the world's a stage. Well, I don't know about that, But one thing I do know, we who are married have been given a role to play on the stage of life as husbands and wives.

And this is the role, that our marriages would reflect the relationship between Christ and His bride, the church. Very simply, husbands loving, look at your Bibles, even as Christ, and wives submitting as unto the Lord. Husbands loving even as Christ, wives submitting as unto the Lord. And brothers and sisters, no matter how good your marriage may be, you've got to admit, and I think every honest husband and wife here would admit, there's room for improvement. There's room for improvement.

I was listening to a sermon by Dr. Beeke this past week where he asked husbands and wives, I think it was at a conference, to put their marriage on a scale from one to ten, one being the worst and ten being the best and asked themselves how good is your marriage? A two he said you know being like pretty bad and like an eight or nine being very good and then he asked is there yet room for improvement in your marriage? I think if the gauge by which we answer that question is the passage before us, that as husbands and wives, our relationship is meant to model the relationship between Christ and His church. There's room for improvement for every one of us.

What do you think? I think there's room for improvement. I know there's room for improvement with my wife and I. If you've been in this church for any amount of time, then you know that I've never been too keen on the modern marriage manuals, on the myriads of books that are out there and that are coming out constantly that claim to provide the solution for what Ales marriage is in our time. Whether it's the love languages book from so many years ago that was the rave or any number of the books that have come out and come and gone since then, if they don't get to what Paul is saying here in Ephesians chapter five, my opinion is that you can just stack them all up and toss them out.

Because what's going to happen is you're going to end up frustrated and you're going to end up on a dead-end street. If a husband and wife were stranded, found themselves to be stranded on a desert island. And they had only the passage before us this afternoon and nothing else to guide them. They could have a blessed marriage. They could have a God-honoring marriage.

They could have a happy, joyful, peaceful, loving marriage. Please listen to what I'm about to say, because this is really the, you know, pastors will say, what is the main point, the one point, the point that if everything else is missed, I want to be driven home to the congregation today, this is it. Well, please listen to what I'm about to say because this is what I want to be driven home. No matter the particular situation that a husband and wife may find themselves in. No matter the particular circumstance, no matter the particular controversy or even conflict, the passage before us provides clear guidance for Christian husbands and wives to navigate it.

And not only how to navigate the daily situations and circumstances of married life, but even more importantly, how to dwell together in a way that is pleasing to God, that honors God by seeking to model the true picture of the true marriage, which is Christ and His church. Again, if you've been at BBC very long, you've probably heard me say that Christian husbands and wives should never argue. And of course, there's a difference between discussions and arguments. Discussions have an end. Arguments go on and on and on.

How could there possibly be arguments between a husband and a wife, where a husband and wife are portraying and fulfilling the relationship, the role of the relationship between Christ and His church, where a husband is consciously and actively loving his wife as Christ loved the church and where a wife is consciously and actively submitting to her husband is under the Lord. How could there be? The issue is not that God's word is deficient or insufficient. The issue is that we still have sin in us to deal with. The issue is that we still have sin in us to deal with, indwelling sin, right?

But God gives us But God gives us a solution, He gives us an answer, He gives us a remedy if we would only, by His grace, with his help, with his aid, put it into practice, a remedy that is, again, applicable to every conceivable situation, controversy, or circumstance of married life. I've yet to have anyone come to me and say, well I found something that's outside of Ephesians five, can't be worked out. I know it sounds simple, but God's word is never all that complicated. It really isn't. On the other hand, out in the world, even in some of the paid counseling sessions of, you know, of ministries.

The typical marriage counseling session in our world today does something that I believe is very destructive. It allows, it gets a husband and wife together and allows them to take turns airing out their complaints against each other in front of the counselor. Very dangerous and very unbiblical in my estimation. Like you're going to work through every single situation in their lives. You'd have to be in their home 24 hours a day.

If the counselor can get the couple to agree on which complaints or controversies or conflicts they want to deal with that particular day, which is a job in and of itself, then the counselor many times attempts to work through these individual controversies one by one, employing various methodologies, a lot of times different psychological techniques, but always seeking for compromises on both sides with the hope of discovering some sort of middle ground. And so the sessions typically go on and on and on. And it's like this, he said, she said, yeah, but she said, he said, And then the counselor then typically resorts to laying down a host of rules and regulations, okay, limiting what each spouse can say and not say, and then rules concerning how they can say what they can say. And then the counselor acts as some sort of like a referee. It's just it's very complicated.

And that's what happens when we stray from the simplicity of the word of God. You know at some point if one spouse feels that he or she is losing points or losing ground, he or she typically pulls out of the session. I've seen this with at least one couple, not with us, but where they had finally agreed upon, okay, we'll go to this counselor. Well, when one starts to lose ground or lose points and they pull out, no I don't want to go to this counselor anymore because this counselor is siding with you more. And so then they have to decide on another counselor and it just goes on and on and on and on.

God's way is not that complicated, It's rather simple. Again, it's the answer for every situation and circumstance conceivably possible in married life. Husbands, as Christ is to the church, so be to your wives. I'm preaching to myself. Wives as the church is to Christ, so be to your husbands.

And the text before us begins with the wives, and so we will. Verse 22, wives submit yourselves unto your own husbands as unto the Lord. Webster defines submission as a yielding to the will or the authority of another. Paul is saying wives willingly, voluntarily do this. Submit to your own husbands as under the Lord.

What I want you to notice first about the text is that it's not a forced subjugation. It is a voluntary submission. It's not being forced. It's voluntary. And Second, it's not to all men, but to one's own husband exclusively.

Paul says, then Paul says, this submission is to be as unto the Lord. That is, this is a quote in the same manner as to Christ. In the words of Calvin, As to the Lord, not that the authority, Calvin says, is equal, but wives cannot obey Christ without yielding obedience to their husbands." There's a 1500s take on it, on the passage. One thing that I think that is helpful for wives here, when looking at this passage, is to remember that your submission to the authority of your husband is an act of obedience to God. That's what it is ultimately.

In that moment of frustration, you can just stop and say to yourself, this is ultimately between me and Christ, not just me and my husband. In that moment of tension, in that moment of struggling with the flesh, if you can look past an imperfect husband to a perfect Christ. You can say to yourself, this is hard. You can admit, I'm struggling with this right now, but I'm going to lovingly yield to my husband's headship as an act of obedience to him, to God, as an act of obedience to God. I'm gonna mirror the church's submission to Christ in a conscious, active obedience to my Lord.

And know that in doing so, you can safely trust that all will be well. You can't fail by obeying God. You can't. No matter how far off your husband may be, which we'll talk about a little more next week, this thing of how to submit to an imperfect husband as unto a perfect Christ, etc. But verse 23 goes on, For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church.

Someone once said something with two heads is a monster. You can't have two heads in a marriage. Husbands and wives will inevitably have disagreements. But after a husband and wife discuss things together, if there's not agreement, someone has to make a final decision. Maybe on finances, maybe on child training, maybe on any number of things.

Media that's going to be used in the house, brought into the house, books, movies, music, what have you, dress. There has to be a head, there has to be a final authority, and the husband, by God's ordination, being the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church shoulders that responsibility. A note in my Reformation Heritage Bible commentary says quote a wife should obey her husband's leadership as the church obeys its head end quote and then Paul adds and he is the savior of the body. After the example of Christ, husbands are to be the protectors of and providers for their wives. And This protection and provision should be welcomed by wives.

Verse 24. Therefore, as the church is subject under Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. That is, everything lawful. A husband cannot demand that his wife do something that is against God's law or the laws of the land, but in all things lawful she is to be subject to her husband. A husband's leading may be unpopular with a wife at times, but as long as the husband is not forbidding his wife to do something God commands or commanding her to do something God forbids, she should be subject to her husband.

And then in verse 25, Paul turns his attention to husbands. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for her. The love of a husband for a wife should model the love of Christ to his bride, the church. And this is no ordinary love. Calvin comments here, this is no ordinary love.

For to them, that is the husbands, he holds out the example of Christ to imitate Christ and he says that if husbands would bear Christ's image and be in some measure his representatives they must they ought to resemble Christ also in the discharge of this duty. It's our duty. Husbands love your wives even as Christ also loved the church. I can think of few things sadder than a woman who is married but not loved. Proverbs chapter 30.

Under three things the earth shakes. Under three things the earth trembles. And under four it cannot bear up. One of which is an unloved woman when she gets a husband. An unloved woman when she gets a husband.

In Bunyan's John Bunyan's allegory the Pilgrim's Progress one of the characters who how many are familiar with talkative? He talks a good talk, right? Talkative. He is said to be, quote, an angel abroad and a devil at home. Everyone may have a good impression of a man because his wife is discreet and always wears a smile.

But how sad the life of the wife who knows deep down that she's not truly loved. And brothers, our love for our wives is communicated by our words and by our attitudes and by our actions. You might say right now, I love my wife, but does Christ loves his church? I told my sons recently, if you want to know what true masculinity is, study Christ. Study Christ.

Not the Hollywood Christ, but the biblical Christ. Well, if we want to know how to how to love our wives as Christ loved the church, we must study him. Men, We must study Christ. We need to study Christ. The love of a husband for his wife should model the love of Christ to his bride, the church.

And What I want to do just for a few minutes here is suggest eight examples of Christ's love for His church, of eight ways that Christ loves His church this afternoon. More in our next session next week. First, number one, the love of Christ for his church is an exclusive love. It is an exclusive love. It is a love that is for his wife and for his wife alone and excludes a love that excludes all others.

A note of my, again in my Bible commentary says, quote, a husband should give his special love exclusively to one woman. Yes, his wife. Song of Solomon 2.16, my beloved is mine and I am his. She should feel that. She should sense that.

She should know that. If we imitate Christ's exclusive love for His bride, the church, we will not only exclude all others from that special love, but we will have eyes for our wives and none other. Song of Solomon's 4.9, thou hast ravished me, thou hast ravished my heart with one of thine eyes, with one chain of your neck. And Jesus, of course, said to look on any other than one's own wife with desire is adultery of the heart." Matthew 5 28. Does your wife sense that your eyes are for her alone and upon her alone?

Second, the love of Christ for his bride, the church, is a faithful love. In our last session, I went through the traditional marriage vows. They really depict and describe faithful love, lifelong faithful love to have and to hold from this day forward for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, no matter what comes, in joy and sorrow, in sickness and health, to love, to honor, to cherish till death do us part. A faithful love. The love of Christ for his bride, the church, is a faithful love.

It is a love that does not forsake or leave alone no matter the trials of life. Hebrews 13 5, he hath said, I will never leave thee nor forsake thee Oh look into the eyes of your wife and say these words I will never leave you I will never forsake you by the grace of God. I will never leave you I will never forsake you and my love is for you exclusively." Third, it is a self-sacrificing love. Hereby we perceive the love of God because He laid down His life for us? First John 3, 16.

Christ laid down His life for His church and husbands are called upon to sacrifice for their wives. What? Everything. Their time. Their energy.

Their hobbies. They take her place in any way, their resources, even their own lives if necessary. What sacrifices are you making for your wife? What sacrifices am I making for my wife? I could go on and on with this one, but we'll move on.

These are questions that we need to be asking ourselves. Fourth, The love of Christ for the church is a servant-hearted love. Jesus said, the Son of Man did not come to be served but to serve. Matthew 20, 28. There are men who will serve others but not their wife.

If you ask someone, is Joe a servant-hearted man? Oh yeah, he's a very servant-hearted man. But does he serve his wife? Does he serve his wife? Is he a man pleaser rather than a God pleaser?

Jesus said in Luke 22, 27, I am among you as he that serve it. Men, when we get up and go to work in the morning, I'll ask you personally, when you get up and go to work in the morning. Is it with your wife in mind? With your family in mind, if you have children? When you get up and you go to work, is that what's in your mind?

Is that what gets you out of bed in the morning? Gotta go to work, provide for her, and serve her, and serve the family. That's my motivation. That's what motivates me. That's why I get up.

That's why I don't stay in bed. That's why I push. That's why I strive. That's why I do all the things that I do. Jesus did not come to be served but to serve.

Wives, if your husband has that mindset, you're blessed because many do not. Many husbands work to pursue the next toy for themselves or the next personal pleasure. They're working so they can put the money away to get the next thing that they want to buy for themselves or the next personal pleasure apart from their wives. While the husband who seeks to model Christ goes to work with his wife in mind, providing for her and her needs and that of the family. It is the love that drives him to rise day after day to work by the sweat of his brow or to endure the pressures of providing a home and food and clothing for his wife and children.

If that's your husband you should thank God because that kind of man is becoming very rare in our world today. Fifth, it is a love that listens. Christ listens to his church. We see Jesus listening to his disciples and taking time to answer their questions in Mark 9, 28 through 29 and in many other places. It's a love that listens.

Sixth, it is a love that is patient and understanding. Christ is patient with his bride, the church. We see Jesus exercising great patience with his disciples in Matthew 20, 20, 28, and in so many other places. It's a patient love. Seventh, the love of Christ for his church is a love that is not conditioned on his bride's behavior or performance at any given time.

That's the way Christ's love is for us, for the church, right? He doesn't stop loving us when we do something bad in His sight. We don't regain His love because now we're having a good day. I don't love you bad day. I love you good day.

It's not Christ's love. It's unchanging and it is constant and it is not conditioned on our behavior or performance at any given time and that's the way that our love must be for our wives. She's having a bad day I don't love her no. Again Christ's love for His church is constant, unchanging. It is the same yesterday, today and forever, just as He is the same yesterday, today and forever.

Romans 5, 8 tells us that He commends that love to us in that while we were yet sinners, he died for us. It's a love that lays down its life for his wife even at times where there may be trials or the relationship challenges. Eighth and finally the love of Christ for his bride, the church is a love from which we will never be separated. Nothing, Romans 8.35, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ, Jesus our Lord. And our wives should sense that.

Nothing is going to separate my love from you. Nothing is going to separate that. No matter how bad I am, I'm going to still love you. Hopefully we can be like Christ. Husbands love your wives even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for her.

Verse 26, and gave himself for that he might sanctify and cleanse his bride with the washing of water by the word, that he might present it to himself, a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that it should be holy and without blemish. This speaks of Christ loving grace in sanctifying his church and cleansing her and making her holy. For us, what does this mean? Well, we need to be the spiritual leaders in our home, leading our wives, leading our children. MacArthur writes here, for husbands to love their wives as Christ does, his church demands purifying love.

Since divine love seeks to completely cleanse those who are loved from every form of sin and evil, a Christian husband should not be able to bear the thought of anything sinful in the life of his wife that displeases God." We'll be going into some depth in our next session on Sunday looking at the love of Christ manifested in daily husband and father led family worship. But let me just say this again to wives, if you have a husband who is washing you and the family in the Word daily, thank God. If you have a husband who is putting aside other things that he could be doing. And he is taking that time. He's daily gathering the family together, if you have children or with you, setting aside that time to be with you alone, opening the word of God with you, praying with you, washing you and the family in the word daily.

Thank God because such men are rare in the churches of our land today. And yet it's the most important thing, one of the most important things that you could be doing. Husbands, again, if you have a wife who is joyfully allowing you to wash her in the Word every day in family worship. Thank God because you have a rare wife. Many refuse to submit to the spiritual leadership of the home designed by God.

Many just won't do it, which is rebellion. And then finally verse 28, so ought men to love their wives as their own bodies, he that loves his wife loves himself. I'm gonna have to go further on this in the next session, so we're running out of time, but Let me read this passage and then we'll take this up next week. It says, So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loves his wife loves himself.

For no man ever yet hated his own flesh, but nourishes it and cherishes it, even as the Lord the Church. For we are members of his body and of his flesh and of his bones and of course he's talking about a great mystery Christ in his church but he ends nevertheless that every one of you is so particular, in particular, so love his wife, even as himself, and the wife see that she reverence her husband. More on this next week. But as I draw to a close, I've made the case that the passage that is before us contains the answer. Remember I said, if you get one thing out of this, get this, okay?

The passage before us contains the answer, the solution, the remedy for every possible situation, circumstance, controversy, or even conflict that could arise in marriage. It's comprehensive. But There is one common objection I want to address before we close, and I call it the contingency factor. It's where a man says, okay, I get it. I understand what you're saying.

I understand what is required of me in the passage to love my wife as Christ loves his church. I understand what's required of me that I'm to mirror Christ's love toward his church to my wife. And he says, okay, I'll start doing that as soon as my wife starts submitting to me as unto the Lord. Well, the wife says, well, I'll start submitting to my husband as the church is to submit to Christ when My husband starts loving me as Christ loves the church, but it doesn't work that way. In all things, you have to do with God.

Your Christ-like love for your wife and laying down your life for her is not contingent on her meeting your standard of what it means to submit to you. Husbands, you have to do with God. And wife, your submission to your husband is not contingent on your husband meeting your standard of what it means for him to love you as Christ loved the church. You have to do with God. This is between you and God, ultimately husband, and this is between you and God, wife, ultimately.

The command to husbands to their wives as Christ loves the church is not contingent on the wives meeting his expectations. It's not contingent upon her behavior. And the command to wives to submit to their husbands as under the Lord is not contingent upon her husband meeting her expectations. It's not contingent upon his behavior. There are no contingencies in God's kingdom.

Every one of us has the responsibility as husbands and wives to fulfill our roles in this picture of Christ and His church called marriage. And to the extent that by God's grace we do, our marriages will be blessed. To the extent that we do not, the opposite. Sandra and I are weak. We need grace every day, every day, every day.

And every husband and every wife in this meeting house needs to be ever approaching the throne of grace in their time of need. We all need grace. We all need to be trusting that Christ will provide the grace that we need and the strength that we need to obey Him and to honor Him as we seek to fulfill our roles as husbands and wives in accord with the Word of God. Let's pray. Father, a humble and a contrite heart, oh God, your word says you will not despise.

Oh God, give grace to the humble and the contrite here this afternoon in this meeting house. Give grace as we come to the throne of grace. Oh God, we pray for help as the hymn says that help would be sent down as we seek Lord to model the relationship between Christ and His church and our marriages. We rely upon you God. We rely upon on you alone.

Apart from you we could do nothing but with you we could do all things through you because you strengthen us. Help us Lord and as we approach the Lord's table here in the next few minutes Lord help us to consider these things and reconsider these things and grant us God humble hearts grant us Lord changes of heart and grant us Lord repentant hearts where we need to repent, where maybe we haven't treated our wives as we should, or wives haven't treated their husbands as they should. We trust that you will forgive us and cleanse us when we confess our sins. You're faithful and just to forgive and to cleanse from all unrighteousness. We thank you for that promise of your word.

Now be with us, Lord, as we share in the Lord's table. We go into self-examination and then eat of that bread and drink of that cup proclaiming Christ's death for us till his return. For it's in his name we pray these things amen.