In Peter Allison's sermon titled 'The Essence of Friendship,' he explores Proverbs 27, emphasizing loyalty as the fundamental essence of friendship. He discusses how loyalty, a Christian virtue, underpins all relationships and is characterized by not forsaking others despite challenges. Allison illustrates loyalty through biblical examples, such as Ruth's dedication to Naomi and Jonathan's unwavering friendship with David, highlighting that true loyalty encompasses truthfulness, faithfulness, and humility. He contrasts loyalty with the modern trend of individualism, which often undermines lasting relationships. Additionally, he underscores that loyalty should be guided by wisdom and adherence to God's commandments, as seen in the loyalty of Israelite kings who were judged by their faithfulness to God. Allison concludes by stressing the importance of loyalty in families and communities, advocating for a commitment that mirrors God's steadfast love for His people.

In today's Proverbs 27. I would like to begin reading at the tenth verse here. Do not forsake your own friend or your father's friend, nor go to your brother's house in the day of your calamity. Better is a neighbor nearby than a brother far away. My son be wise and make my heart glad that I may answer him who reproaches me.

A prudent man foresees evil and hides himself, the simple pass on and are punished. Take the garment of him who is surety for a stranger, and hold it in pledge when he is surety for a seductress. He who blesses his friend with a loud voice rising early in the morning, it will be counted a curse to him. A continual dripping on a very rainy day, and contentious women are alike. Whoever restrains her restrains the wind and grasps oil with his right hand.

As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend. Whoever keeps the fig tree will eat its fruit, so he who waits on his master will be honored. As in water face reflects face, so a man's heart reveals the man. Hell and destruction are never full, so the eyes of man are never satisfied. The refining pot is for silver and the furnace for gold, and a man is valued by what others say of him.

Though you grind a fool in a mortar with a pestle along with crushed grain, yet his foolishness will not depart from Him. May this word give you life and be your comfort in affliction. Heavenly Father, we ask that your word might be hidden in our heart, that we might not sin against you, and that it would be a lamp to our feet, a light to our path. We ask that it would be to us the wisdom of God. And to that end we ask that as we hear your word this morning, it might be mixed with pain.

In Jesus' name we pray. Amen. Last week I was ready to move right on through this chapter, but in looking more at verse 10 I realized that there is a very important concept being taught that really needed to be fleshed out, really needed some more attention. It's a concept that is fundamental to friendship. In fact, I would dare say that it is so vital to friendship that rightly defined it could be considered the essence, the essence of friendship.

Belonging to the essential character of friendship. And as I looked further, I realized that really this whole section is dealing with friendship, which is dealing with friendship, is in fact dealing with this essence of friendship, and that is, of course, loyalty. Loyalty is a Christian virtue, it's a Christian grace, it's expected of Christians. Proverbs 19, 22, if you remember, it says that what is expected of a man is loyalty, as it's translated in some versions. It's loyalty.

Loyalty is what maintains a friendship. It's the foundation of our relationships. Now it's a very complex concept to define. It's complex because loyalty doesn't always mean or doesn't mean always agreeing with someone or even always saying just wonderful and nice things to them. Sometimes as we saw last week, loyalty means saying heart things.

It means being candid with our counsel when we'd rather not be. Sometimes it means tough love in addition to being considerate. Being loyal is a way of showing truthfulness, faithfulness, honesty, discipline, humility, kindness, all the attributes that we looked at last week being considerate, being constant, candor and counsel. And so it can all be summed up as aspects of loyalty. But I would say that the essence of loyalty is here in this verse in chapter 27 verse 10, that is not forsaking.

Not forsaking. The essence of loyalty is not forsaking. Verse 10 says, Do not forsake your friend or your father's friend. That's illustrating loyalty. It doesn't use the word there, but it's illustrating the concept.

Loyalty to someone is not forsaking them even when things don't go well. When we think about loyalty, Ruth comes to mind. She was loyal to Naomi. This concept of not forsaking Naomi is central to her commitment to Naomi. When Ruth's husband had died, and Naomi's husband had died, and Orpah's husband had died, and Naomi was headed back to the land of Israel as a widow destitute with no one to care for her.

She wanted Ruth in order to go back to their families, but Ruth refused to go. Ruth said, Don't ask me to leave you, or to turn back from following after you, for where you go, I will go, and wherever you lodge, I will lodge, and your people will be my people, and your God my God, and where you die, I will die, and there I will be buried. And the Lord do so to me, and more also of anything but death separates you and me, that's loyalty. That's loyalty. Naomi was somewhat of a bitter person.

She describes her life as bitter, but Ruth was loyal to her. She followed her. She did not desert her. Loyalty, then, is not abandoning, not forsaking someone, either emotionally, financially, physically, or in any other way. It's not forsaking.

There's several words that are used in the Bible for loyalty, for this concept. Another one of them is to cling, to cleave, to cling to someone when other people don't. 2 Samuel 20 talks about a coup against David and it says, Every man of Israel deserted David and followed Sheba the son of Vickrey. But the men of Judah from Jordan as far as Jerusalem remained loyal to David. That word, their loyal, is literally that they clung to David.

They didn't forsake him, they clung to him, they retained him, and continued to recognize him as their king. They were loyal to David. Another word that the scriptures used to describe loyalty was one I didn't realize. It's a very common word you probably all recognize. It's the word for loving kindness, chesed.

It's God's loving kindness, his faithfulness. It's kindness though that is based on a prior commitment, a prior commitment of covenant. And so when Saul was killed and his body hung on the wall, there were people that went there and took it down and buried it. And David sent messengers to them, to the men of Jabesh-gilead. And he said, may you be blessed by the Lord because you showed loyalty to Saul, your Lord, and buried him.

That's loyalty there, That word is chafet, loving kindness. But it's loving kindness that's based on a prior commitment. Saul was their king. And so their loyalty to him meant that it extended to showing his kindness to them, to rescuing their bodies and burying them. A little later after Saul died, Abner, who was the general under Saul, made Ishbe-Sheth king over Israel.

He fought. Abner fought for Saul's kingdom. And he showed kindness to his first son, the man. He could have gone over to David, but he showed kindness. That's the same word.

He showed loyalty to Saul. So this loyalty is to be disappointed without deserting somebody, to be taken advantage of without rejecting them. But of course there are boundaries as we will see, as we saw this morning. There were boundaries to the loyalty of the Levites in the northern tribe. Their loyalty has to first of all be to the Lord.

So that that's the first loyalty and that limit that put a boundary upon their loyalty to their King Jeroboam and to the cities and villages that they lived in. When those people abandoned the true worship of the Lord, and they were not allowed anymore to offer the sacrifices as God had commanded them, and they realized they needed to leave there. Now one of the most common words in terms of frequency that's translated loyalty is a word shalom and it's a covenant relationship that is marked by peace. It describes it, it speaks of a covenant relationship that's marked by peace. And this word is often put together with heart.

You know, heart is a very important concept in the Hebrew Bible. And so it's a covenant relationship, it's covenant-keeping relationship, in which one's whole heart is invested. And this word is most frequently used to describe the kings of Israel and Judah. You know, when they died, the scriptures often give an assessment of their rule. You remember that as you read through Kings and Chronicles.

When the king would die, the scriptures, so that would be Ezra or Jeremiah, gave an assessment of their kingdom, of their rule. And these kings now are the servant of God. They are his ministers. All the authority that they have is from God. It's his authority that they exercise.

And so the assessment of these kingdoms, of these kings, is in terms of their loyalty to God. He's the one in whose name and with whose authority they rule. And so there's probably, you know, 15 or 20 times where an assessment is made of a king, whether he was loyal to God or not, whether he followed God and his commandments or not. Those who kept God's commandments and walked in his ways were said to do so with a loyal heart. And those who forsook the Lord and did not walk in his ways and did keep in his commandments and statutes were said to be not loyal to God.

Solomon instructed the Israelites when he dedicated the temple in 1 Kings 8, and like the prayer that he gave and the exhortation that he gave to the people there he said let your heart therefore be loyal and it's that word Shalem Have this covenant relationship marked with peace. Let your heart therefore be loyal to the Lord your God to walk in his statutes and to keep his commandments as at this day. Now sadly he fell away from his own exhortation and a little later in 1 Kings 11 it says that when Solomon was old his wives turned his heart after other gods and His heart was not loyal to the Lord his God, as was the heart of his father David. The same is said of Abijam, Solomon's grandson. He walked in the sins of his father, which he had done before him.

His heart was not loyal to the Lord his God as was the heart of his father David Asa Now this doesn't mean that these kings were without sin. It means that their heart was loyal. They were blameless. When Asa turned to Syria instead of the Lord, when the northern kingdom tried to pin him down, God sent a prophet to rebuke him. He paid a bunch of money to the king of Syria to come and attack Israel for Hema.

And this is what the prophet said this year, for the eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the earth to show himself strong on behalf of those who are loyal to him. And in this you have done foolishly. Therefore from now on you will have wars. Earlier in Asa's reign, When the Ethiopians had come against Israel or Judah, the southern kingdom, with an army that was at least twice as big as what he had, they had a million people, he didn't have that many, if I have, He prayed to God. And God delivered their whole nation without them really even having to fight.

So God said of Esau in that instance he wasn't loyal to God. But God's overall assessment of Esau was that his heart was loyal all the days of his life. 1 Kings 15, 14, even though the high places were not taken away in Judah. The Lord made that assessment, that his heart was loyal all the days of his life, even though there were times that he sinned and didn't do what was right. In fact, he didn't like the words of that prophet, and he had that prophet put in jail.

Now that wasn't good. Loyalty though also extends across generations and includes family. It says here, don't forsake your friend or your father's friend. So loyalty to our fathers, our parents, is to show loyalty to their friends and to not forsake them. This is probably a very foreign concept to many of us in America today because our culture is one of extreme individualism, Rugged individualism maybe, like we like to think.

I don't know that it is so rugged. There's a lot of strength and stability that comes from an extended family. Just like there is strength and stability that comes from a church that provides backup to a family. We all need backup. As individuals we need it.

We do things and we need somebody to help us. As families, we can need somebody to help us at times as well. And in most other, in many other cultures, there is a loyalty, a family of loyalty that is often not a part of our culture because often times We live so far apart from people, and we're not near our families. And this passage actually addresses that. It says, better is a neighbor nearby than a brother that is far away.

But we live in general in an age when loyalty of all kinds is low. Whether that's loyalty to the small town and the small town grocer and the small town hardware store, or whether it's loyalty to a church or loyalty to a denomination or loyalty even at work. Even in prior generations, it was a lot more common for people to be able to work their entire life at one place. And there was a loyalty, there was a two-way loyalty, and a lot of that is gone today. We don't have a loyalty to the people that we do business with.

It's whoever is the cheapest, whoever is the most convenient at that moment. We have more the idea that what we do with our life is our business entirely. But our life and what we do it that affects other people, especially our family. And so true loyalty considers that context, considers the context of our family and friends when we make decisions. It remembers parents, children, spouses, extended family, churches, and so on.

That is a biblical concept. I remember about maybe 20 years ago, we moved to, and we moved around a lot. I think I'm living in like my 22nd house right now. But one of these places that we had moved to, one of the people, families we got to know in the church there, He was an engineer, a scientist. In talking with him, I was surprised that when he had graduated from college, he had deliberately taken a job that didn't pay as much and wasn't as good a job because that job that he took was closer to his family farm.

It was only maybe two hours away. And the other job would have been a lot farther away. And I remember at the time thinking, being a little surprised at that. But I've come to see, as I have known him over the years and seen his decision making, I've come to realize that that was a very wise decision. He had a loyalty to his family and to the greater, to the friends around him than most people have.

And there was a wisdom in that. There was a great wisdom in that. And that's what this passage is talking about. It's loyalty. Loyalty.

To friends and to family. Our nation is especially bad at it. But I think by the grace of God, things are changing to some extent. I see over the last generation that there are changes happening, at least in the church in this regard, and that's encouraging because it is It is friendships and networks in a community and a loyalty to that community that provide stability in a country. And I think one of the satanic attacks upon this land has been the concept that, well, children can grow up and do anything that they want to do and go anywhere they want to go.

And that there really is no, oftentimes no set, the corporate ideal was that you were just a cog, that you could go any business anywhere anytime and run it. And I think businesses are beginning to realize that doesn't even work very well. And so they're even looking to have people stay in one place longer, because confidence, he requires it. But loyalty requires that. See, when you're moving around city to city, there's no loyalty.

There's no attachment to that community that you're living in. And that is destabilizing to a country, and to a culture, and to a nation. And it's destabilizing even, I think, to families that they can exist and grow up in isolation from their extended family, from the aunts and uncles and the cousins and the grandparents and the great grandparents and the great grandchildren. There was a tribe, the Recabites, that were an example, they're an incredible example of loyalty. Their fathers said that they shouldn't drink wine and they should live in tents.

And 500 years later, they were still living in tents and not drinking wine just because of their loyalty to their fathers and their fathers' fathers. You could say, well, the scriptures didn't require that of them, but they did it as a loyalty. And they were used, because of that loyalty, God used them as an example. As an example. An example.

Loyalty to our family then is to be loyal to our father's friends. Loyal to your father's friends. There's a lot of practical wisdom in that. A lot of practical wisdom to be, to maintain those friendships because those are oftentimes people that have an interest in the children of their friends as well. Now loyalty, as we've said, is circumscribed by the word of God.

Verse 11 says, my son, be wise, be wise, and make my heart glad that I may answer him who reproaches me. Loyalty is first wise. Loyalty is not loyalty if it is not in wisdom. And you know all wisdom is hid in Christ. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.

And the fear of the Lord is to keep His statutes, to walk in His ways. It's... Un-carefulness, not to do un-righteousness. And loyalty isn't loyalty if it is not first wise. If it's not first a loyalty to the Word of God and the standards that he that he gives us.

My son, be wise. Time and circumstances do matter. He who blesses his friend with a loud voice rising early in the morning, it will be counted a curse to him. When do we break loyalties? When do we break loyalties?

Well, there is a time for that. We saw the Northern tribe break away, and God stopped the Southern tribe from pursuing them and saying it was of him. We as a nation broke away from the English government. That's a question I think a lot of Christians have wondered whether that was correct or not. I believe it was, but to answer that you wouldn't have to look at the things like the Fairfax Resolves where they listed all of the abuses and maturities that were being perpetrated that were contrary to the laws that they were living under.

But time and circumstances matter. There is a judgment there and when somebody decides that that's the right time to break a loyalty, that that time has come, that may be different. People may reach that at different times. And we need to be able to respect that. We need to recognize that different people may have different views on that.

Same with denominations and leaving a denomination. There are some people that stayed in these denominations that were not faithful a lot longer than other people stayed. Some people stayed decades longer, in the hope that out of a sense of loyalty. And There is, that's good. When it's done out of a sense of loyalty, out of a desire to see reformation, as opposed to just giving up and abandoning something, then that should be respected.

There isn't always a easy answer. Some people tend to leave earlier than other people. But for every matter there is time and a judgment. Ecclesiastes says, for every matter there is a time and a judgment. There is a time, a proper time.

Now, David and Jonathan are a really amazing example of this type of friendship. They became very close friends right after David killed Goliath. Saul wondered who this guy was, And Abram went and got him and introduced him. And when he had finished speaking to Saul, that is David, the soul of Jonathan was nipped to the soul of David and Jonathan loved him as his own soul. Saul took him that day and went not thou, let him go to his father's house any more.

And then Jonathan and David made a covenant because he loved him as his own soul. And Jonathan took off the robe that was on him and gave it to David with his armor, even to his sword and his bow and his belt. So David went out wherever Saul sent him and behaved wisely. That's the start of that. That was when David was a very young man.

So Jonathan was probably a fair bit older, quite a bit older actually. And Jonathan was a loyal friend to David. Yes, in the beginning, David was in favor with his father. And so Jonathan was simply befriending his father's friend at that point. David had just delivered the kingdom, delivered Israel from the tyranny of the Philistines, and Saul was very pleased with him.

But things didn't go well between David and Saul. And David was loyal to Saul. That's an interesting thing that you could look at. We're not going to look at that this morning, because we want to look at this relationship that Jonathan and David had, because it's an incredible loyalty that Jonathan had for David. So Even when Saul began to persecute David and seek to kill him, Jonathan's loyalty didn't waver.

Even when it meant incurring the wrath of his father, Jonathan's loyalty didn't waver. Even when it meant Saul tried to kill Jonathan. Jonathan did not forsake David. He risked his life to be to to maintain his loyalty to David. Jonathan loved David.

He interceded for him. Remember when Saul was very hot and had determined to kill him, Then David wisely stayed away from a feast. When Saul asked where David was, Jonathan filled in for him. He said, well, he had to go home. He asked me to go home to Bethlehem because there was a sacrifice there.

And after a couple days when Saul figured out something else was up and he became very angry with Jonathan, Jonathan did not forsake David. That meant that Jonathan was supporting David even though he realized that in doing so he was supporting the one who would have the kingdom and not him. That's the extent of Jonathan's loyalty. I'd just like to look at he interceded in 1 Samuel 20. He risked his life for him.

He intercedes for him. And when it becomes apparent that David has to flee, David who is loyal himself to Saul, despite Saul reneging on promises, Saul seeking to kill him, David stayed around as long as he could. He was loyal. He didn't just for sake's sake saw it the first opportunity, first excuse. But when it became apparent that there was no way that he would be able to live, then there was this incredible parting between Jonathan and David.

And you remember the story how they had a young boy come out and they had a plan to signal each other as to what was happening. And so after that event, after that signaling had happened and the message had been passed, the lad is sent back and David arises out of his hiding place. And he fell on his face to the ground and bowed down three times, and they kissed one another, and they wept together. But David more so. Why?

Because Jonathan was the one demonstrating loyalty to David. David was receiving the fruit of a loyal friend. And Jonathan said to David, Go in peace since we have both sworn in the name of the Lord saying may the Lord be between you and me and between your descendants and my descendants forever. So he arose and departed and Jonathan went into the city. Now some people today have tried to make that to be a homosexual fornication going on, but it's nothing of the sort.

Men still kiss each other even today in certain countries of the world, like France. It's common. It's very common. This was a common way of greeting. This is pure, holy loyalty.

Haseg, loving kindness, because of a prior commitment. Jonathan committed himself to David, and David committed himself to Jonathan. And they didn't forsake each other. They showed kindness to each other, even when it was difficult. And then later on, after Jonathan is dead and Saul's house has been weakened, David as the king says, is there anyone left in the house of Saul to whom I can show kindness for the sake of my friendship and loyalty to Jonathan, whoever he took him off of, it was lame.

I showed kindness to him because of his loyalty to Jonathan. That kind of loyalty brings respect. Whoever keeps the fig tree will eat its fruit, so he who waits on his master will be honored. That kind of loyalty that Jonathan and David had brings respect. Respect is the fruit of a life of loyalty.

Loyalty to your work, whether that's a boss, or a company, or one's customer. Loyalty means showing truthfulness, and faithfulness, and discipline, and humility, and kindness. Loyalty to one's spouse, loyalty to family brings honor. Proverbs describes a loyal wife who doesn't forsake her husband and family. She does him good so that he will have no lack of gain and his heart safely trusts her.

And what's the result of this kind of loyalty, this kind of commitment? Her children rise up and call her blessing, her husband also, and he praises her. What about when a husband's really hard to live with? A lot of those out there, well, people see that. That only serves to increase the honor with which we hold people that are loyal.

Whoever keeps the fig tree gets to eat its fruit. There's a little kid's book that makes that point. Remember the chicken that plants the wheat and then harvests it and then bakes the bread and so on. And she's always asking anybody else, want to join in this effort? And nobody has any time when it's work, when it's time to eat, and they want to join.

But no, that reward belonged to the one who did the work. He who keeps the fig tree will eat its fruit. So he who waits on his master, so he who is loyal to his master will be honored. Will be honored. Loyalty is not forsaking our calling, not forsaking those who work around us, even when the time is difficult, even when they disappoint us, even when they even take advantage of us.

Even God is loyal. But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for He who comes to God must believe that first that He is, and that he is a rewarder of those who diligently seek him. Remember, Gost is the one who is the God of love and kindness. Now, loyalty is humble. Verse 21 is a very interesting verse.

There are a lot of different ways that you could take the Hebrew. If you have different translations, Some of them are kind of different from each other. There is the verb there, that verb in, if you have a New King James, that word for value, that word is not there in the Hebrew. It literally says, a man's heart is known by what he praises. Or it could say A man's heart is known by what he praises.

Or it could say a man's heart is known by how he receives praise. It's not clear that his praise could be praise that he gives, or it could be his praise meaning praise that he receives from others and it's not always you have to tell from the context which it is And most of the time in the context, it's pretty obvious which it is. Whether it's love that we are, for example, giving, or whether it's love that we are receiving. In this case, it's a little bit difficult. I think the answer is found in one, the context of the refining pot for silver and the furnace for gold.

These are things that test gold and silver. They determine what's in, they help us determine what is in those things. They refine them and that's a testing process. And so the principle is in the same way, in the same way a man is tested by the praise he receives. Just like a refining test gold, silver, a man is tested by Praise.

How is praise handled? Does it lead to pride? Does it lead to arrogance? What happens when a man is praised? I think that's the sense of it here.

Loyalty is humble. Is humble. I think it's quite interesting and significant that this word Loyalty is the same word as the Lord's loving kindness to us. Psalm 103, 17 says, but the chesed, the loyalty, the covenant faithfulness, the steadfast love of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear Him. That brothers and sisters is the ultimate expression of loyalty.

God's loyalty to those to whom he's culminating, to those who are his people, and his people are those who fear him, who serve Him, who persevere. Christ never forsakes us. Even when we grieve Him, He forgives us. He rejoices over us. He delights in our praise, in our worship.

He delights in us because our Heavenly Father is loyal. He is the example of loyalty, of hasad, of loving kindness and faithfulness. May the Lord give us that kind of loving kindness, that kind of shalom, that kind of cleaving that we may have, First of all, loyalty to our Heavenly Father. That is the foundation of all loyalty. But that then flows out into all of our relationships, into all of our life, as we are loyal.

We are loyal to those institutions around us. Let's pray. Heavenly Father, We thank you that you are loyal, that your loving kindness extends from everlasting to everlasting. We thank you Lord for the fact that you forgave the inequity of your people. You brought Israel back from captivity because of your loving kindness and tender mercy.

Because of your, because you were loyal. We thank you, Lord, that you know us. We thank you that you preserve us. We thank you that you forgive us, that you do not forsake us or leave us, but you are always with us. And you are always ready to forgive as we confess our sins to you.

There is never any hesitancy to receive us. And Lord we praise you, thank you, and we ask that you would likewise give us a tenderness one to another, a forgiveness one to another, even as you have forgiven us in Christ. Lord, may we be those who exhibit this loving kindness, this cleaving, and not forsaking. May we be those who are loyal, first of all, to you. In Jesus name we pray, Amen.