In his sermon 'Medicine for Troubled Relationships,' Peter Allison delves into Proverbs 25, emphasizing the importance of self-control, communication, and kindness in managing relationships. He highlights a chiasm structure in the passage, underscoring the central theme of overcoming evil with good, which aligns with New Testament teachings. Allison explains that self-control is crucial in expressing emotions appropriately and maintaining healthy relationships. By drawing parallels between the Old and New Testaments, he illustrates that principles such as feeding and giving drink to enemies are timeless prescriptions for healing broken relationships. The sermon also emphasizes the fruits of the Spirit, particularly gentleness and self-control, as essential for fostering peace and overcoming strife. Ultimately, the message is that God's word and the power of the Holy Spirit provide the tools needed to transform and restore troubled relationships.

Proverbs chapter 25. I'd like to begin reading at verse 16. Have you found honey? Eat only as much as you need, lest you be filled with it and vomit. Seldom set foot in your neighbor's house, lest he be weary of you and hate you.

A man who bears false witness against his neighbor is like a club, a sword and a sharp arrow. Confidence in an unfaithful man in time of trouble is like a bad tooth and a foot out of joint. Like one who takes away a garment in cold weather and like vinegar on soda is one who sings to a heavy heart. If your enemy is hungry, give him bread to eat. And if he is thirsty, give him water to drink.

For so you will heap coals of fire on his head and the Lord will reward you. The north wind brings forth rain and a backbiting tongue and angry countenance. It is better to dwell in a corner of a house top than in a house shared with a contentious woman. As cold water to a weary soul, so is good news from a far country. A righteous man who falters before the wicked is like a murky spring and a polluted well.

It is not good to eat much honey, so to seek one's own glory is not glory. Whoever has no rule over his own spirit is like a city broken down without walls." May His commandments be ever with us that we may be wiser than our enemies. Heavenly Father, Your Word is true. It is that by which we are sanctified. And we ask that You would sanctify my sinful lips to proclaim the riches of your glory in Christ.

Ask that you would accompany, that your spirit would accompany this word as it is spoken, and that it might be mixed with faith in us who hear. In Jesus' name we pray, Amen. Well, one of the sayings or little rhymes that I was taught growing up was, The new is in the old concealed, the old is in the new revealed. I see some of you mouthing it too, you must have learned the same rhyme. The new is in the old concealed, the old is in the new revealed.

And the biblical passages that that phrase or rhyme summarizes are passages like Luke 24-27 where Luke says of Jesus as He's on the road to Emmaus speaking with those disciples that beginning at Moses and the prophets, He expounded to them in all the scriptures the things concerning Himself. That there is nothing that Jesus was teaching about Himself that didn't come from the Old Testament. Or Acts 26, 22, where Paul told King Agrippa that he preached no other thing than those which the prophets and Moses said would come. No other thing. He didn't add to the Word of God in that sense.

But everything he taught, he taught it from the Old Testament. Or 2 Timothy 3.16, that verse that probably all of you have memorized at one time or another, where Paul told Timothy that the Scriptures, referring to the Old Testament, were able to thoroughly equip or furnish Timothy for every good work. That means that anything that's a sin in the New Testament was also a sin in the Old Testament. If that wasn't true, then Timothy couldn't be completely and thoroughly equipped for every good work through the Old Testament Scriptures. But he was.

Because there's nothing that's taught in the New Testament that is not at least in some seed form also taught in the Old Testament. You name any doctrine, anything, from infant baptism to eschatology, to the closing of the canon, this is all taught in the Old Testament. It's all practiced, understood, to some extent or other, in the Old Testament. It's there at least in seed form. And actually, while some things are more fully explained and expounded in the New Testament, some things in the Old Testament that are there in seed form, there are also things in the Old Testament that are more fully expounded than what the New Testament writers saw fit and need to do.

And our passage this morning is one of those passages where there is more detail in some respects in this passage here in Proverbs than is given in the New Testament. In the parallel passage in the New Testament, which would be Romans 12, Paul said, If it is possible as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath, for it is written, vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord. Therefore, if your enemy is hungry, feed him. If he is thirsty, give him a drink, for in so doing, you will heap coals of fire on his head." Paul there quoting and summarizing our text this morning from Proverbs 25.

Quoting what I think is the key verse of this passage. And so one of The aspects of life that is impossible to escape is relating with people. And this passage in Proverbs gives us God's medicine for healing and preserving relationships, both within families and among and between families. This is God's medicine, God's prescription for healing and for preserving relationships. And we'll see as we look through these things how impossible it is to implement them, how impossible it is to do these things that God calls us to do apart from the Holy Spirit enabling us to do them.

In fact, as we go through here, just keep the fruits of your spirit in the back of your mind. I think you will see them coming out all throughout this passage. The fruits of the Spirit, you know, that love, joy, peace, long-suffering, which is just slowness in avenging wrong, kindness, showing kindness, goodness, or what we call virtue, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Self-control is a big one that I think you'll see in this text. Now, Like many of the passages in Proverbs, this text is a chiasm.

And I love these chiasms because they really provide a bit of a key in understanding how these verses fit together that sometimes seem like random perils on a string, but there really often is an overlying structure to them. And in looking at that overlying structure and seeing the chiasm, we can often see then and confirm what is the key point of the passage. Because remember a chiasm is this literary structure that's used to emphasize a point. And it emphasizes the point by putting the point in the middle, the main point in the middle, and then surrounding it with these concentric pairs of amplifying points that come in front and follow, in front and behind. And they kind of, these points kind of radiate out.

You can think of it like a pebble dropped in a pond, and as the ripples radiate out, that's kind of like the sub-points of the Chiasm. The main point is the pebble in the middle. And so you can see this structure if you have your hand out there. If not, there's probably some in the back, or we can get you one. But I think this structure starts with verse 15, the verse we looked at last week and I neglected to read it this morning.

But we call that the A ring, the A point, which speaks about self-control of our spirit and so we see a and a prime verse 15 and verse 28 both dealing with self-control of our own spirit by long forbearance a ruler is persuaded and a gentle tongue breaks a bone that's speaking of great self-control that we may feel very passionately about something but long forbearance long patience long willingness to to await and speak softly A ruler is persuaded and a gentle tongue, another fruit of the spirit, breaks a bone. And then the other verse 28, whoever has no rule over his own spirit is like a city broken down without walls. See, both of those things are speaking about the self-control of our own spirit. The next ring in is self-control in wholesome activities. Self-control in wholesome activities.

Honey, it's a wonderful food. Have you found some? Eat only as much as you need, lest you be filled with it and vomit. And then together with that, seldom set foot in your neighbor's house, lest he become weary of you and hate you. There's nothing wrong with honey, and there's nothing wrong with going to your neighbor's house.

But there's something wrong with too much of your neighbor's house and too much honey. Or the other part, B' in verse 27, it is not good to eat too much honey. See how these two Things both have the same analogy there, and that's how we can begin to see that there might be some structure here. It's not good to eat too much honey, so to seek one's own glory is not glory. The next ring deals with, we'll call the sea, deals with treacherous neighbors.

A man who bears false witness against his neighbor is like a club, a sword, and a sharp arrow. And then in verse 26, a righteous man who falters before the wicked is like a murky spring and a polluted well. These are unfaithful or treacherous neighbors. And then Ring D speaks of, so the man who bears false witness is obviously somebody who is directly attacking us, a righteous man who falters. There's somebody that you thought was righteous, somebody that you're depending on, you're counting on them to do the right thing, and then they falter before unrighteousness and wickedness.

And the cause of justice is betrayed, or righteousness is betrayed. D, then, is a faithless messenger. Verse 19, confidence in an unfaithful man in time of trouble is like a bad tooth and a foot out of joint. Those are not nice things to have. You can't eat with a bad tooth and you can't walk on a foot out of joint.

A faithless messenger or an unfaithful man, when you put confidence in him, he fails you. On the other hand, D' is speaking actually of a faithful messenger, as cold water to a weary soul, so is good news from a far country. There's good news, a messenger that's faithful bringing to you good news. So there is a contrast between those two. And then in E is aggravating speech, speaks about aggravating speech.

And the thing that connects these is this cold weather. This cold weather, you notice, and a north wind. Those are a north wind, If you've ever lived in the north, that's the cold wind. If you have a south wind, that's the warm wind. So the cold wind, the north wind, sorry, the north wind, verse 23, brings forth rain and a backbiting tongue and angry countenance.

So it's putting those two together. And it is better to dwell in the corner of a housetop than in a house shared with a contentious woman. That's speaking of the aggravation or aggravating speech. Then in verse 20, you see this same reference to cold weather as the north wind. Like one who takes away a garment in cold weather and like vinegar on soda is one who sings to a heavy heart." Again, it's a form of aggravating speech.

If you're in sorrow, genuinely mourning, and a heavy heart, and somebody comes and wants to be light and happy, it's aggravating. It's aggravating. It's inappropriate. And so This then is this structure, and in the middle then is the emphasis, the main point that's surrounded by these supporting points, all dealing with God's medicine for troubled relationships. An enemy is the epitome of a troubled relationship.

You're an enmity with each other. That's a troubled relationship. That's a broken relationship. There is no peace there. And so what is God's medicine for a troubled relationship?

If your enemy is hungry, give him bread to eat, and if he is thirsty, give him water to drink, for so you will heap coals of fire on his head, and the Lord will reward you." So, ring A, self-control of our own spirit. This outermost ring of verses speaks about This ring of verses speaks about self-control of our own passions, our own desires, without self-control. None of these things that we are to be doing here, none of these things that are discussed are possible. Now If we control our own spirit, it doesn't mean our own passions and emotions. It doesn't mean that we don't have them or that we pretend that we don't have them or simply stuff them and try to ignore them and pretend they don't exist.

It means that we rule over them so that they are properly expressed in the appropriate time and in the appropriate manner. Because you remember from last week, as Ecclesiastes teaches us, that for every matter, there is a time and a judgment. And that a wise heart discerns both the time and the judgment. So to rule over, to have self-control means that we rule over these passions, these desires, these things we want to say, these thoughts that well up in our mind, the feelings that we have. We evaluate them in the light of the Word of God, and we express them in the proper time and in the appropriate manner.

And of course, central to ruling over our spirit is controlling our tongue, exercising self-control in our language. And so the first part there speaks about our tongue, a gentle tongue and long forbearance, being patient, not saying everything that's maybe on our mind at the time, but saying only what is appropriate for that time and in that context. It's this kind of self-control of our tongue that can persuade a ruler and break a bone. James says that if anyone does not stumble in word, he is a perfect man able to bridle the whole body. You see, so being in control of our tongue, being able to have self-control over our tongue is essential to ruling over our spirit and our whole body.

It's essential. If we're not ruling over our tongue, if we are not saying things in the appropriate time and in the appropriate manner, that includes the appropriate tone, then James and Proverbs tell us we don't have self-control. We don't have self-control over our spirit. And whoever has no control over his spirit is like a city broken down without walls. There's a certain strong attraction, or attraction I should say, to very strong language.

Especially when we agree with the language, the sentiments that are being communicated. Some people think that the more cutting, the more sharp, the more strong their words are in denouncing errors, the stronger that shows them to be. But the Bible says It's just the opposite. It's just the opposite. A gentle tongue breaks a bone, and a ruler is persuaded by speech that is restrained.

And he who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit is better, is stronger, than he who takes a city." See, self-control and gentleness, two fruits of the Spirit. On the other hand, those that lack this are like a city with no defenses. That's like a house that has no doors. We don't have cities that have walls in them anymore. So we maybe have a little harder time imagining a city that has the walls broken down, because we've never lived in a city that had walls.

We never had to get into a city by going through a gate. But we do live in houses that have walls and a door. And we get into our house by the door most of the time. Windows sometimes maybe. But what do you see if you see a house that doesn't have a door in it?

Not an open door, but no door. I mean, that is, that looks like a problem. We would say, uh-oh, there's something wrong here. Or we would think, well, that's an abandoned house. Nobody would live in that.

It's a sad thing to see. If you've ever seen a house that has no doors, there's just nothing there. There's no defense. You wouldn't feel safe sleeping, I would guess, in a house that had no doors. Just nothing there.

I mean, I remember one time we went to sleep and We lived in Charleston and it was hot in the house, so we left and we were too cheap to run the air conditioner, so we left the door open at night. And sometime around 1 a.m., the police came by and started screaming in the door for us to, I don't know what, but they didn't think that a door open in a house was a safe thing. So we had to get up and close it. But that's what a person with no self-control is. If we can't control our own emotions and our own tongue, when they're inflamed, we can't expect other people to do the same around us.

So secondly then, this next ring is self-control in a wholesome activity. And so this is the second thing that's important in preserving relationships within families and among families. Self-control in wholesome activities. The Bible is God's Word. He speaks to us in His Word of glorious and transcendent truths.

And We love those passages. There are wonderful and precious promises. And we love those promises. But the Bible also speaks of ordinary and mundane things, matters. We like to say that the Bible applies to every area of life.

You've probably heard that many, many times. I know I did growing up. We have a Christian worldview. It applies to every area of our life. Well, and that's certainly true.

And that means that sometimes the Bible is going to speak to very, very practical, ordinary, and mundane things, because it's the practical, ordinary and mundane things that make up the bulk of our life. And so, seldom set foot in your neighbor's house, lest he become weary of you and hate you." This is your neighbor. It's not talking about somebody who's your enemy. It's talking about your friend, your neighbor who might hate you if you don't have self-control in what is a wholesome activity. It's a good thing to visit your neighbor.

It's a good thing to have fellowship. And we'll talk a little bit about what that purpose is. But too much of that is not a good thing. We have to be moderate or restrained in how long and how often we visit our neighbor or we presume upon them or we inconvenience them to help us. The Bible teaches us to be moderate.

Now there's no specific time limit, there's no specific frequency limit, that's what a wise heart discerns. But there are some principles here in this passage. And One is the purpose of the visit. The purpose of the visit. It shouldn't be to seek the praise and approval of others for the things that we may have done.

We shouldn't be going to visit somebody in order for them to affirm us and praise us for the things that we want to tell them that we have done. That's not a good way to start a visit. It's not a good reason for visiting our neighbor. Our life is to be dependent on the Lord. It should be His approval that we seek in our life.

That is the relationship. Our relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ is a relationship out of which every other relationship ought to grow and ought to be founded upon. But if that relationship is not preeminent, then another human relationship is going to take its place. And when another relationship has a preeminence in our life, then we'll seek from that relationship what we ought to be seeking from God Himself, and from Christ, the captain of our salvation. Because it should be His approval that we're seeking.

It should be Him that we're seeking to please, and not men. And so, it says in verse 27, it's not good to seek one's own glory. To seek one's own glory is not glory. And when we go to visit somebody so that we can receive their praise or their approval for us as a person or for the things we've done, we're seeking our own glory. And the Bible says that's not glory.

Not glory. The modern term for this might be codependency. Codependency. Excessive emotional or psychological dependence on someone else. Our life is tied up in someone else's life.

Our life ought to be hidden in Christ, not in another person. So we shouldn't be visiting other people or going into their homes for those purposes, to get their approval. It's wrong. It's a wrong form of friendship. It's a misuse of friendship.

And it's wrong on both sides. Both a person that tolerates that and accepts that and allows it to continue. That's why they call it co-dependency, because that person is dependent on being the one to play in God in that other person's life, and being the one to provide the praise and approval. And we can hurt people by allowing them to be dependent on us instead of on Christ. We can hurt people when we allow that kind of a relationship to continue or when we participate in it.

You know, and it's tempting to do that because it's tempting, it's sort of gratifying in one way when people come to us and seek our approval. There are certain, certainly, God has ordained certain superior inferior relationships where there is an expectation of that, like between a parent and a child, or between a customer and a supplier, or an employee and an employer. But even then, we're not seeking our approval as people, but rather for a very narrow focus of the job that we have done specifically for them. Now second principle here is that we are not, in visiting our neighbor's house, that we are not busybodies, busybodies. Paul talks about busybodies.

People that just have nothing better to do but to go from house to house. Some people will waste time talking for hours about nothing or the same thing or continually discussing the affairs of other people. And we shouldn't be continually tied up in the details of everyone's affairs. If your life is filled with the affairs of other people, then maybe you should look at your relationship with the Lord, your prayer life, your time listening to His voice in the Word. Because oftentimes people that are over busy in everybody else's affairs have very little time for prayer in their life because they're too busy talking to everybody else.

There's too little, too busy to meditate on the Word of God. Too busy hearing, because they're too busy hearing what other people think of them or giving their opinion about what they think of other people. Not busy bodies. In the Proverbs says that in the multitude of words, sin is not lacking. The multitude of words sin is not lacking.

And so the third principle here is moderation in spending time together. On time together. Even when our purpose is good and right, we're going to visit to be a blessing to other people, to edify them, to serve them in some way, to demonstrate love to them in some way. And if somebody is incapacitated, not able to go out, showing them love, maybe going and simply spending some time with them. Maybe going to help them do something.

So, but even when our purpose is good and the conversation is proper, there needs to be a moderation of it. Families who are productively redeeming the time because of days of evil, hey, have many things to do and many responsibilities, more abilities to carry out. And if you have a family and you don't, then there's probably something wrong. You're probably not doing something that needs to be done. And so there really isn't time for people to drop by and consume hours and hours talking about everything in general and nothing in particular.

Certainly not speaking about when there's appropriate need for counsel or for discussion of something. These things are necessary and Sometimes they take a long time, but they shouldn't be needed every day We all need to be good listening good listeners quick to hear and slow to speak But even something good we can get too much Just like the text talks about you can get too much honey. So it's a beautiful thing. It's a wonderful thing It tastes very good. I remember as a young boy extracting honey, so you have to take the Take the hive take this Super off for the hive and you take the frame out of that super out of the box and the bees cap the the cells you know the hexagons they're filled with honey the bees put a cover on those and so you have to take the hot knife hot electric knife and you can slice right through and cut the caps off all those cells, and then on both sides, and then you can put it in a washing machine, thing spins around, and all the honey will spin out.

Well, you have a lot of that wax with the honey lying there, and it's very tempting to just take a bite of that because it's really good the honey Honey fresh honey right out of the super like that. I mean the hive is really good It's a lot better than when it's been cooked and kept on a shelf for a year. And then the wax there, it's kind of nice and chewy. It's like gum, and it's sweet, and it's really good. But if you do that all day, pretty soon you get really sick of it.

It's just too much. And I've been there, I can tell you it's not a pleasant place. And so that's what it's like to spend too long at our neighbor's house. He who restrains his lips is wise. This is talking about conversation for the sake of conversation.

Have you ever been in a group that is just trying to Think of things to say just to be able to justify being together. If you're ever in that situation, it's probably best to go home. It's a time to go home. It's nice to be together, but if you can't find something productive to do, it's time to go home. That's why it's helpful to get together and do something.

Get together and help each other butcher your chickens. Get together and help each other paint your house. Get together and help each other, you know, picks up your lawn or re-roof your house. Find something to do together and then you can talk with each other all day. And that's wonderful.

But you're doing something productive. You're serving. You're helping. And that's a big difference. And then when you go at the end of that day, your neighbor doesn't hate you, but he loves you because You've been helping him all day.

And he's grateful. And you've deepened the friendship. Of course, as I said, that's not a discouragement from going to people when we need to talk and discuss things. And certainly there are, you know, certainly parents and elders and so on are people that we need to do that with from time to time. And maybe sometimes even frequently in certain situations.

Okay, the next ring deals with treacherous neighbors. See, there's a little bit of a progression here. We just spoke about relationships with friends, and now we're moving to people that were our friends, now it's people that are really enemies. They may have started out as friends, but for whatever reason, they're enemies. Maybe we overstayed our welcome too many times, and they started talking about us, and they started telling their friends about how long we stayed and what we did.

And of course when that happens then everybody that hears can add their story in about something that you did and pretty soon it gets out of hand. I remember as a young boy our family was invited to another, we were new in the church and our family was invited to another family's house for dinner and they were a very well-to-do family. They lived in a very wealthy house and so on. And so we were invited there. We had a large family invited us over and we were eating and I remember the host, hostess, offering me seconds on pie and thirds, and I was like, well, yeah, sure, I'll take seconds.

And of course, then when we got home later on, then my mother was like, well, now you can't take so many seconds and thirds, you know, maybe one seconds, but you don't keep, she's offering it to be polite, right? And so sure enough, I think it was that evening service, I just was, you know, I was a little boy walking around and I overheard this lady talking to another friend about this family that they had over that ate all her pie that day. See, it happens. It happens. And so friends can become enemies.

And it results in Bearing false witness. And somebody that bears false witness against their neighbor is like a club, a sword, and a sharp arrow. See, one thing leads to another, and so on, and malicious talk can arise very easily, and then reputations are being assailed and destroyed as surely as beating somebody with a bat or cutting them in two with a sword or piercing them through with an arrow. This is sobering comparison. We would never think of beating our neighbor's brains out with the bat.

But saying something that might destroy the reputation, that's all too easy to happen. The righteous giving way to the wicked implies something tragic. That's the other piece of this ring here. A righteous man who falters before the wicked is like a murky spring and a polluted well. This is somebody that you looked up to, somebody that you were depending upon, and then in the face of difficulty, when challenged by evil, they give into it.

They yield. They don't stand. And it says they are like a polluted well. It's not easily unpolluted. The entire well is ruined.

When you pour something in a well and pollute it, you can't unpollute it. It's that way. Faithless messengers. We have to have confidence in people. We can't live, this is D, we can't live without trusting people.

We have to have confidence in the mechanic that fixes our cars, and that fixes our appliances, and air conditioners, and homes. We have to put confidence in the power company to provide power for us. We put confidence in pastors to teach us what is true. And we especially have to put confidence in people in times of trouble. Now, that confidence is earned and we always need to be checking up on that, especially the pastor, that what is being said is in accordance with the Word of God.

But we do, we can't live without putting confidence in people. It's something that has to be earned. A righteous man who falters before the wicked is like a murky spring and a polluted well. Sometimes What's being offered as a solution is worse than the problem it's trying to solve. Faithless messengers, righteous who falter, they're worse than the problem.

Christian colleges that offer the pretense of teaching the truth, teaching all the subjects of this world in the light of the word that God gives, but then that are actually wicked, that actually don't do what they've promised to do. There it's often worse than the school that makes no pretense about being a Christian, but openly acknowledges that they are not a Christian school. The remedy for bad words are good words. Remedy for bad words are good words. Cold water to a weary soul, so is good news from a far country.

Of course, there is no better news than the message of the gospel of the kingdom of heaven that's brought That God sent by his son Jesus Christ to bring to us And the last Ring around the main point is aggravating speech As the north wind brings forth rain and a backbiting tongue and angry countenance. It is better to dwell in the corner of a house stop than in a house shared with a contentious woman. Like vinegar on soda is one who sings to a heavy heart. Vinegar and soda or lye, those are an acid and a base. If you've never put those two together, you can go home and try it.

It won't hurt anything, but it'll give you a reaction. It'll bubble up and create a lot of fizz and effervescence. And it totally neutralizes the vinegar and the lye you don't have or the soda. You don't have either one left. And the, or taking away a garment in cold weather, it's just an aggravation, and that is like one who doesn't know the appropriate time to say things.

Like he that rises early in the morning and sings a loud blessing, it's not a blessing to your neighbor to do that. There's another proverb on the same vein. And those are the kinds of things that irritate us. Those are the kind of things that aggravate us and make us upset at the person doing that. And they make us ill-disposed to somebody who does these kinds of things.

And so this is where the danger comes in because these are the things that strain and fracture relationships. And so how do we respond in the face of these kinds of treatment, in the face of this kind of communication? Well, God gives his medicine in how we are to respond to these kinds of people. And he uses the word here enemy. So if this is true of our enemies, how much more is it true of those who just annoy us or just aggravate us by singing very loudly in the morning, running the vacuum cleaner before everybody is awake or other things like that?

Well, the first thing here is that victory is possible. Victory is possible. We should never lose sight of that hope. To heap coals on someone's head is to put them out of the business of being an enemy. See, we have here the power, we're given the power, the medicine to put our enemies out of the business of being our enemy.

Now How do we do that? Well, if your enemy is hungry, give him bread to eat. If he is thirsty, give him water to drink. In other words, bless them. Bless them.

Look at how you can edify them. Paul, in his summary of this passage, added the phrase, overcome evil with good. So we might think of this as what's the medicine? Overcome evil of any sort, whether it's the person that's spreading lies and ruining our reputation, the righteous who falter and betray our cause and bring harm to us, or the people that sing too loud in the morning or simply stay too late at night at our house. Look to bless these people.

Overcome evil with good. Evil people are very real, and there is very significant damage. Evil is powerful. But evil is only conquered by something that is more powerful than itself. It's conquered in the same way that darkness overcomes light.

You just can't have darkness where there's light and And this is what Proverbs is telling us that we overcome evil with good We overcome evil with good in the same way that light overcomes darkness now. It's hard It's very hard. It's not what we want to do. It can grate against our every fiber to show kindness, to be gentle to the people that are annoying us or worse. But that's what Paul and Proverbs and the Word of God tell us to do.

That is God's medicine for troubled relationships. The evil, Proverbs tells us, will bow before the good and the wicked at the gates of the righteous. The evil will bow before the good. That's like saying the darkness will be dispelled by the light. It doesn't work the other way.

You cannot dispel light with darkness. You can't. You can't bring darkness and extinguish the light. But you can bring light and extinguish the darkness. Evil will bow before the good.

The good overcomes the evil. So love here, this is overcome evil with good. To essentially to feed our enemy when he's hungry, to give him something to drink when he's thirsty, is the essence of what it is to love our enemies. It's not speaking here about a wonderful feeling. To love our enemies is not to try to conjure up within ourselves affections for our enemy.

It's not what it's saying. Love is doing what the law requires of us. Love is doing good to them. That means feeding them if they're hungry, or giving them something to drink if they're thirsty. Now the purpose in this, And here is the real power, the purpose in this isn't simply to provide for their need.

Yes, it does that, but there's a much greater purpose. What if our gift to our enemy is torn up in front of our face. And what if they throw it back at us? Is that wasted? No.

No, it still serves the purpose for which it was given. Because the purpose of giving These gifts is not merely to meet their needs, but it rather is to meet our need. The good done by the power of the Holy Spirit overcomes the evil in our heart. It overcomes the bitterness in our heart and it frees us from being controlled by evil people. To give to your enemy, to show love to your enemy impacts them where they are vulnerable.

They may be ready, they may be braced, they may be prepared to meet hate with hate, to meet their, to be prepared for a vengeful response to their whatever it is they're doing, whatever evil they're doing. But they're not prepared for generosity. They're not prepared for somebody that's loving them. You see, coals of fire have reference to the pangs of shame at doing evil. Remember when on a couple of occasions that David showed kindness to Saul.

Saul is out with an army trying to actively kill him. And in two times at least, David is right next to Saul. He could have easily killed him both times. And yet both times David didn't either, but rather simply took a memento to prove that he was there, right at the head of Saul. And so when David comes out afterwards and says, here I was, I did you good and not evil, you who are trying to kill me, and it's probably, that's probably one of the most evil things you could try to do to somebody.

What was Saul's response? He was shamed. He was humbled. He comes back with these very meek words. Oh, David, my son.

Well, this guy was just trying to kill him a minute ago. Now he's calling him his dear son and saying that he's more righteous than he was and so on. That was because David's deed of kindness he coals of fire on Saul's head. And so that's then a very important part of being able to give to our enemy. It frees us from being controlled by other people.

By the power of the Holy Spirit we are no longer controlled by those who have wronged us. See when we try to fight evil the same way when we are attacked then then we become controlled by our enemy. Because all we can think about is the next response. All we can think about is what are we going to do back to what they've done to us. You see, that consumes us.

And it produces bitterness. It's like an arms race. When I was in the Navy about 30 years ago, the Soviets developed this submarine that could go deeper and faster than any submarine we had. So that was, they upped the ante with this titanium submarine. And so what was our response?

Well, then we have to come out with a torpedo that can go down there and get it. And so we did. But then what happens? Well, they're going to come back with the next thing that can defeat our torpedo. And then we're back at trying to come at it with the next thing.

And see, it's a never-ending arms race. And when we respond to evil that way, we get into a never-ending arms race. It's only when we respond as Paul teaches and Proverbs teach us that we are set free from that race. Now look at the motivation, though. Look at the motivation.

The Lord, the Lord will reward you. The Lord will reward you. What better reward could there possibly be than to have the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords? The one who holds the world in His hand, the one who owns all the gold and the silver, the one who rules the nations, to have Him reward you, to have Him be pleased with what you have done. Remember, as Jesus says to those sheep in that day, He says, enter into the rest that I have prepared, because you did all these things to me." We should remember that reward, because it's real.

And we would be utter fools to live and do these things if there was no consequence to it. But God does reward those who serve Him immensely, richly, above anything we can think or imagine. Christ is also our example in this. Through His death for His enemies, Christ reconciled His enemies to Himself and made peace. But God demonstrates His love to us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Christ reconciled the world. And so if everything else fails and you find that you still are not able to show kindness to those enemies, Just remember Christ and the kindness that He showed to you when you were His enemy. Almighty Heavenly Father, We thank you that your word speaks to us in our need, that gives hope to us, hope of victory through Christ, through the power of your Spirit, that the good does overcome the evil. We ask, Lord, that where we doubt these promises that You would strengthen us to believe Your Word, to put our confidence in you, to hope in your word, for your word is as a shield surrounding us. Lord, we do love you because you have first loved us and given yourself for us.

And we desire to follow you and to follow the example that Christ has given to us. And we ask for your Holy Spirit to do so. In Jesus' name, Amen.