The sermon 'Kingdom Building Marriages' by Carl Provost examines the biblical foundation for marriage roles as outlined in Ephesians 5, emphasizing the complementary roles of husbands and wives. Provost begins with the scripture's directive for wives to submit to their husbands as the church submits to Christ, and for husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church. He critiques historical deviations from biblical marriage, such as those in Greek, Roman, and Hebrew cultures, and the church's own missteps prior to the Reformation. The sermon contrasts egalitarianism, which views spouses as completely equal, with complementarianism, which recognizes distinct roles. Provost argues for kingdom-building marriages that align with biblical teachings, where husbands lead with sacrificial love and wives willingly submit, creating a harmonious and godly family structure. He calls for a return to these biblical principles to counteract modern cultural attacks on marriage and gender roles, stressing that both partners must fulfill their God-given roles to reflect the unity of Christ and the church, and to build strong covenant families.

Please take your copy of God's word and turn to Ephesians chapter 5. Starting in verse 22. Wows, submit yourselves unto your own husbands as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, and he is the savior of the body. Therefore, as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.

Husbands love your wives even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it, that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, that he might present it to himself a glorious church not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh, but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the Church. For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.

For this call shall a man leave his father and mother and shall be joined into his wife, and the two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless, let every one of you in particular so love his wife, even as himself and the wife see that she reverence her husband. Father, we come before you for you've given us your word. It is full of wisdom and it teaches us how we are to live and how we are to raise our families and how we are to bring you glory and Father we pray that you would use this word in our lives to shape us and sanctify us by your word and spirit.

We pray in your Son Christ Jesus name. Amen. In the beginning of Genesis we see God's created order and how he intended for man to have a helper that was suitable for him and how it was established as a good thing in this relationship. But we also see the fall and the curse that came, and how the fall and the curse brought sin into the world and changed relationships. And pretty much the rest of history that we have leading up to the New Testament Church is not a very pretty history for women.

In fact, much oppression takes place throughout the history. For men are sinful, and men have ruled, for the most part, from an authoritarian position. In fact, when we find ourselves in the New Testament time, when Christ came, The Greek and Roman culture, many of them had wives for the purpose of children and to manage their home. They found their pleasures and concubines and mistresses and did not at all recognize a biblical order for marriage. The Hebrews were not much better.

They had departed from God's word also at this time and could divorce their wives for anything, even burning the food by just issuing them a certificate of divorce. Christ comes in and he brings them, First of all, back to a renewed understanding of what God's Word originally taught. A new creation, recognizing that it was not the way God had intended for things to be, but to bring it back to the way he had originally planned it in the garden, where they would live together in harmony, live together without the strife that oftentimes comes when people try to live according to their own flesh and not according to the wisdom of God's Word. In fact, as Christianity spread, one of the things you quickly see in history is that The situation for women has improved greatly as the church expands. But it wasn't long again before the church became corrupt as some of the early church fathers wrongfully taught that marriage was only for procreation only, that there was to be no pleasure in marriage.

In fact it was held up that to remain celibate was better than to be married. And by the time of the Reformation, marriage was in need of reform again. And one of the things the reformers did was they restored marriage and the teachings on marriage to what Christ had taught and to what the Apostles had taught. And they did away with the false teachings of the Popes Church on marriage. And marriage was reformed.

In fact, even though some of the great reformers married out of convenience, like John Calvin and Martin Luther, God blessed them with wives that were great help meets to them and that one of the reasons That they had such a great ministry is they had great women at their sides The Puritans also sought to reform marriage even further. In fact, the Puritans are the ones that brought some of the concepts that we even have today of the idea of how to love your wife as the weaker vessel and even this ideas of courtship and how to not just arrange marriages but to allow there to be the idea of a wife having a choice in the man that she marries. Much of the world, even today, in some cultures still practices arranged marriages, and many of those marriages work out great. But as we'll see from the text today, the Bible calls for a wife to willingly give her submission to her husband. And arranged marriages, oftentimes this is forced upon them.

And many Christians have made use of it, but as we would see, the Puritans seem to better understand what God's Word teaches in this. But as we know, every aspect of marriage is under attack today. It has greatly changed even in my own lifetime. The idea of complementarianism, let alone to mention authoritarianism or hyperpatriarchalism, is offensive to our culture. The headship of men is under attack from both sexes, not only from the feminist culture, but even from the effeminate men culture as well.

Women desire to have the same jobs as men, And men seem to have no desire to lead, oftentimes willingly abdicating their responsibility in these areas. It's almost made it fun of now in media. You can't seem to find any real men anymore, men who have a desire to lead, have a desire to be the head. They are more than willing to let women fulfill these roles. They seem content in playing video games and not having any real responsibility in life.

I believe this comes from the way that oftentimes our homes and the way marriage has been attacked over the years and the kind of men that we're turning out. Men that don't know how to be men. Fathers that haven't truly fathered and led in their homes and so the men, the young men, do not know how to lead. The concept of gender roles has been completely erased from our political correct media. This is a full frontal attack on marriage, family, and the church that we see today.

So as we come to today's text in order for us to fight Satan's attack on the church, we must have a biblical understanding of marriage, family, and the church. So what is God's plan for marriage? I would say that as we look at this text today, the text has been about the church being the body of Christ and the unity of all believers as the body of Christ with Christ as the head. And now we come to this section that's considered the family code where he gives clear instruction on how we are to order our families. And I believe that we will see as we look at this text today that God's plan for marriage is that they be kingdom building marriages.

And I believe he gives us a clear instruction on how to have a kingdom building marriage. And it starts, and he starts, Paul starts with Wabbs. Verse 22 says, why submit yourselves unto your own husbands as unto the Lord. This is a controversial statement in many churches today. In fact, many preachers when they preach this text don't start here.

They start with husbands and then they come back to wives because they don't want the ears of women to be closed and to not hear the rest of the sermon. So oftentimes they they give the husbands a good lashing before they ever get to the text with the wives. But Paul gave it to us as wives first and he follows the order here and as we'll see in coming weeks, he deals with wives and husbands, he deals with children and parents, he deals with slaves and masters, and he lays out the order of things. The position of egalitarianism has gained a foothold in the church, in many churches today. And for those who don't understand, I know I gave a bunch of terms and I'll just give a quick explanation for those who don't know.

In the term of biblical understanding of marriage within the Christian church, you have two schools of thought. You have egalitarianism and complementarianism. Egalitarianism is this idea that husbands and wives are completely equal, there is no head, they completely share all leadership responsibilities in the church or in the family. And that's the position that is gaining popularity today. Complementarianism is the one that you would find that like the organization called a biblical manhood and womanhood and they promote the idea of what they consider a Biblical model of marriage, which is complementary.

And then the other two I mentioned earlier is the authoritarianism. This is the system outside of the Bible that we see where those who just rule with authority, those who are ruled by force in their home. We see this more so in some of the Muslim cultures. And then another twisting of God's word is one called hyperpatriarchalism and this is not far off from authoritarianism, but it's those who argue from the Bible that the patriarch is to lead from an authoritarian position. And it's not as harsh as the authoritarianism position but it's still not a biblical position so the two positions are the only biblical position is a complementarian position.

In fact lots of marriages are in trouble today, and many are seeking counselors. And many of the counselors today, in fact that's the first question I ask when I'm looking for somebody that I can recommend as a counselor is what their position is. Because many of the counselors today are counseling from an egalitarian position. And they are actually destroying marriages rather than helping them. Submission though, being a word that causes much division is often misunderstood by those who oppose it.

The egalitarians misapply verse 21 where It says, as we talked about last week, submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. Now this is a transitional verse. In fact, the word submitting that's pulled into verse 22 comes from this verse. And there is a concept, as I talked about last week, where all of us are equal in Christ Jesus. And when we are in the body of Christ, there is a sense in which there is no haughtiness, that we recognize that we are all sinners, and there's a level at which we all submit one to another, recognizing that God brings about sanctification of the body of Christ through our brothers and sisters and the communication and the relationship that we have.

But then he goes directly from this verse into the biblical order of marriage. And the very first verse is, Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands as unto the Lord. Well, those that try to teach an egalitarian position try to say that the submitting yourself one to another applies here and that husbands and wives are to submit themselves one to another. But then if you follow down that you would have children and parents submitting one to another, you'd have slave and master submitting one to another. And as you can see it breaks down very quickly and it doesn't fit the context of the passage at all.

And so the only position you can bring to this is that the clear meaning here is that wives are to submit to their own husbands. So what does biblical submission look like? Oftentimes, as I mentioned last week, the word submission is a huppitasso, and it's actually a military term, meaning to line oneself up under the authority of another. It's giving up of your rights and lining up under another. And we understand in the field of battle or in war that it's necessary that a man under his commanding officer follows orders.

But this is not exactly the word that's used here. It's that's the root of the word, but actually the form of the word here is the concept of a willing submission. It's the concept of one who gives their submission. Unless you're drafted, you might willingly enlist in the Army, But once you're enlisted, you're in. There is no more willing about it.

You belong to the government until you serve your time. But the wife's submission here is spoken of in a way of her willingly giving the submission. This is a willing giving up of her independent rights to the authority of her husband. This is her recognizing in a man leadership qualities that she wants to follow and she willingly as a gift to him offers to submit to his leadership recognizing that she needs the headship in a marriage that would lead her spiritually. A wife willingly submits to a husband who is to provide provisions and protection for her that are administered in love.

We also see the submission is to her own husband, which is a show of her commitment to and trust in the husband whom God has given her. This is not submission to anybody else's husband, and so it's recognizing the oneness union that she has with her husband when she submits to him and the trust that she has in the husband that God has provided for her. This also teaches, we can draw from this, that A wife should find contentment into submitting to her own husband only. And there's problems when a wife starts to submit to someone other than her husband. It brings about confusion and can lead to those going astray.

Submission is also a creation ordinance. We see in the God's Word and as it says later in this text as well that a woman was taken from man and given as an helper, bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh." Some falsely teach that the submission of the wife to the husband was a result of the fall. But that is not the case at all. In fact, it was the created order. And what the curse actually says is that the woman's desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.

And that's exactly what we see when marriages are lived according to the flesh rather than according to the spirit, is that the wife's desire is to usurp her husband's authority, to take control and leadership in the home. And that oftentimes as we see the husband who does desire to leave but yet doesn't understand the biblical way to do it, exercises authority, oftentimes from a very cruel manner. And that's why we have so much abuse. In fact one of the things that clearly stood out in Calvin's Geneva who had this clear understanding in restoration of marriage was Calvin's Geneva was seen as a safe haven for women. It was an area, a town, where women were not allowed to be beaten by their husbands.

For that was accepted in most of the other cities that were not under the rule of a magistrate that was being directed by God's word. But they did not allow wife abuse. And that's a result we see When the biblical ideal for marriage is brought into place, we also see a characteristic of biblical submission is that biblical submission is as unto the Lord. In verse 24, therefore, as the church is subject unto Christ so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Actually verse 22, wives submit yourselves into your own husbands as into the Lord.

And so we recognize there that the motive for biblical submission for a wife is out of obedience to Christ. And so When a wife offers to be submissive to her husband, she does it because Christ has commanded her to submit herself unto her own husband. And she recognizes this is a gift she can give to her husband, but she recognizes that it is the way that she also glorifies her savior, who saved her by giving her submission to her husband and allowing him to lead her as the head of the family. It also means that it's not dependent upon the husband fulfilling his role. In fact, we see often too many times a husband who doesn't love his wife and so the wife refuses to submit, or a wife who refuses to submit so a husband refuses to love.

And they end up in this vicious cycle not recognizing that it's not dependent, their obedience is not dependent upon their spouse, it's dependent upon their own relationship with Christ Jesus. In fact speaking directly to this in 1st Peter he says in chapter 3 it says wives likewise be submissive to your own husbands that even if some do not obey the word they without a word may be won by the conduct of their wives. And what Peter is teaching there is that when a wife is submissive to an unbelieving husband because of her relationship with Christ, that men can be won to the Lord by the example that she sets. We also see the motive of submission in this text. The motive of submission is that her functional head in the family is the husband as Christ is the head of the church.

And that's in verse 24, therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Recognizing that Christ is the head of the church and the analogy that's given here of marriage being a representation of Christ in the church and submitting to that headship and recognizing that the church needs the headship of Christ to function properly. The wife recognizes and her motive is to submit to the headship of her husband. This model by the church in Christ. First Corinthians 11.3 says, but I would have you to know that the head of every man is Christ and the head of woman is the man and the head of Christ is God.

When we think about headship, the head offers direction and leadership in the family as Christ provides for the church. And so what a biblical marriage displays is that a wife looks to her husband for spiritual leadership, knowing that he is getting leadership from Christ and Christ from the Father. And so they recognize the order at which the authority comes from. And when a husband leads in his headship according to the headship of Christ Jesus, he will be a man who is easy to submit to. A wife who willingly and lovingly responds to her husband's leadership as to the Lord is an honor to her Lord, her husband, her family, and her church, and herself.

She is a glory to her husband. We also see the model of submission, which is in the church. Just as the church is subject and dependent upon Christ for all provisions and protections, the wife must model the same submission to her husband, recognizing that her husband is to provide for her, recognizing that her husband is to protect her, recognizing that these roles are put there for order, for the order of the family in order to bring about a godly family. So what about husbands? See, husbands are commanded to be loving husbands.

Loving headship is commanded of husbands. They are told to love their wives as Christ loved the church. This is also under attack in the church. In fact, many families in the church today are actually led by their wives. In fact, a lot of churches, the entire church, except for maybe the minister, are led by women because the men refuse to lead.

But also I've seen many women bemoan the fact that their husbands will not lead. But oftentimes the same wife is unwilling to give up her role as a spiritual leader and allow room for her husband to lead. Oftentimes this is because she does not trust her husband. She does not trust the leadership of the one God has given her as a husband. Some friends of ours one time in telling their story of how they met, there was a some friends of ours named the Galloways and they share about when they first met.

He was a new believer and she had been raised many years as a believer. And so when it came to Bible knowledge, she knew much more than he did. But she understood the need for her husband to be the spiritual head. And so rather than instructing him in the word and rather than taking the role of biblical leadership in the home, she would go to him with questions. And because he recognized the importance of him being the head of the home.

In these early years he spent lots of time studying God's Word to be able to answer the questions that his wife had. And so his leadership was encouraged by his wife, by her submission to him, and He became that godly leader That God was calling him to be greatly influenced by the submission and encouragement of his wife And that's that mutual harmony that can come in a marriage, even when they first got married, they maybe would have been somewhat equally yoked in their spiritual understanding. One a new believer, but yet the wife much more spiritually mature. But in her own spiritual maturity, she quickly helped her husband to come along to spiritual maturity by her submission and encouragement. We also see that husbands, many of them, have no desire to leave.

They have abdicated their responsibility, And many believe that they have fulfilled their responsibility as a husband as long as they bring home a paycheck. Then they'll sit in front of the TV and watch their sports, but they don't see themselves as being a spiritual leader, maybe protectors, but we have gone so far from the biblical model in our own culture that It's even hard to find these kind of men anymore. Many men in our effeminate culture have abdicated being physical providers as well, willing to stay at home while their wives work. Oftentimes unwilling to protect their wives. You can find stories in the news today where oftentimes wives are attacked while the husbands are hiding somewhere.

This is the effemination of men in our culture today. But God's word calls for men to be masculine men. Men who are willing to love their wives as Christ loved the church. In fact, I would say that probably the ultimate definition of what it means to be masculine is one who loves his wife and is willing to die for her. It starts by us as the church calling men to their God-given roles to love their wives as Christ loved the church.

So what are the characteristics of a loving husband? The word here for love is agapio, which is a special devotion and love given to his wife. See in our flesh we love ourselves, but this is a love that's given to the wife. It's a sacrificial love. It's dependent upon the love of Christ for his church.

And we recognize that Christ came and died for us. He sacrificed himself for us. While we were yet sinners, he regained the church for himself while we were unlovely. We added nothing to it. We brought nothing to our salvation.

It was fully the sacrifice of Christ. And husbands are called to love their wives in the same manner. See a husband's love for his wife should be the same as her submission to him. It should not be dependent upon his wife's submission. It is a sacrificial love for his wife, willing to give up his own rights, his own likes, his own desires in order to please his wife and meet her needs.

We also see that this love is a purifying love. In verses 26 and 27 it says that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word. That he might present it to himself a glorious church not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing but that it should be holy and without blemish. So art men to love their wives. See, the husband's role as head of his wife is to lead her spiritually with the word.

The husband is given the role of being a vessel of sanctification used by Christ to sanctify his wife. It is not enough for the husband just to physically provide for his wife to bring home a paycheck, but he must spiritually lead his wife and his family. He will protect her holiness, her virtue, her purity. He will never lead her to do what is wrong or unwise. She's commanded from God's Word to be obedient to her husband unless he asks her to do something that's against God's Word.

But a husband should never put his wife into a compromising situation if he loves her the way God's Word calls him to love her. See, this is the process that Christ uses to purify his bride. The connection is made here between the church and the bride of Christ, I mean, between Christ and the church, which is his bride, and this whole idea of purifying where there's no spot or wrinkle, that the process that he uses in the sanctification is biblical marriages, godly families that rates godly offspring. We also see that it's a cherishing love in verses 28 to 30. To sew up men to love their wives as their own bodies.

He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh, but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church. For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. See, the love that a husband has for his wife is recognizing the oneness that he shares with his wife. And so saying when he loves his wife sacrificially, in essence he is loving himself.

But oftentimes when you find problems in marriage you see that a husband is motivated by a fleshly self-love and a self-preservation that does not recognize his wife. But when the husband demonstrates this kind of love towards his wife, he actually displays the selfless love of Christ for the church. He nourishes her, he encourages her. In 1 Peter 3 it says, Husbands likewise dwell with them in an understanding, giving honor to the wife as to the weaker vessel and being heirs together of the grace of life that your prayers may not be hindered. See for a husband to love his wife as Christ loved the church, they are instructed to live with their wives in an understanding way.

This is where it oftentimes comes in to sacrifice their own likes and desires in order to meet her needs. Giving honor to the wife is the weaker vessel. Recognizing that he has been put into this position of providing and protecting and leading spiritually and physically in order to give her the protection she needs to organize and lead a godly home where they can raise godly offspring. This is the role that he fulfills when he cherishes her and he lives with her in an understanding way. We also learn from this passage from Peter that they are heirs together of the grace of life, again, pointing to their union with each other as a one flesh union, but also their union with Christ Jesus.

The two in this text cannot be separated. It's saying just as you are in union with your wife, you are in union with Christ. See, when we love our wives as Christ loved the church, we are establishing kingdom-building marriages. I believe what we see here is that the marriage is a direct representation of the relationship between Christ and this church. We just read a passage from Peter where it says that it teaches that how you live with your wife might depend on whether your prayers are heard or not.

And I think you can flip this around and say that your relationship with your wife is a direct reflection of your relationship with God the Father. If we don't put Christ first in our life, we will not have good marriages. The wife submits because of her relationship with Christ, the husband loves because of his relationship with Christ, and neither one of them are able to do it apart from Christ, at least not in a biblical way. Verses 26 through 27 says, that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of the water by the word, that he might present it to himself, a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing. Now think about this.

This is speaking of the church not having spot or wrinkle. This is the broad of Christ being prepared for that day of marriage. And it's saying that even though we all started off unlovely, that one day the church will have no spot or wrinkle, will be beautiful, completely sanctified, fully sanctified to be at that marriage supper of the Lamb. And how does that process take place? It takes place through the building of families, through Kingdom building marriages.

Through kingdom building marriages. In verses 30 through 32 it says, For we are members of his body, of his flesh and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and the two shall be one flesh." We see this process of kingdom building marriages right here in the fact that he builds his kingdom one family at a time. We are told that a husband leaves his father and mother and cleaves them to his wife. They become one flesh and they become their own family unit for the purpose of having godly offspring and building Godly families.

This is a process of fulfilling the dominion mandate to fill the earth. See, the Puritans understood this, and they intentionally had large families of godly offspring. They recognized that in order to have a godly culture they had to have children and they had to train those children in the fear and ammunition of the Lord. And when they were faithful they had Christian communities, Christian cities. But when they weren't faithful and they didn't teach their children, they would lose this in a generation.

So it was very important to have covenant families who were in covenant marriages and in covenant with their God and they were teaching their children about covenant faithfulness. And so the idea that we are in a marriage that's based upon a covenant that a man and a woman make with each other, and that we are made one in Christ. One flesh union of husband and wife and united to Christ is the way he brings about the Bride of Christ, through the spiritual union with him and through covenant marriages and covenant families. If we are going to have kingdom-building marriages we must be willing to fulfill the God given roles of husband and wife. Husbands must love their wives as Christ loved the church, willing to die for her.

Now, if a husband is willing to die for his wife, he should also be willing to do a few other things for her as well. Sometimes helping her when she's overwhelmed with the Children. It's not enough that he just brings home the paycheck. It's not enough that he even leads Bible studies, but he needs to take responsibility for his home and be that head that leads with the servant leadership as Christ led. We have to be willing to go against culture and We have to be willing to go against culture and we have to be willing to live according to the word even when we're persecuted for it.

Paul summarizes this argument for godly marriages in verse 33. He says, nevertheless, let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself and the wife see that she reverts her husband you want to know what your wife's greatest need is in marriage? She needs to know that you love her as Christ loves the church. Wives, do you want to know what the greatest need of your husband is in marriage. He needs to know that you respect him and trust him as the God given head of your marriage.

If we are gonna be about building the kingdom of Christ, we have to have kingdom building marriages that order themselves according to God's Word. Wives submit yourselves unto your own husbands. Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church. Father we come before you We thank you for this word that you've given us, Father. We pray that we can take your word and apply it, and that you would use it for the transformation of our marriages and our lives, Father.

Help us to see how we can better love our wives as husbands and wives can be that help me that they've been created to be by respecting and following the headship of their husbands. And Father, we come before you and we thank you and pray in Christ Jesus' name. Amen.