The sermon, titled 'Being Christian in a Christian Marriage,' addresses the dynamics of Christian marriages where both partners have embraced faith in Jesus. It emphasizes that genuine faith should transform thoughts, speech, and conduct, positively impacting marital relationships. However, challenges arise due to the close quarters and extended time spent together in marriage, which can highlight selfishness and make Christian conduct difficult. The sermon draws on Ephesians 4:25-32, highlighting seven principles for Christian conduct that apply to marriage: truth and oneness, short accounts to manage anger, diligent labor for sharing, careful speech, advancing the Spirit's work, removing 'love killers,' and nurturing 'love growers.' These principles emphasize transparency, anger management, labor for provision and sharing, grace-filled communication, cooperation with the Holy Spirit, and the cultivation of kindness, tenderheartedness, and forgiveness. The speaker encourages renewing efforts to embody these Christian virtues in marriage to strengthen and sweeten the relationship.

The title of the message this morning is Being Christian in a Christian Marriage. We're a people who have marriages that exist under the banner of Jesus meaning at least in here we don't know of any mixed marriages. These are marriages where a man has been shown how desperately he needs to be saved and that knowledge has caused him to run to Jesus, to repent and believe in the work of Jesus. And then the same with the woman. She's been caused to feel the weight of her sin and has done the same as repented and believed in Jesus.

Maybe from the start, many of us from the start, sometimes this happens after we get married, God makes that work. But in any event, We have Christian marriages and knowing that genuine faith is alive and working in both husband and wife, meaning When faith is genuine, it actually does work its way out, right? Genuine faith is transforming, right? We definitely affirm that. That has real implications for our thoughts.

It changes your thoughts over time for the better. And our speech, it changes what we say over time for the better and our conduct, it changes our conduct over time for the better. We make progress and it's not always in a straight line. We find ourselves falling back sometimes, but overall, because God has sent his Spirit to indwell our hearts, we make progress over time. That in turn should have a tremendous impact on our marriages.

What could be better for a marriage than that? Why wouldn't it have a tremendous impact on our marriage? Well, I'll give you one reason We live together We live together. And in a limited space, none of us have a mansion. We all live in a somewhat confined space.

And we're in this confined space for prolonged periods of time. There's really no escape. I'm not saying we're looking for an escape, but I'm just acknowledging that we're living in tight quarters, in close quarters. And that has implications too, doesn't it? So while we should have the greatest incentive for our conduct to be Christian and our Christian marriages, it can actually be the hardest relationship to act like a Christian in because we're in a confined space for long periods of time.

And so other people don't have the same opportunities to encroach on my selfishness that Janet has. Janet has these golden opportunities in our confined space with long periods of time together to encroach on my selfishness and she does sometimes, can you believe that? She encroaches on my selfishness in our confined space and our long periods of time. And believe it or not, I encroach on hers too. And so you would think the greatest incentives for us to act like a Christian are in this relationship, but looking at it from another angle, it can be the hardest relationship to actually act like a Christian because it won't do to just pretend for a short period of time.

I can pull that off with you people. Because We're in a large building, lots of space. I can just go talk to someone else. You can just go talk to someone else. It is a different kind of relationship.

So I think I'm not saying things that are normally said from the pulpit, but I don't think I'm saying controversial things either. I think we all have a sense that these things are true, that it's easier to act Christian with each other because it's a short period of time and we can put on a good face and I think you're an awesome Christian, you think I'm an awesome Christian, and then we actually have to go live with someone. So the purpose of this message is to reset on what Christian conduct looks like, just general Christian conduct, and then saying how good and healthy that is for our marriages. I'm not sure we need much more than just general, simple, good old fashioned Christian conduct in our marriages. God, These things are true.

We have this precious, unique relationship. We should have every incentive in the world to be best towards our spouse and anyone else in the world. And yet we find ourselves in this circumstance where we're in an enclosed space for these long periods of time. And there's this person who can encroach on my selfishness and that too has implications in this relationship. So I pray that you would help us to become like Christ.

In our relationships, yes, but in this unique special relationship more than any other, I pray that you would help it to be true in Jesus' name, Amen. Well, our text isn't a marriage text. It's a Christian conduct text, and I've set the stage for why that is. I think we could, I'm going to give you the text we're going to. It's Ephesians chapter four, end of the chapter, so Ephesians chapter four verses 25 through 32.

But it would be easy to go to another non-marriage text, which is great about love. I could go to 1 Corinthians 13 and preach the same sermon. I actually have actually. I could go to Galatians chapter five, the fruits of the spirit. That's not about marriage, but it probably has a wonderful and important application for marriage too.

So what I'm saying is, if you go into a Christian bookstore, they have a whole section devoted to marriage books. And I'm not against them, but I'm only for them if we're not skipping past thinking about basic Christian conduct and wanting pro tips for how to dig out of a hole that we dug by simply not acting like Christians in our marriage. I fear that's what that section gets relied on for. We dug a hole, a relational hole in our marriage by simply not acting like Christians and now we want a pro tip and an author says, I have just what you need and it might not be just what you need. So I think these these texts which talk about simple Christ likeness in our relationships, marriage, but all of our relationships are probably what we need even more than that section in the Christian bookstore.

So let's start in our contemplation of Ephesians 4 verses 25 through 32 by just thinking about the the structure of Ephesians. So Ephesians, when you read an introduction to Ephesians, every commentator will say this, chapter one, two, and three is about theology, about God and what he's like and what he's done for us. And then the second half, four, five, and six are about practical matters in the Christian life. You can't read through that book more than a couple of times before it just jumps out to you that that really is the division of Ephesians. So in chapters one through three, Paul is trying to convince us that if you're a man and a Christian, that you're a rich man.

It's just about the riches of Christ, the riches that are yours in the Lord Jesus Christ. And that if you're a woman and a Christian, that you're a rich woman, that we share in these riches together as co-heirs of the Lord Jesus Christ. And then in chapter four, verse one, you don't even get past verse one, and you have this phrase, walk worthy of the calling. In other words, you're called to be a rich man. You're called to be a rich woman, therefore walk worthy of that calling.

Live like a rich man in Christ. Live like a rich woman in Christ. Because chapters 1, 2, and 3 are true, Christians can live like chapter 4, 5, and 6 and should live like chapters 4, 5, and 6. That's the whole flow of Ephesians. Chapter 4, verse 17, Paul says, no longer walk as the rest of the Gentiles walk.

In other words, you have this historic way of life, your before Christ way of life, don't walk that way anymore. Leave that to the Gentiles. Then in verse 22, chapter four, verse 22, he says, put off the old man, chapter 4, verse 24, put on the new man. So you're seeing we're being brought into the practical. These things are true.

So put off all those old things and put on new things, like Christ-likeness, like Jesus is. That brings us to our text. So follow along as I read our sermon text, Ephesians 4, verses 25 through 32. Paul writes this, Therefore, putting away lying, let each one of you speak truth with his neighbor, for we are members of one another. Be angry and do not sin.

Do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil. Let him who stole steal no longer, but rather let him labor, working with his hands, what is good, that he may have something to give him who has need. Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you with all malice, and be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another even as Christ, even as God in Christ forgave you.

So I'm actually going to walk you through seven things that apply to Christian conduct in general, to all your relationships, but have an obvious and special application for the marriage relationship. I'm giving you seven. Number one, truth and oneness. Okay, truth and oneness. Look again at verse 25.

Therefore, putting away lying, let each one of you speak truth with his neighbor for we are members of one another. This isn't specific to marriage, but it sure could be, couldn't it? Especially when you're thinking of Genesis 1, the end of Genesis 1, the two becoming one flesh. That's the end of Genesis 2, two becoming one flesh. You're members of one another.

That's nowhere more true than in the marriage relationship. We have a put off and a put on. Put off is lying. No lying to your spouse and the put on. Speak the truth.

Tell the truth and speak when you're obligated to speak. And then we're given the basis of this. We are members of one another. And the argument for this message would be from the lesser to the greater. If that's true just among us, just among brethren, that we're members of one another so we shouldn't lie to each other and we should tell the truth to each other, How much more true is it in the marriage relationship?

That is true. We are obligated not to lie to each other but to tell each other the truth all the time, in every circumstance, just because we're brethren, and so how much more is that true with your spouse. An element of this in marriage, transparency. It should be said that you are not obligated to tell everyone everything all the time. So some people think that's truth telling.

Saying everything to everyone all the time. That's actually a hideous lack of wisdom that will get you into all manner of trouble if you think truth telling requires saying everything to everyone all the time. There are certain times where you shouldn't say things to people, where it buys you nothing and costs you much, and there's wisdom about that. But marriage partners are one. So now, so many of those times where wisdom would say, I'm not obligated to say this to this person at this time, doesn't apply to marriage because of the oneness, because of the two becoming one.

So many of those exceptions are swept away by the closeness of the marriage relationship. Think of how many marriage disasters, the sad, sad, sad marriage stories out there can be traced back to lying, including a deception and or hiding something. So there's technical dictionary definition lying, I said this but it was really that. And then there are the other more subtle forms of it where what I said wasn't technically a lie but it misrepresented and misled and you said it to misrepresent and misled that really is lying too and also not being transparent when integrity would have you giving Integrity would give you an obligation to say that thing because of the relationship you're in with that person. You had an obligation to say, but you swallowed the words because you knew it would bring you into conflict or you knew it would bring you into a really bad light, so instead of saying what they had a right to know, you swallowed the words.

Has that ever happened in your marriage relationship? Please nod and tell me you're not a liar. Okay, this is, everyone has done this at some point. You felt the pressure, you felt a sense that I have an obligation to say this because she's one with me, she has a right to know, but I know the track that that's gonna take us down and I just can't bear to do it, so I don't say, but she had a right to know. If you haven't done that, I commend you.

And that is part of this double-sided coin where we don't lie and we do tell the truth. That's somewhere in that mix. Think of how much a marriage is helped by speaking the truth. By in that moment, even though you feel the pressure, I don't want to have this conversation so I'd rather swallow the words, but you make yourself start talking. That's how I do it actually.

That's my pro tip for you. I just make myself stop talking and get past the point of no return really fast and then we just have to have the conversation okay that's a free one for you when you do that when you are careful about truth-telling you don't let yourself fudge it at all. That was really close to the truth. You don't allow yourself any of that, and you're rigid with not lying and rigid with telling the truth. Think about how marriage is helped by that.

It means that the air is clear. The air is clear fast. And it means that you haven't set dark clouds over your head. What do I mean by that? When you don't say what you know in your heart of hearts that you have an obligation to say to someone who would marry you, but you don't say it and you swallow the words, you know in your heart of hearts that you have an obligation to say to someone who would marry you.

But you don't say it and you swallow the words. You know in your heart of hearts that sooner or later, These things are going to be known that if you've lived long enough, you know, that's how this works And so instead of delaying it and hanging the dark cloud over your head Wondering when it's going to come to light and that she is going to know that you didn't say what you knew at the time, you're building anxiety over that moment. And by speaking and just getting on with that conversation in the right way, in humility. You're keeping the dark clouds from hanging over your head and having to wonder, when is that conversation? You know that that conversation down the line when now he knows that you knew but wouldn't say, you know that that moment is worse than it would be if you just got on with it and were transparent.

So there's no day of reckoning down the road. You've cleared out the day of reckoning by just saying what you know you should say. This is simply Christian conduct. We should actually be this way towards one another. How much more in our marriage?

This is simply Christ-likeness and it's especially important in marriage. So I'm going to end each of these seven with a question for you. The question here on number one is, what is the state of truth-telling in your marriage? Including transparency. So not, not is what is the state of avoiding technical lying.

Anytime we are inventing phrases like that we know there's a problem. I didn't technically lie. If you actually end up in a position where you have to use that term it's bad. Number two, short accounts as a key defensive strategy. So defend your marriage by having short accounts.

What does short accounts mean? It means that you're not letting things build up. You're not leaving unresolved issues, adding unresolved issues to unresolved issues until you have a powder keg that's just looking for a spark. There will be a spark sooner or later, and then the pile of unresolved issues explode. So that's short account, is dealing with things as they come up.

Now, there's another side to this, where we let love cover a multitude of sins and we don't feel like we have to get to the bottom of the bottom of everything. If you've ever lived with someone who felt like they had to get to the bottom of the bottom of every little thing, you know how frustrating and how counterproductive that is. So if you're that person, stop being that person. Often let love cover a multitude of sins, but with things where you can't, okay, you can't let Love just cover it knowing that they're patient with you about your sins and shortcomings. And so you should be patient with them too.

But there are things that are just you can't get the burr from under your saddle and it's an ongoing irritant, but you haven't brought it up, so it's an unresolved issue that's getting put on the pile. That's not love covering a multitude of sins. You Letting things build up that you can't let go and just forgive and move on is not Letting love cover a multitude of sins. I would say it's actually a very subtle form of hatred. Is that too strong?

So short accounts is a key defensive strategy. You can defend your marriage by keeping short accounts. Look again at verses 26 and 27. Be angry and do not sin. Do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil.

Be angry and do not sin. Most of our anger is not this righteous anger. We wish we had it most of it is unrighteous anger so if you're angry let it be over a righteous thing but even then do not let the Sun go down on your wrath meaning Deal with the anger right away nor give place to the devil So this is a warning against sinful anger It's probably safe to assume most of your anger is not of the righteous variety. It's sinful anger I know that's true of me and prolonged anger like you let it run you don't nip it in the bud. And what Paul is saying is both of these things, sinful anger and prolonged anger, are giving a foothold to your mortal enemy, the devil.

It gives the devil a base of operations for the destruction of your life and your marriage. What kind of an idiot would give a base of operations to an enemy who's like a lion, prowling, seeking whom he may devour? What kind of an idiot would give an enemy like that a base of operations to destroy their life and marriage? The answer is here. A person who has sinful anger and prolonged anger and they won't deal with it and won't clear it out.

Matthew Henry says this, though anger in itself is not sinful yet there is the utmost danger of its becoming so if it be not carefully watched and speedily suppressed." Exactly. Got to carefully watch over any flash of anger and speedily suppress it. Calvin says this, John Calvin says, Paul therefore suggests that we shall quickly suppress our anger and not suffer it to gather strength by continuance. Calvin nails it! That's what anger does.

It gathers strength by continuance. If you don't nip it in the bud, your anger gathers strength and it does give this foothold, this base of operations to an enemy that never sleeps and that hates you because you bear the image of God. I think the American phrase is stewing in your juices. So the anger is your juices and sometimes it just feels good to just sit in it because you know you've been wronged. It wouldn't be right to let go of it quite yet because I've been so wronged.

Okay? Have you ever felt that way? First of all, it's probably not right. It's probably a wrong view of things. But even if it was the right view of things, you're stewing in your juices.

You're allowing your anger to gain momentum by not heading it off at the pass. Do you dare hand this enemy such a weapon? Would you hand a weapon to an enemy like that? Paul says, if you have sinful anger and you have prolonged anger, you're actually handing a weapon to such an enemy. Here's your question for this, for number two.

Am I giving the enemy a foothold in my marriage by carelessness with anger? Friends, we cannot indulge anger and get away with it. Okay, you will not be an exception to this. If you thought, because I'm being wronged, I can indulge this and get away with it, it's not true. It's not true.

You will pay the price for indulging your anger. I would argue that sinful prolonged anger in marriage should be informed by the parable of the unforgiving servant in Matthew 18. You know in Matthew 18, a servant owes just an incalculable debt to his master. His master forgives him the debt and then he goes and tries to choke a couple of dollars out of a fellow servant. You can actually find yourself doing this to your spouse if you have a Christian marriage.

We feel like the sins against us are so big, but they're nothing compared to the sins that God has forgiven you in Christ if you're in Christ. They're nothing compared to those sins. Okay, so the last thing you want to be is the servant who's been forgiven a debt that is too large to even be calculated you can't count that high in money and then to go try to choke a few dollars out of your spouse I hope you recoil like as I say this from the pulpit I hope you recoil from the thought, but we actually do this. We actually do this. Number three, diligent labor for the purpose of sharing.

To me, this one has maybe the most indirect impact on marriage, but I'm in the text, I'm preaching on marriage, so I want to try to tie it. Verse 28, let him who stole steal no longer, but rather let him labor working with his hands what is good, that he may have something to give him who has need. So this definitely does have an application to major, though it might not be a straight line between the two dots. We have diligent labor for the purpose of sharing. This is a call to hard work, to secure enough to provide and share.

And that has abundant application in the marriage relationship. When you are married, this becomes a joint objective of your household. Laboring hard to have what you need to provide but more than what you need so that you also have extra from which you can share. And this requires the diligent labor of both. It doesn't matter that you might not both be laboring for income when she's laboring to manage the house if she's not laboring in the home to also create income.

Even so, she is affording this husband a tremendous opportunity in his career because he has a well managed house. I mean it is a competitive advantage to a husband who has a well managed home. It means he can advance his career in ways that other men cannot because they're doing 50-50 with doctor's appointments and, and, and, and, and. So when you are married, this becomes a joint objective, providing but also having more than just enough to provide so that you also have some to share. And it is exasperating to your marriage partner when you won't pull your weight.

Have you ever seen that marriage? Okay, when one was a diligent labor and the other really wasn't? Okay, that is exasperating to a marriage partner when you won't pull your weight Let me also say this I Hope you've already discovered How deliriously fun giving is I hope you've already found out how deliriously fun giving is. Giving your time and seeing the good that comes out of it is so fun. Giving resources, lending, giving resources, giving money is deliriously fun.

Here's your question. Is our home structured around diligent labor? Is that reflected in an ability to give? Sometimes both partners are diligently laboring and they just have enough to provide. We've been part of those years and seen been on the other side of those years so I know that if you just have enough to provide right now it doesn't mean that one of you is a deadbeat.

I'm not saying that. Is your home structured around diligent labor or both of you diligently laboring? Let me tell you about canoeing and actually staying in the canoe. It's harder than it looks. The ones of you who are experienced at canoeing know that staying in the boat looks easy from the shore and is harder on the water.

Many people who thought it looked easy from the shore get wet fast when they're out on the water because keeping it upright is a trick. Here's the best way to keep it upright. Forward momentum. Okay. Canoes not moving or barely moving or extremely tipping, tippy canoes that are moving well through the water are very stable.

So this is the same with a home. Forward momentum where you're diligently labor, where you're pulling on the same rope, both hard, both in the same direction, makes a home stable. But a home just sort of sitting still is a home that's floundering. I think the analogy holds for home life. So make your home stable by both pulling on the same rope, both pulling hard, both pulling in the same direction.

It's like a canoe that has forward momentum and it's not very tippy like that. It's very stable. Number four, the two sides of the words we say coin. Verse 29, The two sides of the words we say coin. Verse 29, let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification that it may impart grace to the hearers.

When I was preparing this message, I looked back on my notes from preaching this text when we preach through Ephesians, section by sections, and here was a point from that sermon. A reflection of the Savior. Helpful, grace-filled words. In other words, who's better with helpful grace-filled words than the Lord Jesus Christ? So when we do this in our relationships, offer helpful grace-filled words, inject helpful grace-filled words into our relationships.

We're actually reflecting the Savior because Jesus has the most helpful grace-filled words. So again, Paul gives us the put off, put off corrupt words, get away from corrupt words. They come from corruption and they have a corrupting tendency. Both things are true about corrupt words. They proceed from the corruptions in our heart, but also they have a corrupting tendency to put those off and put on words that build up and impart grace.

You know them when you hear them. Some words build up, you know them when you hear them. Some words impart grace. Make no mistake, what I refrain from saying and What I say shapes my marriage This is one of these Disproportionately impactful things meaning you're gonna have a hard time finding something that's going to shape your marriage more than the things that you swallowed. You almost said, but Jesus installed a filter between your brain and your mouth and it caught you from saying it.

The things that you refrain from saying and the things that you say that are helpful and grace-filled shape your marriage. God gives us the privilege in marriage of being an ongoing channel of grace to each other. Just an ongoing channel of good and kindness to each other through the things that we say. Friends, the first rule is this. It's like The oath that they make doctors say, first do no harm, the Hippocratic oath.

First do no harm. The first rule for the words that we say is don't dig a hole. Don't dig a hole. Put down the shovel. Let the filter be installed between your brain and your mouth so you don't say things.

Because here's the deal, you can't unsay them and they can't unhear them. They can forgive you, but they can't unhear them. That's a different thing. If you don't dig a hole, then you can build with helpful grace-filled words. So there's the question.

Am I building up my spouse or tearing down my spouse, or a little of both? Okay, so you got a ratio here. For sure, You say some of the wrong things and for sure you say some of the right things. Now work on the ratio. Get get that proportion of things that should have never been said down to almost nothing and get up the proportion of things that you say that builds your spouse up more, more, more.

Are you imparting grace or are you corrupting? Number five, Advancing, not resisting the work of the Spirit. How would that be for your marriage? It could be said that both of you were advancing and not resisting the work of the Spirit. I think that would be good for your marriage.

Verse 30. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Who is the Holy Spirit? The Holy Spirit is a member of the Trinity, God in three persons, God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Spirit, who has been sent to indwell the believer to give us this internal impulse that God is our Father. You have that impulse, God, you are my Father.

That's the presence of the Holy Spirit, the influence of the Holy Spirit. To produce spiritual fruit, love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, self-control. I probably got them skipped one and did them in the wrong order, but you know what I mean. The Holy Spirit indwells you to make you holy. He is a Holy Spirit and His work is to make you holy, set apart to God for God.

And to see us safely to the finish line. How are you ever gonna make it to the end with your faith intact, the Holy Spirit? You are sealed for the day of redemption by the Holy Spirit. We offend him and grieve him. So when it says, do not grieve the Holy Spirit, the Greek word that's being translated has two senses joined together in the word.

Yes, like to make him sorrow is part of the grieving of the Holy Spirit, but offending is the other element of that word. We offend the Holy Spirit and cause the Holy Spirit to sorrow when we resist putting off the old man and putting on the new man because that's his work. He's indwelling us for the putting off of the old man and the putting on of the new man to do that work in us and to give us power to do it and when we're resisting that two-fold work he is offended. Twofold work, he is offended. And he'll step back at some point If you keep offending him and grieving him, he'll step back and make you remember what it was like without his influence.

Okay, now he's still indwelling you. We believe in the permanent indwelling of the Holy Spirit. Amen to that. But rather than you just going on with all the benefits of his indwelling while you're resisting his work, he'll step back and make you remember what it felt like. And it's awful, Isn't it?

It's awful. Friends, this is a call to be sensitive to the influence and work of the Holy Spirit in our lives and to speed it along by cooperating and not to quench it by grieving the spirit. What is a marriage like when both partners are advancing the work of the spirit in the producing like more of the fruit of the Spirit. Putting off more of the old man, putting on more of the new man. What if both marriage partners are giving themselves to that?

What's it like? It's a little slice of heaven. Did You know that's what God wants for our marriages? He wants our marriages to be a little slice of heaven. He does.

What is it like when one partner is advancing the work of the Spirit And one partner is resisting the work of the Spirit. That's so difficult. What's it like when both are resisting? You know, marriage doesn't have to be a little slice of heaven. It could be a little slice of hell.

It can be. Oh, not a Christian marriage. Are you sure? Here's your question. What is the state of the work of the Holy Spirit in your life?

Is it like pulling teeth to get you to cooperate with them? Is that how you're making are you grieving the spirit? Are you offending the spirit by because you're resisting his work to help you put off the old man to empower you to put off the old man and put on the new. The answer will tell you volumes about your marriage. Before we move on, one thought about the saying, It takes two to tango.

Have you heard that saying? A tango is a dance. It takes two to tango. That gets applied to marriage all the time. I would say this, I'm not sure.

I'm not sure. I think if one marriage partner will surrender so fully to the work of the Holy Spirit in their lives, there will be such a sweetening, such an increase of patience and tenderness that it will be hard for the other partner to resist. Now is that an unequivocal pronouncement to say you can single-handedly fix your marriage just by yielding to the Holy Spirit. I'm not saying that. I'm just saying my observation over a period of decades, and it probably matches yours, is that when one spouse is especially flourishing spiritually, that almost always has a corresponding helpful impact on the other spouse.

It's a help to the other spouse. I'm not sure it takes two to tango like this. Number six, putting away the love killers. Paul gives us a list. Look at verse 31.

I'm calling the list the love killers. Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and Evil speaking be put away from you with all malice. That's a list of things that will kill love. Any one of them will kill love in your marriage. Bitterness will kill love in your marriage.

Wrath will kill love in your marriage. Clamor actually literally means shouting. A lot of raising your voice in marriage is a love killer. Evil speaking is a love killer in your marriage. Malice or hatred in marriage.

Who could ever hate their spouse? It happens gradually but it happens all the time. Paul in effect is saying kill the love killers. Go on a seek and destroy mission. Find these weeds and root them out.

Okay? Or they'll be stealing love from your marriage, killing love in your marriage. Be ruthless on this list. Each and every one of these is a toxin in marriage. It's a poison.

If you let it stay there, you're letting a poison stay there. So here's your question, which of these toxins are poisoning your marriage? Is bitterness a toxin that's poisoning your marriage? Is anger? Is raising your voice a toxin that is poisoning your marriage?

Is evil speaking a toxin that is poisoning your marriage? Is hatred a toxin that is poisoning your marriage is hatred a toxin that is poisoning your marriage. Number seven, nurturing the love growers. So he just told you to kill the love killers Now he's telling you to grow the love growers. We get another list in verse 32.

And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you. Paul names love growers, kindness is a love grower, so is tenderheartedness. So is forgiveness. What kind of forgiveness? The kind you got from Jesus when he dealt with all of your sins for you and passed over them because his own blood was painted on the doorpost so that the destroyer could pass over you that kind of forgiveness even as God in Christ forgave you.

Paul is in effect saying, grow the love growers, nurture them, cultivate them. Each and every one of these is a nutrient for a marriage. It's a vitamin regimen. So the others were toxins and poisons. You leave them around and it's poisoning your marriage.

These are actually nutrients. These is a vitamin Regimen for your marriage. Here's your question, which of these do you need to focus on cultivating in your marriage? Do you have a vitamin deficiency in your marriage? What if your marriage had more intentional kindness from one of you or both of you?

What if your marriage had more tender heartedness from one of you or both of you? What if your marriage had more forgiveness from one or you or both of you? Our marriages need a lot of things. It is helpful when you've dug a hole to have special counsel to help you get out of that hole but I'm convinced that what our marriages need more than anything else is simple Christian conduct. Might not even need that section at the Christian bookstore if we would just act like Christians in our marriage.

But it's hard because we know each other best and we're in position to encroach on each other's selfishness and on this side of heaven we still have selfishness. Probably God has used working through these things to strike a nerve somewhere. So there were a lot of things in there. Surely a nerve got struck somewhere. Here's my counsel.

Just start again. Start again. Just renew your efforts to be less of this and more of this. To put off the old man more. To put on the new man more.

To kill the love killers more. To grow the love growers more. Just set your mind on these things, pray through these things, and just resolve to start again and start throwing your weight behind these things again. And Watch it sweeten your marriage. Wouldn't that be great if all our marriages would get sweeter because of just the things that Paul has told us.

Christians should be like that. People who are like Jesus look like this. Let's be like that. God, I pray that Your hand would be upon our marriages that you would help us to identify and kill the things that kill love in our marriages and to identify and grow the things that help love to grow in our marriages. Thank you for your love for us.

Thank you for your forgiveness for us. And we have received so freely. Pray that you would help us to give freely in Jesus name. Amen.